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Peko

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About Peko

  • Rank
    Contributing Muse

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Carly Simon, Gordon Lightfoot, Dan Fogelberg, John Denver, Beatles

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114 profile views
  1. July Lyrics Competition

    Paul, It wasn't luck! You deserved it! Thank you and Kuya and John, Barneyboy, for the encouragement. You are ALL a fun group to play with! Peko
  2. Online Perfection

    Thanks, Barneyboy, First of all, I agree with you about "Online Perfection." I need a snappier title and a better way to do that whole verse/bridge. and thanks for: And I’m having second thoughts.........Sudden buyer's remorse after the tease. Got a feeling she texted him a barbie photo. Yippee! That's exactly the feeling you were supposed to get! Thanks for your comments. I'll be posting an update soon. Peko
  3. Slow Time Down

    Hi, Mike, I like this! We can all relate to that message, I'm sure! I have some thoughts you might consider: Things that just happened are now far in the past How about: Things that just happened are now part of the past If you like the alliteration Seconds turn to minutes turn to hours turn to days Months turn into years, all lost in the haze I found all the "turn to's" a little much. You could be more creative in phrasing this part. Seconds turn to minutes and hours stretch to days or something. Now it feels too "99 bottles of beer on the wall" Wish I could slow time down Slow time down Wish I could slow time down And I kept wanting to hear: "Wish I could SLOW DOWN time SLOW DOWN time Wish I could SLOW DOWN time." To me, that just sounds better than Slow time down. Maybe it's just a personal preference? Peko
  4. July Lyrics Competition

    Congrats to Paul and Iggy! You guys are tough competition! Paul, I also loved your whole song in the Song Contest. Nice work, all!
  5. Back On The Highway Again

    This was great! Well-crafted lyrics and a vocal that perfectly suits the mood. Nice work!
  6. Online Perfection

    Thanks, Mike. Good catch! I agree about the verb tenses. I'll revise V1 for present tense. Sometimes it's hard for me to figure out how to convey a present tense conversation about a past event. But see if this works for you: He: I go online To meet my Valentine And you offer me your heart She: We feel the heat I say, Why don't we meet We have a wonderful start Thank you, lyriCAL, I'm glad you like the chorus. It kinda cracks me up every time. I think the tension in the song is best if we don't find out what happens when they meet. I picture the song as about the angst of that first meet. I will re-think the original V3 as a bridge, as Mike suggested. I like the irony of the original bridge, so I'll take another look at how to put the pieces together. Thanks to both of you!
  7. Online Perfection

    Original posted below the revision Online Still working on a title Patty Lakamp © Copyright 2017 V1 He: I go online To meet my Valentine And we hit it out of the park She: We feel the heat So why don't we meet And see if there’s really a spark V2 He: Your simple text About what to do next Has tied my stomach in knots She: I thought I was ready But I feel unsteady And I’m having second thoughts Chorus: He: Online I’m a little bit taller She: Online My waist is smaller He: Online My abs are flatter She: Online My thighs don’t matter Both: Online You think I’m ideal But will you still love me when we meet for real? Bridge: He: I might have exaggerated minor details She: It’s possible I stretched the truth He: Perhaps I under-stated where I tip the scales She: And I may have misstated my youth Both: Online We’re the perfect couple Online We’re an ideal team Meeting offline could burst our bubble Online We’re livin’ the dream V3 He: If you want to try it I’ll go on a diet So you won’t see me at my worst She: Can we postpone? I’ll apply for a loan So I can get a facelift first Chorus: He: Online I’m a little bit taller She: Online My waist is smaller He: Online My abs are flatter She: Online My thighs don’t matter Both: Online You think I’m ideal But will you still love me when we meet for real? Original: Online Perfection Patty Lakamp © Copyright 2017 He: I go online To meet my Valentine And you offer me your heart She: We feel the heat So why don't we meet? We have a wonderful start V2 He: Your simple text About what to do next Has tied my stomach in knots She: I thought I was ready But I feel unsteady And I’m having second thoughts Chorus: He: Online I’m a little bit taller She: Online My waist is smaller He: Online My abs are flatter She: Online My thighs don’t matter Both: Online You think I’m ideal But will you still love me when we meet for real? V3-Different melody? Both: (LOUD) You are ONLINE PERFECTION I feel massive affection For the you I know online If we meet in person Things could worsen And this whole affair could unwind Chorus? Bridge: Both: Online Can be a dangerous place What gives me chills is Meeting face to face Chorus: He: Online I’m a little bit taller She: Online My waist is smaller He: Online My abs are flatter She: Online My thighs don’t matter Online You think I’m ideal But will you still love me when we meet for real?
  8. I Still Think of Her

    Thanks, Bob, Snarky and Steve, for your comments on the first verse. I agree with you that it would be better to keep it all in the present tense. Dumb mistake on my part, but easy to fix. Floating in a fog between sleep and awake I catch a glimpse of my first love Kate I'm crazy in love with the girl by my side But when memories hit me, I go for a ride Snarky, I see your point about repeating "love" in L2 & L3, but I'm going to keep it at "first love" and "crazy in love" because I think those are two different phrases that perfectly communicate the idea. As for "I explored all I could of her lovely terrain," that line says what I want to say about the physical attraction of first love. Note that he says "all I could" which keeps it innocent enough for me. Most of the feedback I have received on that line has been very positive. Kind of a knowing smile, without offense. That's what I was going for. Thanks again. Good comments! Peko
  9. Too Much Sugar

    Paul, I enjoyed this one in the contest. I think it's a fun, creative concept. I agree with the others that the melody/delivery is going to make or break it. You always seem to come up with clever lyrics. Peko
  10. New Routines and Old Daydreams

    I agree that this would be better in the first person. I like the oranges/marriages line, too.
  11. On the Rocky-Edited

    Yes! Rewriting is what makes a good song great!
  12. Summer in england

    LB76, Very nice! Love the first line--that sure intrigues me. In fact, the whole first verse is a winner. A little stumbling block in V2: I didn't need the duplication of "once" and "back then"--I know, I'm being picky I took me awhile to figure out that "cream" meant what I call suntan lotion. Cream and England makes me think of clotted cream or cream in tea (do they do that?). If you could say this a different way, you wouldn't lose anybody while they tried to figure out what you meant. Keep on! Peko
  13. TED Talk

    I liked this lyric in the contest. I watch/listen to TED talks all the time, so I knew exactly what you were saying. I thought the premise of the lyric was spot-on. Yak-yak-yak about me-me-me instead of a comfortable exchange at a party. Maybe there is something you can do to break up the diatribe in the verses so the listener doesn't feel the same way about the song! Expand on the chorus...make it more of a zinger so we feel more relief/satisfaction with the chorus?
  14. On the Rocky-Edited

    Short Order Kook, Wow! It was good before, and now it's even better! I like what you've done with this. The examples of the sights,smells, etc are an improvement. Bewitching is a good choice over beauteous. I actually like the original: "When the warp took his ankle" better than your revision. More action and more in keeping with the feel of the lyric. I did stumble over "slough". I had to look up the pronunciation. I was thinking of pronouncing it "sluff" like a snake skin, but it could also be "slew" or rhyme with "cow." None of those seem right with troughs. How are you thinking of pronouncing it? Alternatively, you could switch it to troughs and crests, and rhyme something with crests. I'd sure like to hear this to music! Then you can refine the rhythm of the words so they're perfectly matched with the music. Things like whether you need the "are" in "sea legs are conditioning," etc. You've got a real good thing going on here. A unique story, well told. Nice job! Peko
  15. Seeds - 3rd (and final?) Draft

    Option A, definitely!
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