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SongWolfe

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SongWolfe last won the day on May 26

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About SongWolfe

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    Inspirational Muse

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    @paperbackwright

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Scotland

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Varied rock - Alice Cooper, Axl Rose, Nick Cave, David Bowie, Bruce Springsteen

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  1. Murder and Mayhem

    Thanks Kerry and Clemo. Yeah the repeat of 'van' is ideal although I have heard established artists repeat words. Your suggestion, Clemo, is a good one. May use it - just need to think how it works with the later line of 'The van’s slowly digesting the latest of their crimes'
  2. Funeral of a war hero

    Thanks HoboSage. The info you and others have provided has been very useful. Good point about the nationality of the soldier. Although I'm from the UK, I do see this as being an American soldier, partly because in my mind this is a continuation of a story that has been covered in 2 previous songs, with an American singer. I looked up the UK's position and found this about Royal Navy funerals. 'Before a coffin is lowered into a grave, the flag is removed and can be ceremoniously folded, by the coffin party, into a triangle for presentation to the Widow or oldest Son. This process needs the skills of at least two coffin beaters, alternatively if the flag has been borrowed, such presentation probably inappropriate. At a crematorium, it is customary to remove it and fold it before the curtains are closed.'
  3. Funeral of a war hero

    Thanks Jim. Some good suggestions there. I think the main thing I've taken from the various bits of feedback is to tweak the bits about the flag and the body bag. Think they're fairly easy to change and your idea of 'Give his widow the flag' is definitely a strong contender so thanks for that idea.
  4. Funeral of a war hero

    Thanks. Appreciate that feedback and will have a think about that line.
  5. Funeral of a war hero

    Thanks Paul. I think the point I was making with that line is that if you don't have that depth of love you don't open yourself up so much to the depth of pain that then comes along when loved ones die.
  6. Funeral of a war hero

    Thanks Bob. Yes, SOAD make a speciality of that movement between mellow and heavy. Holy Mountains is the track of theirs that came to my mind for me with this one
  7. Funeral of a war hero

    Thanks for the flag correction. I'll have a look at reworking that part. You're right that it's a protest song. No reason why metal can't do protest though
  8. KING COBRA

    How about changing it to 'you excite me' or 'you devour me' or 'you hypnotise me'? Great lyric. Funnily, I recently posted a snake-related lyric called 'Snakebite Viv'. Maybe this will be the start of a trend!
  9. Funeral of a war hero

    Have worked on a metal song with some talented people recently so thought I'd have a go at writing another lyric that would fit with that genre. I had System of a Down in mind in terms of style - with a mixture of gentle and loud bits. Structure-wise, I think it's basically AABA but with an intro and outro tagged on. Verse 3 is a repeat of Verse 2 although might change that if get inspiration for a new 3rd verse Any comments / suggestions? Funeral of a war hero (Intro - acoustic) This is the funeral of a war hero We got his body back And we do what we know, We lower his coffin down Draped with the flag Hold onto more of him Than's in this body-bag. (Verse 1) WAR!!! Steaming war stallions Their nostrils flaring Gun-mounted warships Attack sirens blaring DEATH!!! Across the ages It's all the same Extinguish what's good In the searing writhing pain! (Verse 2) HATE!!! Screaming battalions Their hearts uncaring Uncounted corpses Their colours fading PAIN!!! Across the eras Who's to blame We choose to fill the skies Molten lead that falls like rain! (guitar lead) (Bridge) Love hurts more than hate It squeezes our hearts And teases bloody tears from our eyes. Love hurts every day It crushes our ribs And pierces shoddy veils of lies. (Verse 3) HATE!!! Screaming battalions Their hearts uncaring Uncounted corpses Their colours fading PAIN!!! Across the eras Who's to blame We choose to fill the skies Molten lead that falls like rain! (Outro) Funeral of a war hero Who just wished to stay at home Funeral of a war hero Remember him playing games. Died a long way from those he'd known Just trying to save the day Funeral of our war hero Gone but not forgotten in his grave.
  10. Exhale

    It sounds fantastic. I listened right to the end and then went back and listened to it again and again. Great emotion in the way it's been sung and some really good lyrics. Love your voice and music. As it's a song about a broken relationship, I wonder how it would sound if there was some supporting pained female backing vocals? And, like SFX, I did find it difficult to work out the structure. So I had a go at marking labels and adding a few notes (Intro) God's on the clock And the Devil is on commission They said cut your loss But I didn't listen I broke down your door With my shoulder sore and swollen It's just like before Except everything is different And thoughts cause confliction (Verse 1) And you came with bags in your hands And the weight of so many empty You complain with my heart in your hands Just too much to carry So bury me in this grave you made In my own little world you created All the doors and windows closed It's all a score, and overdose (This line and the 3 before it are great!) But I cannot live in this constant withdrawal addiction (This line felt a little clunky to me. Maybe could be shortened slightly. For example, use can't rather than cannot) (Chorus) 'Cause it's not the life I wanna lead Hooked up to your machine You breathe life in Then you take it right out of me It's not the life I wanna lead Hooked up to your machine You breathe life in Then you take it right out of Right out of me (Thoughts cause confliction) (Verse 2) And you came with a ring on your hand Like an affliction (This line is a lot shorter than its equivalent in verse 2. Maybe could benefit from the verses being more aligned?) You could have my entire world at your command 'Cause you kill my ambition You kill my ambition Just make sure all the stones are in their place It's too late to break down And all the doors and windows closed It's all a score, and overdose But I cannot live in this constant withdrawal addiction (Chorus) 'Cause it's not the life I wanna lead Hooked up to your machine You breathe life in Then you take it right out of me It's not the life I wanna lead Hooked up to your machine You breathe life in Then you take it right out of Right out of me (Thoughts cause confliction) (Outro) Don't you think that you're not all I want Don't you think that you're not all I need Don't you think that you're not all I love Don't you think that, think it's easy to breathe (Thoughts cause confliction)
  11. Train Whistle Blues

    This is really good. A couple of comments from me: I didn't immediately get that you were sitting on a train. Thought maybe you were looking out of the window of a house. So, if I was converting this into a song, I'd be tempted to have a musical intro that immediately makes it clear that you're on a train. The intro guitar licks from Train kept a rollin' came into my head as a great example! The lyric refers several times to 'that train'. I wonder whether there's some way that you could weave in an actual train name or number? For example, Springsteen went with 'Downbound train'
  12. Murder and Mayhem

    Thanks James, Kuya and Rerry. Very encouraging to hear your feedback - sounds like I might be on the right track with this one. And thanks for the suggestions. I'll take them into account when I do my next edit of the lyrics, then try and get some musicians to work on it.
  13. Murder and Mayhem

    Murder and Mayhem has a nice alliterative ring to it so decided to play around with the idea of them being the names of killers on the loose. Kind of feel like the resultant story has a bit of a Stephen King influence to it with the accompanying malevolent vehicles ... Murder and Mayhem (Chorus) Murder and Mayhem Touring the Northern lands Don't know where they'll be next Them boys ain't good at making plans. (Verse 1) Murder stands six foot two Dresses all in black Love's his long-handled axe Watch you don't turn your back. (Verse 2) Mayhem is five foot three With red wiry hair But don't mistake him for some clown You'd meet in a fun fair. (Chorus) Murder and Mayhem Touring the Northern lands Don't know where they'll be next Them boys ain't good at making plans. (Verse 3) Mayhem's got a fiddle He plays on a stage Murder passes buckets round You pay or dig your grave. (Verse 4) Murder drives a Chevrolet Mayhem drives a van Hitchhikers start in the car But end up in the van. (Chorus) Murder and Mayhem Touring the Northern lands Don't know where they'll be next Them boys ain't good at making plans. (Bridge) I’ve heard that Murder sleeps with a book of children's rhymes While Mayhem places new keepsakes on his grisly shrine, The Chev’s standing idle, its malevolent eyes shine The van’s slowly digesting the latest of their crimes, The fiddle and the axe are resting, ready for the road And a compass spins wildly to pinpoint the next zip code. (Chorus – alternative) Murder and Mayhem Now touring the Southern lands Can't say where they'll be next Them boys ain't good at making plans!
  14. Thanks everyone for your comments and suggestions. I'm going to take some time to reflect on them before deciding what changes to make. A couple of initial comments though: Like Paul's suggestion of changing the title so that the story's outcome isn't given away too soon. I'll revisit the structure. I think there have been suggestions to bring either the chorus or bridge forward and maybe that will help with the understanding of the song, without resorting to telling.
  15. Evrythg I nvr wntd

    Agree with the other comments on this one - it's very catchy. Could see it working well to music. Well done
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