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Malice95

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About Malice95

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    Muse In Training
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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both
  • Musical Influences?
    Punk Pop
  1. I like this suggestion a lot. I'll definitely switch it around. Thank you everyone who has reviewed this lyric along the way. Being my first lyric it had a lot of room for improvement since its first posting several months back and you guys were a big part of that. I took a lot of your suggestions to get it where it is at. I get the concerns (and agree) that the verses could either focus in on more detail for that particular moment in time, or that the arc of the song should change from past present, future to perhaps past/present or something a big smaller in scope to allow for more detail. All great ideas which I have heard. For this song, I am going to stick with the story as is. I am running out of time to get this song put to music and produced for my anniversary. Maybe some day down the road I'll rewrite and incorporate the big ideas you guys have put forth. Thanks All for the effort. I appreciate it:) Mike
  2. I'll definitely consider another chord progression.. something a little less standard. I actually like hearts as well.. I don't know if someone listening will actually pickup on it but that was the intent.. since she's an alien. Thanks for the feedback:)
  3. Thanks for the advice guys:) I will definitely consider cutting that PC in half.. you're right it will have more impact. I might omit it before the last chorus as well and just keep the high energy in the music in the 2nd chorus going and blow through the third verse into the final chorus.. Maybe the PC will become backing singer lines in that final chorus. We'll see where the music takes me.
  4. I liked the song a lot and the video effect was cool at first.. but after about 30 seconds I was kinda left wondering if it was ever gonna change.. and it didn't. This effect mixed with front lite shots of the band members could do well... maybe some audience shots? The colors at the end were nice but reminded me of an apple commercial for some reason.
  5. I thought the imagery in the video was awesome.. excellent video work. As much as I liked watching the girls I would have loved to see more of the band. Use the girls in 20%... band 80% then I think you'll have the right mix.
  6. This line stood out to me as an issue "And love one another, like that told song" I like'd the 2nd verse up to like that told song. What song? I like the chorus but I kinda wish the mountain concept was introduced in verse 1. We know she's a good person from V1 and V2. Is the chorus didnt make sense until verse 3.
  7. I relate to the going home and things have changed message. Its seems like you have two songs here to me. One about coming home and another about a love that never happened. If it was me I would cut the lost love portion from the song. Maybe mentioned the home of a girl I used to know down the road got replaced by a parking spot, but I wouldn't dig in further to the lost love part. Others have covered the couple grammatical issues. Over all I think its got a lot of potential and I'd love to see the next version.
  8. Been written and rewritten many times but its finally starting to become what I originally visioned. Let me know what you guys think.. nothing is scared. I Wanna Grow Old with You - 120 BPM - Pop Punk <Verse 1> Way back in Ninety three College was pretty carefree Getting smashed and flunking class Every day was like the last Surrounded by phoney friends Each night was lonely back then Suddenly a fantasy came true Spotted this girl out of the blue <Pre-chorus> Shared a glance across the room Dancing to a Madonna tune Sweet smell of your perfume Hearts are beating, passion blooms <Chorus> I wanna grow old with you nothing else I'd rather do I get that funny feeling De Ja Vu Of the first time that I met you <Verse 2> Since we shared that glance Impressed you with my break dance Loneliness has left my life Now I sing this song for my wife We're married now for 20 years Had a lotta fun and a couple beers My dreams have all come true I'm growing old with you <Pre-chorus> Shared a glance across the room Dancing to a Madonna tune The sweet smell of your perfume Hearts are beating, passion blooms <Chorus> I wanna grow old with you Nothing else I'd rather do I get that funny feeling De Ja Vu Of the first time that I met you <Lead Guitar solo> <Verse 3> I'm running out of time The years have all gone by My dreams are at an end I had a life-long friend If I got a 2nd chance I’ll do it all again <Pre-chorus> Shared a glance across the room Dancing to a Madonna tune The sweet smell of your perfume Hearts are beating, passion blooms <Chorus> I wanna grow old with you Nothing else I'd rather do I get that funny feeling De Ja Vu Of the first time that I met you
  9. Catina bar is from Star Wars:) Thanks for the suggestions Ron! I love those tweaks. Adds a bit more color to it. Awesome!
  10. Thanks for the feedback John. I will definitely check out those songs. I have a concern about the length as well. I either need to trim it a bit or find a way to have the music pull people along through the song by creating enough tension/release. Or both ideally I suppose.
  11. I like it.. I relate to it. I recall times like this growing up in Pennsylvania. Loved the Verses. thought they were really well done. Each provided a nice little mental image of the moment to me. I felt the chorus could be tightened up/trimmed. It seems to be presenting another unique mental image vs a larger picture/theme that you would typically see presented in a chorus. Maybe.. That ancient river where the children played was such a beauty to behold We cant wait to get back to her but climb back on the bank dripping cold Just spit-balling.. my suggestion is just take the chorus up 500 ft somehow.
  12. Still working on putting it to music but I'd love to get some feedback on the lyrics. Thanks! Outer Space Girl - Acoustic/Indie/Rock <Verse 1 - 145 BPM> <Acoustic Guitar and singer only> G D Am C G D Camping in the forest, a star filled night Am C Playing my guitar, saw a blinding light G D A beam hit me, and pulled me up Am C I wish I knew, what the hell was up G D As the light faded, and you appeared Am C A Outer Space Girl, came into the clear <Bring in Drums, Electric lead, Keyboard and Bass> G D Your ship took off, for a space flight Am C Looking at you, was love at first sight G D We traveled the stars together Am C Light years passed, it seemed forever G D We kissed and fell in love in space Am C I was your first, from the human race <1st Pre-chorus> G D Your mom came by and tore us apart Am C She said an earth boy, couldn't have your hearts G D She dropped me off, on the planet below Am C Threw me out, like a common UFO <1st chorus> G D Outer space girl, you abducted my heart Am C Your mamma's trying, keep us apart G D What we have is true Am C I'm searching the galaxy, looking for you <Verse 2> G D My heart was pumping, at the speed of light Am C I had to find out, how to catch a flight G D Googled build a space ship, got zero results Am C Asked on face book, All I got was insults G D Tried the space program, Got rejected as a loon Am C Went to ask Spock, turns out he's marooned <bridge> egacd power chords - drop to 90 bpm - Space Oddity Style Countdown E5 G5 If was ever gonna find you 10 A5 C5 - D5 I had to do something bold 9 E5 G5 hired my friend Scotty 8 A5 C5 - D5 It cost my entire bankroll 7 E5 G5 We drove the east coast corridor 6 A5 C5 - D5 All night down to Florida 5 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. <big ride cymbal build during this line> we jacked the space shuttle yo!! <Big Guitar solo while the next 4 lines are Belted out over it with backup singers - 160 BPM> E5 G5 Scotty give it all its got! A5 C5 - D5 I gotta find my sexy space girl! E5 G5 Scotty give it all its got! A5 C5 - D5 I gotta find my sexy space girl! <2nd chorus> G D Outer space girl, you abducted my heart! Am C Your mamma's trying, keep us apart! G D What we have is true Am C I'm searching the galaxy, looking for you! <third verse - back to 145 BPM - Bring down the energy starting at "light years have... "> G D I searched Venus, Jupiter and Mars Am C Even hung out, in the Cantina bar G D Searched the Galaxy, far and wide Am C Went to Neptune, I almost fried G D Light years have, passed on by Am C Scotty has all, but died G D Now I sit here, out of fuel Am C on a distant star, like a fool <drums and bass drop here.. just acoustic, singer and pad> G D Playing my guitar, in this bar Am C thinking I mighta, gone too far G D Maybe this song, will find you Am C Still searching the galaxy, looking for you Let G ring out...
  13. Awesome job! flowed well. Really loved this bit as others mentioned "I’m elemental A force of nature An environmental Perpetrator" I'd love to hear what you have in you head for the music.. I think its got a lot of potential.
  14. Wow I really dug this.. as the others mentioned I could definitely hear someone like lynyrd skynyrd or ZZtop playing this. They only thing I would suggest would be the simplify the chorus a bit. Don't get me wrong I love both sections of it but I think you could cut the 2nd half and not lose anything in the song.. cutting would also really punch up the impact of the first half. When my time is short on that long night the Sin Eater better come with an appetite – but even then, I don’t know that six pence is gonna save my soul So when I hit the end of my line just pass the bread, pass the wine.. Little hope to save me from a burning hell when I never could save me from myself
  15. so I did a rewrite. I think it follows song writing standards a bit better and has a more solid message. Let me know you thoughts please. One part still bugs me a bit and I definitely open to suggestions... the song is about the guy, but verse 3 which is about the guy dying could be interpreted that its actually the girl dying. Not sure I want to keep it ambiguous. Yes there are lots of "you" rhymes.. but it is being sung to my wife so I am comfortable with it but I'm open to suggestions for improvement. I Wanna Grow Old with You Open with Chorus music no words Verse 1 - Palm Muted When I was young I didn't have a clue life was just a mess I almost came unglued Prechorus/climb - Palm Muted to Wide open lookin round I finally found the girl of my dreams hey it’s you yea it’s you you know it’s you Chorus - Wide open I I I I wanna grow old with you nothing else I'd rather do I I I I wanna grow old with you nothing else I'd rather do Verse 2 - Palm muted since you came around my life now has meaning I'm no longer buzzing round I must be dreaming Prechorus/climb - Palm Muted to Wide open lookin round I finally found the girl of my dreams hey it’s you yea it’s you you know it’s you Chorus - Wide open I I I I wanna grow old with you nothing else I'd rather do I I I I wanna grow old with you nothing else I'd rather do Bridge - Palm Muted 20 years later my dream has come true We have 2 kids and I'm growing old with you Instrumental break - to represent the passage of time Verse 3 - Palm muted I'm running out of time the years are flowing by my dreams at an end I had a life-long friend Pause for 3-4 beats to draw in the listener and get Big impact/vol differential on final chorus Chorus - Wide Open I I I I wanna grow old with you nothing else I'd rather do I I I I wanna grow old with you nothing else I'd rather do Pause for 3-4 beats to draw in the listener Fade out - Palm muted and slower tempo - Maybe even drop out rest of band and just have guitar/singer ever since I met you I fell in love with you