Welcome to Muse Songwriters Message Board

Register now to gain access to all of our features. 


This message will be removed once you have signed in.


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

1 Neutral

About s.l.wolf

  • Rank
    Muse In Training
  • Birthday

Contact Methods

  • Music Page
  • YouTube

Profile Information

  • Gender

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Mumford & Sons
  1. Any feedback is welcome. Also, if you can tell me: Do you think it is a good song? Lyrically & Musically? What can make it good/better? What works well? Do certain lines stand out in a good way? Do certain parts stand out in a good way (to your ears)? What doesn't work? Any suggestions to fix it? Lyrics: I had a dream you were listening to me singing my song guitar in hand I was playing a song about how it all went wrong you were listening to every word I had to say about my pain and my world and the price that I pay (Chorus) I wanted you to see some of the blood that I bled because maybe then you'd care about every word that I said so I tried to paint it right right in front of your eyes show I held on tight before it all died because maybe I am broken and have been for years but now that I've spoken maybe it is clear (Chorus) but I woke up realized you never heard a word to you I'm just another broken broken winged bird now I watch from down here the life I cannot reach and I think about that dream that dream by the beach and I must confess now I long for your attentive eyes but I know that death is closer than that blue in my skies (Chorus) I had a dream you were listening to me singing my song guitar in hand I was playing a song about how it all went wrong
  2. This is so good! All I have to say about it is positive, nothing about how to make it better, but I'm gonna say it anyway. I love the lyrics, well written and emotional. The music works, I especially like the violin. The music is sometimes a bit louder than the singing and I couldn't make out the words, though. I like the chorus a lot. The "what are you gonna do when some day never comes" part and "You’d show them what to do and how it should be done.". The line: "No one wants a has-been, who has never been." is really really good. The ending is heartbreaking when you say "When (are) you gonna give up, and finally face the fact? You missed the boat, and it’s not coming back."
  3. This has a lot of potential, it sounds nice. I do think you could make a couple of changes that would make it even better. First off I think it's a bit too long, you could maybe take out one of the "I love you" bits. It would probably be better if you have a something in the middle with a different melody just to change things up. The line "in my knapsack is my load" doesn't sound like it's the best way to put it, sure it rhymes but it could be written differently to make it flow better, I think. Other than that it's a pretty solid song.
  4. I think the lyrics are well written. The chorus sounds pretty good. Generally, the music works. The parts in the middle and at the end where it goes doesn't seem to work in my opinion, maybe a different melody could make it better. this whole section, I realize it's a verse, but it feels like it would be so much cooler if it sounded different, more like than the chorus than the verse. I do like it overall, so well done
  5. I will, thanks
  6. I can't comment on the music, it's not the kind of thing I listen to so I can't say much. The lyrics are definitely very very good! I don't know why I feel like it might be missing something though. Like a section that paints something in your head but does it for longer than the verses do, since to me the verses sound like each line or two lines feel a bit separate. I'd like something that can very clearly be connected. I don't know if that makes sense. Hope it helps. I will say again though, the writing is great
  7. This is an older song. It's vulnerable, which is different for me. I realize it expresses emotions very few people would relate to. Any feedback is appreciated. I am wondering what goes through your head listening or reading the lyrics even if you don't relate, so feel free to share. Do you think it's overly emotional? Do you think it is a good song? Lyrically & Musically? What can make it good/better? What works well? Do certain lines stand out in a good way? Do certain parts stand out in a good way (to your ears)? What doesn't work? Any suggestions to fix it? It has a weird structure. To a listener, is that bad or does it work? Soundcloud Link: Youtube Link: Lyrics I know I'm nothing to you I know I don't deserve your help but when I stand in front of you it's the only time I don't feel hell I don't deserve your concern but if you saw the blades in my veins the cries I hold in the only dream where I win if you saw the blades in my veins would you offer to help? if you saw the knives in my heart that rip my soul apart they only go deeper and the climb grows steeper if you saw the knives in my heart would you think it's fair? would you even care? and would you offer to help? if you saw the hatred that's burning my mind red if you saw the holes all around my soul if you saw the hatred would you think it's fair? would you even care? and would you offer to help? you see I only exist when you speak to me though I clenched my fists and fought hart to be free but the light passes through as if there is nothing there though a knife goes right into this ghostly body of air will you change my end? and lend me your hand? do you think it's fair? do you even care? and will you offer to help?
  8. I don't know how long you've been doing this for, I hope I'm not wrong when I say it hasn't been long. It seems important to you that you get better, so I thought I'd say something, even though I'm no where near good enough to be giving advice but a friendly comment might matter. I'm only gonna comment on the writing, because I'm not much of a guitarist or a singer, so it feels like a bad idea to tell you that you still need a lot of work, when I should be telling myself first. This is just the sort of thing that you need to keep doing regularly and you'll get better as long as you try to write interesting lines about something with your own perspective. Even the best writers started out somewhere, and they say you have to write a thousand bad songs before you start writing good ones, and even then they can't all be good. So, I'm reminding you that you need to stay at it practicing and always trying to be creative, all the way through. I guess the vibe of the song shouldn't vary drastically from section to section. So I feel like the "blue bird" concept is too "nice" and them "making music in my dreams", this just doesn't flow in a song about "couch potatoes". I guess if you take that out and concentrate on wanting the blue birds, it could work. Also, try to write a lot of verses and choose the best ones, sometimes you need a bit of warming up to get better lyrics. Generally, just keep writing, a lot, even if it's not put up for critique you'll gradually improve. I should mention, the creative aspect in the music also needs work, just keep trying to do something new.
  9. This sounds really nice, you have a really good voice, and the guitar sounds nice especially that intro. I like how the melody goes really high at times and back down, makes it interesting. This is the only part that I feel could have been better if written differently. I really like the "better than revenge" concept, it's pretty creative.
  10. There is no link to the song. Or is that on purpose?
  11. I'm glad to hear that. I do believe the structure could use a little bit of work. As for the melody, it does follow the accompanying guitar like you said, in my head I feel like that just means it needs more instrumentation to give it more layers and depth. If this was played by a whole band (drums, bass, lead guitar) I think it would work. What do you think? I mean if maybe I added something with a more gripping melody, that may have some what of a contrast to the current melody, that would change the structure and give the current melody a little more edge. I'm saying this because I honestly like the melody right now, so I don't know if I'm biased or it's just a matter of opinions, and someone other than you might like it. It's good to hear that the lyrics work in delivering the idea. I like the idea of a bit of distance between vocal melody and guitar. My problem is I feel like it takes a certain level of skill musically to do that, that I currently do not have. I would like to think that, like I mentioned above, more instrumentation playing more complex things could make it work pretty well, with the rhythm guitar remaining similar to the way it is now, and possibly a section with a stronger melody (like I mentioned above). I can't tell if that's not true, I don't have experience with multi-instrumented compositions. So please share your opinion about that, it is highly appreciated. Thank you, Dan
  12. Thank you, I'm glad to hear that it has a sense of power, and a good melody As for the guitar-vocal sync thing, I probably need work on it, that being said, I've been told in other songs that it works making something special with the way it sounds. I'm not sure what you mean with it reigning in a niche market. Please, elaborate. It's a combination of sad and angry. I can't remember why I only wrote sad, but there is definitely a lot of anger there as well. Thank you so much, Pete, I will
  13. I never knew that was a thing lol No offence taken. To my ears dragging any of those doesn't sound weird. It could be because it's the way I sing, and I'm definitely not much of a singer. I really don't know. It could be a personal taste, though, so I will keep it in mind in case it's ever brought up again. Which words have extra syllables? I'm sure that's not something that's uncommon though, it's just something that happens when you sing, it's not forcing it, it's just the melody flows that way. I can tell this sounds really weird to your ears, which is not something I want anyone listening to think. Like I said, I just need to make sure it's something other people spot, as well as you. Thank you for listening, and taking the time to tell me.
  14. I am working on that Thank you, I'm glad to hear you think it has potential. That is true. They're not "actual chords", just something I came up with. I like the way they sound so I don't know how to change them to actual chords without making them too different, but to my ears it feels like they just need other instruments playing over them. I'm not sure though. I can't play anything else, so I can't demonstrate what I'm imagining. I don't know if it makes sense or not. I will work on that. I'm interested to hear your ideas Yes, standard. I have been told before that it sounds new to the ear, the way I strum and how it fits in with the singing, but I was told it takes a second & then it actually gives the song a nice edge. I'm guessing that's not what you think about this one. But I can't hear what's out of sync about it, maybe just because I'm used to it..I don't know. I would appreciate it if you elaborate more so I understand what you mean. I appreciate, your suggestion about the "alone" without repetition. But I tried it out, and I prefer it the way it is. Thanks, though I'm wondering, what else doesn't sound smooth to you? I have tried doing them separately many times, couldn't make it work. I feel like the lyric writing is what comes naturally to me, rather than the playing or the singing. So, I have a lot of trouble doing anything but playing them both together. When I record them separately I just can't pull either one of them off properly. I do feel like the singing is what's in control rather than the guitar, so the way it's sung is the more calculated decision. I never felt like there was anything sung in a forced way, or in a way I didn't like. Which words do I feel I unnaturally drag out? I'm hoping that one day I'll connect face to face I don't know how far I am from that level, but I hope I'm close. Thank you, Dave.
  15. I like this, it gives me a vibe between Bon Iver & The Lumineers, somehow, that's pretty cool though. I like the way it sounds, where it's not super crisp & clear, it works for it. I normally listen to stuff with a lot more lyrics than this, so I don't know how this style is supposed to work, if it is missing something or is it just me. Generally this is pretty good, I wish I could've been more of help.