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Short Order Kook

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Short Order Kook last won the day on June 19

Short Order Kook had the most liked content!

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About Short Order Kook

  • Rank
    Contributing Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    New England
  • Interests
    Mandolin, Guitar, Banjo, Traveling, Languages, Reading

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both
  • Musical Influences?
    Too many to list
  1. July 2017 Song Contest - Results Are In!

    And the winners are... PaulCanuck, When This Bottle Lets Go of My Hand ScenesfromPalacio, I See Angels (When I'm Falling Onewholovesrock, Fly High Butterfly Congratulations gentlemen! Thanks to all of you for submitting your work. The final scores were as follows: PaulCanuck, When This Bottle Lets Go of My Hand, 21.5 ScenesfromPalacio, I See Angels (When I'm Falling), 24.0 Onewholovesrock, Fly High Butterfly, 27.0 Fabkebab, The Dry, 27.5 RoadDog, SteamPunk (no, Rock ain't Dead!), 28.5 RickDieffenbach, When True Love Finds You, 28.5 Qindfish, The Sky is Falling, 29.0 Marc G, Cross of Gold, 35.0 Thanks to Ironknee and graybeard, our two non-contestant scorers, for providing their scores. You may notice that only 8 songs are shown here, instead of the original 9. Unfortunately, I had to pull Eric Borgos' song because I did not receive his scores. Great job everyone. If you haven't already done so, please send along any comments or feedback on the songs that you reviewed. I'm sure we will all appreciate your encouragement and constructive feedback!
  2. Rik

    I absolutely love your songs! This is a pleasure to listen to. No comments on the lyrics at this point, but will think on it...
  3. July 2017 Song Contest - Results Are In!

    We have 9 songs in the July 2017 Song contest!!! Now it's time to score. PLEASE READ BEFORE SUBMITTING YOUR SCORES: 1. Please send your scores via PM with the title "JULY SONG SCORES." 2. When you send me your scores, put the number to the left of the song title, like this: “1.5 - Song Title.” 3. Also important…leave a blank spot for your song, but keep the title in the list. For example, if your song title is “She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger”* your scores should look like this: 4.5 Song Title 3.0 Song Title .... She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger 1.5 Song Title 4. Please read and rate each song using the scoring table below (Scores of 1.0 and 5.0 should be rare). Copy and paste the list at the bottom of this post and insert your score to the left of each title. Then send your scores to me (Short Order Kook) in a Private Message before Midnight, (EST) Monday August 7th, 2017. - Do not rank the songs, from 5 down to 1; use the criteria below - Do not rank the songs against each other; use the criteria below - Do not score your own song 1.0 - Excellent 1.5 - Almost Excellent 2.0 - Very Good 2.5 - Good 3.0 - Above Average 3.5 - Average 4.0 - Below Average 4.5 - Poor 5.0 - Very Poor IF YOU HAVE ENTERED A SONG IN THIS CONTEST YOU MUST SUBMIT A SCORE FOR ALL OTHER ENTRIES BEFORE THE DEADLINE OR YOUR SONG WILL BE DISQUALIFIED AS AN ENTRY - SO THERE!! OTHERS ARE ENCOURAGED TO SCORE SONGS AS WELL. Please note that I reserve the right to give everyone's entry a score equal to the average of the scores they have given others to ensure no one can benefit from bias or being unduly harsh to the other entries. Here's the list again: Artist Song Eric Borgos Back on the Highway Again PaulCanuck When This Bottle Lets Go of My Hand Fabkebab The Dry Marc G Cross of Gold Qindfish The Sky is Falling RoadDog SteamPunk (no, Rock ain't dead!) Onewholovesrock Fly High Butterfly RickDieffenbach When True Love Finds You ScenesFromPalacio I See Angels (When I'm Falling) Good Luck Everyone! *Real Song Title, See "http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/09/16/funny-country-music-song-titles_n_5823480.html"
  4. A Child's World

    Hi there, I made a few changes to this song and have a few questions based on feedback I received from @Mike B, @Ron99, @spanishbuddha & @PaulCanuck. Would appreciate any follow up feedback if you have time. Thanks!
  5. God Save my Soul - Demo

    @Qindfish This could definitely work for a bluegrass song. With some nice bluegrass harmonies it could be a fun song to sing. Have you heard "Go to Sleep Little Baby" from the Oh Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack? It's similar to this song in tempo and also similar in that it changes the words in the chorus a little bit along the way. I also think the song could potentially done at a faster tempo, or with changes in the tempo along the way. Have you thought about adding a break? I read recently that breaks can function well as a "reveal"...you give a little bit more information about the message in your song. Good start! BTW, what happened to the "I Love You" recording? I thought that song was really interesting as well. Hope you are still working on it.
  6. Bite

    @hank, I think the lyrics should be whatever you want them to be. Yes they can be abstract, for sure. And yes, I think listeners can interpret a song anyway they want. With my comments, I was just trying to provide you some constructive feedback. I'm just one person, but I thought taking the time to follow the lyrics and provide you with listener feedback along the way would be helpful as you develop your song further. Take it or leave it! BTW, I can relate to being "mostly about music." Lyrics are something that I've hardly ever paid attention to until joining this forum!
  7. A Child's World

  8. A Child's World

    A few weeks ago I had a song posted called "Protest Song", and after getting feedback on the lyrics and getting more disgusted with politics in general (to the point that I don't want to even give it any attention), I reworked the song using the chord structure I had and created an entirely different song altogether. I wanted to make something more hopeful, with less complaining anyway. So I wrote a song about my children (changing the names to protect the innocent). After trying hard to use the same chord structure from "Protest Song", I ended up deciding on different chords and tempo to match the lyrics, so its really a completely different animal now. Not sure how many people are familiar with the term "old time" but that's how I plan to do the song with my trio. If you've heard the bizarre song "Cornbread and Butterbeans" it's kind of in that style and played with a fairly quick tempo like that song. I'd appreciate any feedback. Thank you. A Child's World, ©2017 J. B. Mack Chorus (Harmony) Taken out, starting with verse 1 instead A child's world is fresh and new and beautiful Full of excitement and wonder Tell me why we stifle their spirit and their awe? It's surely us adult's greatest blunder Verse 1 (1st singer) The other day, a storm rolled quickly into town The clouds they looked ominous and threatening So we ducked and covered and hustled to our doorsteps And crossed the threshold inside without questioning Verse 2 But my child, dear Carla, she saw things differently A chance to go and play out in the rain Kicked off her shoes, arms out and spun round and round And hopped about in puddles by the drain Chorus (Harmony) A child's world is fresh and new and beautiful Full of excitement and wonder Tell me why we stifle their spirit and their awe? was Tell me why we stifle that awe inspired instinct? It's surely us adult's greatest blunder Verse 3 (2nd singer) Last week, my family was taking a long walk When we came across a tall grass pasture The view was gorgeous, but I worried 'bout the ticks was The view was gorgeous, but all I thought about were ticks While my daughter fell into a state of rapture Verse 4 My child, dear Allie, could not contain herself She ran off and hopped into the field was She tore off and hopped into the field And she laughed and skipped and darted back and forth was And she laughed and skipped and streaked back and forth Making paths in the meadow as she squealed was Mowing mazes in the meadow as she squealed Instrumental Verse 5 (1st singer) My son Jacob, when he was very young It must have been the winter of O seven It was late November, first snowfall of the year When he woke and looked outside he was in heaven Verse 6 He ran outside, barefoot, in nothing but pajamas And jumped off our deck into the white He stayed out a long time, enough to catch a cold Only came in once to have a snowball fight! was Came in once to ask me to a snowball fight Bridge (Harmony) Bridge moved from after Verse 4 to after Verse 6 Why does wonder dull with age? Why hurry to turn the page? Being youthful mister, is an angst elixir was Youthfulness mister, is an angst elixir Run wild with your kids for a change Chorus (Harmony) A child's world is fresh and new and beautiful Full of excitement and wonder Tell me why we stifle their spirit and their awe? was Tell me why we stifle that awe inspired instinct? It's surely us adult's greatest blunder Yes why do we stifle their spirit and their awe? was Yes why do we stifle that awe inspired instinct It's surely us adult's greatest blunder
  9. July 2017 Song Contest - Results Are In!

    Welcome to the July Song Contest – an open format contest. For any newcomers, open format means the entry can be at any production level - from just you and your guitar to a fully orchestrated masterpiece PLEASE NOTE: This month we will continue the format used last month. To enter this month's contest, you must post your song in the Songs (Inc Instrumentals) feedback forum. This contest thread will be used to show a list of links to those threads rather than the songs themselves. So to enter a song - create a new Topic in the Songs (Inc Instrumentals) forum and send me the link to it by Private Message. I will add your link to the list of entries in this thread. If you have any questions please PM me. The timeline is as follows: • Entries will be accepted now through Midnight Eastern Standard Time (EST) Mon, July 31st, 2017. • Voting (scorecards) will take place Tues Aug 1 through Midnight EST Sunday Aug 6th, 2017. • Don’t start voting until I officially post the scoring instructions on Tues Aug 1st. • You must score all other entries or your entry will be disqualified from the contest. • I'll post the results shortly after scoring is completed. If you plan to enter, please review the revised rules, pinned in this forum. When posting your song to the Songs Feedback Forum, please include: •song title •writer credits (If it’s a collab with another Muser please make that clear by including their M/M id) •audio link Please include the lyrics on your post. Videos are permitted. (Voters are encouraged to refrain from watching any video until after they've scored the song.) All Musers are welcome to submit songs as contestants or score the songs as non-contestants. Any questions or problems should be sent to me (short order kook) via private message (PM). Artist Song Eric Borgos Back on the Highway Again PaulCanuck When This Bottle Lets Go of My Hand Fabkebab The Dry Marc G Cross of Gold Qindfish The Sky is Falling RoadDog SteamPunk (no, Rock ain't dead!) Onewholovesrock Fly High Butterfly RickDieffenbach When True Love Finds You ScenesFromPalacio I See Angels (When I'm Falling)
  10. Lab Rat

    Lyrics are well set up for rap or hip hop. It flows nicely just reading it. The title fits the song well and grabbed my attention. Are there any specific parts of the lyrics that you are not entirely satisfied with and are looking for feedback? There are some lines that don't appear to rhyme with anything else, but I don't necessarily see that as an issue.
  11. Bite

    @hank I think your song has a great groove and I really like your vocals! I actually wish they were more prominent. The first line of the song is pretty hard to hear. I could barely make it out. Your voice is sweet and your vocal phrasing riffs perfectly over the music. It's a pleasure to listen to! My recommendation is to turn the vocals up. My other general comment is that I think the lyrics are pretty abstract and therefore hard to follow/understand. Below are some examples of questions that went through my head when reading the lyrics. If you answer these questions, the musers here might be able to offer some alternative wording to make it more clear, if that's something you are interested in. On the other hand, I could see this song being very personal and you wanting to keep the meaning between you and the other person in the song private.
  12. Just Another Broken-Winged Bird

    Hi @s.l.wolf, I'll try to give you my impressions of your song. Take it with a grain of salt! I like the change in tempos and volume of the song...I think it gives the song good dramatic effect. You effectively show emotion through your singing style. I also like the concept of you dreaming about someone listening to you sing about your pain. Its an interesting narrative that holds a lot of promise. The idea of "just another broken winged bird" is a good metaphor for a person singing their painful song and realizing that the person they are singing for is not paying attention. It's hard to tell if this is a song for a friend, lover or relative. Maybe it doesn't matter. But the ambiguity made it hard to follow. You probably already have someone in mind that inspired you to write this song, but if you want to be true to the "singing bird" metaphor then it would probably work best as a song for a lover, like a bird call. But there are no clues that I could see that made this clear. The melody is ok, but it did not really grab me. I think this is a part of the song that may need some work. I think people are going to want to listen for a pattern in the melody that they can hear and follow. Using your bird metaphor, think of a bird call. Can you make the melody more succinct, familiar and catchy each time you sing another verse? One of the things that made it harder to follow the melody was that the words seem to hover around the melody loosely. Tightening up the meter would improve the listener experience. As a suggestion, you might try to challenge yourself to boil down the melody you have created down to its basic form and hum it over your chord choices for the verses and chorus. Then work on embellishing your melody to make it interesting for the listener (such as creating a change of tempo and volume). Then think about the important phrases or words that you want to have in your song to convey your song's message. I find that humming a melody can help with word choices and developing a consistent, followable meter. Speaking of word choices, I think you have an opportunity to play up on the bird metaphor more...birds sing to get noticed by mates, they also have flashy colors, and sometimes dance (ie. make displays). They tend to do this while other birds are competing for mates--sometimes they are singing with their same species...but they're trying to sing above the call of other species as well. When birds break their wing and can no longer fly, they tend to be abandoned by other birds. When chicks fall out of nests, their parents tend to abandon them. All of these tidbits of bird biology might be useful in developing the bird metaphor more. I hope these initial impressions are helpful. Thank you for sharing your song!
  13. Gotta Get Away

    @kuya, I'm glad that the vibe that I was trying to convey came through and you understood what I was going for. "Hermits" is a good idea for the last verse. @Barneyboy, The song isn't really about winning a lottery, its about the singer getting away with his wife. When I start the verses with "if i won the..." the singer isn't actually winning anything. Starting the sentence with "if" is meant to convey casual conversation with his wife...."Hell, if I won the lotto, I'd take you to..." Its about scraping some money together to give the singer and his wife a change of scenery and get some down time. The wife in this song isn't going to slap around the singer because he can't deliver on an expensive vacation, and I don't want this song to be about a guy looking to hook up with multiple women. @spanishbuddha, I'm not really going for mojo or passion here, its meant to be light with a touch of humor. I had mentioned John Prine in the opening of this song. His song In Spite of Ourselves is probably the closest illustration of what I am going for with this song. The song is somewhat autobiographical so the song isn't about leaving a city (I don't live in one). It's my loss that the last part of the song gave you the picture of a national lampoon's vacation! I definitely wasn't going for that, but it looks like @kuya didn't read it that way? I guess everyone is going to read the song a little differently. I'll fix Pyrenees, thanks for that. "Hit" the pyrenees and "hit" paris are slang for "go to", but I could try to use a different word. I expected "fourteeners" and "Charles de Gaulle" to trip up some, but I like them both too much to get rid of them. They are meant to go with the informal conversational vibe that I'm going for in this song. I also think its ok to have some words that people need to look up now and then. I expect some people will appreciate learning unfamiliar words or phrases. The line that says "where conversation's shorter" is something I would change if most people didn't get it. What I was trying to convey with the foreigner verse is a person that doesn't know the language of the country that they are traveling in...Their conversation is going to be shorter, when they only know how to say things like good morning, yes, and good night. Its something that I've experienced traveling in foreign country's and it has made me feel a little more anonymous.
  14. Gotta Get Away

    I've got a few songs I've thrown out to the muse, and expect to take some time to work on those over the next week where I don't think I'll have access to the internet. While I'm working on those, I thought I'd send a song that I just wrote. I already have the chord structure and melody for it. I'm happy with most of the lyrics but some of them sound a little clunky. I'd appreciate any suggestions for improvement. This is meant to be a "light" kind of song. I think I was influenced a little by John Prine or early Bob Dylan the way that I currently sing it. Gotta Get Away, ©2017 J. B. Mack V1 was V3 If I won the Powerball We'd fly off to Charles de Gaulle Hit Paris for just one night Rent a car and then take flight V2 was V4 We can hit the Pyrenees Hear they've got good wine and cheese There's a place they call Lot Valley Where we can go dilly dally C3 was C1 Gotta get away From the hustle and the bustle Somewhere near won't do it dear We gotta get away C4 was C2 Want to be a foreigner Where the conversation's shorter Like bonjour, oui and bonne nuit We gotta getta away V3 was V1 If I won the Tri-state Lotto I’d take you to Colorado For a few weeks in late June was For a few days in late June See the mountain flowers bloom V4 was V2 Wouldn’t go to climb fourteeners Wouldn’t stay in Denver neither Both them places too congested My aim is to be well rested C3 was C1 Gotta get away From the hustle and the bustle Somewhere near won’t do it dear We gotta get away C4 was C2 I want to be a stranger Where there ain’t no kind of danger Of running in to friends or kin We gotta get away V5 If I won a small scratch ticket I don't think it would prohibit Us from leavin' just as well We could find a cheap motel V6 Something clean, but not too pricey In a place that's not too dicey Lock the door and close the drapes Drink champagne and eat some grapes C5 Gotta get away From the hustle and the bustle Somewhere near is ok dear We just must get away C6 Want to be hermits was Want to be a hermit So that we can leave this circus A little while, we need to smile Let's up and get away
  15. Friend to the End

    Its really interesting that you started writing this song in 1981 given the theme of the lyrics. It must have a lot of personal meaning for you all these years! I enjoyed your song and agree with much of what has been said above. The trumpet is really nice. I'd actually like to hear more of it.
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