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Aneanani

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About Aneanani

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  1. @EmilyEmily Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, and for your insight! Speaking of sing-ability, the reason some of my lyrics feel difficult to sing is because some of them aren't. They are more shouted or screamed and therefore rely more on a rhythmical pattern of delivery, as opposed to specific notes. I also tend to write the music first, meaning I need to fit the lyrics into a somewhat solid foundation. And writing progressive rock or metal means that foundation can be somewhat oddly constructed. I don't write lyrics to be cryptical per se, but I do tend to refrain from using commonly used words if I can find alternatives that fit the narrative better. Granted, that can come across as being somewhat overly mystical or pretentious, so I thank you for calling me out on that. It can be tricky to balance originality and trying to hard, and I'm definitely guilty of at least attempting to do just that. Now then on to the lyric. I'm surprised you mentioned not wanting to take my advice in the verses, as I had no intention of providing any. The verses are more a ramble of a person feeling a general disconnect towards the world and what their expectations of life, while at the same time refusing to give in. It started out more anti-suicide than it is now, which is maybe why it's a little fragmented. But in essence, I'm telling myself not to except a situation (or anything) as a lost cause, unless I've tried every single solution, known or unknown, without success. And even then you would simply accept it, not fight it anymore. Now, that actually is a brilliant insight for me, so I'm fine with it coming across as such, even if it's supposed to be directed at myself. I think I'll change the chorus to be first person, as it does seem to throw people off. It was meant to directed at the person in the verses, telling them that they will figure it out, but it does come across as a broadcast to the listener instead which maybe doesn't work well with the current verses. As for the preface, I wrote that simply because people have wanted to know what my lyrics meant, and I'd rather have them guess and make up their own mind, but I'm fine with sharing my thoughts once I've heard yours. My apologies if you felt manipulated or used by that, that was not my intention. And finally, my goal as a songwriter has always been to write songs. That's it. Music for the sake of music, so to speak. And lyrically, I've usually written about myself and only lately found the need to step out of this introspection and write about other people and ideas as well. @PaulCanuck Yeah, the verses are somewhat oddly timed because the music behind it is oddly timed which is why the 4th line of verse doesn't match the 2nd line. Thanks for stopping by and commenting! @cupcake10 Thanks for taking the time to read and comment! Actually, the theme I had in mind was more general in terms of finding your way in life, but I can see how the chorus might make you think it's about creativity. @SongWolfe Thanks for commenting! Yeah, I'm leaning towards making the chorus in first person. My initial idea was to have the chorus be more of a reassurance towards the protagonist, who in the verses struggle with what life is meant to be. Hence why the chorus feels more upbeat I'd say. However, the problem is that that is difficult to get that across to someone reading it, as opposed to listening to it (where you could simply have a different voice sing the chorus parts). Maybe switching to first person will help that. Again, thanks for the feedback!
  2. Overall, I well constructed lyric with some interesting world-building. There were 3 lines that stood out to me when reading it. He'll wake me and i'll treat him right" <- Compared to the poetic nature of the other lines in the lyric this felt too blunt or derivative. Cried like little bow peep <- I had never heard of Little Bo Peep before I read this. Again, not a deal-breaker but perhaps a little on the esoteric side? Went back to bed to fall asleep <- This line feels redundant. Maybe the person could do something as they fall asleep. Alone in bed, as I fall asleep. Or, Dry my tears as I fall asleep. I hope that helps! Cheers!
  3. Hey Ron! So if I understand correctly, the lyric is about a man lamenting the fact that all the exciting happy times of his life have been in an intoxicated state, which is a problem because he can't remember them? But at the same time, he is also looking back with fondness on those nights of drunken excess, and wishes he was back there? I guess I'm a little confused, if the lyric is being nostalgic or tragic. If it's being nostalgic I can understand it, though that means the chorus seems out of place. If it's meant to be tragic, then lines like the entire first verse seem odd. As for the overall structure of the lyric, I flows very well so my only comments are around the meaning or feel of the lyric, as noted above. Actually, there is one part I don't particularly like when it comes to word choice and that is the brain leaking line. It sounded forced when I read it and to me paints a picture of forgetting as opposed to not remembering (i.e. the idea that there are no memories, as opposed to this person forgetting about fond memories). I hope that helps! Cheers!
  4. By production I was referring to the timing issues, and there are timing issues not just between the guitars but with the vocals as well. Most DAWs have some form of audio quantization that can help you fix minor mistakes in your takes. As for vocals, I'm not sure what you mean by tonality issues, I was referring to the pitch being off, but also the timbre of your voice. The spoken word likeness I mentioned has nothing to do with the melody, but is all about your delivery. If you can, take vocal lessons (even if it's just one or two), to get a feel for the technical aspects of singing and how to utilise them. Good luck!
  5. electronic

    I think it sounds good! To me, it's begging for a vocal on top (not sure if it's meant as a beat or as a standalone song). Also, I would add a second or so of silence to your bounces/mixdowns/whateveryourDAWcallsit to avoid the click that happens when you start the song (doesn't happen always but I always advocate putting some silence before and after a track, just in case). I hope that helps! Cheers!
  6. Nice! The only thing I'd say is that I feel like I want another note (melody-wise) coming out the chorus and back into the verse (0:48, 1:38) to better telegraph the return to the verse. Not sure why though Also, there some clipping in the recording (after 2:00). Good job!
  7. The songwriting and crafting is great, so I have no comments on that! I do have a few comments on the delivery and lyrics. First off, the vocals are a bit pitchy in some cases (like the background aaah-part at 1:47), so I'd work on tightening them up. The lyrics are good, though a few lines stuck out to me: They still see me as a ten years old boy. <- Skip the S on years in this line, and it's counter-part at the end of the song Was taken by the time that went by. <- Lyrically you have 2 by close to each other, which feels a little lazy. Also, this line is much shorter than the melodic equivalents in other verses, which is why you stay on the first by for 3 notes. Now, staying on a word like that is not a problem in its self, but I do find it works wonders when you make sure the word you're leaning on has an emotional impact or is relevant to the lyrical content. What I mean is, by is not an important word. Taken is an important word, as that signifies something and it is an important part of the lyric. So if you're going to lean on a word in this stanza (as opposed to adding more syllables to match the others), then I would stay on taken instead. I hope that helps!
  8. Overall, the production and delivery are fine. This is not my genre, so I struggle to feel anything but ok with the song, but don't take that as a critique of the song; it's just not my cup of tea. What I would say is that the idea of the song doesn't fit well with the production. There is no tension, anger, or power in the song that matches the idea of breaking down the doors. For me, the song could've just as easily been about relaxing and having a few beers, or whatever you're favorite beverage might be and I would've been none the wiser. I hope that helps! Cheers!
  9. Hey, Rainchaser! First off, I always listen to a song the way it is recorded, not the way the artist envisions it in their head. Therefore, it's impossible for me to comment on your idea for this song. Instead I will (and everyone else here) will comment on what I can hear. Now then on to the song; I would work on tightening up the production. Granted, you've stated this is a rough sketch so some inconsistencies are to be expected. However, I would argue that it is an easy enough fix with today's advanced tools, even after the fact (i.e. post-tracking). After that, I'd try to get a rhythm going or a beat that we as a listener can relate to, and helps glue the track together. There is an interesting rhythm going on but the timing issues break the flow for me. Final part, is the melody. It's an ok melody and I think it could work. However, your delivery of the melody does not work for me. It is simply too out of tune and has an almost spoken feel to it, for me to not get bored. Vocals are hard (believe me, I know) but keep working on it and you'll get it. I hope that helps! Cheers!
  10. To me, it's lacking a central beat or rhythm which would help feel less like it's about to fall apart at any minute. To be clear, what I mean by falling apart is that each instrument feels like it's doing it's own thing and the whole arrangement feels disjointed and chaotic. Now that might be what you're going for, in that case, cool! However, it's not my cup of tea. I'd work on tightening up the instruments in general (performance-wise) and maybe work on having a rhythm that stays more consistent throughout the song. I hope that helps! Cheers!
  11. As per usual, I'll gladly provide a run down of the thoughts (or meaning) behind the words, but I'd prefer you read it first without any of that. Comments and suggestions are very much appreciated! Thanks! VERSE If life’s a puzzle, I’ll stay in pieces forever Scouring alphabets and trying every single letter Forsake the precepts, I’ll see them surely overthrown Cracking the code of growth by seeking every manner disowned CHORUS Hey, you’ll find your way Pick up your brush and follow through Hey, you’ll find your way With every stroke a shift in view Hey, you’ll find your way again VERSE 2 If life’s a puzzle, I’ll stay in pieces forever Refuse to look at life as a trivial endeavour Dawn of an era, losing my callow delusions Inception of ideas, the fall of singular conclusions CHORUS The chorus repeats (same lyrics) along with an instrumental bridge, so I thought it unnecessary to write it out
  12. Overall a solid lyric with a clear and important message. It does remind me a little bit of Frank Zappa's "I am the slime" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-sREpqDiUo), which is not bad company to be in. If your focus here is on the Internet, there are few words that feel out of place, specifically Radio and "touch that dial". Especially "touch that dial" makes little sense in today's world, and even less sense in regards to the internet. As for the song, I won't comment here as this is the lyrics forum. I hope that helps! Cheers!
  13. Everyone loves a twist, but yeah this one was a little vague for me to get. I'd say the message is diluted because you seem to have more than a single message in here, along with a tragicomic twist. Maybe focus on either the "war is hell" message, or the loss of grandpa twist?
  14. Hey Callie! Here are my thoughts, having read it a few times: Overall, it's an ok lyric, but nothing too original as most of this has been said before, in similar ways. I'd try add in more details about specific things you miss about this person and why you miss them, in an effort to make it more original. I hope that helps! Cheers!
  15. Hey John! A few thoughts having listened to it a few times. - With the picking pattern of the acoustic guitar it becomes very noticeable (to me) when the guitar and drums are out of sync, so I'd work on tightening that up. Most noticeable at the beginning of the song (around 0:40-1.00) - In what I think is the chorus ("desperate times...") the rhythm guitar is too buried I'd say. You can afford to bring that forward - To that, the vocals are a bit too forward, or loud in the mix, so I think you can afford those bring that down - The actual vocal delivery is ok but it drones on way too much for my taste. This is especially noticeable in the chorus, where you have a lift and more energy in the arrangement but the vocalist still sounds like she's about to fall asleep. To be clear, that's fine if it's what you're going for, but I think there needs to be more energy in the chorus. Some belting (in the chorus) would elevate the song a lot, in my opinion. I hope that helps!