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Barneyboy

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Barneyboy last won the day on May 19

Barneyboy had the most liked content!

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22 Excellent

About Barneyboy

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    A Muse's Muse
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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Alan Jackson
  1. Kind of depressing but speaks to the realities of what happens more often than not when over indulging. I'm on the fence as to whether we should know what drove him to the booze. I can't, myself, imagine why one would need a crutch when they have everything. Maybe it's because they have everything. Lots of real life riches to rags stories. Good write of a downer story.
  2. Seems all the v lines have 8 syllables. Don't know music but seems this would sound very robotic. Other than my comments above I think this is well done and shouldn't hit any anger management buttons.
  3. Unless I'm missing something this sound like you're some kind of wanna be delusional murderer who wanted the spotlight even at death. Dude, who is going to want to go anywhere near something this demented? If you are struggling to tell this in first person (even though you claim it's not you) it says a lot about you. You've got some demons telling you to write this then it is certainly, a reflection of you, at the least.
  4. Rather than trying to convey your story metaphorically or abstractly why not a direct approach until you get more familiar with English terminology. I am only commenting on your lines and your intended meanings of those lines.
  5. From the intro and ch I was expecting you to bite the dust. I'm still dwelling on whether or not I like the twist. Oh, wait, I get it - it's not your life on the line it's your soul. A lot of word images kept this really interesting. A very good first post.
  6. Do you really need the intro? Doesn't seem that it adds anything other length to this lyric? I would start v1 with the intro and rework the long first lines in the v's. Sounds like the title should be "I remember." 12 lines in second ch but only 8 in first - extra ch lines don't really grab my emotion. I mean introducing a heron as part of the remembrance doesn't really help this ch. Not sure I understand any part of this - perhaps a blurred memory due to the booze. I think big words, long lines and extended stanzas really makes this a tough read.
  7. ..and one of it's most important merits (IMHO) is whether people can emotionally relate and connect to it. Paul said: .. and some of us have attempted to do that in this thread. Seems you're more interested in critiquing our critiques than offering any help advice to the OP. Now, here's an interesting exchange between Paul and Lazz. Sorry, don't know how to do the exact quote thing so this is my best effort.
  8. Aw. did I hit a nerve, Paul? Since you're not doing your job as a mod I thought I'd lend you a hand. Unfortunately, by so doing, I had to to expose you as one of the sour grapes.
  9. You stuck your nose into my business and got it bloodied. Not my problem. You don't like my shit then don't smell it.
  10. Ok, so you can't find any and just do your usual blabbering cause you have nothing better to do.
  11. Thanks for the lecture in lyric writing. I'm looking forward to hearing some of your songs Thanks for asking, Lazz. Here's a recent example of a real critique and the sarcastic response. Now, being the gentlemen that we are can you cite just one of the numerous examples of where I have responded with sarcasm or arrogance to a critique given to me? Oh, by the way, your friend, Paul, provided this gem in response to an absolutely valid critique.
  12. I can easily respond with a snarky remark like, thank you Dr. Emily, but I am above such pettiness. Your response speaks for itself and only confirms the arrogance and, in this case, the self righteousness of people who feel a need to psycho-analyze people who post. Please cite examples where I have been the instigator in aggressive responses to a writer who disagrees with my comments. My responses have been in kind to how the writer responded to me.
  13. I was having trouble following this story. You start off drinking alone, then you're with friends, then you're talking to her, then you're looking at her and finally you reminisce about what you miss. There is a story here but you never get there. You have a nice hook but I felt it was wasted in the manner it was used. It would have been more dramatic if you could say something like: I'm leaning on a lamppost still waiting - to end your ch.
  14. Let's see, you identified this as a political statement so I reviewed it as one. If you want to post political statements on the lyric board then you should expect a political response. I'm going to assume that you didn't like my suggestions as to how to make this a better statement.
  15. Ok, I get on some people's nerves, I'm not a nice guy, what I lack in diplomacy I make up in straight talk I get all that but my post post was not meant to be about me. I have noticed some hard feeling retorts from some who didn't like a certain critique - that is the thrust of my post. Either that is a good sign that people are finally leaving legitimate critiques or people have thin skins. My inclination is the latter because I did not see where the critiques were out of line. I may be the exception as people feel some of mine are incendiary and have asked me to keep away. Fine, leave that aside but look at some of the responses to crits from others. If you want me to cite specific examples I can. I'm not stirring the pot I'm simply making an observation.