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FrankeeLeeFabian last won the day on February 6

FrankeeLeeFabian had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

27 Excellent

About FrankeeLeeFabian

  • Rank
    Contributing Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
    United States
  • Interests
    Ghost Hunting, Automatic Writing, Telekinesis

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Lorde, Lana Del Rey, Julian Baker,St. Vincent, Waxahatchee
  1. Kaleidoscope

    I like this lyric a lot. There are so many wonderful moments in it and an abundance of feeling and movement. It's very rich with melancholy and hope. I enjoyed reading this and I'd be very hesitant to offer you any changes... it reads so delicate I wouldn't want to splinter or shatter it.
  2. My Valentine

    I didn't read through all of this but did you consider evaporates? Fades also works as does abates
  3. Dream This World Away

    Andy, very good comments. I'm reviewing them and thinking about your suggestions. I was describing that moment in the morning right before the world awakens... there is still silence, yes? However, I do like your suggestion of perhaps switching silence to restless in the second verse. Going over all of your comments. Thank you for being so thorough and insightful. SOK, Others have commented on the meter but when I "sing" it there is a smooth flow, although, perhaps I was "high" when I was singing - LOL! - so yes, I will brainstorm. Your Denny's comment made me laugh. Thank you for stopping by. Jonie, I just liked the way it sounded. You have provided me with a great deal of information to digest and consider. Please excuse me if I don't respond to each point you brought up but believe me when I tell you that (a) - I really appreciate you being so specific and (b) I am studiously reviewing all of your suggestions with an open mind and a very serious approach. I truly appreciate all of your observations and comments. Thank you very much for your time and incisive observations. ---------- Jim, thank you for finding some portions of this "fine" "good" and "decent." I like your suggestion about changing the position of the bridge and I'm considering that. The Beatles song book is not something that I am intimately familiar with. Of course I'm aware of their historical place in contemporary music and I'm familiar with many of their songs but the truth is I didn't grow up with them and I don't have the same connection to them that so many others on this site have... no offense. (Just out of curiosity, I notice that you comment on quite a few lyrics but don't post any of your own... why is that? Personally, when I read the lyrics of someone who comments it helps me to to weigh and focus their comments as they may apply to their own lyrics, if that makes sense. Plus, it seems like it's more of a shared and communal experience and in keeping with the overall mission of this site.) Thanks for your thoughts and kind comments.
  4. Subway Girls

    SOK, yes, in that verse it's bravado. You got it. Kuya, I think it would make such a cool video! I'm so happy that you like it and your comments are really encouraging to me. Thank you so much. Jim, A Broadway show tune? Really? That's interesting. Have to think about that one.
  5. Bottle (Revision 2)

    This felt a little too pedantic to me and that watered down the emotional content of the lyric. Personally, I would have liked this to be more intimate and more revealing regarding the relationship between these people. I think that might give it additional depth and resonance.
  6. Goodbye, Titans of Avarice

    This is a very thoughtful, heartbreaking and rousing lyric/poem. I really liked your bridge, it was potent and powerful.
  7. I Came into This World Cryin' (And I'm Goin' out that Way)

    Now that you have said you have a bluegrass tune for it I understand it better. I was initially confused between it being a deadly serious lyric or more of a light hearted lyric. The music, I imagine, casts it more in a lighter vein.
  8. Subway Girls

    Hello Donna, Sorry for not responding sooner. Thank you for your kind words about this lyric. I'm very happy you enjoyed it!
  9. "When Galaxies Collide"

    I like this lyric. I think it makes a very simple but strong statement.
  10. Dream This World Away

    Dream This World Away ©2018 FrankeeLee Fabian I got high and wandered aimless Through the night, beneath the moon Bared my soul, I was shameless Hoped the sun would not rise soon In the darkness I found secrets Sheltered in the silent night Celebrating my uniqueness Felt my spirt taking flight Chorus Oh, if I only could I’d stay high night and day Oh, If I only could I would dream this world away In the greasy morning silence When the world shakes awake I could feel the growing violence Spreading hate like a plague All the faces closed and bitter All the voices shrill and bare Felt myself begin to shiver Wishing that I wasn’t here Oh, if I only could I’d stay high night and day Oh, If I only could I would dream this world away Bridge I’ll lock myself inside this darkened room And drown myself in smoke and sweet perfume Oh, if I only could I’d stay high night and day Oh, If I only could I would dream this world away Oh, If I only could I would dream this world away
  11. Subway Girls

    Spanishbuddah, thank you for your extensive comments. While I don’t necessarily disagree with you about the plurals, when I wrote this I thought of these “girls” as a singular entity – like a shared consciousness. I think, if it came down to a singer’s choice, I would defer to the singer on this point. I’m not sure I understand exactly you mean by “…be better to use as a blend in to the context of a train? Texting rather than tweeting on the train?” I personally like the sound of “tweeting” over “texting,” it feels more melodic and not so harsh. And I have gone back and forth on the line “new with rich temptations” or “rich with new temptations.” The consensus here seems to be starting with “rich.” I think either version would work. Thank you, again, for your helpful comments. Peko, Thank you for your very kind comments. I’m happy you enjoyed this lyric and that both the “frenetic-ness” and “fragility” came across to you. Mike B, thank you for your comment. You actually raise a good point. When I sing it I was careful to enunciate it clearly, but I can see how it would be very easy to be heard as you pointed out. Although, if you’ve ridden on the NYC subways lately you could characterize them all as “the F-in” subway. I originally had the “double E,” but that line no longer exists. Thanks for your astute comment. Clemo, thank you for taking the time to read this. I’m not sure what a “smash ending” would look like but it’s certainly worth thinking about and considering. Thanks for your comments. I’m happy you liked this. SongWolfe, White Valentine is one of my all-time favorite songs. I’m very happy that you liked it. That’s really nice to know. This lyric, I think, can easily be interpreted in the way you suggest. I think of it as Indie Pop, which is quite different from Pop in terms of production, presentation and overall vibe, so I agree with your suggestion. Thank you for reading this and enjoying it. Paul, I’m thrilled that you “loved” this lyric. That’s always an encouraging, fortifying and welcome statement to hear. Very much appreciated. Jonie, thank you so much for your nice words. That’s very kind of you. In reviewing your comments, I can see what you mean about the ooh-wa section. The “ooh-wa’s” are meant to be a kind of vocal signature or break or emphasis or flourish (any or all) to add a touch of unexpected highlight to the chorus. I do agree that “this is who we are” could clarify. I originally had it as “this is who we are” and also “this is what we are,” but thought maybe it was too much in terms of a statement. Again, I think I would defer to a singer’s choice on this or try it both ways and see how it played. About your suggestion “dreaming” rather than “imagining,” I’m on the fence. To me, the word imagining has more of a tinge of desperation and is less aspirational than dreaming… if that makes sense. But yes, I can easily see why you encountered some syllabic dissonance… have to wait and see on this point. I covered the “new” and “rich” comment above. Thank you, again, for reading and taking the time to offer suggestions. And thank you for liking this lyric. Short Order Kook, thank you for reading and commenting. I do like the pre-chorus very much as it stands. I don’t get any sense of it coming across as “forced.” However, there’s always room for improvement and I will think about your comments and maybe try out a couple of different approaches using your suggestions… you never know what works until it’s tried. Really appreciate you reading this and offering your thoughts.
  12. Your Counterfeit Heart

    Peko, Please understand that this is my own personal reaction and response to your lyric and that other people, I’m sure, will love it. To me, this lyric read like it was a “paint by the numbers” lyric. It felt really artificial and overly thought out and that made it read like it lacked any genuine emotion or real-world experience. The pieces all fit but it read too “perfect” and that drained all of the emotion for me and made it feel very impersonal. It seemed to be more of an exercise in assembling the lyric than actually experiencing it or writing it from the heart. (Maybe I’m being too critical. Maybe you just meant this to be cute and clever and I was looking for more substance than you intended.) I was hesitant to write this, but if I was less than honest there would be no point to being on this site, hoping to improve my own skills in the process.
  13. Click Click

    It was very challenging for me to imagine this being sung with all of the clicks. Plus, the subject matter, people killing one another, was not something that I found drew me in to the lyric.
  14. Nigel "No Mates"

    I liked this in the contest. One of my favorites. I was familiar with the story.
  15. Subway Girls

    My lyric contest entry for February. If you're unfamiliar with NYC subways, the F and E are the names of subway lines and routes. (Subway Girls was also the name of a band I formed with two other girls. But that has no bearing on the lyric... at least I don't think it does.) Subway Girls FrankeeLee Fabian©2018 V We are the sub-way girls Riding on the F and E Sub-way girls A stop away from easy street Sub-way girls Rising when the sun goes down Sub-way girls One day we’re gonna own this town PC Head up, eyes lit, we don’t need a fire Strong beat, tattoos, dancing with desire CH But underneath it all Frail and forgotten Feeling lost and small A teardrop in Manhattan Ooh-wa, ooh wa, that is what we are Ooh-wa, ooh wa, that is all we are Sub-way girls V We are the sub-way girls Tweeting out our stories Sub-way girls Imagining our glories Sub-way girls Touching up our faces Sub-way girls Leaving lipstick traces PC Hair down, cheeks red, laughing all together Cursing, drinking, doesn’t get much better CH But underneath it all Frail and forgotten Feeling lost and small A teardrop in Manhattan Ooh-wa, ooh wa, that is what we are Ooh-wa, ooh wa, that is all we are Sub-way girls BR We'll ride these trains forever We have no destination Every stop’s adventure New with rich temptation CH But underneath it all Frail and forgotten Feeling lost and small A teardrop in Manhattan Ooh-wa, ooh wa, that is what we are Ooh-wa, ooh wa, that is all we are Sub-way girls