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Peko last won the day on October 14

Peko had the most liked content!

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About Peko

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    A Muse's Muse

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    Golf, cooking, creating stuff, reading and more reading, Sunday crosswords, spreadsheets!, observing behavior, good and bad, Revising!

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Carly Simon, Streisand, Dan Fogelberg, Rod Stewart, England Dan and John Ford Coley, Jim Croce, The Beatles, especially John Lennon's lyrics, Gordon Lightfoot, John Denver. I also like the Big Band era, and a lot of music from the 70’s. Some might say “old;” I prefer “classic.”

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  1. Peko


    Hi, chance, sumonicky suggested I take a look at your lyrics and see if I have any suggestions that might help. I'll sure try. The first thing I notice is the structure you've chosen: VVCVVCVBVCVC. That's a lot of parts! 7 Verses, 4 choruses and a Bridge! All in a somewhat non-traditional order. So first of all, I'd suggest trimming this down a bit, just to make it easier on yourself. There are no hard-and-fast rules, but when you're writing without music, as you say you are, you need to create your own structure, so try one of these standard ones, just to simplify your project and make it easier for a musician to see what you have in mind. You might consider one of two options, just for simplicity. A lot of other structures work, but this might be a good way to start trimming: VCVCBC B=Bridge, (or what you've called Middle 8--Every time I type an "8" there, it turns into an emoji! or VVCVVCBC or leave out the Bridge entirely, if your story doesn't need one. So, figure out what you want to say, and then put the right message in each part. For this exercise, plan to make the rhyme schemes in your verses all the same, and choose a different rhyme scheme for the Chorus and for the Bridge. Educate yourself on "stable" and "unstable" rhyme schemes (Hello, Google!) and make sure the rhyme schemes you choose are appropriate for the message you're delivering. Maybe even vary the number of lines from verse to Chorus. Make sure the first line of your Bridge follows naturally from the last line in the verse preceding it. And make sure the last line of your Bridge leads right into the first line of the Chorus that follows it. It IS a bridge, after all, so it needs to link two different places without any gaps to fall through. As for your lyrics, review them for clarity. For example, do all the "you's" and "yours" refer to a person? Or the voices? Or both? Remember, the listener doesn't know your story, and doesn't have time to study it. You're writing a song lyric, not a poem, so you have to communicate your message quickly in a couple of minutes. Do your best to make that easy on the listener. You don't have to spell everything out if you don't want to, but you shouldn't purposely complicate it, either. That's a lot to think about, right there, so I'll leave you to it. I hope it helps you. Patty
  2. Well, that's REALLY nice to hear! The other song (the "sciencey "one) was a bit of a departure for me, lyric-wise, so I'm glad you "reacted" to it.😁 When I listened to Dominick's music, that's just the direction it took me. Thank you, Sumonicky! Patty
  3. Sumonicky, What a nice compliment on the lyrics! Thank you. I'm glad you particularly liked the opening lines. They were fun to write, and I like the way Dominick sings them. I'll take another look at the longer lines you mentioned. They didn't seem "too wordy" to me. I thought they were a good contrast to the rest, but maybe I'm wrong. Thanks for listening and giving us some feedback. Patty
  4. Peko

    All Of You

    Hi, Nicholas, Oh, my! Now THAT is a love song. So beautiful. I really like the lyrics, and the music is transporting. Wonderful. Patty
  5. Polly, I really like your lyrics. They are written the way I would like to write. Very relatable. Very clear, but not boring. I think you have a gift with words. Patty
  6. Peko

    September Song Contest

    Congratulations, ScenesFromPalacio for the Gold! (Don't you get tired of all these wins?) 😁 And congrats, too, to fabkebab, Oswlek and lyD. You are all tough competition! Patty
  7. Peko

    Home is You

    That makes sense. Thanks.
  8. Peko

    One night only

    Big Si, I like the story! Clever twist. Happy ending (maybe) and the maybe keeps it from being too syrupy. The rhythm in the lines is a little rocky. Things like this tripped me up: Same comment with RING and NOTHING later on. But I'm glad you pulled this one off the shelf and are working on it again. Patty
  9. Peko

    Home is You

    Hi, again, Justin, Well, I found some time to more fully consider your comments and I was hoping I'd have some worthy responses, but I think mostly I have are some questions. First of all, thank you for your comments. I value your opinion on these things. I'll start with the easy stuff. I like the the 2 choruses where they are, and looking in my file of iterations of this lyric, I see that up until I posted it, that section called Ch3 was labeled as Out. So, I don't if that changes your opinion about having 3 Choruses, but Ch3/Out is a different melody than Ch 1 and Ch2, and it looks like I just labeled it wrong. I do that sometimes! A couple of people mentioned L2 of Ch1: Ch1 It's a lifetime memory you hold inside One you will treasure or try to deny But your home gave rise to you, it's in everything you do Home is you You suggested this is a hint of negativity that feels out of place. I certainly know what you mean. For me, it was a way to reach out for a larger audience, a recognition that not everybody's memory of home is warm and glowing. I think we all know that some people grew up in totally dysfunctional homes, and they weren't pretty pictures. Yet my point is, whatever kind of home you had, it's part of you and you remember it forever. So, for that reason, I like the line. I didn't want to go all-Hallmark. As for the other line you mentioned: PC3: I wonder lately if I got it all wrong Maybe home is anywhere you feel you belong Maybe home is anywhere with you I think I could have written that better, or just differently. Yes, here I'm changing the meaning of the hook from Home is You (the dwelling and your memories of it) to Home is YOU (the loved one in your life that makes you feel at peace.) I like the idea of that change, even though it complicates the message. Maybe it would be better to take the easy way out and keep it simple. But I was trying (and apparently failing) to make it work. I'm wondering if I reworded it to something like: I wonder lately if I got PART of it wrong (or words to that effect that fit the music) if that would solve the issue? So, my question here would be, Keep it simple and generic, or try for something more nuanced that feels more real? I don't have the answers yet. But I would welcome more thoughts on this. Patty
  10. Peko

    I'm Fine

    Hi, Micky, Just one opinion to add to the mix. Good intro verses that I wanted to have lead up to an exciting chorus, especially with that tease of "I feel a shift now." But the chorus didn't deliver that zing, so that was a disappointment. But you REALLY get cracking in that second Bridge, "Cuz if you want this." That was sensational. The energy and the exuberance there are why I would listen again and again. For me, that's the meat of the appeal of this. I've only heard two of your songs, but in both of them, the way you handle the build is captivating. You're really good at that, and I guess that's why I'd like hear more of that. I thought the ending/out was a letdown. (Again, because what came before was so good.) I'd much prefer a more triumphant feel like that 2nd Bridge. Keep that going. That's where you are your best. Patty
  11. Peko

    Olives and Clementines

    Hi, SongWolfe, I think you did a lot of things right in this lyric. You certainly captured the change in lifestyle from the peaceful time with family, and the devastation of wartime. The hook is good. When I read it in the contest, I stumbled on a few places that seemed awkward to me: "young mothers giggling preciously" and "now barb wire and barricades lurk horribly" I think you could make those lines a lot smoother and more natural-sounding. The Bridge is very good, IMO. "Leaving only their names." Patty PS. Your lyric did better in the contest than mine did, so keep that in mind! 😎
  12. Peko

    Pushing The Envelope

    Deeptrope, This feels like more like a poem than a song lyric; i.e. words designed to be sung. It feels jampacked with words, which can be pretty inflexible for matching with a melody. I see that you are rhyming 4-6 lines in a row, which suggests almost a rap feel. Is that what you have in mind? The structure looks like VCVCB, which is unconventional. It is more common to do something like VVCVCBC, or VCVCBC or even VVBV, which is more commonly labeled AABA. If you’re uncertain what I’m referring to, there are a lot of helpful articles on Song structure on Google. They helped me better understand how to build the parts of a song. Or just take some of your favorite songs and analyze how they are put together and just flat out COPY that structure. If they’re your favorite songs, you already intrinsically relate to them, so that should help. Patty
  13. Peko

    The world will never hear this song

    Joe, I’m not quite sure what you mean about the right way to do a revision. If you mean how to post your revision, that’s pretty easy. Open (Edit) your original post, and put your new version at the top, and keep the original below it so others can see how they differ. Further revisions will often be minor and you can just add them at the top of that same original post with your explanation. Or you can highlight your minor changes in color, using the paintbrush in the toolbox across the top of the post. is that what you meant? Patty
  14. Peko

    I Can't Keep You Satisfied

    Hi, Jim, I’m not getting much feeling of regret or unhappiness or devastation from this. You’re describing her leaving, but it feels pretty tame, emotionally. Perhaps do the SHOW, don’t TELL thing to bring us more into your mental state. Describe her empty chair, or the look on the kid’s faces or something to show us how he feels. It feels a little too vanilla right now. Patty
  15. Peko

    I Just Go Where It Takes Me

    Deeptrope, I think the Bridge is the best part of this, in terms of capturing the feeling of being immersed in creating a lyric. At least, I could certainly relate to it. So I really appreciated that section. The rest of it felt a bit wordy to me. Not sure how it would sing. If you already have music that fits, ignore this comment!😊 I’m no expert on lyric structure, but I think it’s unusual to put the Bridge up top like that. I think of it as something that comes near the end, to add a little something extra that hasn’t been covered yet. Patty