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Peko last won the day on January 6

Peko had the most liked content!

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About Peko

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    Inspirational Muse

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    Golf, cooking, creating stuff, reading and more reading, Sunday crosswords, spreadsheets!, observing behavior, good and bad, Revising!

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Carly Simon, Streisand, Dan Fogelberg, Rod Stewart, England Dan and John Ford Coley, Jim Croce, The Beatles, especially John Lennon's lyrics, Gordon Lightfoot, John Denver. I also like the Big Band era, and a lot of music from the 70’s. Some might say “old;” I prefer “classic.”

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  1. California Beauty (Carolina Roots)

    Teeporter, This is so good for so many reasons! Great images, clever wording, good structure, tongue -in-cheek fun. Love the chorus! There’s no doubt what this one is about or where it’s going. I like that you started out with the chorus. Good choice. This feels to me like a finished lyric. Aren’t you supposed to throw us a bone, let us come up with SOMETHING to improve? 😃 Patty
  2. Hold On Honey ~ Revised 1/20

    Joey, First of all, thank you for your gracious response to all the comments. This is a lovely, romantic lyric, and I think you need to be careful with “when a man TAKES a woman....”. Yes, I know you’re saying takes her as a lover and wife, but I think there is probably a better way to phrase it. Maybe something more about the TWO of them: Comes a time when and man and a woman Choose to be husband and wife (Wife could be considered a near-rhyme with “eyes.”) i just noticed, though, that you already have an end-rhyme with WIFE in the lyric. But you get the idea. Also, your L3 seems rather clinical after that “magic carpet ride.” Good luck. This is shaping up nicely.. Patty
  3. What You Deserve - Grunge/Punk Song

    Hi, jonlint, I wrote a comment this morning, and thought I posted it, but it's gone! So, I'll try to reconstruct it. I think this is a very good start, and I love the way V1 gets us right into the story. Yes, I would like to see a V2. Your phrasing is clever. I particularly like "side effect of a loser." It tells me that she may have gotten her way (on something, doesn't matter what) but he lost respect for her, and for that, she's the loser. Interesting. Not your run-of-the-mill lyric. In the Pre-Chorus, I think you could do something better than My way or the highway in L3 and L4. I prefer Version 2 of the chorus because the phrasing is more interesting. To me, "Seems like you touched a nerve" is more electric than "You really got a nerve." In both choruses, you have a nice change of rhyme scheme (either ABBABB of AAAA) to contrast with the Verse (ABAB.) It would be better if Chorus 2 was 6 lines for further contrast with the verse. Maybe you could add a new L3 and L4 so your rhyme scheme there would be AABBAA, just for interest, and to save you from having to come up with 6 "A" lines. Patty
  4. Slow Down (Sever the ties)

    RZ, You'll be pleased to hear that I got exactly what you were saying in your first two lines. I agree with BarneyBoy that "Looks" may be the wrong word. Maybe "Feels?" I'll comment below on the rest:
  5. Take Me

    Hi, Kirk, I like the idea of this one. His total surrender to the "You." Just a few suggestions: You have three "up's" in these first two verses. One is probably enough. (I like the last two lines of V2.) Also, I'm not sure the first verse is quite right. You've made it pretty clear that he no longer has those other plans. I'm thinking that a change in the verb tense might express it better: I HAD other plans Other places to be (or whatever fits with your music) Either they are sitting really close (possible), or maybe this needs a slight rewrite. The Wizard of Oz references: Kansas, Over the Rainbow, yellow bricks are of one piece. The dive bar hoppin', inside for a show, etc., are relatable and also good examples. I'm just not sure if they all go together or if it doesn't matter. Did you pick the middle of Kansas because it sounded remote to you and then support that with a sampling of WofO references? Should they all be one or the other? I don't know. Patty
  6. Hold On Honey ~ Revised 1/20

    JoeyM, Very nice. I like the 3rd person angle. Your lyrics convey the imagery and the feeling very well. I'd suggest: and I agree with changing "moist flesh" to something more romantic. Nice job, thank you for the read! Patty
  7. Racist

    Hi, spanishbuddha ive tried several times to understand what you’re trying to say, but I’m totally confused! Sorry, I can’t tell what is a direct statement and what is sarcasm (if anything.). Please try again. I’m sure you have something important to communicate. Patty
  8. Summer Storms

    Hi, Jim, Good use use of imagery. I agree with the others that it needs some structure and discipline. I wouldn’t use ROLLS twice in V1. This is a good first draft. Now “all” you have to do - haha- is go through the exercise of tightening it up, and I think you’ll have it! Patty
  9. Amerigo, I like "walkin' money," too. I posted a version of that up above. Let me know which you prefer. Thanks Patty
  10. She Lied

    Kuya, I like all the She lied, lied, lieds. Great rhythm. I'm with Jim on the SUV line. It sounds like a bumper sticker to me. You could try something like: She told me all her loving She was saving up for me But then I caught her cheating And that did it for me (Goes with I'm no bumpkin.) I'm not sure I understand this verse. Are you saying that no matter what she says, it's a lie? Since this is your last verse, it might work to say something like She lies so much she doesn't Even realize she's lying She thinks she's got me fooled But I'm no longer buying/But I'm not buying Anyway, it's a fun lyric and it will just get better. Patty
  11. Love In Peace

    Amerigo, The message I drew from your first lyric was Live and Let Live, which is great. With the suggestions of others here, and your own personal POV, I think you're making this even better. In V1 and V2, you talk about a person's color, sexual orientation, gender identity and your acceptance of who they are or want to be. In V3, you take that somewhere else, and I wonder if you really mean you would embrace/respect/condone someone who believed in something hateful or dangerous or threatening to others. Maybe so, maybe not. But depending on what you mean, you may want to take another look at V3. Patty Patty
  12. Love In Peace

    Amerigo, Well, first off, I love the message, so I’d like to see this lyric succeed. I’m not skilled enough to tell you what I think needs to change about it, but it feels more like a Letter to the Editor than a lyric. The exception is the Chorus, which sounds about right to me. Maybe some others will have some more helpful suggestions. Patty
  13. Heaven or Hell

    Hi, Z, I like this. My only comment is that it feels like two different people wrote it. V1 is much more formal, like an essay for an English class, while the rest of it feels very conversational. I think your V2 is particularly good. It you could get that same feel into V1, I think it would be an even better lyric. Patty
  14. Thanks, Mike. I dont like preachy, either, so I will take another look. I have tried first person in this before, and it just didn’t have the same feel. But I hear what you’re saying and will take a fresh look at it. Will post a revision soon Patty
  15. She's Got It All

    Jim, I think you improved the lyric when you adjusted the rhyme scheme. I'm not sure the short verse adds much, but maybe it does. Like I said, Not sure. I know what you mean in this explanation, but I think it's too subtle for the lyric. And I'd say if you think your lyrics aren't going to matter when sung, you probably need to revise your lyrics! Patty I like this line. Patty