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kuya

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kuya last won the day on February 14

kuya had the most liked content!

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About kuya

  • Rank
    A Muse's Muse

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Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    taal volcano
  • Interests
    travel, politics, brewing, music, gardening, creating

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    lyracist mostly. i play many instruments, but none well.
  • Musical Influences?
    the old blues guys and the modern rockers who emulated them
  1. be on your way

    Hi Dan, I can see a little Nashville Skyline here. Heart is a tough rhyme if you're trying to say something new. It's been mined thoroughly for every available rhyme already. If you ever want to use heart you could always use it earlier in a line so the rhyme word ends up as a different final word. But back to your lyric. Each verse ends with a variation of 'so move on and be on your way' and all but the heart/apart verse has a rhyme for 'way' at the end of line 3. I think you should try to find another 'way' rhyme for verse 3, so all the verses have that consistant rhyme pattern or near rhyme pattern for lines 3 and 4. I think that would make it stronger. Verses 1 and 2 use the exact same line for line 3. And line 4 also, but my concern is line 3. Again I think it would be stronger with unique line 3's. If you ever get stuck for a rhyme or near rhyme use google ... in this particular situation type in 'way rhymes with' and you will be directed to all of these rhyme sites. I end up at rhymezone most often. 1, 2, 3 syllable rhymes and near rhymes for any conceivable syllable or syllables. So my suggestion will leave your verses with a consistent AABB rhyme scheme. But as it is now the bridge has that exact same AABB rhyme scheme already. Usually the bridge is different enough that it noticably breaks up the pattern of the verses. You could easily rearrange the 4 lines of the bridge into an ABAB or ABBA rhyme scheme depending on how you hear it yourself. ABAB works fine with your lines as is. See what you think. I was looking at the lyric 'It Ain't Me Babe' over the weekend. It builds up at the end, and I think your slight variation of line 4's is your similar build up. I wouldn't be afraid to keep tweaking that buildup. It's tricky. You have to sing it out loud so you can find word combos that you don't stumble over. This is a good lyric. Emulating Bob Dylan without ripping him off. That's pretty good! These edits can be tedious but it will be worth it. I think when you're done it's going to be great.
  2. Collaboration Contest

    I am interested as a lyricist.
  3. Just not over you

    Hello Mal, I think this is pretty nice. Definately has a summer of 69 vibe to it, and most of us have a summer of 69 memory to go with it. Mine was the summer of 79. So there's almost universal appeal here. Here's my thoughts. In the lyric, it's ambiguous whether he's talking directly to her or to her memory-- keep it that way please, I think- ambiguous works well. You use remember in a verse, but it's interesting to consider whether she should remember or forget the bear in the bridge. Which works better? I kind of like her remembering it-- it's more positive and hopeful. Regardless of whether you change it not, we like the line. You repeat all all in two copies of the chorus. Is this intentional? Also in the chorus I like the 'heartbeat in reverse' too, but maybe I' d go back in my song, and live another verse ...(pause) ....with you. Instead of back in my life. 'I'd trade all my tomorrows just to have one more day' sounds almost exactly like I'd trade all my tommorrows for one single yesterday" -- it's too close. Already used in Me And Bobby McGee. Your lines need revising. Maybe keep the carnival theme. " I wish that Flying Saucer ride could bring us back to when we met" And then maybe the last line of the chorus could be "...cause i'm just not over you, over you yet" for the delayed rhyme. All in all, you have a potentially great lyric here. Wonderful ideas. Well done. Now the tedious edits begin.
  4. Minor tweak: verse one, lines two and three both have 'think' in them, and 'I'm sure I know where' you can change one of them to something else. Chorus: won't take no more. Backup plan could also be go-to plan. Your quest for perfection has resulted in excellence. Nice work.
  5. Hi, Could you label your versions? Is the top one the latest?
  6. Wishful Drinking

    Excellent suggestions Ty! I like the way you drink-- I mean --think!
  7. Bring It to the River

    The Reverand Al Green did a nice version too.
  8. Recent shootings

    there's a lot of things going on here. These non-idealogically driven incidents, horrible as they are, are symptoms of another underlying problem. A child growing up in our modern culture (or what passes for it) can grow up feeling so disconnected- so detached- from their neighbors and from society in general, that taking an assault rifle into their alma mater and attempting to kill or hurt as many people as possible - most of the strangers or at most, acquaintances, seems perfectly rational to them. The vast majority of these incidents involve a perpetrator or perpetrators with readily diagnosable severe mental health issues. Yet, these same people, worst case scenario-- have access to very powerful arsenels or bomb making information and materials. The have-nots use knives or cars. Carl stated clearly the fascination with violence, which is another major factor, which ties in with the detachment I just described, and you have an incredibly incendiary situation. Then add in two heaping tablespoons of global non-stop 24/7/365 news. This loser is now an international celebrity. Close to a billion people have heard this kid's name. He went from a nobody to a notorious somebody overnight. IronKnee alluded to this somewhat. There's a lot going on. I've barely scratched the surface. I haven't mentioned the blame game raging accross the internet. Libs vs Conservatives. We also have the 'ban all guns' crowd vs the "if only one teacher or coach had a concealed carry" side. There's others who were desperately hoping that Cruz could somehow be shown to be an illegal alien so they could run off on that tangent. Wild speculation rages as to how rightwing or left wing he is. Meanwhile countless loved ones have woken up to a nightmare that has no end for them personally. My son is 15. I have 6 nephews in Florida, along with countless friends. It could easily have been someone very close to me. I'm sure I know someone who knows someone who has some connection to those families down there. Looking at those victims's bios, I would have been proud to know any of them. But yet the mental health issue barely gets addressed. This killer was an adoptee who had both parents die on him before he reached 19. Yet he still had a friend's parents take him in. He had people who cared about him. But he was still detached enough to think shooting up a school made sense. Wow. Senseless. Irrevokable loss. Condolences to us all. Our world lost 17 great people and as a result it a little less humane that it was a week ago. For those who believe that we are going to hell in a handbasket I offer the following excerpt from a very interesting article as a counterpoint. Google the entire article. The author has a book coming out on the subject. It's encouraging.
  9. Bring It to the River

    Back again, I prefer walked. Hurt and angry could also be sad n troubled, burdened with cares. crystal clear could also easily be loud and clear or strong and clear or soft and clear or even sure and clear. I think bring and take are different enough that it shouldn't be an issue. Al Green would approve. A river symbolizing the River Jordan goes back as far as the earliest Negro Spirituals. If an enslaved person could just get over the river separating a county line or more usually a slave state from a free state or even the U.S. and Canada the thought was that they had escaped their trackers and finally reached freedom or the promised land. This is one of the most compelling symbols in Gospel.
  10. Doldrum

    Hi CJ, The overall vibe was serious, as you intended. While this appealed to me in general, I found the meaning as elusive as everyone else. There's been plenty of lyrics over the years that I've liked without understanding them, or perhaps even misunderstanding them. As the author you have to decide how elusive your lyrics will be. But, in doing so, some of this comes accross as almost incoherent, [arithmetic?] and that's even with your explanation. the words are meaningful to you. Ultimately that's what matters. But I think this lyric deserves to be better understood, because it has real meaning behind it. Obviously you're not going to spoonfeed us. I agree with you about having to explain a lyric. Most of us here indulge each other by explaining things, whereas few commercial artists out there are willing to be as candid. I find that aspect of these forums very interesting and enjoyable. I think most would agree.
  11. Bring It to the River

    Hi Donna, I've been a big fan of gospel for ages now. To me this fits right in the classic mold of an old time gospel song. No suggestions. No issues I can see. Really I think this is very well done.
  12. Thank you Donna, Yes I read the agreement. In my situation, the vocalist wanted my permission after-the-fact to force-fit my lyric onto someone else's music. Music was ok but didn't fit my lyric, so he altered the lyric and rewrote the end and recorded his vocals with his changes with the other guy's music. And then he asked me for permission. I was shocked 1.) to finally hear a lyric of mine finally put to music 2.) to hear it slapped onto someone else's music where it didn't fit 3.) to listen to this guy's butchering my lyric. "His interpretation" - my ass. I said I don't agree to any changes to my lyric. Period. He bad mouthed me a little bit on the posts. But as far as I know that's the end of it. My question to the forum was 'if I agree to this guy's changes to my lyric, aren't I in effect, making him a co-author if he pushed the issue?' Since his changes were not improvements, there was no way I would agree to his changes regardless. Kompoz is not for me, I think. Not now anyway. Maybe if I have a DAW and I can control the process. There are certainly some very talented people on there. What I really need most is a musical composer for a cowriter.
  13. Wishful Drinking

    Thank you all for the feedback. Patty, the verses are the wishful drinking parts but the bridge is him acknowleging reality. I'll keep him likeable at all costs, but he's a pretty hardcore drunk, after all. The bridge is last minute and not that great. Maybe I can refashion the deluded verse into a better bridge. Andy the pigstye verse started with the pigstye line. I had trouble coming up with a rhyme. I agree the verse needs work. Clemo the title stays. Everything else is negotiable. Except drink the girls pretty or some variation. Paul, yeah maybe shitty should go, but it sets up the lyric, and I like the drink these girls pretty line. It reminds me of what we used to refer to as bar goggles-- when a guy got got so drunk even the bar hogs started to look good. I tweaked the chorus per your suggestion. I have a feeling this one is going to take a while to be satisfied with.
  14. Cockamamie Tart rewrite

    Hi Mike, Only because mojo is more of a masculine word. CH "Don't try to jinx my mojo with your juju" ... a yoyo of my heart. V1 you're nice job, Mike!
  15. Shake That Thing

    SOD, your riff sounds great. Good stuff!
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