Jump to content

BigHappyJack

Members
  • Content Count

    363
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    3

BigHappyJack last won the day on December 20 2017

BigHappyJack had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

25 Excellent

About BigHappyJack

  • Rank
    Inspirational Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Illinois, USA
  • Interests
    Lyrics, sandwiches, coffee

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    American Roots

Recent Profile Visitors

4,194 profile views
  1. BigHappyJack

    Racist

    I'm not against free speach, and I don't need a lecture on art. We have a nice site here with people writing about love and life and personal struggles. I'm just asking for the same respect you ask. Why can you say what you think but I can't? This is a critique site. I was critiquing.
  2. BigHappyJack

    The last of Us

    Yeah, kill the f-bomb. It's pretty good but it's a standard "I hate you" song. I think your hook needs to be stronger. "The last of us" doesn't have the punch.
  3. BigHappyJack

    Racist

    Yeah. I really put off reading this one because of the title. I don't want any of that mess here. But I got 3 lines in and my fears were confirmed. You want a soapbox? Fine, there's a million sites. Leave us lowly wannabe artists alone. Please.
  4. BigHappyJack

    CAN'T STOP NOW

    Alright now. That's what I'm talking about. When you play it live you should make the chorus a "sing-a-long". It would be a hoot. This is my kida stuff.
  5. BigHappyJack

    Lyrics

    Now you've got it. This came across quite nicely. A lighthearted tune with good pace. I didn't care for the "I'm number two" bit. It was too harsh for the rest of the song.
  6. BigHappyJack

    Take Me

    I thought the verses were strong. Simple, but strong. The chorus was wacky to me. I couldn't find the groove. I understand if you have a melody to walk it throuh, but I never got it to settle. The words of the chorus were pretty good, but not perfect yet. But overall I think this is strong. Good job.
  7. BigHappyJack

    Change to -with a smile

    Pretty well constructed. Nice read. A bit of a downer. I'll bet you would tell me it's all true. I would have liked a little more humanity in him. Nobody's a superman. A regret.
  8. BigHappyJack

    tomcat

    Nice start. I would have liked more cat metaphors and another verse or a bridge. Show us how clever you are.
  9. BigHappyJack

    Lyrics

    Good idea and that's half the battle. See how others format their lyrics, it would make this easier to read.
  10. BigHappyJack

    Stop Cussing me out

    Might I suggest you format this into a readable structure? This was too distracting to read.
  11. BigHappyJack

    Walter The Weasel

    This was fun to write. Hope you like it. Open to your ideas. Walter the weasel. A weasel named Walter was walking through the woods When he passed upon a possum named Paul Now Walter thought Paul wasn’t looking very good All curled up in a ball “What’s up?” asked Walter to his little friend “Have you gone into a possum funk?” “I wish”, said Paul, “’cos it’s worse than that, I’m in love with a female skunk.” “I know,” said Paul “It makes no sense at all, But I’m sure she’s the girl for me. But I can’t get the nerve for a social call And that leaves me as you see.” Well, Walter sat down when he saw his buddy’s frown, “Don’t be such a baby lamb. If I can’t get that girl for you I’m not the weasel I think I am.” So Walter trotted off until the odor made him cough And he was sure that he had found the spot In the heart of Skunky-town he asked all around Till he came across the kitten he sought She had big black eyes and shiny fur And a fluffy tail held above. Well, Walter took one look at her And knew he was in love. He fell right to his weasel knees And took her tiny paw And he spoke of love and a little Fabreeze As the future that he saw She pulled back her toes and wrinkled her nose “I’m sorry,” she said, “I cannot. It’s not that I think you an unpleasant peasant, But it seems there’s an odor you’ve got “ME?” cried out Walter, “This must be a joke, I bathe nearly every day. You are the one glands in her ass And we all know about that spray.” So he messed up his buddy and missed on the girl And you probably find him quite evil But everyone knows how that story goes And I told you that he was a weasel.
  12. BigHappyJack

    Kiss Me in the dark

    I liked it. I got the meter right away and it had a real bounce. The gas reference needs to go.
  13. BigHappyJack

    Blanket Fort

    I thought the song found it's pace on the chorus. I thought the first two verses could dissappear altogether and start the song on the chorus; I'd be fine with that. I really liked how it got marching. Pretty clean and clever. I think if you made the "having tea" bit into something more juvenile it would relate to more people. Fun read.
  14. BigHappyJack

    My car might not start.

    Thanx, Ron. I always get nervous when I get a bunch of views but no comments. It makes me think everyone hated it.
  15. BigHappyJack

    Free

    OK. Nice. I'm sure others will nit-pick line by line, so I'll just say you have the right idea. The overall construction is okay and you know where the images need to be. I think it's time to really go over it word by word and see if what you have is the very best choice. I think you can polish this up quite a bit. Nice.
×