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Ty Cobb

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Ty Cobb last won the day on March 21

Ty Cobb had the most liked content!

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About Ty Cobb

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    Active Muse

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    New York
  • Interests
    Music, Drinking, History, Poker

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist/Meager Composer
  • Musical Influences?
    Robert Hunter, Gillian Welch/Dave Rawlings, etc.Rock, Folk (Americana), Blues, Outlaw Country ...

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  1. Ty Cobb

    Perfect Moments

    Thought this was a strong entry in the contest, tied at the top of my ballot. I am always a sucker for the M/F duets and the different POV's they can offer. One thought from me, maybe move the verse ender: to after the chorus instead of after the verses? IMO it seems a little out of place after the 'violent' verses, if re-positioned after the chorus it serves as the message that roots the Chorus? As always, just my thoughts, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  2. Ty Cobb

    Just Down The road From Babylon

    This lyric is exceptional as is, few thoughts from me: My first association would be to Brits, works well to date/ground the POV & the time frame of the narrator, if that is the goal I am all for a little mystery or room for interpretation in a lyric. With these lines: IMO the use of the word 'ghostly' AFTER the narrator awakens from the dream hinted to me that he might not have made it out alive with the word grieving his loss. IF you wanted to make it clearer that he is 'awakening' from a dream, maybe replace 'ghostly' with 'steel' chariots? Roots the piece in the recent past while alluding to the ancient history? Again, if you are comfortable with 'mystery' by all means keep it as is. "Blues for Allah' not really one of their better tunes, IMO, but it has some of the mysterious, dream like qualities that your piece shares as well as the obvious middle eastern feel/theme. As always, just my thoughts, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  3. Ty Cobb

    Those Eyes

    I'll take another look at the 'twinkle and blink', thanks Still messing with the musical accompaniment on this, 5 'rolls' seems to fit the cadence best, but still tweaking, thanks a lot From Wikipedia: "Grabbing the brass ring" or getting a "shot at the brass ring" also means striving for the highest prize, or living life to the fullest. It is not clear when the phrase came into wide use but has been found in dictionaries as far back as the late 19th century Brass ring devices were developed during the heyday of the carousel in the U.S.—about 1880 to 1921. At one time, the riders on the outside row of horses were often given a little challenge, perhaps as a way to draw interest or build excitement, more often as an enticement to sit on the outside row of horses which frequently did not move up and down and were therefore less enticing by themselves. Most rings were iron, but one or two per ride were made of brass; if a rider managed to grab a brass ring, it could be redeemed for a free ride. References to a literal brass ring go back into the 1890s.[2] In the context of the song, 'The brass ring was coming we were in perfect sync' I was referencing the elusive 'simultaneous orgasm' A dated reference for sure, but I've heard it enough in pop culture to be very familiar with it (eg 'Catcher in the Rye') even though I have never rode on such a carousel. Maybe just an American expression. I think you are correct, a lot of listeners don't engage that deeply or notice some of the details of a lyric, still keeps me up at night trying to get them just right though! Thanks all for the much appreciated feedback
  4. Ty Cobb

    Just Down The road From Babylon

    This one definitely drew me in, felt like I was floating through the timeless mysteries of the middle east with a confused/scared/injured/possibly dying? soldier. I don't claim to understand the full depth of your statement, but here are few thoughts from me. This is great stuff - timeless - mysterious - mythical - rooted in the nonstop wars of the Middle Eastern desert and man's seeming inability to learn from the lessons of the history. I know a lot of folks aren't really keen on songs that aim this high and expect so much of the reader/listener, but right up my alley. Forgive me if I missed some of your intended meanings, but I thought it worth the effort to explore. Are you familiar with the Grateful Dead's 'Blues for Allah'? Not one of their strongest tunes, but interesting none the less. Just my take, as always, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  5. Ty Cobb

    It's All Gone

    Had this near the top of my ballot in the contest, mostly on point throughout, couple of thoughts from me: If it were mine, I'd lose the 'Nigerian Prince' verse and tweak the Bridge a bit (is the Nigerian Prince thing the 'lie'?). IMO the prince thing gets a little bit away from the beset by family & friends thing and makes the narrator seem more destined to 'lose' his money anyway, as a fool and his money are soon parted. In the bridge, i'd try to get away from the 'lie' thing You know I was broke all my life but I was happy too (BR) So I took the long odds of the lottery to try to pull me through I had no idea it'd work so well It just goes to show you never can tell Or something along those lines, if you take this route you will have to tweak the second to last V as well. Overall, well done and as always use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  6. Ty Cobb

    Those Eyes

    Those Eyes A1 She has curves In all the right places And a smile So warm it embraces But her eeeyes Outshine all her graces When they roll roll roll roll roll I … lose my mind A2 When she moves She glides like a dancer And her heat I could only try to answer But those eeeyes As I romance her When they roll roll roll roll roll I … lose my mind B1 With the rhythm just right and the fever burning high Her chest would start to flutter she’d let out a little sigh And her eyes would start to roll twinkle and blink The brass ring was coming we were in perfect sync Oh those eeeyes ….. when they roll roll roll A3 Yeah she’s coy Masking her danger So demure But I know how to change her Oh those eeeyes Are just a game changer When they roll roll roll roll roll I … lose my mind B2 With the rhythm just right and the fever burning high Her chest would start to flutter she’d let out a little sigh And her eyes would start to roll if you know what I mean It's the hottest damn thing that I've ever seen Oh those eeeyes ….. when they roll roll roll Oh those eeeyes ….. when they roll roll roll Oh those eeeyes ….. when they roll roll roll I was a little leery of entering this one in the lyrics contest, as it is well out of my normal milieu, but what the hell, hope it is not too suggestive or offensive to anyone. ‘A’ part is slower with a bassier driven feel, ‘B’ part more up-tempo, building to the … climax? (LOL). I am aware the ‘foreshadowing’ in A1 & 2 might be a little thin, and the ‘roll roll roll’ might not make sense until the ‘B’ part, attempting to be subtle without the B part coming totally out of left field. Let me know if you think it works.
  7. Ty Cobb

    JULY Lyrics Competition

    Congrats to discatticus on the well deserved win & Kuya for the strong showing. Thanks for the the kind words for 'Those Eyes', I wasn't really holding out much hope for it to score high as I feared the subject matter might turn some folks off. Very happy with the bronze in this field. If anyone has some thoughts to add on it I'm posting it in the Lyrics feedback forum. As well as the top two I thought Perfect Moments & Out of Control had some strong elements. Thanks Iggy for doing the legwork.
  8. Ty Cobb

    This Is Divorce

    There is a lot to like about this, maybe just me, but the Verse structure seems a little inconsistent on paper. If you already have music/cadence that this works with please feel free to ignore my take. On to the chorus: Again, ignore most of this if you have the verse structure mapped out already and I am just missing it on paper. IMO there is some good stuff in here. As always, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  9. Ty Cobb

    Temptation

    Sorry for dredging this one up and taking so long to get back to you folks on your comments. Kuya, Anna J, Miss Understood, SongWolfe: thanks for the kind words Hadn't really heard it that way, but certainly fine company to be associated with! LOL I'll give it it shot to see if it passes the 'ear test', thanks. You are completely correct here, I was hoping it would be clear when repeated as last Verse you might be right, it fit the rhyme/cadence well, was going for the 'leaving familiar territory' thing Again, your observation is on point, the Choruses are basically from the single male POV, leery of potentially 'breaking up a marriage' and subtly hoping that the potentially 'outdated' model can still work, aka people can remain faithful to each other. Glad you dug it, I thought the first verse was the strongest, that's partly why I repeated it Thanks a bunch for all of the feedback. I assume you are mostly referring to the Choruses here and I see your point, they are a bit cliche, I will take another look Glad you caught the 'possible lover' angle, it seems like many male readers assumed the affair took place Not sure how great my vocabulary is, but thanks Again, thanks all for feedback, greatly appreciated
  10. Ty Cobb

    Temptation

    That's pretty much it in a nutshell. I thought it relatively straight forward after the fist verse, but sometimes my POV can be clouded, glad it worked. I think this leads to some of the chorus questions? Thanks for taking the time to chime in. I agree that the PCs are stronger than the C. Maybe I'll take your advice to add more 'temptation' to get closer to a repeating hook and focus on that as a chorus with the current C treated as a reoccurring bridge. Thanks I get your POV on this, song might work better coming from the 'married' perspective. Since I am single and the idea is based loosely on experience, I guess the POV slanted that way. Will consider rework. Thanks all for the input, I will address the rest of the replies when I get i bit more time.
  11. Ty Cobb

    Temptation

    Temptation V1 Have you come straight from Eden with an apple in your hand? You tempt me with your bounty and ask me to understand PC1 Temptation, flirtation, masquerade as sport Temptation, migration, with whom you will consort V2 I am bound to no one but you can’t say the same You stood before all those you know and ya’ even took his name PC2 A vacation, from your station, something to explore A relation, causation, don’t I deserve more? C1 Has fidelity’s time just passed Are these things really meant to last? Can two people share a life When it’s filled with so much strife? V3 A fleeting night of pleasure for a lifetime of pain A foundation built brick by brick will crumble just the same PC3 Gyration, elation, a temporary high Migration, damnation a lifetime a lie C2 Has fidelity’s time just passed Are these things really meant to last? Can two live as man and wife And make it last for their whole life? Repeat V1 Have you come straight from Eden with an apple in your hand? You tempt me with your bounty and ask me to understand Hoping the song’s ‘story’ will make sense. Even if the opening line is a little vague the first time through, my hope is it should be clear when repeated at the ’end’. As to the chorus questions, I’ll leave their answers up to you. Musically, I have the melody and chords structure worked out with an acoustic guitar. Verses slower, PC a little more rhythm driven. I’m hearing electric guitar accents/solo as accompaniment, but we’ll see how/if it turns out as developed. As always, any feedback welcome.
  12. Ty Cobb

    It Happened Again Today

    I think your hook is very strong. The verses seemed to lose some steam IMO. Obviously a touchy subject to tackle, but I just thought the verses didn’t seem to be consistent in meter/rhyme or message. First two V’s more general & descriptive last two come with your ‘solution’, maybe just me but it seemed the message came a little late to the party. Maybe hint at it in earlier verses? Also some of the word choices seemed awkward to me, ‘playing field’? Never heard that one, a soccer field, football or baseball field or track, but playing field seemed odd. And’ sobbing parents nightmares suddenly turned all too real’, IMO awkwardly phrased, already sobbing, then suddenly turns real. Shouldn’t parents actions turn on the word suddenly not before? I thought the hook strong enough to spend some time tweaking the verses and tightening you message. As always, just my thoughts, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  13. Ty Cobb

    What Kind Of Man

    Tiny nit from me, ‘pimples’ in v1 seems more appropriate for a teenager than the middle aged man you are describing, maybe ‘wrinkles’ would work better to show his vanity?
  14. Ty Cobb

    Three Wishes

    I get your premise with this line (not the lyric, per-say ) but I don't necessarily always agree. Sometimes a lyrical thought or idea needs a few passes to sink in or become clear, so I don't necessarily always see this as a failing on the writers part, sometimes that can fall on the listener/reader? As to the lyric, I don't listen to rap so forgive me if I am slow on the uptake/nuances/subtleties. I was a little thrown off trying to figure out the ladies relationship to the narrator. My first take was looking at them as his prostitutes and him as the pimp. Then I started to think of a 'Charlies Angels' type of thing with narrator being 'Charlie' and the ladies being his agents/killers? I never really thought of them as his girlfriends. I didn't really get this part. In general, I can see the 'tear-down' of the rap 'machismo/braggadocio ' formula but I did not make the leap to parody/comedy. Again, I know very little about the rap genre, so maybe this was just over my head, or comfort zone.
  15. Ty Cobb

    Happiness ...

    I guess on paper I can understand your dilemma/problem here, I am hoping if I can get the music to where I want it the meaning will become clearer. In the chorus, 'happiness' isn't a proclamation, state of mind or mood. It is more of a question, a yearning, a longing. Again, I think if this is heard not read, it will be clearer. I get it, I was trying for a 'timeless' vibe to make the point more universal, not everyone's cup of tea. Basically syllables, 'froze' fit the cadence on the melody better, and I also thought it added some immediacy to the line (more dramatic?). Thank you very much for your feedback, it is greatly appreciated. I like to hear all opinions, even if they are not glowing. We can often learn more from crit's than praises, and that is the point here, as i see it anyway, to improve our craft. I sometimes find myself reluctant to post on others work if I don't have some positives to provided with any crit's I may have. I'll work on that. Appreciate it, I guess I find myself writing a bunch in this vein, meaning it might take a pass or two to digest my point. I know this is not how some folks like it, but I am glad that some do. I read this as a poem - just too many poetic wording and no real story. I really lost interest in this one. Thank for taking the time Barneyboy, I appreciate it. I know you like things 'straight forward' and this one kinda takes a bit to get to the point. Interesting idea, it certainly would alleviate some of the issues other posters have mentioned about losing interest, or not following the point. That was the first line I wrote that the rest of the lyric was built around, to support that premise. My intent was to build up to that conclusion at the end. I am a bit partial to the subtlety of the build up, a journey if you will, but starting with that would make the premise much easier to digest. I'll think on this. Thanks a bunch for the input.
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