Welcome to Muse Songwriters Message Board

Register now to gain access to all of our features. 


This message will be removed once you have signed in.

Vara La Fey

  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

5 Neutral

1 Follower

About Vara La Fey

  • Rank
    Contributing Muse
  • Birthday

Recent Profile Visitors

173 profile views
  1. The Burke quote is a cliche in a lot of circumstances, but I've never heard it in a lyric. That's the only original thing about using it. I could find other ways to say it, but then I'd have to abandon or rewrite my little "....do nothing" bit that's all by itself after the "evil" repetitions. I've always imagined that bit being a quick little acapella break, whispered, exemplifying the idea of "nothing", and thus standing out in the middle of all the chaos before and after it. <METAL!! METAL!! METAL!!> do nothing <METAL!! METAL!! METAL!!>. I'll try to play with it on Rewrite Day, but it's one of my favorite things in the lyric. I assume you agree that "rats" is better than "roaches". I really don't know why I reverted it to "roaches" anyway. Momentary dingbattiness, I guess. And yes, you're completely right about the vocal mix. You and everyone else. LOL. I just have no confidence in my voice, and I have horrible volume control. So I figured I'd just hide it, basically. Well, bad move. Worse than the disease. I won't do that again!! Thanks. :-)
  2. Thx for checking it out, you guys. :-) Ron99 - That bridge has gotta be punchy. But "it ain't coming" doesn't leave me much room to reiterate that evil spreads when it's not opposed. What exactly isn't coming? I'd have to answer that. Hmmm. If it's less punchy because of the words in it, then would it be punchier if it was "Breeds like rats when no justice coming"? That was an earlier idea I had anyway, and I'm not sure why I changed it.
  3. EXPLICIT I plan to write a Static-X music vibe for this. And soon. So rip it up now. © 2016 Vara La Fey I AM KARMA What comes around goes around, so they say You reap what you sow somehow, some day Pretty words to avoid the problem Pretty words to avoid the problem Last time you pulled the shit you pulled today they got all about karma and you got away Didn'tcha!! They said you're someone else's problem They said you're someone else's problem And now you're mine Mine all mine Ooooh baby I, I, I I am karma And I, I, I I'm a bitch Yeah the past said you'd get your due somehow so you darken my door in the here and now All your life you're someone else's problem All your life you're someone else's problem But your free ride stops at me today and the future doesn't want you anyway Nuh uh!! You're not someone else's problem You're not someone else's problem Because you're mine Mine all mine Too much fun I, I, I I am karma And I, I, I I'm a bitch Evil Evil wins Evil wins when the good.... ....do nothing Evil wins when the good do nothing Breeds like roaches when no justice coming Evil wins when the good do nothing Breeds like roaches when no justice coming So.... I'll be karma And.... I'm a bitch I, I, I I am karma I, I, I I am karma and I, I, I I'm a bitch!! I'm a bitch / I am karma I'm a bitch / I am karma I'm a bitch / I am karma I'm a bitch / I am karma I'M A BITCH!!
  4. It's not just my username, it's my trans-girl name. :-) If I was younger, I'd use the stagename Vara Va Voom.
  5. Very well done. Very new-wave, to me anyway, and that's kinda neat. (This isn't the first time I've noticed that recently. Do I sense a general return to the 70s/80s skinny-tie haircut-band sounds?) Great melodies, nice harmonies, funny lyrics. Only thing I'd say is that the mix seems all high-mid, and got hard on the ears. I'm no EQ expert, but I think it could use some mid-hi cuts and some low boost. I've been lucky tonite because this and the other song I cliicked on to review were both quite good. So I'm logging out while I'm still ahead. :-)
  6. Clever, funny, good tight music. I'm not finding much to critique. Not sure what the market is for that style nowadays, but it musta been fun to write, and what else really matters anyway?
  7. I liked it as it seemed to be: mourning the loss of cherished childhood toys through carelessness, and feeling like you betrayed your imaginary heroes. I didn't get the grandpa twist either because it wasn't really there. Suggestion: grandpa isn't mute and disabled and unwelcome at the lunch table and unable to bang his cane on the chair to get attention, or any of the other things you'd have to explain away. The gas made him narcoleptic or gave him seizures. Then the last verse could unfold kinda like this: All the years that it has been All the heroes I can't replace Grandpa inhaled some gas again I still see his sleeping face Oh my men my army men I lost my men my army men
  8. Paul, that is seriously alt. Like really, really alt. But it's very well done, and I can't think of anything to critique. The title was unique and made me curious WTH was going on. Coffee Table Bridge? Electric Heater CLiff?? LOL. That's just clever writing there. Kudos, sir!!
  9. Yin & Yang certainly captures the kind of thing that a lot of t-girls and t-guys have gone through. It's a laundry list, tho I like the idea "I'm still here and this remains unchanged". (I tend to like out-of-ordinary themes or twists.) For a song lyric, maybe a variation of that could have been the chorus hook. There are actually a lot of things in it that could be expanded on. Someone also referenced trans with "Guido Kratschmer", right under your entry. A bit uneducated, but prolly was writing from Guido's perspective. Ist ein very clever tvist, ja, und it make me to laugh. 2015, huh. Looks like I came to this site a couple years too late!!
  10. I'll certainly check it out tonite or tomorrow. Got somewhere to be in a few min, so I'll bookmark it. I didn't mean that the bullying and such is a manufactured crisis, because sadly it isn't. But the whole "bathroom bill" thing directed at private business certainly is. There are so many issues t-people and others face.... I'm mixed about writing most of them because 1) others are writing basic equality songs, and the equality theme per se is everywhere for almost every group, 2) I think my strength (and part of my uniqueness) is that I advocate positives (or unintended consequences!!) rather than complain about negatives, and 3) trans-specific themes almost don't exist in song. Hardly anyone does that (so I appreciate you adding to the library), and that is my primary niche. It's fun having a playground almost all to myself. :-) And I actually kinda have 2 of them. I do libertarian-trans songs, and libertarian perspective isn't that common either.... so I'm prolly too far out there to be listened to. Oh well. That's part of why I try to mainstream my approach to these unusual perspectives. Not all my songs are libertarian or trans, of course, but I will never contradict either of them. The wordiness must die!! I can spin sentences and analogies and all this stuff I've learned to do over the decades of writing nothing BUT lyrics. Now the challenge I happily accept is to condense to the important parts, conforming first to melody and rhythm. There is a dancepop song with ONE line. There is another dancepop song with 3 lines, and 1 of them I can't discern. So to me it's a 2-line song, and it's still very poignant and has made me cry. Oh, if only I could write like THAT.
  11. Hi Johnny. You have a nice scenario here, in a somewhat exotic locale, and this girl and her memory mean a lot to you. What you had with her would be a special time in anyone's life. I suggest using more concrete memories and more of the foreign surroundings. Don't try to write it as a generic love song, because it isn't generic and it isn't a standard love song. Maybe study a few "May-December romance" type songs, because they're a bit different than the usual love-song or I-miss-you song. Write something that does justice to her and to your relationship. It sounds like both deserve it. Here's what I think helps the lyric, and what I think hurts it. If you want to convey something special, you have to write it in a special way. Hurts it: The title "Lovers Eyes" is very generic and cliche. (I picked this one to review because I think we shouldn't only review the ones with good titles.) If you meant "I can still see your eyes from around the world", then the title should indicate that. "Lovers' Eyes" doesn't indicate anything. Hurts: I doubt you have a melody for this. It needs more rhythm. Helps: the general wine and dine scene which starts at the open door. Love that. Hurts: "As you walked BY the door I held for you" is a totally great line about rejection. Which kinda doesn't fit. :-) I suggest something like "As you pranced through the door I held for you". Then it will help. Hurts: The chorus, and I'm glad you already know that it isn't working. Most of it is very generic and kinda cliche. I'd suggest a heavy rewrite of it, maybe even 100%. It was a May-December thing with a (presumed) local girl in a land foreign to you, and it seemed to be the kind of thing we all dream of. There is a hook in there somewhere. There has to be. Helps: Roaming the town together in V2. Hurts: "With no refrain by the hand" doesn't make sense. (Remember, your readers and listeners aren't mind-readers, or we'd already know your ATM password.) Helps: The foreign locale "Mainz", but maybe put it at the start or middle, so you aren't stuck trying to rhyme it. Helps: The idea of playful acts bringing you alive. Nice. Maybe "Laughing, playing, so alive". Or write what the act was in a way that makes it come alive, like it made you come alive at the time. "Show, Don't Tell" is age-old wisdom of writing pretty much anything. Helps: the reluctant parting scene. Potentially great. Hurts: "Piggyback rides" are playful acts, but come off childish in song. Hurts: "hoping we could be of the same mind" - it sounds like you WERE of the same mind, but not of the same life-goals or responsibilities, or whatever ultimately forced you apart. What DID force you apart? Maybe that's your hook. HURTS HURTS OUCH!! "The essense of love was in the air". Two tell-don't-show cliches in one line cannot possibly convey the special relationship and the special circumstances. Overall this lyric could be beautiful and poignant. Don't be afraid to get creative and specific when writing it. I think you can do it. :-)
  12. Thx for the reviews. aamhp1 - I'm confused, as the only verse without fairly clear rhythm and very clear rhyme is the last bridge verse, "....I'll be your john-john superstar". I didn't have any problem writing melodies for any of it, but nothing musically in the song is all that good, so it's on the rewrite list. Lyrics will be redone a bit too, of course. spanishbuddha - I don't really know how to make the bathroom bill thing into a serious topic, since it's a laughably un-serious manufactured "controversy" in the first place. (T-people have been using the bathrooms we identify with for generations, and we don't make trouble.) I'd rather mock the issue by advocating an unintended consequence that should already be happening. I can say a million things about that "controversy", but can't think of any others that look to be song-worthy. Guys, did those lyrics seem too damned wordy? They sure do to me, especially a year+ after I wrote them. But no one has commented on that on any of my postings anywhere. Maybe it's my imagination. Or maybe I'm just getting more economical now that I've written a pile of full songs...?
  13. I wish I knew what to tell ya. I've not been involved in my scene in years - just been woodshedding to work on my writing. If you have the cash, you can join the pay sites like Bandmix and Musicians In Your City, but from what I've seen from the free versions, you're better off on CL. Post an ad at Guitar Center et al, and most of all, follow Lazz's advice and get involved. Go to shows, join an originals band. Write songs and post 'em like I do. If dancepop is your thing, I'm looking to collab on one of those. Normally I'm HR/HM tho.
  14. Hi guys, and thx for the responses. :-) I'm in Phoenix AZ. 4.5 mil in the metro, and most of it's ok with trans. Not active with trans, tho, as they're still warming to the idea, and most people here of any age are in some kind of retirement. No one wants to do much. Mike B - There are tons of LGBT bars here, and I think some have open mic. I don't really know what the open mics are like these days, but I suppose most would be friendly enough. And I'm not very hater-friendly anyway, so it could work out. But I don't see a point in me and my (hopeful) singer doing open mic at straight events when searching for trans musicians. T-musicians are rare even among trans, trans rare among the LGBT, and they say that LGBT averages 1 in 10 of any population. Best open mics for prospecting would prolly be just ways to get the LGB to spread the word that there's a T project forming. Joan - Thanks for a detailed response. Yeah, I didn't realize you were asking about a place for the whole band. I have (and can get more) contacts to slot us on LGBT events as an unknown opener. I just see open mic as a way to go prospecting for members. There won't likely be any in the audience, but people know people, and the LGBT is very communicative among our members. Good to know there's a visible funding progress bar of sorts. Thx!! I guess it's time to browse those sites. I wanted some knowledgeable advice first, as I've never browsed one and know so little about it. (I'm on 8 different learning curves right now anyway. Ick.) I do hope to eventually mainstream this thing like you suggest The LGBT circuit would be the starter and the ultimate home, but a trans band will break mainstream before too long, and I wanna be the one, or at least spearhead the movement. Trans is the new black, and people are starting to be fascinated with us (more than they should). Right now I'm writing a lot of trans-perspective stuff ("Incoming", here in Song Crit, is my intended opener) because it's an almost untouched playground. It's fun to have a whole playground of song possibilities pretty much all to myself!! :-) And as a libertarian trans-girl, I actually have two of them. Thus I can focus more on one or the other as needed without selling out my old principles or my audience/s. You can see why I'm obsessed with this idea. I have this whole compound vision, hardly anyone is doing either half of it, the time is right for both, I'm honing my writing skills, I know I'm getting better, I get positive and very helpful feedback - and I can't find members or afford advertising that would reach them. I feel like an explosion in a hopelessly sealed container with all these other fuses being lit, any day now, just outside of it. Thx soooo much especially for your last paragraph. I didn't even know that was how it works.
  15. Hi Joan, and thanks for the thoughtful comments. Having heard my posted songs (and song critiques are welcomed), you've heard my "singing", and you understand that open mic nights won't work for me. But soon after I posted my crowd-fund question, I found a local trans-female singer through Craigslist who has huge potential, and I'm hoping like crazy that we can work together. We meet this Sat. Pretty much all my stuff is full-band hard rock, so if we did open mic, I/we would have to write material specifically for it. Which would be a good writing exercise and a good live-test of the material. For both of us, it would be good experience. I have a decade of stage time, but not out front. I was a drummer. (And sorta still am at heart.) Re crowdfunding, I literally need funding just to get enough product to go ask for funding. And even then - since I will never be a good singer - I would need the whole band together. And if I have the band together, I don't think we'll need crowd-funding. We'll be unique and have a built-in potential audience of LGBT, who are known for their loyalty to LGBT causes and operations. But still, I'll start dreaming up crowd-fund angles for me, as I am now, just in case. Is there a way to browse a crowdfund site and know which are the successful campaigns?