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SongWolfe

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SongWolfe last won the day on May 26

SongWolfe had the most liked content!

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About SongWolfe

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    Inspirational Muse

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    @paperbackwright

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Scotland

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Varied rock - Alice Cooper, Axl Rose, Nick Cave, David Bowie, Bruce Springsteen

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  1. She go to the show

    Hi Mike, Yeah, I was a bit conflicted on the grammar point. The grammar pedant in me wanted to correct it but I feel it sounds better as 'She go to the show' with the rhyming of go and know. There are 2 parts that are in past tense, in the 2nd half of each verse. Other than that, I think it's all written in present tense. Will have a look at that element - can maybe just make it all one tense. Thanks for the suggestions
  2. She go to the show

    Thanks for your comments, Paul. Interesting that you see it as possibly being a pop song. I saw it as being rock (maybe somewhere between Jet and Bon Jovi) but always open to other interpretations. The chorus hook point is also interesting. When I was singing the song to myself, I did repeat that hook a LOT more. Probably got edited down just due to lyric length but I do think there's good potential for it to be repeated more. Thanks for calling that out. Will definitely have at least one more round of editing before finalising, so will take all the points you've raised into consideration
  3. She go to the show

    Thanks. Good to hear the comments on the shadows on the wall and fire imagery. I'll have a think about whether they can more clearly be connected. The bridge part was a late addition. As I mentioned in my response to Ty, what I was trying for was to bring the lyric's story to an ending that I was happy with. But it could be taken out and I'll have a think about whether I should shorten it.
  4. She go to the show

    Hi Ty, Thanks for commenting. Yeah, probably a valid point. I think it could be shortened by dropping the Bridge and final chorus. The reason I included the Bridge was that I felt it added something to the story - bringing some sort of conclusion and also having the protagonist be seen as getting over the guy rather than being left looking like some kind of victim. Think I'll probably keep the structure as it is but may change if/when a musician agrees to work on it.
  5. Girl, Don't Do It

    I can't understand why others were confused over the POV in this lyric, other than maybe Paul's point about not knowing if the singer is male or female. (Clearly, that would be apparent the moment the lyric was converted into a song so probably not something worth worrying about). It was very clear to me that the song was about 2 people. The singer had had an affair previously and was interacting with a girl who was currently having an affair. However, whilst confusion wasn't an issue, I must admit the lyric didn't grab my attention. And I think the reason is largely the point that SnarkyAnarky makes - it doesn't tell us why the girl had the affair? It also doesn't tell us anything about her husband - is he a creep or a great guy or somewhere in between. Without that backstory, I felt it just came over as a little one dimensional. We know that having affairs isn't good but I think the song needs a bit more depth than just covering that point. However, I think there's good scope to weave in that context/back story to increase the impact. For a start, maybe the bridge could be used? Possibly brought forward a bit in the song structure?
  6. Judging Lyrics

    I think rating lyrics is very subjective and people approach it in different ways. So whilst it's nice if a lyric does well, I think it's important not to get too hung up on final placings. Easier said than done sometimes ... Speaking personally, here are some factors that I use when evaluating entries: 1. Lyrical quality. This is a lyric contest, not a song contest. A very simple lyric with lots of repeated 'yeah, yeah, yeahs' might sound amazing ... but it's not what I'd expect to do well in a lyric contest. So I'd generally favour entries that have a level of lyrical sophistication about them - more Leonard Cohen than Def Leppard, even though I love listening to Def Leppard songs. 2. Emotional impact. Very subjective but does the song generate an emotion - sadness, happiness, etc. 3. Story telling - I guess not all songs need to tell a story but I'd tend to award bonus points where a lyric does this. I like a lyric to take the reader on a journey, preferably without too obvious an ending. 4. Originality - Nothing is totally original but I don't want to feel that the lyric is too familiar or obvious or too reliant on clichés. 5. Formatting, spelling and grammar. I know it probably shouldn't matter from a pure artistic perspective but I kind of feel that if you're going to put a lyric into a contest, then I'd expect the writer to take due care to make sure it's formatted clearly and that it avoids obvious mistakes. All writers (not matter what genre) should spend at least as much time proof reading and editing as they do writing.
  7. She go to the show

    My entry in the August Lyric contest. The background to this is that I wrote a lyric for a set piece of (heavy rock) music on another site, only to discover that the musician was gone from the site and not coming back. Whilst that was disappointing, I decided to take the opportunity to free the lyric from the confines of the original music and I also changed the perspective round - the 1st draft had been written from the male musician's perspective whereas it's now focused on the woman. I've deliberately not gone with perfect grammar. For example, I know it should be 'She goes to the show' or 'She went to the show' if it was a piece of prose but 'she go' just feels right for the song. I discovered my two young kids singing the chorus and post chorus parts after I had sung it to them the previous evening, which was a first (!) so hoping that's a sign that it's quite catchy. Any feedback welcome She Go To The Show (Intro) The swell of the crowd Rise to a crescendo, Surf adrenaline Hear the guitars roar. She lives for it loud Rebel yell manifesto, Sweet medicine Everyone wants more. (Verse 1) She got bangles on her arms Bangles on her arms, Scarves around her wrists Weaves her magic charms. He got tattoos on his back Tattoos on his back, Guitar-pickin' fingers Drives a black Cadillac. She go to the show And he took her home Her shadow dancing on the wall Dancing on the wall, The mirror on the ceiling Saw it all. (Chorus) She go to the show She know she gotta let it go She know She know She know She know she gotta let it go. (Post Chorus) The fire in her heart It burns her, The fire through her heart It burns her, The flames they rise so high They turn her, Into some kind of pyromaniac! (Verse 2) She got lipstick on his shirt Lipstick on his shirt, He said she could keep it But it doesn’t stem the hurt. He got more girls to play to More girls to play to, No time to hang around Each day’s a different view. She go to the next show Then she found his room A shadow dancing on the wall Dancing on the wall She just stood there watching She saw it all. (Chorus) She go to the show She know she gotta let it go She know She know She know She know she gotta let it go. (Post Chorus) The fire in her heart It burns her, The fire through her heart It burns her, The flames they rise so high They turn her, Into some kind of pyromaniac! (Bridge - slower) She sits alone in a derelict yard Bone-dry sticks piled up high, Strikes a match on the sole of her boot Determined not to cry Not to cry. The flames they spark, dancing twists and turns And she chucks his shirt to the sky, Its shadow projects on a sun-bleached wall Hits a height, then begins to fall. Fall… (Chorus - slower) She know She know She know She know she gotta let it go She know She know She know She know she gotta Let it Go!
  8. August Lyrics Competition

    Well done Graybeard, Eric and Paul ... and to everyone who entered. And thanks to Iggy and the people who voted. My personal favourites this month were 'After all these years', 'I remember Little River' and 'Busking in the dark'.
  9. Love is beautiful

    Thanks Joe. Couple of good suggestions there. May well incorporate one or both of them when I do the next edit.
  10. Love is beautiful

    Thanks. Good suggestion.
  11. Love is beautiful

    A lyric about prejudice and trying to stand up to it. Love is beautiful (Verse 1) First inter-racial kiss on a silver screen Grampa Olivera thought it must have been a dream But a small step was taken And the world was not shaken It still goes round and round Hell-fire didn't burn it down. (Chorus) Love is beautiful in all its guises Shouldn't need to hide behind any disguises Live in your own skin Live the way you want to live Live in your own skin Love the way you want to love (Bridge) Cultural barriers Manned by keyboard warriors Dictating what's viewed as obscene, Remember that their attitudes Will soon be viewed As a nasty outdated thing. (Verse 2) Muhammed love's Lucy and gave her a ring But their parents don't approve, it's an age old scene But a small step is taken And the world won't be shaken It'll still go round and round Hell-fire won't burn it down. (Chorus) Love is beautiful in all its guises Shouldn't need to hide behind any disguises Live in your own skin Live the way you want to live Live in your own skin Love the way you want to love (Verse 3) Johnny hugs Jimmy by an old oak tree And I realise they're not doing any harm to me A small step is taken And the world is not shaken It'll still go round and round Hell-fire won't burn it down. (Chorus) Love is beautiful in all its guises Shouldn't need to hide behind any disguises Live in your own skin Live the way you want to live Live in your own skin Love the way you want to love
  12. Hi, A couple of months ago, I had some success with the lyric for this song in the June lyric contest. Since then, it's been turned into a song by three talented musicians at Kompoz. I thought I'd share it on this site https://www.kompoz.com/music/collaboration/773039/file/780760/1
  13. Come Back to Me

    Very nice, especially for a first lyric posted on the site. For the title, I would go with 'Come back' or 'Come back home'. The words 'come back home' at the end of the first two verses really stood out for me and then you've got the fact that the Gaelic intro also means Come back. If you were to go with that as the title, then one thing I'd consider is whether verse 3 should be consistent by also including that as a refrain at the end of the verse?
  14. Evie Jean's Place

    Thanks Joey. Great to hear your comments. Yeah, think I've had some good suggestions that will help me to edit it. If I get a singer/musician lined up, then I would also give them some leeway to tweak things if needed to make the lyrics work with the music.
  15. Evie Jean's Place

    Thanks Kleen. Very encouraging to get that feedback and thanks for your suggestions. Think I'll go back and do another edit once I've gathered all feedback
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