Jump to content

Ron99

Members
  • Content count

    269
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    5

Ron99 last won the day on June 29

Ron99 had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

59 Excellent

About Ron99

  • Rank
    Active Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Shangri-La

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyrics
  • Musical Influences?
    Dylan, Paul Simon, John Lennon
  1. Come Back to Me

    Except for this verse, the singer is addressing her straying lover (YOU). But suddenly here, it become HE.
  2. A Little Braver Every Time

    1. Great chorus, thanks to waver 2. Maybe: Called him out on it - he showed me the door 3. However well crafted, the content seems a little tame. A. I remember the bullies. Massive flunkies usually. Twice my size. Mean and ignorant. There would be no way I could either punch 'em out or call their bluff. Best hope: dream of finding one my size and breaking even. B. You wouldn't say 'You wanting to fight.' You just would. C. I don't think they would have used the word 'toll.' Not sure. My beginning of a possible alt: I remember back in second grade I hadn't learned to be afraid Of kids from a class or two above That only knew to push and shove. One day one of 'em grabbed my lunch. or One day, when one of 'em grabbed my lunch I responded with a one-two punch And ended up with a broken bone, But after that got left alone. or he left me alone or people left me alone (Just trying to punch it up)
  3. The Shape of You

    The more jagged? If you hadn't brought this thing full circle, you might have been roundly criticized.
  4. The Shape of You

    This song could, except for this bridge, be sung by a woman. You need a backup bridge, perhaps containing: I want my eyes to fall to rest on chiseled abs and a barrel chest
  5. Dancing With My Demons

    In this one, I guess the demon is the bottle pure and simple, although "you called and around I spun," so maybe there is another person but more likely it was the bottle that called. This is your fourth downward spiral, desperado, giving up, peter-out, soul-beyond-saving song. I guess that's your niche. You certainly do it well. This one is simpler or more straightforward than the others. I'm drinking and by God i'm going to keep drinking. Why? Once again the eternal mystery that is so hard to put your finger on. "Too many lines crossed." Sometimes things get a little convoluted. As in your last lyric: Maybe I can tell the truth when my better demons get the best of me I guess they got their reasons, thinkin it’ll set me free. (it must refer back to the truth) Which I would try to simplify as-- Maybe I can tell the truth when my better demons set me free So you do have some better demons! Anyway, I believe your material, your method, is worth trying to fathom. I haven't succeeded but my current attempt involves your utilization of 1) ambivalence, 2) paradox, 3) metaphor, 4) use of jargon, nicknames, and slang, 5) wonderfully unusual rhymes, 6) obtuseness, and 7) juxtaposition (last laugh, first regret, or is that parallelism?). All these things ( and more) together are great but make for a very compact, condensed experience. I sometimes wish I, the listener, would be allowed to just coast a bit.
  6. A Child's World

    Made some really great changes, although I kind of liked mowing mazes in the meadow. I especially like just going to awe.
  7. "Self Medicate"

    1. Great internal rhyme 2. My wounds refuse to mend ?? 3. The self medicate idea is confined to a single line at the end of the chorus The song would makes its point quite well without it. You could drop it. It sounds like you're about to expand on the idea but you never do. 4. Gross bridge
  8. Looking

    Maybe "How" did we become so dammed? ???? Just a thought According to sociology literature, there might be quite an audience for this, though I'm not sure they would want to sing about it.
  9. A Child's World

    Tell me why we stifle that awe inspired instinct. Can an instinct be inspired by awe? Wouldn't it be somewhat the other way around? Instincts are inherited, hardwired programs. They do get triggered. But inspired? --------------------------------------------------------------- Youthfulness mister, is an angst elixir Seems like youthfulness would be the opposite. Maybe a joy / happiness / mirth / merriment / delight elixir Or is it an angst elixir because a child makes you realize you have lost something? Either way, the word angst is hard for me to absorb in a song. (picky picky)
  10. Pardon Me

    The above is my only thought. Quite good. Maybe we'll hear it at the Democratic convention.
  11. Paper Bee

    Is that what you mean by paper bee--a bee landing on a piece of paper? Is that an actual expression?
  12. Too Much Sugar

    Too much sugar (too much sugar) No, my Baby's sweet (my Baby's sweet) Not too much sugar She's just sweet enough for me This is a little confusing to me. Seems like you don't need the first line or the word No. Who is the first line referring to? Or is it a question? ------ Too much sugar presumably implies one-dimensionality. Not exactly too much sugar, but not enough of other things (including a little tartness, a challenge). --------------- We eat an apple because of the sugar. But the actual nutrients are antioxidants, flavanoids, and dietary fiber, and a few calories from the sugar. Nature makes us seek out sugar in order to make us eat apples and so many other foods. Sugar was discovered, isolated, in the eleventh century and began to become widely available from the sixteenth century onward (Wikipedia). We learned, God help us, that we could could skip the apple and just eat the sugar!! I sometimes think of prostitution (or one night stands) as the marketing of sugar, where you don't have to know the person etc. Or usage of recreational drugs to achieve a feeling state without going through the associated experience that Mother Nature intended. So the lady who came and won your heart might have been a little tart but I expect you found the apple beneath the sugar. I think you alluded to this: My college days were a crazy haze (great internal rhyme. In this song, you're using perfect rhymes!) of hookin' up with pretty girls. But the conversation on those dates put me right back in that grocery store (all sugar, no apple). Maybe there's another song in there for another time?? It must be taken under advisement That sugar is simply an enticement. She easily lured me through the door. She had the sugar but so much more. . .
  13. Too Much Sugar

    My girl's got the sugar to keep me groovin' And just enough roughage to keep things movin. (a little morning silliness)
  14. Hatty's passing through

    I don't think of snails as roaming, like bears and tigers How about a bird in the wind? that just blows in and at the end of the day is on her way (not that stellar, i know) --- The whole second verse, which seems to be no longer describing her but is cheering her on, was the weak link to me, especially where you shoe-horned in that shopping cart again, which wasn't bad the first time --- and She's wild a heart I'm sure is wild at heart --- I like the chorus --- like hysteria she'll surround you this is strange
  15. Scooters N Hooters

    Fun song, great hook Some very tiny suggestions . . . Everybody's got some things they enjoy. A team, a hobby, or maybe some toys. some favorite toy ---- Scooters n hooters. Bouncing down the road Burning the road ----- 52 panhead with a suicide clutch My good friend Jenny who I like so much dig / enjoy / -----
×