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Malice95

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Malice95 last won the day on February 18

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About Malice95

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    Punk Pop

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  1. Malice95

    Walkin' Money--Final, I think!

    LOVE it I really though it was great and could definitly hear this being sung by a country female singer. My only comments revolve the structure.. which I guess you'll develop more when recording. You note VVCVIVICBIC.. Thats a lotta instrumental. Are you talking about 4 bars each or is this a full 16 bars per instrumental? My concern is you will lose the listener. Only lyrical comment is this line. "Find a new man in a shiny new place" To me it seems like a woman with this kinda moxy wouldnt think about finding a new man. More like a stand on her own two feet kinda attitude.
  2. Malice95

    Doldrum

    I liked it, but I'm not sure why, I think the language choices were very interesting and descriptive yet made it difficult to comprehend the meaning at some points. Coming from the world of a simple song is best because it will resonate with the most people, this song is a pop songs polar opposite. If you are writing for an extremely specific audience or this is a catharsis then you achieved that. If you want to communicate your message to a larger audience then I think taking a more straight forward approach while sprinkling in some of the imagery you gave us makes sense.
  3. Malice95

    be on your way

    I like it, you dont see to many songs being written in this structure. Last one I heard/noticed was Miley Cyrus - See you again. Yea what you label is typically a bridge in this structure. Often it is repeated later in the song as well. So it sorta functions like a chorus.
  4. Malice95

    Just not over you

    Starts out with a piano and the singer for first 3 lines, then bring in full band, till the bridge when we drop back down to just piano and singer.. then everything back in till end. Thinking a Major sounding Pop punk power chords meets Summer of 69 Brian Adams kinda feel. Probably add an acoustic to give that vibe. Kinda what I am going after - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=elTPMgkvWU4 - maybe around 150 BPM <verse 1> That summer was, the best of my life I wonder what my world would be like If you never moved away. Every sexy curve of you, is burned in my mind Every day with you, a memory of mine I'm longing for those warm summer days <chorus> If I could put my heartbeat in reverse Id go back in time an live another verse I'd trade all all my tomorrows Just to have one more day Cause I'm just not over you just not over you Cause I'm just not over you <Verse 2> Your parents dragged you away Said I was leading you astray We were never given a half a chance Remember down at the amusement park We rode the cyclone in the dark It spun your heart into mine Up on the Ferris wheel I rocked the car and made you squeal We were living on borrowed time <chorus> If I could put my heartbeat in reverse Id go back in time an live another verse I'd trade all all my tomorrows Just to have one more day Cause I'm just not over you just not over you Cause I'm just not over you <bridge> All the things I didn't get say before you went away You forgot that bear I won for you <chorus> If I could put my heartbeat in reverse Id go back in time an live another verse I'd trade all my tomorrows Just to have one more day Cause I'm just not over you just not over you Cause I'm just not over you
  5. Malice95

    Afraid of life

    Okay I get where you're coming from. I don't like the repeating word either. Tweaked <verse 2> Back in the day, as a scared young kid How I was sad, at what classmates did To that child, everyone picked on Way back then, I wish I were gone <-- this is a depression/suicide reference.. its the consequence of the previous 2 lines. Times moved on, those scars have healed Now I've left behind, that life of fear If strike out or miss my throw I no longer worry, just let it go
  6. Malice95

    Afraid of life

    Yea to be honest I hadnt thought of having the 2nd verse resolve the conflict.. but I like it a lot better this way. Beginning of 2nd verse we go back in history for a moment, then its resolved in the 2nd half.. which actually the point of the song.. to let things go... <verse 2> Back in the day, as a scared young kid How I was sad, at what classmates did To that child, everyone picked on Way back then, I wish I were gone Times gone on, those scars have healed Now I've left that life of fear If strike out or miss my throw I just stop worrying and let it go
  7. Malice95

    Afraid of life

    Thanks for the feedback Ty. I like some of these suggestions!
  8. Malice95

    Afraid of life

    One last update for those who commented (Thank You!) Made some additional changes based on how it sings. Fixed a couple lines I wasn't in love with. Still need to write the acoustic breakdown but I'll worry about that later. Now its demo recording time. (5th string for E5 and F5 unless otherwise noted) Opening Riff - C5 F5 E5 D5 F5 E5 x2 <verse 1 > C5 F5 E5 Sitting here alone in my room D5 F5 E5 Thinking about what I wanna do C5 F5 E5 All those dreams that I have had D5 F5 E5 All the starts and stops that went bad C5 F5 E5 Worrying about what others think D5 F5 E5 Kept me back from taking that leap C5 F5 E5 I've read this book many times before D5 F5 E5 It always ends with me wanting more <chorus> C5 G5 I'm getting older, and time is passing by A5 F5 Don't wanna waste, another minute my life C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Don't want to regret my time, when I'm dead (4 beat music drop - snare only) Being brave is what I'm gonna do Riff - C5 F5 E5 D5 F5 E5 x2 Being brave is what I'm gonna do <verse 2> C5 F5 E5 Back in the day, as a scared young kid D5 F5 E5 How I was sad, at what classmates did C5 F5 E5 To that child, everyone picked on D5 F5 E5 Way back then, I wish I were gone C5 F5 E5 As time goes on, those scars have healed D5 F5 E5 But now I'm left with a life of fear C5 F5 E5 What if I strike out or miss my throw D5 F5 E5 Gotta stop worrying and let it go <chorus> C5 G5 I'm getting older and, time is passing by A5 F5 Don't wanna waste, another minute my life C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Don't want to regret my time, when I'm dead C5 G5 No more caring, what others think A5 F5 Gonna step up, and take my swing C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Running towards my dreams, for me and you (4 beat music drop - snare only) Being brave is what I'm gonna do <Acoustic breakdown - Verse chord progression> <???? - Gotta figure out some lyrics> Riff - C5 F5 E5 D5 F5 E5 x1 <chorus> C5 G5 I'm getting older and, time is passing by A5 F5 Don't wanna waste, another minute my life C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Don't want to regret my time, when I'm dead C5 G5 No more caring, what others think A5 F5 Gonna step up, and take my swing C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Running towards my dreams, for me and you (4 beat music drop - snare only) Being brave is what I'm gonna do
  9. Malice95

    The Perfect Line

    Love the story and the word choices. I do agree the internal rhymes threw me off at first but once I read it out loud it cleared up. I hate to agree with the others but I gotta pile on an say a good chorus can really add to a song. If you're just just writing this for yourself.. do whatever makes you happy. If you are writing it for the masses, they will be thrown off by the lack of a chorus. Couple chorus ideas.. give us more detail on the girl. what does she look like, do you think her friends might step in, is she with that guy sitting next to her, What does your wingman say, etc.
  10. Malice95

    Crits needed please

    When I think of black and white.. I automatically assume we are talking about our younger years when everything is simpler or "Black and white". It seems like the meaning of black and white tends to shift through the song at least for me. I see you comment about simplier times.. so that jives. I like the overall song a lot. Its got really great bones. My biggest concern is the hook is overused.. used in verses, chorus, bridge. Kinda loses it pizzaz after I hear it 3 sections in a row. Love to see your rewrite.
  11. Malice95

    Afraid of life

    Thanks for all the suggestions guys! I came up with the rhythm tonight (below). I will definitely be incorporating some of your suggestions in the lyrics. I really appreciate the ideas. If you want a real song to compare against.. Check out All time Low - Break Your Little Heart 150 BPM Opening Riff - C5 F5 E5 D5 F5 E5 X2 <verse 1> C5 F5 E5 Sitting here alone in my room D5 F5 E5 Thinking about what I wanna do C5 F5 E5 All those dreams that I have had D5 F5 E5 All the starts and stops that went bad C5 F5 E5 Worrying about perfection and what others think D5 F5 E5 Kept me back from making that leap. C5 F5 E5 I've read this book many times before D5 F5 E5 It always ends with me wanting more <chorus> C5 G5 I'm getting older and time is passing by A5 F5 (5th string) I don't wanna waste a minute of my life C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Don't want to regret, my life when I'm dead <turn around> C5 G5 Being brave is what I'm gonna do A5 F5 (5th string) C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Being brave is what I'm gonna do <verse 2> C5 F5 E5 Back in the day as a scared young kid D5 F5 E5 How I was sad at what classmates did C5 F5 E5 To this child that everyone picked on D5 F5 E5 Way back then I wish I were gone C5 F5 E5 As time goes on those scars have healed D5 F5 E5 but now I'm left with a life of fear. C5 F5 E5 What if I fall flat or miss my throw D5 F5 E5 Gotta stop worrying and let it go <chorus> C5 G5 I'm getting older and time is passing by A5 F5 (5th string) I don't wanna waste a minute of my life C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Don't want to regret, my life when I'm dead C5 G5 Gonna let it all out and go for the brass ring A5 F5 (5th string) Gonna light things up and let it sing. C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Gonna start running, towards my dreams (4 beat music drop - snare only) Being brave is what I'm gonna do <Acoustic breakdown - Verse chord progression> <???? - Gotta figure out some lyrics> <chorus> C5 G5 I'm getting older and time is passing by A5 F5 (5th string) I don't wanna waste a minute of my life C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Don't want to regret, my life when I'm dead C5 G5 Gonna let it all out and go for the brass ring A5 F5 (5th string) Gonna light things up and let it sing. C5 G5 F5 (6th string) Gonna start running, towards my dreams (4 beat music drop - snare only) Being brave is what I'm gonna do
  12. Malice95

    Afraid of life

    <verse 1> Sitting here alone in my room Thinking about what I wanna do All those dreams that I have had All the starts and stops that went bad Worrying about perfection and what others think Kept me back from making that leap. I've read this book many times before It always ends with me wanting more <pre-chorus breakdown> I've been afraid to live my life <chorus> I'm getting older and time is passing by I don't wanna waste a minute of my life Don't want to regret, my life when I'm dead Being brave is what I'm gonna do Being brave is what I'm gonna do <verse 2> Back in the day as a scared young kid how I was sad at everything they did to that kid that everyone picked on way back then I felt like being gone As time goes on those scars have healed but now I'm left with a life of fear. What if I fall flat or miss my throw Gotta stop worrying and let it go <pre-chorus breakdown> I never want to feel that way again <chorus> I'm getting older and time is passing by I don't wanna waste a minute of my life Don't want to regret, my life when I'm dead Gonna let it all out and go for the brass ring Gonna light it up and let it sing. Gonna start running, towards my dreams Being brave is what I'm gonna do <breakdown> Stepping over those that don't believe in me I'm running, towards my dreams <probably need to add a pair of lines here> <chorus> I'm getting older and time is passing by I don't wanna waste a minute of my life Don't want to regret, my life when I'm dead Gonna let it all out and go for the brass ring Gonna light it up and let it sing. Gonna start running, towards my dreams Being brave is what I'm gonna do
  13. Malice95

    A Summer Place--New Revision

    I do like some of the imagery you present. I cant get over not having any rhyme. i was honestly searching for it in my 2nd read through. I think is one of those very personal songs that require someone to hear the music before making suggestions.
  14. Malice95

    CAN'T STOP NOW

    I thought it was pretty awesome. Solid concept, solid writing. Was catchy. Could definitely hear a pop song in my head as I read through it. I look forward to the music for this one. You thinking more rock/pop or edm/pop? Either way it would need a strong beat to drive it. Only suggestion would be to add a few Ohh's in there. Its couple people doing it. Gonna be a few sounds like that. No, oohh We can’t stop now No, no, oohh Don’t wanna stop now No, oooooohh
  15. Malice95

    The last of Us

    Still working on the music for this one but it should kinda have the feel of this song when done. Obviously not ripping anything off though. Still not 100% if the chorus repetition/background lyrics will stay as they are. There will be both, just need to get into the recording process before I can figure out what sound great. I look forward to your thoughts. Thanks! The last of Us <verse 1> I heard from a friend You've been sleeping around on me Is this really true? Is this fucking reality? <chorus> Cause this is the last time you're gonna step on my heart (step on my heart) I can't love you sometimes While you tear us apart (tear us apart) So tonight, will be the last, of us (the last of us) So tonight, will be the last, of us.. <verse 2> Been living in a fantasy When it comes to me and you I've tried to deny it But it’s turning out to be true <chorus> Cause this is the last time You're gonna step on my heart (step on my heart) I can't love you sometimes While you tear us apart (tear us apart) So tonight, will be the last, of us (the last of us) So tonight, will be the last, of us.. (the last of us) <verse 3> I know I'm too good for you And all my friends they agree It’s time to stop talking Stop talking about you and me <chorus> Cause this is the last time You're gonna step on my heart (step on my heart) I can't love you sometimes While you tear us apart (tear us apart) So tonight, will be the last, of us (the last of us) So tonight, will be the last, of us (the last of us) So tonight, will be the last, of us..
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