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GaryHale last won the day on October 5

GaryHale had the most liked content!

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26 Excellent

About GaryHale

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  1. RED

    Powerful personal lyric that works on a multiple levels. I dig it!
  2. It's All A Mistake

    Jim, I stand corrected. After reading your response I spent additional time on your lyric and have come to the realization that my initial response to your lyric was off the mark and written in haste. I apologize for not taking the time necessary (and the time I would want from someone commenting on one of my lyrics) to appreciate your efforts. The more I re-read this the more I enjoy it and “get” what you’re saying. Kindly accept my apologies. My comments were a disservice to you and this lyric. As I stated, I do enjoy reading your work.
  3. All Unicorns & Rainbows

    When I read this it made me think of Pink... do you think I'm off base?
  4. It's All A Mistake

    Hey Jim, I generally enjoy reading your word-play. I know you're a big fan of Dylan and the inscrutable lyric and nicely turned phrase, but... this lyric reads like a sweeping indictment of... ? It seems to me to be painfully generic and very static in terms of story/lyric progression. Perhaps not cloaking your thoughts/words/lyrics in such general terms that are meant to portray devastating insights would help... but again, if that's your style and if it's right for you so be it. I make every effort to imagine a lyric being sung and holding my interest through-out, but this one wore thin quickly.
  5. The Population of Lonelyville

    Paul, a well thought-out and constructed lyric. A perfect example of a "genre" lyric.
  6. This was one of my highest scores in the contest. The last two lines of the chorus are devastating.
  7. Twenty Below

    I'd do something like this to break up the verses and heighten the drama : Only 5 more miles till I’m home free I pray to the lord they don’t catch me Only 4 more miles till the border line Gotta keep movin’ gotta make good time Only 3 more miles till I see my wife But I’m growing weak in this cold and ice Etc., etc.
  8. October Lyrics Contest

    Congratulations to Donna, Iggy, LyriCAL and all who entered. Thanks to Alistair. Donna, appreciate the kind words! Good group of lyrics.
  9. Just watch me

    Yes, it feels unfinished, like it needs, at the very least, a coda or bridge, or perhaps another verse.

    Smart, clever and funny!
  11. Fugitive

    Boiled down to its basic premise this is a lyric about an old guy stumbling around in the cold and snow. There’s no “end game” to this, as I read it. He doesn’t mention any loved ones he’d like to see; any regrets for the life he lived, or any “second chances” he could have had, etc., etc. So to me, it’s somewhat aimless and redundant, him just out there being cold. There’s a long history of these types of songs. Haggard’s "I'm A Lonesome Fugitive" perhaps being the best known. I think you have the opportunity to strengthen this considerably by opening it up and giving a sense of the “who” and “why” about this guy. That would, in my opinion, make it more poignant and relatable.
  12. Drifted Apart

    I’d like to respectfully take exception to a well-meaning point the Bob wrote - “We are just here to give you our opinions and they don't really matter. What matters is what you want.” I don’t post very much, anymore. When I do it’s because I believe my input, opinions and suggestions do matter, otherwise this just becomes an exercise in endless self-aggrandizement. As a “new” songwriter it’s exceptionally easy to get lost in your head and lose track of the craft, skill and effort that goes into writing a meaningful, moving and memorable lyric that may have the power to elicit interest and emotional identification from a reader/listener. Whether you choose to accept or dispose of a particular suggestion or comment is your choice. The landscape of music is unfathomably littered with failed lyricists who never graduated beyond the stage of introspective, maudlin and whimpering lyrics, frighteningly unembarrassed to whine to the world about their romantic mishaps. The goal is to get through this necessary stage and graduate to the stage where we can discover our own lyrical and musical voices and vocabulary. If I can, in my own way and manner, assist someone in achieving this goal then I have offered a contribution that does matter and that has measurable value. I can only assume, again, quoting Bob, - “What matters is what you want.” - that what matters to you would be to become a better lyric writer. But, referencing my own beginnings as a lyricist, it was quite hard to know what I wanted because I didn’t truly have the skills or know-how to articulate what I wanted with any precision or clarity. And, what I wanted when I began, turned out to be vastly different than what I wanted later on. Many of the people on this site, and I include myself among this motley crew, are individuals who, for whatever reason, never achieved the level of success or recognition they had dreamed of, hoped for, or aspired to. Some of the voices are bitter and angry, some are welcoming and friendly, some discounting and cruel, and some are bloated and pompous. Regardless, there are talented people cloistered here who can genuinely help you. Your challenge is to be discerning in choosing which of those voices can help you move up the ladder and perfect your craft and give lift and wings to your aspirations.
  13. Counting Moons

    I like the hook a lot. And the verses work well. I'd rethink the entire bridge. I thought about all of the other things that maybe you counted with her - whether it was the days or minutes, or money, or heart beats or laughs, or burgers - whatever - as a possible launching pad for the bridge to add some depth and something unexpected to fill this out. Or.... Your eyes cut me to ribbons All the way across the room as the first lines in the bridge. Dug the lyric!
  14. Drifted Apart

    I'm going to tell you something that I wish someone told me when I started writing lyrics -- don't be boring! The first rule of songwriting, in my mind, is just that - don't be boring - and you broke that rule. There's nothing in this lyric that moves with any strength - everything is so conditional. I think for a song of this type to succeed the writer needs to make strong statements and should not ask questions in the lyric from someone who can't answer them or, if asked then you need to answer them yourself. If you don't have the answers why would I be interested in taking this trip with you. If you don't know if your love was real I don't want to stick around and find out. Make me feel invested in the lyric! Give me something to identify with. Tell me how much you loved her. How she moved you.How important she was to you (or wasn't if that's the case). If she's going to own a piece of your heart then tell me what it's like living with that gone - are you short of breath? Will you pass out? Are you half the man you were? Whatever - just give me declarative statements and invite me to take a soul journey that will make an impression on me and be memorable. Maybe you will forget me maybe you wont Deep down I really hope that you don’t Maybe she'll forget you... and you "hope" she doesn't. C'mon, this has to be stronger and decisive and moving and memorable. Sorry for not candy coating my comments but that would be a waste of my time and would be a huge disservice to you.
  15. For you Billy Bragg fans. The remarkable power of a solitary singer and a guitar. Pick this up at the one minute mark. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0WQse0YCdo