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About Malice95

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    Contributing Muse

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Punk Pop
  1. A Summer Place--New Revision

    I do like some of the imagery you present. I cant get over not having any rhyme. i was honestly searching for it in my 2nd read through. I think is one of those very personal songs that require someone to hear the music before making suggestions.

    I thought it was pretty awesome. Solid concept, solid writing. Was catchy. Could definitely hear a pop song in my head as I read through it. I look forward to the music for this one. You thinking more rock/pop or edm/pop? Either way it would need a strong beat to drive it. Only suggestion would be to add a few Ohh's in there. Its couple people doing it. Gonna be a few sounds like that. No, oohh We can’t stop now No, no, oohh Don’t wanna stop now No, oooooohh
  3. The last of Us

    Still working on the music for this one but it should kinda have the feel of this song when done. Obviously not ripping anything off though. Still not 100% if the chorus repetition/background lyrics will stay as they are. There will be both, just need to get into the recording process before I can figure out what sound great. I look forward to your thoughts. Thanks! The last of Us <verse 1> I heard from a friend You've been sleeping around on me Is this really true? Is this fucking reality? <chorus> Cause this is the last time you're gonna step on my heart (step on my heart) I can't love you sometimes While you tear us apart (tear us apart) So tonight, will be the last, of us (the last of us) So tonight, will be the last, of us.. <verse 2> Been living in a fantasy When it comes to me and you I've tried to deny it But it’s turning out to be true <chorus> Cause this is the last time You're gonna step on my heart (step on my heart) I can't love you sometimes While you tear us apart (tear us apart) So tonight, will be the last, of us (the last of us) So tonight, will be the last, of us.. (the last of us) <verse 3> I know I'm too good for you And all my friends they agree It’s time to stop talking Stop talking about you and me <chorus> Cause this is the last time You're gonna step on my heart (step on my heart) I can't love you sometimes While you tear us apart (tear us apart) So tonight, will be the last, of us (the last of us) So tonight, will be the last, of us (the last of us) So tonight, will be the last, of us..
  4. My High School Regret

    Yea I was trying to be cute with the "not ya later". I see to recall getting that once from some smart ass girl trying it be funny. You're probably right to go with See ya.. its universal. Yea seems Jenny was a slut:)
  5. Your Barking Up the Right Tree

    I had a tough time following this one. I get the basic story of a Anonymous admirer but it seemed to have a lot of words that were unecessary and didnt add to that story. (v3) I heard you had a visitorA stranger using your local storeHe didn't stumble into youThe way he never did beforeThere's no escaping murphy's law I guess verse 3 is trying to say he stumbled into her at a local store on purpose. It seems to take the long way to get there though. What does murphy's law have to do with this? If you're pretty good at writing funny Lyrics.. Why not try "You're barking up the Wrong tree" then each verse could be about why the anonymous letter or flowers isnt the person she thinks its from.. endless possibilities for fun there.
  6. My High School Regret

    (Roughly 160-170 BPM) My High School Regret Way back in school, I was really uncool The girls just didn't notice me I was hanging with the skaters when the girls said not ya later as they giggled on past me Jenny was the girl, with the cute hair twirl She was the crush for me Jenny hung with the band, lived in jock land and was way Way, outta my league I never brushed back that hair I never kissed her on a dare Never took her to the county fair The girl i never met was my high school regret Now its not like I didn't try. She was always dating some other guy I took a number, but never heard next One day I bumped her in the hall Laser lights and smoke began to fall "i wanna feel your body!" is what i heard her say but really I just got "oh hey" I never took her to prom We never picked out our song We never hung out till dawn The girl i never met was my high school regret fast forward to today we've gone our separate ways I really hope shes doin fine if i could go back in time id skip that line and ask Jenny out maybe she'd say yes, maybe no but at least I woulda met my high school regret I never brushed back that hair Never kissed her on a dare Never made love to our song Jenny was my high school regret
  7. I Heart my Psycho Girlfriend

    Thanks Paul I'm glad you like it. Of course thank you to everyone else who provided feedback as well. I'll stick with "Heart" and I'll just make sure it comes across clear in the vocal.. and of course the youtube video when its done.
  8. I Heart my Psycho Girlfriend

    Hmm yea thats a good point. I was trying to avoid the word Love since its the Cliche of all Cliche words, but I might have to go with it for this song. "Hurt" would not be good. I guess using the word "Love" could be more like an affirmation.. Like you're telling yourself to love her but you really don't in your heart.
  9. "The Lady"

    To go along with a Musical Key's suggestions, take a look at some of the songs by bob dylan.. Instead of having a well defined chorus structure you could go with what Dylan does in several of his story songs by repeating the same line at the end of each verse. I see you doing that somewhat with "If that was the lord´s will, then it shall be And I will let it be" but I would make it more consistent use throughout the piece. For instance in the beginning we go 14 lines before we hear that.
  10. I'm Just A Poor Boy

    Wow I thought this was pretty dam good. I was expecting some banjo and fiddle reading the lyrics so the music was surprising but it worked. I like the rhythmic feel of the lyrics when you sung them. Especially this bit "The wrong road to know. The right way to go". Great job IMHO
  11. Roughly 160-170 BPM (Red will be a female backup singer lines) She was the girl that lived down the block Bright purple hair that made me wanna gawk She had this sexy move you wouldn't believe Never understood why she latched onto me It started off great that summer of O nine Hanging out and partying in the sunshine As school neared, She started to unwind Suddenly she straight up, lost her mind. All of the crap I go through, to be with her All of the jokes my bros make about her All the times she says that I embarrassed her I heart my psycho girlfriend. ( who u singing too? ) First day back at school was really fun She wrote on my locker that I was the one Stalked me in the hallway like a undercover cop Tried to make a call but she eavesdropped Met up after school and she apologized She joked about being worried n suicide Did I mention that sexy thing, she does for me It blows my mind ever time you see All of the crap I go through, to be with her All of my friends that were threatened by her All the times that I avoided her I heart my psycho girlfriend. ( Are you singing to another girl? ) Woke up the next day, she was staring at me Said while I was sleeping I was being naughty She Screamed "Sexy Cheetah" as she chased me with her car I ran so fast I coulda been a track star Again she apologized and made it all right She took care of my needs that very same night I'm not sure where this is going so I'm hiding all the knives Is getting some really worth the risk to my life? All of the crap I go through, to be with her All of the girls that were threatened by her All of the times I was stalked by her I heart my psycho girlfriend. ( That girl sounds crazy, thank god you're with me )
  12. I Wanna Grow old with You

    I like this suggestion a lot. I'll definitely switch it around. Thank you everyone who has reviewed this lyric along the way. Being my first lyric it had a lot of room for improvement since its first posting several months back and you guys were a big part of that. I took a lot of your suggestions to get it where it is at. I get the concerns (and agree) that the verses could either focus in on more detail for that particular moment in time, or that the arc of the song should change from past present, future to perhaps past/present or something a big smaller in scope to allow for more detail. All great ideas which I have heard. For this song, I am going to stick with the story as is. I am running out of time to get this song put to music and produced for my anniversary. Maybe some day down the road I'll rewrite and incorporate the big ideas you guys have put forth. Thanks All for the effort. I appreciate it:) Mike
  13. Outer Space Girl

    I'll definitely consider another chord progression.. something a little less standard. I actually like hearts as well.. I don't know if someone listening will actually pickup on it but that was the intent.. since she's an alien. Thanks for the feedback:)
  14. I Wanna Grow old with You

    Thanks for the advice guys:) I will definitely consider cutting that PC in half.. you're right it will have more impact. I might omit it before the last chorus as well and just keep the high energy in the music in the 2nd chorus going and blow through the third verse into the final chorus.. Maybe the PC will become backing singer lines in that final chorus. We'll see where the music takes me.
  15. Don't Let Me Down

    I liked the song a lot and the video effect was cool at first.. but after about 30 seconds I was kinda left wondering if it was ever gonna change.. and it didn't. This effect mixed with front lite shots of the band members could do well... maybe some audience shots? The colors at the end were nice but reminded me of an apple commercial for some reason.