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Mike B

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Mike B last won the day on May 15

Mike B had the most liked content!

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36 Excellent

About Mike B

  • Rank
    Acousticus Bostonicus
  • Birthday May 1

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  • Location
    Methuen, MA
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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Todd Rundgren, Neil Young, Beatles, anyone and everyone!
  1. Don't just use it as an ap, use it as a learning tool! Once you learn the I-VII chords (that is, what they mean), you can transpose to any key.
  2. Hi BHJ, it's easier to comment on a revision when you include it in the original thread (you can edit your original post, and then also add the revision as a reply at the bottom to bump the thread up). I ended up opening a 2nd window to be able to compare the 2 versions. The bridge is much better divided up, but unsure why you put the 2nd one between verse 2 and chorus 2 - musically that would be awkward, I think, because you now have a bridge before and after verse 2. Now that the bridge is somewhat sorted out, I'm noticing the chorus more. The different wording in each makes them less memorable, and I'm wondering if it might be better with 4 lines + the tag/hook line? I dream of her when starlings fly And when I drive down that street When I see pink in the evening sky I can hear my own heartbeat (I'm not sure about this line, but don't like the 'small seat' line, either) To Mary, all my love
  3. Hi Cindy, I like the verses as they are, but think the chorus needs tightening up. I think part of that is 10 lines, starting with AABB rhyme, then the rhyme pattern falls apart. 'The skin is tight / On my teeth' - I know what you mean - the apple skin, and the way you have to force your teeth through, but think this is all rather unneeded -everone who has eaten an apple understands what eating one is like. Suggestion (off the top of my head, feel free to ignore!): Sitting 'neath the apple tree Mama, Joey, and me Taking that first bite Everything feels so right...
  4. I had similar thoughts to BHJ on phrase choices and the rhyme scheme in the verses. Your bridge uses the same '_ay' rhyme as the chorus so it loses any strength it could have, and being so short it's gone before being noticed - I'd look at expanding this to 4 lines, with an XAXA rhyme to distinguish it.
  5. Hi BHJ, very good overall. Only thing I'd say that needs to be looked at is the bridge - with the long lines, it is too long at 8 total lines. Maybe you could have two bridges, and use 4 lines in each, and after the 2nd bridsge, go back for one final chorus.
  6. To me, bluegrass is totally different than country music. 'O Brother' music - many different style, including bluegrass, country, gospel.
  7. I'll start by saying I'm not really familiar with his music, not a genre I listen to. But that was 'old time country music'. It was a simpler life back then, music was very different than it is now (as everything is).
  8. You can get the latest version of Vegas video software (no longer owned by Sony) for $50 from Sweetwater. It's not the Pro version, but seems to have plenty of bells and whistles. I've downloaded it but haven't gotten around to trying it out yet. Got tired of using a 9-year-old Roxio s/w that crashed all the time (no current Win drivers).
  9. As usually said: if you have to explain it, it probably doesn't work ...
  10. Fireworks, in 2nd grade? WOW! This is cute, but I can't see it making much of a song.
  11. 'Move' and 'prove it', for example of a not-great rhyme. 'I took a chance cuz when in Rome/you light a match an’ play The Liar' - these two seemed forced. Is the first part supposed to be part of 'when in Rome, do as the Romans do'?
  12. Hi Zach, the story laid out in the verses is straight forward enough (some lines and rhymes need to be looked at, though), but your chorus seems to comes from a very different place.
  13. Hi Simon, I liked this overall. Didn't understand "Our faces painted" . I think your regular chorus is better than the alternative. The pre-chorus is just too long - is it possible you could use half the lines as PC for verse 1 (probably the last 4 lines) and half for verse 2 (first 4 lines)?
  14. Hi Joey, almost there? The only part I'm still not keen on is the bridge - I just can't find any consistent rhythm to it, with the syllable counts 7/7/11/9/12/6 and the rhyme scheme seems to be XXXAXA,
  15. Good point about all the '_ways' in the chorus, Doug. Like Snarky says, there weren't many choices of words to use back then for 'friend', and I have to wonder if changing it for the sake of the lyric to sister or something works for me. Maybe I can use 'my roommate' and 'your best friend'.