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Ty Cobb

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Ty Cobb last won the day on March 21

Ty Cobb had the most liked content!

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About Ty Cobb

  • Rank
    Active Muse

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  • Gender
  • Location
    New York
  • Interests
    Music, Drinking, History, Poker

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist/Meager Composer
  • Musical Influences?
    Robert Hunter, Gillian Welch/Dave Rawlings, etc.Rock, Folk (Americana), Blues, Outlaw Country ...

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  1. Begin at the end

    Just my thoughts, feel free to ignore them if they don't fit your vision. IMO first two verse are strong and on point, clear 'endings' (V1 quits job, V2 ends marriage) but it gets a little muddy from there. The 'bend' in V3 suggest there isn't and 'ending' IMO, and i don't see the 'ending' in V4, maybe a rising up from the bottom, but I don't think it fits the theme. If this were mine, I would think about adding a bridge after the first two verses. Those verses focus on the 'endings', maybe a bridge that focuses on the 'beginnings', the new opportunities that arise from these endings? Then try to tighten up a third verse that has a clearer 'ending'? As always, just my opinion, feel free to use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  2. Drink To Forget

    Some great verse starters, you got a lot of good feedback here already, for what it’s worth, I’ll add my 2 cents in. Least I can do after all the valuable input you have given me. I’ll start with the verses: V1 Happy hour and I'm in a bad way sets the dichotomy, good starting point Got the news that you're leaving me today establishes the ‘story’ but IMO a little bland? Letting go is my only salvation IMO ‘letting go’ / ‘salvation’ sounds too healthy, therapeutic? IMO narrator is not there yet? Pain still to raw? Any means to lessen the pain previous line doesn’t jibe with this one? Maybe: Happy hour and I’m in a bad way Bottoms up nothing more to say just drinking, ending of line establishes finality of situation but leaves the ‘root cause’ a mystery until the chorus ???? Throwin’ em back is my only solution again, just drinking, no salvation here, just a temporary solution – leaving healing for another day? Any means to lessen the pain V2 Yesterday I lived for tomorrow great starting point She was all that I needed in my world V1 you/V2 she? loses rhyme of V1? Victimized I fight through depression Like others, I’m not in love with ‘victimized’, but it seems important to your cadence Every time someone mentions her name Maybe: Yesterday I lived for tomorrow Now I drink to erase all the sorrow Immunized I put off the depression Immunized by the booze? Keeps your cadence? Every time someone mentions her name Thoughts on 3rd Verse: instead of straight repeat of first, as Snabbu hinted at, expand on the opening line of V1, maybe: Last call and I’m in a worse way drank all night and no better off? Bookends your opener to V1? Get swept out like an orphaned stray kicked out all alone w/o her? Even the booze/bar has let him down? All alone I seek resolution Any means to lessen the pain And finally, to the chorus: So I drink to Drink to Drink to forget Drink to Drink to Drink to forget I drink to forget all the things that you once meant to me I can hear this in the Dave Grohl, angst ridden phrasings spot on. Minor suggs for the last line, since my tweaks took out some of the explanation for narrator’s woes: I drink to forget that my Juliet has left me Highlights that internal rhyme and suggests the depth of his internal pain? Forgive me if this doesn’t fit your cadence. Anyway, just my thoughts, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  3. My Own Master - Locked

    The balance and cadence of the rhymes in the first two verses are so perfect: that it seems a shame to lose it in the third: maybe: So I stretch My trembling limbs the wretch has sprouted wings This might necessitate a tweaking of the 3rd PC: Maybe: It won't be long 'til I'm up and flying For all to see with no denying My own master etc. I think this stays true to the original intent? and fits with the 'heights' perspective of the bridge? Anyway, just my thoughts, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  4. My Soul In The Breeze

    I like the rewrite !! Since you didn't mind my last comments, I'll hit you with a little more: I like the direction your going with this bridge, and IMO it removes the necessity of your original V3. IMO this plays with the image of the narrator falling to his ultimate demise. Minor tweaks, as always use/ignore/adapt as you see fit. P.S. It is usually preferable to post reworked lyrics in your first post over the original with a revision date or #, so a new viewer can see the latest version. (see Oswlek's latest post as example)
  5. My Soul In The Breeze

    Welcome aboard! I like this a bunch, please take these ideas as just my humble opinion. Really good lyric IMO, my subtle tweaks just intended to take the listener 'on the journey' from narrator's POV, from contemplating the leap to taking it? IMO it builds more tension and adds to the dramatic impact of the scene and resolution? Please ignore if this doesn't fit your vision. As always, just my opinion, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  6. Collaboration Contest Instructions and Discussion

    However things go from here, I am so thrilled i got involved in this contest, thanks Alistair & syl_a_med ! It has forced me out of my comfort zone and helped me approach my writing process from a different POV. So I am already considering myself a 'winner' for what I have gained by participating in this contest, however voting goes. Now my shticky ideas for footwear 'album' name: Heel to D'oh Foot Fetishes Bridge over Troubled Arches Billion Dollar Bunions Bunion Calling Dig Your Own Sole Rubber Sole or maybe Rub Her Sole ? and my personal favorite: After the Gold Bond Rush For those unfamiliar, Gold Bond is a pain relieving foot cream sold here in the sates.
  7. Click Click

    Thank you all for taking the time to respond, greatly appreciate it. Yes, this is based on the Texas church shooting of last Nov in which 26 people were killed, story told from POV of the man, Stephen Willeford, who shot the shooter. http://www.4029tv.com/article/man-who-shot-texas-church-gunman-shares-his-story/13437943 Verses are a pretty straight forward telling of events, until I step away from the narration before the last verse. In the real story 'hero' shoots 'villain', who gets away in his vehicle, hero hails down passing pick up and gives chase until they find 'villains' vehicle wrecked, with villain dead. I chose to 'end' the song there because story got 'clunky' to tell, I thought those who were familiar would know, and I didn't mind the 'cliffhanger' and moral ambiguity for those who didn't. Art & Peko, thanks for the kind words and that is the way I meant it to be heard, 'hero', living, shooting 'villain' dead. You are certainly all correct, I hear the clicks as the stark reality of the lethal nature of the situation. From a bit of a distance the automatic weapons firing can be more like a 'click' than a bang: https://www.nytimes.com/video/us/100000005473223/las-vegas-shooting-guns.html I also liked the image of the 'click' as the pulling of the trigger, the intent. So I am certainly using some 'poetic license' here. I was also a little leery of taking out the 'clicks' as I was afraid the verses alone could be interpreted as this being a 'pro gun/pro NRA' theme, as the hero uses the controversial AR 15. I thought the repetition and starkness of the 'clicks' showed the deadly nature of the attack and served as a metaphor for these seemingly endless string of shootings here in the US. I wasn't necessarily trying to make a definitive statement on the issue, just advance the dialogue maybe? Again, maybe I am stretching my 'poetic license' a little thin. Jonie: as to some of your other points, the AR 15 & 'church' were just pieces of the actually story, not really 'choices'. 100% correct Barneyboy, I thought more people would pick up on this, maybe that is part of my problem. Paul, you Canadians are way to kind, it will take more than that to tick me off! (LoL) Thank a lot for giving me your feedback, I think I gave my take on the 'clicks' already, so I don't want to repeat myself, please feel free to give me negative feedback at anytime, as I always like hearing another opinion. Again thank you all for taking the time to give your feedback, positive or negative, it is always appreciated.
  8. Broken Lullaby

    First, on a technical note, it is usually preferable to post the edited lyrics above the original in the same first post with an edit date, that way new viewers can see and comment on the updated version. Since you didn't seem to mind my first takes on this, I will offer up a few more ideas. Your profile mentions you are in a band, I am not sure if you do any singing, or if a male/female duet is in your band's wheelhouse, but if it is, I think that could add an excellent dynamic to this song. Maybe male voice on first verse, female on second with harmonies on chorus & bridge? Add a little Petty/Nicks vibe like 'Stop Draggin' My Heart Around'? I just thought adding the male/female voices might add to the tension/dynamics of this lyric. Forgive me if these ideas don't fit your vision. As always, just my thoughts, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  9. Click Click

    Click Click Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click click click, the shrill staccato outburst their haunting cadence breaks the Sunday calm click click, they echo through my conscience each one marks another soul that’s gone Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click click click, time was standing still every round just hanging in the air click click, I grabbed my AR 15 barefoot I stepped out and mouthed a prayer Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click click click, I perched behind the pick up just as he stepped outta the church door click click, and just for a brief moment our eyes locked and we both knew the score Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click click click, I squeezed off my first rounds I found my mark and tightened up my aim click click, he staggered for a moment Then he turned to me and did the same Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click click click, I shot for all i hold dear my wife and kin and neighbors on my mind click click, he returned the favor the devil only knows what peace he’d find Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click click click, the pulling of the trigger a simpler thing a man has never done click click, takes what a man has got and all he’s ever gonna all in one Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click Click-click, Click-click, Click-click, Click-click This was my Feb Lyrics Contest entry, finished near the bottom, fairly universally panned, one voter liked it (yeah?). Anyway, would very much like some feedback on this, please don't hold back your crits, I got thick skin and can take it.
  10. Time to Sink In

    Paul C, I couldn't agree more with your & The S's take on this point. Often, for me anyway, a lyric needs a little time to breathe and be absorbed by a listener. To take it a step further I would suggest this should not only be considered in the arrangement, but also in a larger sense of a lyric 'sinking in' or being absorbed and digested by an audience over several listens. An example that comes to mind that I recently heard again is 'Possession' by Sara McLachlan. First time i heard that song I was drawn in by the dreamlike, ethereal, airy beauty of the vocals & arrangement. Only upon further listens and reflection did some of the darker images of the pathos and stalkeresque elements of the lyric become apparent to me (maybe 'Every Breath You Take' by the Police fits this mode as well?). One of my favorite songs, 'Franklin's Tower' by the Grateful Dead, has evolved with me over time as the imagery of the lyric continually expand for me as my perspective grows (from the child let loose in the world, to the parental figure on the other side of that gaze, as well as other elements). I struggle with this issue a lot as I work on creating lyrics/songs, am I asking to much of the listener to get my message in one take? Some might say this is the difference/dichotomy between pop and art, but those first two songs I mentioned were quite popular. I sometimes hope an emotionally charged or catchy chorus can hook a listener in and the full meaning of the rest of the song can be absorbed by a curious listener over time & repeated listens. Maybe I am being to optimistic? I get this is a step past your initial point, but I hope it relevant. Anyway, thanks for raising the issue.
  11. Collaboration Contest

    I realize I am late to the game here, and probably on the overcrowded side of the 'teaming', but if you have room for another lyricist I would love to be a part of this collaboration. If not I will try to catch a future version.
  12. Broken Lullaby

    Welcome aboard, I like the rhyme/rhythm of the first verse a bunch, IMO the bounce of it allows some of the lines that could come off as cliche seem fresher and work, and also highlights the tension with the 'shorter' lines. Just a few thoughts from me, forgive me if this doesn't fit with your vision. Verse 1 One more night A another fight A Two wrongs X don’t never make a right A the 'never' reinforces the 'another' of the earlier line? aka this is happening a bunch? Can’t seem to think B I’m on the brink B Face to face X and I won’t blink B Standing tall Patience mined wanted to keep the rhyme/rhythm going? speaking my mind to words unkind It’s all about as our whole world seems to unwind What do I Do, I stop to say Verse ending couplet? I’m We're throwing it all away I get that this is changing the meaning of 'Broken Lullaby' from your inner dialogue of the better memories of the relationship that compel you to stay (or religious/moral compunctions?), to a metaphor for the once warm, reassuring relationship that has now become soured. IMO the 'Broken Lullaby' also works as a description of the descending dialogue between the two protagonists, from loving to antagonistic? The terser momentum of your first verse are not carried through to the 2nd & 3rd, witch lose the 'internal rhyme' and go with a straight AA, BB, CC, DD with the 'longer' lines, which to me seems a bit of a shame that does not continue the tension/angst of the first verse. Again, forgive me if my take/suggestions don't fit your vision. As always, just my thoughts, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  13. Mr Smith and Mr Wesson

    In light of all the discussion on gun violence currently going on in the States, this light-hearted take might be a little untimely, but whatever. Bridge kind of seems a little disjointed to me, I am not clear on why she shoots him? Maybe tweak to something along the lines of: (Bridge) She said I’d like to talk about, our previous arrangement As she sat with Mr. Luger, her negotiating agent Mr Smith and Mr Wesson, tried to put them in their place But Mr. Luger he was quicker, and he won that face to face A falling out among thieves? A little clearer? Then it sets up the last chorus/Outro to something like: (Chorus) Mr Smith And Mr Wesson Two fine outstanding gentlemen For making an impression (Outro) But when Messers.Smith & Wesson Aren’t quick enough, they’ll lead your funeral procession F/X: Sounds of gunshots Slightly darker take? Leaves narrator in the morgue not the hospital ward? Maybe de-romanticizes the gun thing a little? Anyway, just my thoughts, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  14. Wishful Drinking

    Ahhhhhhhhh, an ode to an unrepentant drunk, right in my wheel house (LOL). You requested 'fresh eyes', i offer you 'drunk eyes'. For what it's worth, here's my 2 cents: I'm hearing this in the 'outlaw country' vein, ala Billy Joe Shaver/David Allen Coe? Good stuff, as always, just my opinion, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  15. My Valentine

    Thanks all, tweaked the verses a bit based on some of your issues, appreciate the feedback While you are more technically correct, I like the image of narrator 'giving in to/sliding' rather than the reverse You are quite right sir, although I wouldn't lose any sleep if this was taken as a love song first time through Thanks for chiming in, I hope I addressed some of your (and others) issues with word choices Appreciate the kind words!