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Dawk

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About Dawk

  • Rank
    Muse In Training

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Lupe Fiasco, Kendrick Lamar, Tupac
  1. Darkness

    HONESTLY thanks a million. Like I said I'm kind of new to the game and that was some killer advice. I'm gonna work on it and try to re submit next week using some of that advice. You did what no one else I've asked seemed to do. Honestly gave critical advice on the lyrics and I just wanna get better thanks a lot! Only thing I will say is this is hip hop and we use 16 bars. Every song does this pretty much. I do need to add depth tho perhaps cut down a verse
  2. Darkness

    I'm somewhat new to serious song writing, but I have tough skin. PLEASE rip into me I want to get better Woke up this morning and looked in the mirror Everything morbid, foggy image no clearer Thought about you yesterday wished you were nearer So close to crying and i don't know what I'm crying for If today was my last day I'm not sure who I'd be dying for Since you rejected been trying to put up a fort but i cant afford to lie no more So i write my wrongs in these song Breaks my heart it feels already broken I'm jumping out of every life boat into every ocean Cause I don't feel warm in the boat And i cant feel safe on the coast And the ocean holds promise That one day it won't be freezing cold I'm choking on this life I'm losing my hold //Chorus They said I cant miss what I never had 'said it couldnt be that bad They called crazy laughed in my face And here my shattered pride lays //Verse 2 I had it in the bag I chocked I let it back To were I used to be reminiscing and dissing To forget that Im missing You in every picture I see And everything that I breathe Reminds me That there will be no memories Of what never could be Cause you never even left me You just said no Left me to never glow An ever going never knowing Were Im going next Cause I dont know whats up for me on this quest //Chorus //Verse 3 Dont worry about me Im here in my dreams No one hears my screams No one cares it seems Shut the door to everyone else Cause it aint worth another spell Of rejection that comes with the confidence Coinciding with me trying to be confident So i sit here dreaming Scheming screaming Not sure whats real and whats in my head Fuck, is there even a difference That deep shit swirling round in my brain Another round down I feel the burning pain Another round I get by a train And now you write me off as I'm insane //Chorus 2x
  3. "Save the earth"

    Very nice song some nice rhymes. Only thing is some rhymes feel cliche and some cheap rhymes in my humble opinons. That whole lil stanza thing shows my problems with the song. It feels very cheesy compared to other pieces. Grants seems to have been thrown in there to force rhymes and the lines just dont sound good to me. I'd change some phrasing to include maybe a metaphor or something to add complexity. Besides that a very nice song
  4. Hannah Come Over To Me

    This is some of the most awesome music I've read in a while, proffesional or not. It gives me so many feels you know. Your rhymes sound very good, not very many cheap forced lines. I really like the lines like *Hannah Dancing on that boarderline*. Ive always loved vaguer meanings to music, even if i cannot write vague stuff like that. That line especially just conveys emotion and means a lot to me! Very good song!
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