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=Bob=

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=Bob= last won the day on August 13

=Bob= had the most liked content!

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About =Bob=

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    Time Waster

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    Idaho
  1. A Little Braver

    Tough subject Paul. Bullying hits me right home. I was seriously bullied all my life. I had a live-in bully, my older brother. To this day, he still tries to bully me and we live 2,000 miles apart. Here's a couple of thoughts about your lyric: The opening line seems like a throwaway, doesn't make any difference to the song whether it's raining or sunny or anything. You told us he was a bully (unnecessary), I think you showed us that he was and that's all that is needed. But with the boss, don't tell us he's a thug, show us. Seems like taking 3 verses to get to the hook is a bit long. To me, it seems you could pull it together tighter and get to the hook sooner. Maybe the chorus has too many 'I's in it. Nice work Paul. Enjoyed the read! =Bob=
  2. That Moon’s a Woman

    That Moon’s a Woman Unpublished Work, Copyright © R. Dobbins A: I been breathin’ Heavy sighs Stars look down On empty lives Achin’ body Bracin’ for the ride B: Moon flies over the water Callin’ to the deep Cold hearts refuse to speak And I swear That moon’s a woman A: Life drops lower Night lives long Sky turns black And time has won Facin’ visions Sayin’ I’m dead wrong B: Moon falls into the water Feelin’ no more pain Old tears release their shame And I swear That moon’s a woman C: Someone carves the crescent The cure kills the man No one digs a grave ‘Cos no one gives a damn Tag: That moon’s a woman That moon’s a woman =Bob=
  3. Ill Begotten Booty

    Thanks Joey, I think I fixed the last line of V1 now. Thanks Zach! I agree, Aerosmith style would work, although maybe the words are too cute. I was thinking more like Cherry Poppin' Daddies =Bob=
  4. I'm Still Here

    Thanks, glad you liked it! =Bob=
  5. I'm Still Here

    Thank Zach, glad it's working for you. This one is put to music now. Managed to play a little piano this weekend. We'll see if I'm up to making a recording of it. Thanks everyone for the great feedback! =Bob=
  6. Dancing With My Demons

    Remember to always go with what you think rings true to you. We're on the outside looking in! =Bob=
  7. I'm Still Here

    Thanks Joe, very much appreciated! =Bob=
  8. Ill Begotten Booty

    Thanks for checking the lyric out! Yup, another girl. I thought about the ambiguity there. I couldn't figure out a way out of it though. But she would never put up any fight I'll put some more thought into it. Thanks! =Bob=
  9. Hello Piano

    Nice and tender Paul, sorry to hear such sadness has come into your life. I know the feeling very well. I'm going to poke at a couple of things, but as you know, it's always up to you. In V1: My mind's been through a lot today But my heart has been though hell The word "but" doesn't seem to be working as a comparison for the two thoughts. Maybe just use "and." In the chorus: That frolics in fond memories, and lives in joyful years The word "frolics" seems a bit out of place. I might consider being rather plain there, like "fills me with fond memories" or something like that. Hope all is OK... Nice read! =Bob=
  10. Dancing With My Demons

    I'm having trouble understanding how your new verse 2 can work with the same melody as new verse 1. Seems like there's just way too many syllables in verse 2. And I'm not usually someone who really cares about syllable counts. Maybe I'm just missing something. But here's my stab at trying to reduce it, I hope you don't mind: Verse 2: Lines drawn I was crossin' Amber kisses she was tossin' Those lips tellin’ lies I wanna hear Her bitter tongue was talkin' And I shoulda been walkin' So much for tryin’ to keep my mind clear (cuz) Keep or sweep. Of course, you can just ignore me, but I thought I'd throw something out. I like where you're going with it. Let me know if it bothers you for me to take a stab at things like this. I can refrain. I'm at work too... Keeps me from going completely crazy... =Bob=
  11. Comeback Kid - July contest entry

    I think the subject is a good one. What it might need is to bring us into the fight. I don't feel it from the lyrics. I'm not getting bruised and battered then coming out on the other side. It's a good idea and I enjoyed the read. =Bob=
  12. Maybe the next time

    Most of this doesn't ring true to me. From my own experiences, I've certainly been called to come help by my friends many times, middle of the night, at work, etc. Nothing ever stopped me from going to help a stranded friend. I've bailed them out, fixed their cars in the street, towed their cars home. Having friends from out of town just sounds like a silly reason to not help someone. So maybe your lyric is trying to say these two aren't actually friends? Maybe I'm not getting it. =Bob=
  13. I'm Still Here

    Thanks for the feedback, Jim! I think you're right, maybe I need something more personal than just "hateful words." I need to paint the picture, not tell so much. I'm still working on this one! =Bob=
  14. Let's see, If calculate the number of songs I've written... Then take those and calculate the number of songs I can remember... Then take those and calculate the number of songs I've actually recorded... Then take those and calculate the number of songs I think are any good... Then I get zero. =Bob=
  15. Collaborator

    Perhaps SPAM isn't the right word. Still, your posts seem to fit better in the Self Promotion & Advertisements section. My apologies for the SPAM word. I shall not respond further. =Bob=
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