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SnarkyAnarky last won the day on May 16

SnarkyAnarky had the most liked content!

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17 Good

About SnarkyAnarky

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    Contributing Muse
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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Ryan Adams, Kathleen Edwards, BJ Barham, Brian Fallon, Springsteen, Jeff Buckley
  1. I've read this a few times in the past few days, very nicely written. appropriate, respectful... change nothing.
  2. lol a pretty progressive thought for modern mainstream country :-) the story is solid, I think – but you're right, it doesn't read super smooth... maybe using a bit more 'twangy' pronunciation (you might've intended that but it reads with proper pronunciation for the most part) 'I had'a lista'girls to makeI had'a plan in placeI’d wine an' dineThose gals so fineThey’d love my perfect face' 'You're a wild one that I can’t resistI’ve done forgotten about my list' etc, etc... But that's just me – when I write, I do that and it tends to help when I'm trying to get it to flow.
  3. Pretty solid first draft - I don't really have anything to add that hasn't been pointed out all ready, but i think you're on the right track.
  4. I dig it, very sweet. The first verse i had to read a few times, seems like it didn't flow the way the second one did. I guess it seemed more specific in a way the second one didn't but I got the feeling that those details were something pretty specific that you definitely wanted in there. But i like details. Nice job, Paul
  5. LOL duly noted
  6. Hey Aneanani - thanks for taking the time to share some thoughts he's remembering their first/early date ('this bar's not as loud as I remember'), they met up a dive bar and she's wearing a black dress. It's just an expression: 'I can't take you anywhere...', he's saying she looked so good in the dress that everyone was looking at her. It's a dive bar, not a fancy club so there's no reason to dress that way (although EmilyEmily tells me otherwise... :-D ) except that she just wanted to. And now she's gone and he's there by his self = 'this bar's not as fun as I remember'... in this instance, he's saying the streets are full of memories of places they'd been instead of the literal sense of saying that the streets are empty. 'and I doubt you're even tryin', he's saying that she doesnt know he's going through this and probably doesn't even care (because they're no longer together). 'this city's no place for a soul like mine': I decided to use 'soul' here to keep with the theme of ghosts. 'Alone in the crowd': he's just saying that despite a lot of other people were around, they we're the only two people that mattered. 'too buzzed to run': it's just the middle of the night and they're being silly and having fun. 'let's not let this end you said': a bit cheesy, sure (although the first and last lines of this verse were the ones i liked haha). I wanted the last line to mimic the first, being something she says. Also I liked the claim that she didn't want it to end when that's exactly what it did. Hopefully that explained it some (i think i got everything) – again, i appreciate you taking a look and sharing your thoughts. Everyone's comments have given me some things to consider.
  7. really cute and sweet - what Ron99 mentioned about the last verse was the only thing that popped out to me as well. the name didn't bother me much, names get used all the time in songs - but i do see his point.
  8. i see what you mean, originally the second line ended just with 'prove' but then it changed and had to have 'it'... i think i justified it with reading it as one word ('provit'), but i still see what you mean. the 'Rome/Liar' was a combination of 'when in Rome, do as Romans do' and the 'legend' that Nero watched Rome burn while playing a lyre... 'Liar', 'lyre'... maybe trying to be too cute? The purpose of it was to show that the narrator isn't normally the type to go cruise bars for hook ups but that night he would play along and see where it got him. And i'd already mentioned fire in that group of lines so was keeping that theme.
  9. lol close, the girl in the chorus is a recent ex - toward the end it mentions getting over her... maybe i need to make that clearer in the earlier choruses?
  10. Hey Mike, the chorus has - over the course of writing the lyrics - become the part that i'm least happy with... not what it says but how it says it, i guess: as i've tweaked the verses, the chorus doesn't seem to flow as well I guess. Particularly the 'no time to hesitate' part... i like it less and less every time i read through it but thought maybe it was just me. As far as 'a different place' goes, i do see that it kind of shifts gears from the bar-hopping and hooking up to lamenting a lost love but I intended it more to illustrate why there's the bar hopping and recklessness going on.. but if it doesn't come across that way, that's something I may need to look at. Also, I'd take a look at any of the lines/rhymes that you thought were if-y... I tried to read through it the way I thought it might sound to try to keep things smooth but maybe I overlooked something.
  11. It's hard for me to say exactly without knowing the end of the lyrics but initially it sounds interesting. it's a bit vague and abstract in places but depending on what you're doing with it, that could be cool. 'I don't want to be your crosshair' <-- should that be 'I don't want to be IN your crosshairs'? ...or are you saying you don't want to be her weapon (or a useful part of a weapon) -- which IS a cool thought but maybe awkwardly worded I have other questions but the rest of the lyrics might answer them...
  12. I look forward to hearing it!
  13. I like the idea and the story but put me in the 'it's too long' party... which maybe is ironic coming from me lol one thought would be that it could end at verse6 and go out with the chorus, kind of ending on the punchline... but then you lose the resolution of getting your act together and such.
  14. coming back to this and reading through it again after thinking about it a little bit - i'm trying to be more useful in my critiques but i can't find anything to fault here, i just dig it... and i think a female voice could be killer on it
  15. initial thoughts: I like the feel of it, pretty haunting... every time i read through it, i dig it more and more.