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    Contributing Muse
  • Birthday July 22

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  • Location
    Ontario, Canada
  • Interests
    The Beatles, cute furry animals, 1960s-type love songs, drawing, the Beatles, fashion, singing and guitar, the Beatles....

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Depends on what you mean by "write music"; I make up my own tunes, but I can't read music and couldn't write down the notes. Lyrics, though, I can definitely say that I write. Basically I write the whole song - lyrics, melody, and chords.
  • Musical Influences?
    I would not be any kind of songwriter if not for the Beatles. I spent many a time with my guitar, trying to play some version of their beautiful music. Not to mention the hundreds of times I have listened to their albums. (I speak especially of their early-years music here.)

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  1. LAYLA

    Mr. Perfection

    Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! @Ron99: Yes, this song has an upbeat, danceable tune - which I'm glad came across on paper! I'm having trouble understanding what you're telling me about the lyrics, though. The second verse was supposed to confirm that the man not only looks perfect, but acts perfect, too. The bridge is supposed to be me wondering why he would possibly want me when every girl who sees him would love him, too. Maybe I didn't make the second verse clear enough - so, thank you for pointing that out to me! @Arius: I know, I was taking liberties with the grammar - trouble is, "politely" wouldn't fit. I'll think about what you said about how more imperfect grammar in the song would balance it. As for "I think", well, the Beatles' "Ticket To Ride" opens the same way, with an "I think" that it's pretty clear means "I know". But maybe here there's a better way to say it. @ Short Order Kook: You really think so? Thank you so much! @Joe Bloggs: Thanks. It really does seem Verse 2 needs a bit of work! Not surprising, since that was the last part of the song I wrote and I might've just been trying to finish the verse. I will definitely work on it. @Mike B: Yes, you are right. I should do the same rhyming structure in both verses. I guess I can sometimes be a bit lazy about that! If so many people are having trouble with "treat us polite", well, maybe it's not the best lyric... but I think it sings well. @John Voorpostel: Thanks for the feedback. The song is actually supposed to be about more than physical attraction - more a love at first sight kind of thing. What I'm hearing is that I need to make his inner qualities more apparent - which I meant to do in the second verse, but clearly need to do better. Thanks for the idea about the names, too - I'm not sure if it fits with what I'm going for, but I do really like it. Okay, now I see what I need to work on... revision time!
  2. LAYLA

    On the Rocky-Edited

    Great rhythm, singable lyrics, and the revision takes care of almost all of the little quibbles I had. The only thing left to point out is that the line "the pot drug him down" felt a little odd to me. I wasn't sure what you were saying - what is a "pot" in this case? Is "drug" being used instead of "dragged"? - but because "pot" is actually used to refer to drugs, I couldn't get that image out of my head and it threw me off a little. Maybe it would sound different when you sing it. Or maybe "the waves dragged him down" or similar would work better. Or maybe I'm completely wrong and know nothing about sea language - but it's just something I noticed.
  3. LAYLA

    Silence reigns

    This gives me a bit of a dark, ominous feeling without being 100% sure what the song is about - which is a good thing! I should probably tell you, though, that I didn't get the exact same "plot" you said you had for it - I saw more a man and a woman he only wanted for physical contact, maybe even a man and a prostitute at some points, and the line about the boys had me fearing for what might've happened to them, as if the man in the song just craves contact with every warm body he finds, no matter what. Of course, a lot of that would depend on the melody, and I wouldn't call it a bad thing if different people interpret your song different ways.
  4. Well, just because I know how to write a song doesn't mean I was born with complete knowledge of how to record one. It so happens I am not very good with technology, which doesn't affect my songwriting abilities at all, I might add. I though the people here might be good enough to help me out a little. How does anyone find out anything, if not by asking?
  5. LAYLA

    Mr. Perfection

    Okay. I was a little reluctant to post any of my lyrics here, because of course without the tune, you're only getting half the picture... but I thought I'd try one out here and see how it goes. This is a song I've had in my head for a while, and I'm not sure if the lyrics are as good as they could be or if they could use some tweaking. So I guess I'll put it up here and get your thoughts.... Please, when you critique this, try to remember that this is only half the song, and there will be a tune supporting this. Mr Perfection © 2017 Layla Lane Verse 1 I was with the girls, we were walking, we were talking All about the kind of guys we like Someone cute and flirty who would never play us dirty Someone special who'd treat us polite Prechorus 1 Then we rounded the corner and he opened the door I think we would've noticed if we'd seen him before He was a real-life Mr. Perfection Chorus Mister Perfection Just too good to be true Mister Perfection My heart belongs to you Verse 2 His eyes were a dream as he smiled and he told us We could have what we wanted on him Me and all the girls were all crowding round beside him Each one hoping he was letting us in Prechorus 2 So I asked for his number and I pulled out my pen I told him just where he could find me again Don't wanna lose Mr. Perfection Repeat chorus Bridge Would it mean anything if I told you I love you? Every other girl's got to feel the same What's your name? I still call you Mr. Perfection Yeah... my heart calls you Mr. Perfection Ooh... I love you, love you, Mr. Perfection Repeat chorus Repeat bridge End (sung while music fades out) Yeah... my heart calls you Mr. Perfection Ooh... I love you, love you, Mr. Perfection Yeah... my heart goes out to Mr. Perfection Ooh... I really need you, Mr. Perfection Yeah... my heart calls for Mr. Perfection Ooh... my perfect man is Mr. Perfection Yeah... my heart belongs to Mr. Perfection Ooh... I'll always love you, Mr. Perfection
  6. LAYLA

    Portraits of war

    Out of curiosity, what sort of tune do you imagine for this? I could almost hear the chorus set to music in my head. It looks so catchy; it's a brilliant chorus! I had trouble picturing a tune for the verses, though. I could recite them very easily, but it was harder to picture how they'd be sung. So I just wondered how you picture it.
  7. LAYLA

    Only you could

    Wow, great edits! It's so beautiful!
  8. LAYLA

    Seeds - 3rd (and final?) Draft

    Definitely go with option A. It's far more lyrical, and has that sad beauty that the rest of the song conveys. Option B sounds too bitter to me, and I don't want to hear about fecund peat in a song. It seems to be going off topic, basically. Don't worry about lyrics like Opa and djembes. Those are words that mean something to you, they help you personalize, and there's no need to dumb down a lyric just to make it more universal. If the melody is good enough, people will still listen, and they'll figure it out. I figured out that "Opa" means "grandfather". I didn't know the word, but it just felt like that's what you meant. I still don't know what djembes are, but figured they must be something from a different culture. And the idea of you changing into flowers was really beautiful. I think with the right melody, it could make listeners cry. The whole song could, really. It doesn't seem like a cliche at all, and if it is, who cares? It works here.
  9. LAYLA

    "Todays music vs. "classics"

    Of course it's a matter of personal preference - and my personal preference is that I've liked a lot of the older music you mentioned in your post, whereas I have no real opinion about Adele... but anyway. I do like some of today's music, I don't think all the talent has been lost, but what I've noticed is, I can be listening to the radio in a store that's playing modern hits, and like what I'm hearing, but then when I turn the car radio on to listen to the same music more clearly, I'm disappointed. The songs just don't have the same listening power; they don't grab me anymore. On the other hand, I can turn on 60's Radio and listen for an hour or more, and I'll be enchanted with almost everything they play. Perhaps the worst of today's music uses too many effects and electric stuff, when a person with a real instrument, a real voice, and real passion is what's really needed?
  10. LAYLA

    poems vs. lyrics

    I'm not a huge reader of poetry, but what I think is: A poem relies only on what you see written on the page. The rhythm has to be apparent to anyone reading it. It can follow the same structure straight through from beginning to end; in other words, it can and often does contain only verses. But the words of each verse should be different. The words can be ambiguous, but they have to convey the poem's meaning all on their own. Often the words in a poem feel different from the lyrics of a song, more flowery and such. A poem should look pretty and well-written on the page. A lyric works hand in hand with its melody. The structure often does, and is encouraged to, change up between verse and chorus, and then again for the bridge. The words, on the other hand, can repeat as often as you like. Lines don't have to look good on paper as long as they sound good when sung. You don't need every word to contribute to the story. "La la la" and "yeah, yeah, yeah" would never work in a poem, but in a song lyric, they do. The melody augments the lyrics and adds in that all-important part of the story - how we're supposed to be feeling about it. A sheet of song lyrics won't give you the complete picture. Of course, above all, you can often read a poem or a lyric, and just know which one it is because it would never work as the other. For example, Lewis Carroll's "The Walrus and the Carpenter" is a great poem, but it could never be a song. It's far too long and the verse never changes structure. It doesn't need a melody to tell us what's going on, because the story is all in the words. I can't even picture a tune that would go with it. On the other hand, the Beatles' "Love Me Do" is an incredible song, but it would never work as a poem. You never see a poem with the same verse repeating four times. There's no new information being given to us, so you might as well just end after the first verse. But in a song, no one cares, because the melody works with the lyrics to pull us in and makes us want to hear the verse four times. Also, the music between verses adds contrast, so it doesn't matter whether the lyrics ever change or not. So, basically, I'd say the main difference between a poem and a song lyric is: a poem has to stand on its own, a lyric does not.
  11. LAYLA

    Only you could

    A beautiful love song it the making! I love the tender, romantic feeling. A few suggestions to make it even better: "Any smallest cause that made us smiles". That must be awkward to sing. It's also not great grammar, not that that always matters in a song, but in this case, try "The smallest things made us smile" or similar. I notice the chorus is different every time you sing it. Not saying that's a bad thing, but you probably want some part of the song that repeats the same way every time. That part is your hook, and without one, the chorus is going to throw off the listeners when every time they hear something different from the last time. Two thoughts: either sing the exact same chorus the first two times, and change it the third time, or always end the chorus with "I'm gonna bring you back anyhow again". Although I'm not really sure what "anyhow again" means. Maybe replace "anyhow" with another word. Or, I know - use the ending of your third chorus: "I'm gonna make it all right with you again", in every chorus. That would make a beautiful hook! "I was not ready to share; young jealousy turned me mad". I needed more explanation of this verse. Was your love interest was seeing other people while still dating you? If so, you would have every right to be jealous. S/he would be in the wrong, and it would probably be the cheating that ended the relationship, not your jealousy. Was your love interest dating other people and you weren't together? If so, who could blame you for being jealous? Or did you mean you were jealous of your lover's friends, family, career, and so on? In that case, your jealousy might cause problems. Maybe think about making that clearer. And then "Glitz world made me blind". We're getting more reasons why you two split up, but I'm having trouble connecting it to what I heard before. That might not be a problem if your tune can pull the story together, but you might want to go over what you meant the story to be, and then tweak the verses a little so it sounds less disjointed. Great idea; keep it up! I love these beautiful love songs.
  12. Pretty much everybody else who writes songs today seems to already have a recording of their track - complete with instruments and all - that they must've done themselves, without a professional. But there must also be some really quick, simple way to do it, because people post their recordings here looking for feedback, which must mean they didn't intend these recordings to be the final draft. How do you all make your recordings, and how do you get them done so easily, if it is as easy as I imagine it would have to be?
  13. LAYLA

    A Thought

    Nice! Have you thought about singing the verses like this: Gonna finally get it settled once and for all But I know that to do so I gotta climb over a wall A wall so tall... Also, some of the lyrics seem a little hard to sing. Does "Gonna finally get it settled" roll of the tongue easily for you? Or, "For some people it is, but for others"? Maybe try and sing the whole song, and change the words whenever something feels a bit awkward. Great start; keep it up!
  14. LAYLA

    The Sum of Smaller Stories

    Two comments, one of which other people have addressed already: the lines are too long. I couldn't imagine a rhythm for them; at some points it felt like trying to cram two lines' worth of lyrics into one line. Unless you've tried singing this and you can make it work, I'd suggest trimming them down. The other thing I noticed is that you mention, early on, that John and Ginny had four sons, and when the next verse told us about Percy, I expected there to be a verse dedicated to each son. When there wasn't, it kind of threw me a bit - I think if I was listening to this, I'd be so busy waiting for the story of the four sons that I wouldn't be able to get into the story of your grandpa and his wisdom. Maybe if you made it clearer in that verse that the song was going to be about just Percy....
  15. LAYLA

    Sea Of Shame

    When I was reading the first verse, the way the last two lines fit together perfectly just like the first two jarred me a little. Normally I'm the last one to tell anyone to do something more unexpected, but in this case I'm going to. I really liked the rhyme structure in the chorus (I think it was the chorus?), where the first three lines rhyme and then the fourth is different. I suggest going for that rhyme scheme in other parts of the song - first verse included.