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BigHappyJack

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    316
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About BigHappyJack

  • Rank
    Inspirational Muse
  • Birthday

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Illinois, USA
  • Interests
    Lyrics, sandwiches, coffee

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    American Roots

Recent Profile Visitors

3,865 profile views
  1. It sounds like you're getting plenty of praise from the others. Personally, I find this type of opportunistic preaching trite and tiring. Every time an event like this happens someone pops up with one of these offerings. Kind of a "click bait" tome that's always way over the top and full of sentimental buttons. Not my cup of tea.
  2. I think this is a good topic for a song. The possibilities are endless for poking fun at the ads. I think you just sort of listed them when you could have taken a different tack. I would have liked to see more surprises in the lyrics. I don't give examples because I don't want to write your song; but there are lots of places (to me) where instead of coming straight ahead at the target, you could have come around from the side and I would have enjoyed the trip a lot more. Also, just saying these things are worthless to you is a little specific. What do you need? What kind of ads would get you to click? What ridiculous ad would be perfect for you? That might be funny.
  3. Been rubbing the polishing cloth all over this one. Where did I miss?? Empty Can v She was a young beauty with wavy black hair And I watched her from afar. I never told her just how much I cared. “I loved you” - wherever you are. v I was watching this bee the other day, A plump, yellow bumbler in flight. I asked him his name but he flew away And I dreamed of him all through that night. c Pumping my gas when it’s fifteen below You could fill up a bucket with things I don’t know But time is money and I’ve got to go It’s like shaking an empty can. v I sat on an old stoop the other day; The concrete was cold and flat. I thought about when I get to that age. Will I be as solid as that? v I hope at the end that they don’t give a test Unless I can get by on charm. And I will not promise that I did my best, But little intentional harm. c Sorry, young lady, for making a mess And I’m just in this bar out of habit, I guess, I sit on the stool with my chin in my chest And spin an empty can.
  4. Look, don't listen to these Bozo's. This rocked. The verses rap. The chorus could soar. I can really hear this in my head and it sounds like a great song. Sure a word here or there could evolve, but I got this right away and I liked it. Very modern. Very POP. I can see the video and the dancers. Nice.
  5. I think it makes a nice poem. I had a hard time finding music in my head. It is quite a downer. Personally, I don't find pleasure in this genre. A bit preachy. Just my opinion.
  6. I've taken full advantage of the forum. Great suggestions, many incorporated. Much polish applied. What do you think? To Mary, All My Love V You already know my story We’ve all been there before A beating young heart makes an insecure start And opens a shiny door But a memory is a hummingbird That too often volunteers Her name has been my password For the past fifteen years C I daydream of her when starlings fly And when I see pink in the late evening skies We were young, too young for such harsh goodbyes To Mary, all my love B We imagined forever and ever and ever like children We cursed the two-faced world that was keeping us down We counted the stars but finally stopped at ten million We drove every car and owned every big house in town V I have no idea where she is Or how she’s getting on But I swear that I can feel her hair When that certain song comes on I can see her walking in my house She might lift a hand to me I put on some music when I’m alone And dance with a memory B Lost in the middle of little illusions we wandered Touching our lips in the way that the movie stars do Looking around, we noticed the world was unconquered If we had a plan we could make all our wishes come true C I dream of her when I drive down that street Or find myself in a small back seat When I can plainly make out my own heartbeat To Mary, all my love
  7. Thank you all for the good feedback. I think I will rewrite the first verse and split the chorus in two. I can always count on you guys. Thanks.
  8. I feel this is more poem than lyric. It's nice as a poem but rather sparse as a lyric. But hey, it's your art, not mine.
  9. Nice. I like how much light get's through this one. It's not crowded. Perfect for the light comedy feel. I was a little thrown by the rhyming pattern of the the first verse, I had to go back and read it again lest I was lost. Those first two lines? "holding back my tears" was a little cliche. "A gentle breeze is blowing, skies are blue" - ? I've read a lot of your stuff. This is a nice one, but I don't see enough of you in it yet.
  10. I don't think you should get rid of this. It's a good start and I liked the rhythmic flow with the choruses. I was a little thrown by the ABCA pattern of the verses. Valid choice, but not very aesthetic to me. You may need a little help with the lyrics. You might replace weak words with stronger ones. example: "I walk down the alleys of my past" - you could replace the verb "walk" with a thousand things: run, stroll, ease, slither, march, step, slide, etc. The same holds true for "alleys" : hallways, tunnels, canyons, valleys, ditches, etc. I think it might make it a better read without changing your ideas. I would suggest going word-by-word through the whole thing. Asking, "Is that the best word/phrase I can think of?" Trouble with rhymes? Use rhymezone.com. Keep going.
  11. Pounded this out today. I'm certain it needs work. Feedback sought. To Mary, All My Love V We all know the story We’ve been there ourselves The insecure start; a flailing young heart One book on a sagging shelf Memories get soft and blurred The center never clears Her name has been my password For these last fifteen years C I dream of her when the maple seeds fly And when I see pink in the late evening sky We were young, too young for such harsh goodbyes To Mary, all my love B We dreamed of forever and ever and ever like children We pushed out the treacherous world that was keeping us down We counted that stars but finally stopped at ten million We drove every car and owned every big house in town Lost in the middle of little illusions we wandered Touching our lips in the way that the movie stars do Looking around, we noticed the world was unconquered If we had a plan we could make wishes come true V I have no idea where she is Or how she’s getting on But I swear that I can feel her hair When that certain song comes on I can see her walking in my house She’d turn to look at me I put on some music when I’m alone And dance with a memory C I dream of her when I drive down that street Or when I feel cool mud beneath my feet When I clearly feel my own heartbeat To Mary, all my love
  12. I like the thought. As a rule I like this format. I also like to use a lot of double rhymes like you use in the 3rd line of the verses. My issue is with the rhymes. They seem forced and shoehorned in. It's like; I need to rhyme x so here's a word that I can use, now just come up with something that can end with x. This is fine for placeholding, buy you need to go back and give it some polish. Still too rough.
  13. Thanks guys, It's the first good idea I've had in months. I'm gonna work the hell out of this. Good feedback.
  14. Does no one have a sense or humor?