Jump to content

Mona

Members
  • Content count

    12
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

4 Neutral

About Mona

  • Rank
    Muse In Training
  • Birthday 09/09/2001

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Tokyo
  • Interests
    music

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both
  • Musical Influences?
    70's 80's pop & rock, r&b, hip hop, music today

Recent Profile Visitors

177 profile views
  1. Mona

    Kaleidoscope

    Hi. Thank you so much for clicking! I've always been captivated by the beauty and the fragility of kaleidoscopes, and I wanted to write a piece that could exploit the word and instrument. I'm not going to explain much more about the song since I want to keep it vague for the readers and listeners to form it into whatever they think it is about. (Does the song make sense without explanation???) I am 16 and I have never worked with someone to make music, so I would very much appreciate it if you could give me honest and constructive feedback. Thank you! Verse: Take me to the rooftop I wanna watch the sun say his last words Watch the sky absorb his powers till he burns out Put my name on the top Turn me in to your favorite artwork Hang me on your wall until the colors fade out Pre-Chorus: We chase after eternity while we run out of time Nobody cares about the stars when they don’t shine Chorus: We let go without knowing it’s forever gone They turn to memories, beads inside a kaleidoscope Verse: I’ll take you to the rooftop A summer night firework show Fly high, light up your eyes, and then die I will give you all I got Water me until I have no room to grow I’ll bloom, love you, so love me till goodbye Pre-Chorus: We spin in hopes that the best is yet to come Desperate to stimulate the nerves that haven't gone numb Chorus: We let go without knowing it’s forever gone They turn to memories, beads inside a kaleidoscope Bridge: I’ll miss you when you go But I’m not sure if I can love you for long I hope you miss me when I go I hope you hope we're far from the epilogue I hope that when I'm gone You're ripping calendars and breaking clocks And I will be on the floor Reliving our days through a kaleidoscope Chorus: We let go without knowing it’s forever gone They turn to memories, beads inside a kaleidoscope
  2. Mona

    Jasper

    Hi! I wrote a song. It's about wanting to spend the rest of your life with this someone. And no, the person's name is not Jasper... I'm making references to this crystal called Rainforest Jasper, which is a green stone. The meaning of the stone reminded me of that person, who, by chance, has green eyes! I wanted to express the feeling of wanting to spend forever with someone. I recently asked how to write verses on another post, and I took the advice that was given to me by writing actual situations I felt that way. ( I want to make the track sound like indie pop, alternative rock, and pop rock etc...) I would like to get some feedback on if the verses played an effective role in the song, and if I got the point across throughout the whole piece. Also... Are the lyrics too corny? Is it boring? Is it good?? Thank you so much for taking your time!!!!!!!!!!!! JASPER August 2, 2017 1ST VERSE : It’s 12 AM You’re telling me about your wonders about the universe Oh, what a beautiful soundtrack to a beautiful night It’s strange how we Forget about the time and the place where we are But we're never lost, 'cause you feel like my home PRE-CHORUS: The air smell so sweet when you’re around Could it be that I have found What everybody’s looking for CHORUS: Look at me, Jasper Don’t talk, just whisper Baby, come closer This is better than I thought it’d be I want you all over (me) I want this forever I’d take any adventure Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper 2nd VERSE: It’s 3 AM We’re lying in bed, I’m listening to your heartbeat Oh, what a beautiful soundtrack to a beautiful night I must confess 5 years ago, I never thought our story would be like this But if this is fate, I swear it’s so underrated PRECHORUS: Darling, you are my favorite sound It lifts me off the ground Then give me wings to fly CHORUS: Look at me, Jasper Don’t talk, just whisper Baby, come closer This is better than I thought it’d be I want you all over (me) I want this forever I’d take any adventure Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper BRIDGE: Dim the lights, bright enough to let your green eyes shine, baby That’s all it takes to send shivers down my spine, oh honey And we’ll never be the same but we’ll always be the same I hope Jasper is the only one calling my name Na-a-ame, na-a-ame, I hope Jasper is the only one calling my name Oh baby CHORUS: Look at me, Jasper Don’t talk, just whisper Baby, come closer This is better than I thought it’d be I want you all over (me) I want this forever I’d take any adventure Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper And we’ll never be the same but we’ll always be the same I hope Jasper is the only one calling my name Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper
  3. Mona

    Jasper

    Hi! I wrote a song. It's about wanting to spend the rest of your life with this someone. And no, the person's name is not Jasper... I'm making references to this crystal called Rainforest Jasper, which is a green stone. The meaning of the stone reminded me of that person, who, by chance, has green eyes! I wanted to express the feeling of wanting to spend forever with someone. I recently asked how to write verses on another post, and I took the advice that was given to me by writing actual situations I felt that way. ( I want to make the track sound like indie pop, alternative rock, and pop rock etc...) I would like to get some feedback on if the verses played an effective role in the song, and if I got the point across throughout the whole piece. Also... Are the lyrics too corny? Is it boring? Is it good?? Thank you so much for taking your time!!!!!!!!!!!! JASPER August 2, 2017 1ST VERSE : It’s 12 AM You’re telling me about your wonders about the universe Oh, what a beautiful soundtrack to a beautiful night It’s strange how we Forget about the time and the place where we are But we're never lost, 'cause you feel like my home PRE-CHORUS: The air smell so sweet when you’re around Could it be that I have found What everybody’s looking for CHORUS: Look at me, Jasper Don’t talk, just whisper Baby, come closer This is better than I thought it’d be I want you all over (me) I want this forever I’d take any adventure Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper 2nd VERSE: It’s 3 AM We’re lying in bed, I’m listening to your heartbeat Oh, what a beautiful soundtrack to a beautiful night I must confess 5 years ago, I never thought our story would be like this But if this is fate, I swear it’s so underrated PRECHORUS: Darling, you are my favorite sound It lifts me off the ground Then give me wings to fly CHORUS: Look at me, Jasper Don’t talk, just whisper Baby, come closer This is better than I thought it’d be I want you all over (me) I want this forever I’d take any adventure Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper BRIDGE: Dim the lights, bright enough to let your green eyes shine, baby That’s all it takes to send shivers down my spine, oh honey And we’ll never be the same but we’ll always be the same I hope Jasper is the only one calling my name Na-a-ame, na-a-ame, I hope Jasper is the only one calling my name Oh baby CHORUS: Look at me, Jasper Don’t talk, just whisper Baby, come closer This is better than I thought it’d be I want you all over (me) I want this forever I’d take any adventure Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper And we’ll never be the same but we’ll always be the same I hope Jasper is the only one calling my name Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper
  4. Mona

    Jasper

    Hi! I wrote a song. It's about wanting to spend the rest of your life with this someone. And no, the person's name is not Jasper... I'm making references to this crystal called Rainforest Jasper, which is a green stone. The meaning of the stone reminded me of that person, who, by chance, has green eyes! I wanted to express the feeling of wanting to spend forever with someone. I recently asked how to write verses on another post, and I took the advice that was given to me by writing actual situations I felt that way. ( I want to make the track sound like indie pop, alternative rock, and pop rock etc...) I would like to get some feedback on if the verses played an effective role in the song, and if I got the point across throughout the whole piece. Also... Are the lyrics too corny? Is it boring? Is it good?? Thank you so much for taking your time!!!!!!!!!!!! JASPER August 2, 2017 1ST VERSE : It’s 12 AM You’re telling me about your wonders about the universe Oh, what a beautiful soundtrack to a beautiful night It’s strange how we Forget about the time and the place where we are But we're never lost, 'cause you feel like my home PRE-CHORUS: The air smell so sweet when you’re around Could it be that I have found What everybody’s looking for CHORUS: Look at me, Jasper Don’t talk, just whisper Baby, come closer This is better than I thought it’d be I want you all over (me) I want this forever I’d take any adventure Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper 2nd VERSE: It’s 3 AM We’re lying in bed, I’m listening to your heartbeat Oh, what a beautiful soundtrack to a beautiful night I must confess 5 years ago, I never thought our story would be like this But if this is fate, I swear it’s so underrated PRECHORUS: Darling, you are my favorite sound It lifts me off the ground Then give me wings to fly CHORUS: Look at me, Jasper Don’t talk, just whisper Baby, come closer This is better than I thought it’d be I want you all over (me) I want this forever I’d take any adventure Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper BRIDGE: Dim the lights, bright enough to let your green eyes shine, baby That’s all it takes to send shivers down my spine, oh honey And we’ll never be the same but we’ll always be the same I hope Jasper is the only one calling my name Na-a-ame, na-a-ame, I hope Jasper is the only one calling my name Oh baby CHORUS: Look at me, Jasper Don’t talk, just whisper Baby, come closer This is better than I thought it’d be I want you all over (me) I want this forever I’d take any adventure Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper And we’ll never be the same but we’ll always be the same I hope Jasper is the only one calling my name Don’t take your eyes off me Eyes off me, Jasper
  5. Mona

    Bite

    I love the song!! The vocals, the vibe, piano.... I'd love some more volume on the vocals though. I really love how you ended it. The guitar was really nice.
  6. Mona

    MY LYRICS ARE HORRIBLE

    Thank you. You are absolutely right. I started the song with the chorus, so I'll share it with you: I don't need your love if you're gonna take it away It's enough just being in your atmosphere I don't wanna be on your mind, so you won't change your mind I don't need you're love if you're not gonna stay Maybe this could give you a better idea of my writing... But I'll surely go back to the rest that I've written and take your advice and try to improve it myself. Thank you very much!
  7. Hi, I'm 15 and I've written 150 full and unfinished songs in the past 6 months, and I have a struggle I face every time. When I get a song idea, what I first write usually ends up being the most fitting for the chorus. And that's fine, but what makes me frustrated almost every time is thinking of the verses. I think and write and think and write, but I'm never satisfied and I just never finish the song. So, I'm here to ask if any of you could help me out with this. How do you write a song? Do you start with a chorus or a verse? How do you write a verse? What do you write in a verse? THANK YOU!!!!!
  8. Ok, so I'm writing a song right now.. And this song is about when you like somebody, but you don't won't to associate with them because you are afraid they will break your heart or will destroy the image and expectation you had for them. And I started to just write it the way I experienced and felt it, but it just sounds BAD. Here it is: He’s got a smile like sunshine And I wish he was mine But he just don’t see the signs All these books and friends Tell me to get up and tell him But why would I volunteer to be heartbroken? I'm pretty confident in getting my point across, but it's not at all the way I want it to sound. It sound's like a song a Disney Channel actress would put out as their first single after finishing their show!!! Perhaps it's the topic that makes these lyrics sound so childish and just straight out BAD, but I kind of want to see if I can work this out.. Please help me out??
×