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the_routine_scar

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the_routine_scar last won the day on September 12

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About the_routine_scar

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    Contributing Muse

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    Female
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    Dallas

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    both

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  1. the_routine_scar

    Broken Man

    Sorry that was a typo. I still love rock
  2. the_routine_scar

    Talk to me

    Will, Excellent re-write! You paint a good picture of what’s going on with this girl without going into too much detail. I am also interested in the genre you were thinking. The chorus has a nice catchy flow to it and I could actually see this falling into a pop-country genre. Good job!
  3. the_routine_scar

    Talk to me

    Hey Will, I do agree with Mike. This song is hard for me to understand the structure (I’ve never heard of a pre-hook either!) I do think the verses sound more like a chorus as they are very repetitive. For me, the song doesn’t progress at all. It is vague and leaves me wondering what the full story is. I have provided an example below of maybe how you could give a little more explanation on the story. Keep or sweep. Verse1: Just got a call from the school For truancy, she’s broken the rules They say, if she misses another day She won’t be able to graduate Pre-chorus: You’ll always be my little girl And I love you more than the world Chorus: Just sit down and talk to me I’m always here when you need Just sit down and talk to me It’s just you and me, so speak Verse2: Just got a call from the police For loitering, found her on the streets They say, if she continues this way She will get locked away
  4. the_routine_scar

    Broken Man

    Hi Onewholovesrock, I am also one who loved rock lol. I would love to hear the music you have behind the lyrics because I bet it is really good! As far as the lyrics go, I think you have a good starting point. I do feel that it’s missing something...maybe a nice metaphor running through the entire song or maybe a catchier phrase resognating in the chorus. Keeping the meaning behind the song vague is ok as long as it has one of those two components to it. IMHO. And I do feel that the lyrics are rather vague. It leaves me wondering what has turned out wrong (end of verse 1)? How did you end up lost and alone (second line of verse 2)? I do like the flow of all the lines (which is probably why your music fits well with it). Your rhyme scheme is a little off on the verses. I noticed lines 2 and 4 rhyme in verse 1 and lines 1 and 3 rhyme in verse 2. Overall, you’ve got some great bones to work with and I think with a bit of tweaking, this could be a great song!
  5. the_routine_scar

    There’s No Comparison

    Ok so I’ve changed some things around with the pre-chorus which I was not fond of and wrote a chorus. Please let me know what you think. There’s No Comparison: V1: I was riding the beat Before you could even speak Before you were potty trained N Clinton got impeached I was rhyming my writing Before you could even read Thumbed a thesaurus page While the ‘net was dialing Pre-Chorus: I was laying down tracks Before Tupac got capped Performing mic checks Before the Y2K threat Blending that rap-rock sound Before Ice T’s Body Count And this all took place Before you could entertain The possibility Of entering your name N tryin to upstage me Chorus: There’s no comparison Between you and me I come packed heavily Leave you back pedaling There’s no comparison Between you and me My sound is deafening Drowned out your melody There’s no comparison Spitting lines like a machine gun There’s no comparison Trilling faster than you can keep up There’s no comparison V2: I was rockin drop D Before you could count to three Before you learned the alphabet N McVeigh’s OK bombing I was licking and riffing Before you had any teeth Learned Creep by Radiohead While watching MTV Pre-Chorus: I was laying down tracks Before Big Pun’s heart attack Performing mic checks Before OJ’s arrest Running the underground Before rap-rock had a sound And this all took place Before you could entertain The possibility Of entering your name N tryin to upstage me Chorus Bridge: I’m the alpha wolf; I self sustain Don’t need a pack to collaborate From intro to end note I compose every tone N I write every line I do it all on my own I’m the real deal; I produce a beat With stick n snare smoothly connecting While you fabricate yours From amateur keyboards Did you think plastic keys Would sound like actual chords
  6. the_routine_scar

    There’s No Comparison

    Will - interesting spin you put in it. I definitely wasn’t heading in the direction of father/son relationship but I’ll play with the idea and see how it pans out. Kuya- thanks for the idea of adding historical references to the chorus. I’m going to play with that idea as well. Thanks guys!
  7. the_routine_scar

    There’s No Comparison

    I have been struggling with this song for a few weeks and actually had the opposite problem that I normally have...too much material! I have done my best to condense it down, and in doing so, now struggle with the chorus which is left at just one line. This song is intended to be completely rapped. It’s arrogant and full of embellishments. Any help with the chorus and strengthening the song as a whole would be greatly appreciated. There’s No Comparison: V1: I was riding the beat Before you could even speak Before you were potty trained N Clinton got impeached I was rhyming my writing Before you could even read Thumbed a thesaurus page While the ‘net was dialing Pre-Chorus: I lectured music history Conducted a symphony Mastered music theory Composed many melodies All before you could entertain The possibility Of entering this music scene N trying to upstage me Chorus: There’s no comparison V2: I was rockin drop D Before you could count to three Before you learned the alphabet N McVeigh’s OK bombing I was licking and riffing Before you had any teeth Learned Creep by Radiohead While watching MTV Pre-Chorus: I lectured music history Conducted a symphony Mastered music theory Composed many melodies All before you could entertain The possibility Of entering this music scene N trying to upstage me Chorus: There’s no comparison Bridge: I’m the alpha wolf; I self sustain Don’t need a pack to collaborate From intro to end note I compose every tone N I write every line I do it all on my own I’m the real deal; I produce a beat With stick n snare smoothly connecting While you fabricate yours From amateur keyboards Did you think plastic keys Would sound like actual chords
  8. the_routine_scar

    A Toad in b flat

    Kuya, I love this little song! It’s very entertaining. I’m not sure why, but the conversation between you and the toad reminded me of Three Dog Night’s “Joy to the World.” Good stuff!!!
  9. the_routine_scar

    In Time

    Excellent job Will! Good work!!!
  10. the_routine_scar

    In Time

    Will, I like how you’ve incorporated debt into their reason for fighting. I think this is something every couple can relate to. Maybe in verse 3 you could paint a little more of a picture about the debt. Why are they fighting over money? Does Dad gamble away the rent? Does mom have a spending problem? Just a thought. I really like the changes you’ve made. Keep up the good work!
  11. the_routine_scar

    In Time

    Will, i like the concept youve created here. My only recommendations would be to maybe change up the verses a bit. It just seems like you’re saying the same thing over and over. At the core of country music, is a great story line. Maybe explain what’s going on a little more in each verse. Why is the couple fighting? I particularly enjoyed your bridge where you mention “No child should hear the things that we said” For structure’s sale, I would try to tighten up that line to flow a little better with the rest of the lines. Maybe something like: We’ll do it in time Wait til our heartaches mend We’ll do it in time No kid should hear what we said We’ll be alright We’ll do it in time Great title by the way!
  12. the_routine_scar

    Roads Untraveled

    RZ, Thanks for the feedback. I’ll definitely be looking at those rhymes and try to change it up some!
  13. the_routine_scar

    Annie Green Springs Waltz

    I really love the entirety of this song! I love the long use of metaphor here...at first I thought this was about a girl and then I realized it’s about alcohol. I do agree with BRG...the song is a bit long winded and I think it could survive just fine without verse 7 & 8. But like BRG said, if you already have music set to it, then I would keep it as is.
  14. the_routine_scar

    Elevator Music

    I agree with BRG...there could be a little more rhyming in the verses. Maybe something like this? verse 1: I’m the broken record Playing in the background A skipping needle When no one’s around Elevevator music That was born to fade slowly, slowly slipping Away, away verse 2: I’m the auto tuned noise You’re trained to ignore The hold message voice Buzzing in your ear Elevator music This is my future Slowly, slowly slipping Into a stupor By the way, I am a huge fan of repeating lines in verses...since your lines repeat towards the end of the verses, you could actually break it off into a pre-chorus. This was just an idea of how to develop a little more flow and rhyme to the verses. You can ignore if you like.
  15. the_routine_scar

    Dear mom

    Hello Devine, I am interested to know what genre of music you’ve intended this piece for. It definitely has that rap feel to it. If it is rap, I would work on tightening up the lines a bit, so the verses have a definitive flow to them. Also, I am having a hard time with the structure of the song. I cannot tell what lines are verses and what lines are the chorus...as there is no repetition to show a true chorus. This reads more like a poem to me. I do do like the content that you have here. Since the title is “Dear Mom” I would like to see more references to writing a letter to your mom. Perhaps that could be the basis to your chorus? welcome to the forum!
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