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Barneyboy

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    693
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Barneyboy last won the day on September 8

Barneyboy had the most liked content!

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51 Excellent

About Barneyboy

  • Rank
    A Muse's Muse

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Alan Jackson
  1. It ain’t my song written from Dani

    First, it would be nice if you would label your lyric ie. verse, chorus etc. Some of your lines are very long maybe they can be broken down into shorter phrases. Your song is titled It' aint' my song but does not appear anywhere in the body of this song. I've also added some line by line comments.
  2. Finding you

    A bit long. I've suggested some cuts - 11 lines v1 and 9 v2. Rhyme scheme is inconsistent in the v's.
  3. Funeral of a war hero

    Can't really feel a metal sound for a war hero funeral. Man this is not a war hero funeral it sounds like a protest song. Very misleading title.
  4. Train Whistle Blues

    I'm not proficient in train terminology so I just questioned the responsibilities of the characters. Everything flowed well but I got a little confused with the 4th stanza.
  5. Who Am I To Judge?

    You should post this in the song forum.
  6. Baseball Song (Fathers & Sons)

    With a name like Ty Cobb this should be a natural for you. Ok, I get it - you took us through your phases in life with your dad and that is the purpose of the cold blight line. A nice one.
  7. I kind of got lost among all the industrial noise, trees rustling, mobile phone ringing etc/ This read like a bunch of random thoughts without a cohesive story structure.
  8. Gravity

    I like the blues and we don't often see one. The break free and gravity hook lines are simple yet excellent - the image is strong and we can easily relate to what is happening. For the blues, i think you need to inject your soul when you recite the lines. I mean get into it with some deep personal emotion.
  9. Right Before I Lose My Mind

    Not consistent on your rhyming. Some confusion on moving the story along. You're on the road and miss your wife and kids. Ok, I get it but am I feeling it - not really.
  10. Sounds like a story on the verge of a break up but it had me pounding my head trying to figure out the who's and what's and maybe's. That anxiously believing hook made no sense to me. I think you're trying to insert too many flowery metaphors at the expense of giving us a story. Had trouble trying to figure out the pov.
  11. You Reap What You Sow

    A nice story line but I admit to having some story confusion. I'm not really sure if the Reap what you sow hook applies. I think "you get what you give" is more applicable and probably a better hook.
  12. Las Vegas Massacre

    I just learned that they are leaving the bullet in her arm. I guess it is less dangerous than an operation. I
  13. Las Vegas Massacre

    My purpose for posting this very tragic event was to let people know that this can happen to you. I must admit that previous tragedies never hit home to me like this because those "victims" were but strangers. I am guessing that very people actually know or are actually related to someone who has been victimized by such random terrorism. We cannot just take our safety for granted - there are too many evil doers, not only here in America, but in the rest of the world. The gun control debate has already been exploited before the bodies have even been identified - surprise surprise. I have not heard about the seriousness of my friend's injury. I pray that it is a minor wound with no permanent or long term damage. However, the most important thing is that she is alive and will soon return to her family.
  14. Las Vegas Massacre

    By now most have heard about the deadly shooting last night at an outdoor concert in Las Vegas. From the last count I heard, 58 had been killed and 515 injured. One of those injured is a very close friend of my son and his wife. She was in their wedding and I know her personally. She was there celebrating her birthday. She is married with 2 kids. Luckily, she only suffered a gunshot wound to her arm. Evil is everywhere - it seems it is only getting worse. We are thankful that she is alive though her traumatic experience and injury may never heal. In the days to come we will learn more of this deranged psychopath. He killed himself but I wish we could kill him 58 more times.
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