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Short Order Kook

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Short Order Kook last won the day on June 19 2017

Short Order Kook had the most liked content!

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About Short Order Kook

  • Rank
    Active Muse

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    New England
  • Interests
    Mandolin, Guitar, Banjo, Traveling, Languages, Reading

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both
  • Musical Influences?
    Too many to list

Recent Profile Visitors

299 profile views
  1. The Willow Tree

    @mybirdperforms, IMO, the strengths of your song are: the interesting change up between the 3rd and 4th verses, Your guitar solo at the end, Your pleasant vocal delivery, and the unusual phrasing in some of the lines such as the very unusual phrasing in line 3 of the second verse. I guess my thoughts on making this stronger is to consider changing back to the original chords and rhythm at the end of the song so that your song has more closure. Right now, it's as if the listener is going along for the ride, but the ride then goes off the cliff. It doesn't seem to have an ending. Another observation is that there seems to be a lot higher frequency sounds in this song including your voice, guitar and piano. I think it needs some heavy bass. The beginning part is pretty guitar heavy and you may think to add some bass and piano in that part. Regarding your unusual phrasing in line 3 of the second verse. I think you should do something more with that. Repeat that phrasing in other parts of the song...IMO, you have the potential to create a original, interesting hook with that phrasing. Right now, I'm not sure if this song has a hook. BTW, you might want to consider changing the title so that it matches the ultimate hook that you come up with. In the lyrics the willow tree seems to be less of the special place that you should be focusing on..the cavern and the walls that you are writing on seems to be the place to put your focus, and perhaps your hook/title. I hope this is helpful.
  2. Tomorrow Girl

    @Clemo, Very nice. I definitely think this could go with a reggae back beat. Lyrically it is not a heavy, brainy piece, but it's a love song and with the right groove, I think it has the potential to be an enjoyable song. I'm a fan of roots reggae, and honestly a lot of the lyrics from that genre are not that deep, but with the right lyrics they can be enjoyable to listen to and sing along if you can come up with a catchy melody. Here is an example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbFFtTjFUsE
  3. All Fall Down

    I really enjoy your songs Oswlek! Like the others, I prefer the newer bass version. I especially liked how your first line "There's no mystery" and the bass line preceding the first line mirror each other. I don't think the bass is busy in this version at all. It actually remains fairly simple behind the singing and just adds some nice fill in between the verses. As others have said the piano is not very noticeable, but I have the sense that it's ok given it's not given any prominence in other parts of the song. It's a nice way to fadeout the song instead of the children singing. It kind of completes the circle of a produced song if you know what I mean.
  4. Guanajuato

    @daryl1968, thanks for listening. I absolutely will move the vocals forward the next time I get to play with the mix. @Oswlek, some more good advice and observations to consider! Keep 'em coming if you have more! I really appreciate it. I hadn't even thought of the delivery of "though a" and "are" for those two lines in the second verse, but I completely understand what you are saying. I'll think about whether I can come up with something better and more natural sounding (or possibly taking that verse out altogether). I think this song lends itself to some kind of fun break, so I'm considering possibly sacrificing a verse for a break...maybe the second verse. With respect to your comments about the basic guitar part, are you referring to the spanish influenced bass run I do occasionally throughout the song? I didn't hear anything specific starting at :54, although one of those bass runs starts at about 1:00. And are you suggesting doing it up the neck? I'll check out your tablature when I'm back with my guitar to try and see what you mean. Interesting idea for doing that vocal lift as well. I'll experiment and try that out. Thanks again! @Zeligovitch, I think you are right about the crescendo. I tried to do that by contrasting the second to last and last verse, but my mixing is so terrible, I don't think it came out so well. Adding percussion instruments is a great idea.
  5. Books?

    If there are any David Byrne fans out there, his book "How Music Works" is a pretty interesting read. https://www.amazon.com/How-Music-Works-David-Byrne/dp/0804188939/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_img_0/141-1625967-4190226?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=QM70JNHS41M2858GYY92 I pretty much find anything that he does as interesting!
  6. Breathe Me Tonight (REV 4)

    Outstanding lyrics. I really like it. It seems like it would fit well to a 3/4 time signature with a moderate tempo such as a waltz. If you don't picture it in the same way, disregard my comments below! With this in mind, I feel like you could tinker a little with this line to get to twelve syllables...What about, "The paint was still fresh when they crossed through the threshold" (probably too cliche?) I might take out "him" here...the singer could pause in place of saying "him" ...seems like it would have a better flow. By the way, I think this might sound good when singing as "kiyoat"-the american slang for coyote May be a little clunky to sing. How about "And the dry desert wind leaves her ghost in its wake"? It seem like you could slim down on the syllables here. June '64 is an interesting detail that gives his memory a retro image, but it may not be completely necessary? What about "And it feels like their first night in room twenty-five"
  7. Untitled (maybe "In my memory")

    Hi Steve. Thanks for your comments, but honestly I'm not sure I completely understand them! I'm assuming you're suggesting the title "my heart is hurting"?
  8. Guanajuato

    @Oswlek. Thank you so much for taking a listen. Very helpful. I was afraid that three initial verses might be too much in the beginning, but I think you are right that it a lot to ask of the listener. Honestly, I was hoping the lyrics were interesting enough to keep the listeners attention, but if I keep a verse in there I probably have to come up with some other kind of musical build-up as you say. Another option might be to do two verses-chorus-two verses-chorus-two versus-chorus-two verses, although I expect most people would advise against taking that approach because it would extend the length of the song. I wonder if a faster tempo would help? As you see in my original post I have trimmed away a couple of verses, already, so I'm somewhat reluctant to lose another verse, but the song is already at 5 minutes without a break, so I understand where you are coming from. If I do go with the two verses,-chorus-two verses-chorus-two verses when I play this out, I can probably provide the audience more context when I introduce the song. Each time I trim, I feel like I'm losing more of the story I want to tell. But that might also mean that I should go back to the drawing board and work on making the verses a little tighter. For example, having a whole verse dedicated to going into a tavern to sit down probably doesn't deserve so much attention! Good observation. I believe the chorus' include two guitar tracks played independently of each other. I thought it might add some drama to the chorus. But I think it just made it choppy as you say. Definitely will fix that. Yep. As a beginning mixer, I'm finding it really hard to record vocals. I'm think I'm also hyper critical of my voice, not wanting to give it too much volume and try to hide it behind the effects a little. I'll play around with the gain and reverb to try to find a better, more natural sound. Thanks again for your encouragement and advice!
  9. Sambas & Cigarettes

    Lyrics are great, and I'm curious about the reference to sambas?
  10. Use Your Words

    @PaulCanuck, Nice concept. I don't think it's too preachy. The words that are used in the first two lines of verse three are somewhat awkward. I can't think of anything different right now, but I think it's worth brainstorming something different that maintains the same message. I like the idea of the opening verse speaking to a child, but the example that is used is about babbling (I picture a baby in a high chair). In this case "use your words" seems to be about teaching a baby to speak. The song, however, is founded on the expression "use your words" which is to say that people should talk things through rather than harboring resentment or resorting to violence. Could the opening example be set about a parent or grandparent speaking to two siblings on the verge of fighting due to a misunderstanding or something like that?
  11. Guanajuato

    Thanks spanishbuddha! I think you're probably thinking of maracas? Yes I understand how the vocals echo a bit and probably could use some more gain. I read somewhere that you want to try to add reverb to vocals generally, which I was going for at first, but ended up with this other effect that I thought might help in trying to convey surrealism.
  12. Lilibet

    Hi @daryl1968, Nice song. Easy on the ears. Great sounding production at least from what I can hear on my cheap desktop speakers! Musically, one of my favorite parts was the drum opening. I wonder what you think about the possibility of bringing that same groove back into a later part of the song? The melody is pleasant but during the second half of the second verse I was thinking you might want to add some instrumentation or have more variable notation in the melody. Through much of the verse you are singing the same note, which may come off as repetitive for some listeners. As far as the lyrics go, there are several clever things you do and you do well (eg. sharing the last word and first word between lines in the prechorus, internal rhymes in line 5 of the second verse, etc). Good stuff! In the first verse, which is a good set up for the song, the line "you'll be a traveler's dream" struck me as if you were describing a woman that will welcome loads of travelers in her home, but I feel like this is describing "your girl." I'm no songwriting expert, but I hope you find my comments helpful at least as a listener!
  13. Sands Of Time

    I agree with Jonie that your singing is really excellent. Your singing style reminded me a little of Alice n' Chains without the layering of voices. My vote for genre would be hard rock. Edit: Or alternative metal
  14. Guanajuato

    I shared this song on the lyrics forum a few weeks back. Since then, I acquired an audio interface and DAW and tried to record the song pretty much bare bones (vocal and guitar tracks). Emphasis on tried! Any helpful hints on recording are appreciated. Any feedback on the song itself is also welcome. The song is about Guanajuato, Mexico which I visited over 20 years ago during its festival celebrating Miguel Cervantes, author of Don Quixote. Key: deletions, additions, (translations) Stumbled onto Guanajuato It still lingers in my dreams Cityscape was is a mosaic Of yellows, pinks and greens Formed as though a cubist painting The mountains were are its frames Think Picasso, angles, shadows Layered shapes and planes Happened onto “Cervantino” (name of Cervantes festival) Singing and parades Celebrating Don Quixote, And his gallant escapades Chorus 2x La la la la la la La la la la la la La la la la lai La la la la lai Entered into a taberna (tavern) And left behind the streets Near a wall we found a table And a couple open seats Drank tequila with the locals Transcended space and time Don Quixote, Sancho Panza Tapas Botanas, salt and lime (appetizers) At our table came a peddler With a small metallic box Knobs and dials, clamps and cables Hawking electroshocks Mi amigo, Don Quixote Was chivalrous and brave And the Guanajuatan people Cheered him through his pain Chorus 2x La la la la la la La la la la la la Lai la la la lai Lai la la la lai Hours later, in a plaza Beneath the yellow moon Came an old man and his burro And he offered us a room Guanajuato, Guanajuato Where surreality surrealism is found Guanajuato, Guanajuato I’m Guanajuato bound Guanajuato, Guanajuato I'm Guanajuato bound
  15. Pirate Booty

    LOL!!! With the last line, what about saying something like "So raise your white flag in the air" "Surrender to the one with the raven hair"?
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