Welcome to Muse Songwriters Message Board

Register now to gain access to all of our features. 

 

This message will be removed once you have signed in.

GaryHale

Members
  • Content count

    220
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    5

GaryHale last won the day on March 13

GaryHale had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

12 Good

About GaryHale

  • Rank
    Active Muse
  • Birthday

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    NYC

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Both
  1. I know there are a lot of Dylan fans on this site. Thought they might find this revealing and insightful interview to their liking. http://www.bobdylan.com/news/qa-with-bill-flanagan/
  2. Thanks Joey. Glad you enjoyed it. Kuya, thanks, man. Appreciate the very kind words.
  3. Some good writing and a strong idea but you buried the hook in a verse. How come?
  4. Hey Tee, Really strong and catchy lyric - no doubt about that. I personally think that the lyric calls out for something - maybe a new bridge - that talks about why she choose him, or how lucky he is, or something to give this a little tweak, depth wise. Doesn't have to be over the top. Maybe even a little something about she’s just as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. I think if you can add this element it would really give the lyric a bigger dimension. Other than that this is a super lyric that could easily be a contemporary country song or, with a few minor lyric changes, a cool pop song. Good writing. Nice work.
  5. I think the important take-away from all of this is my buddy Tee's gonna be dancing with devil and I'm gonna be strolling with the saints.! Amen!
  6. Couple of suggestions: Trifling Idle Lurking Shallow trifling would be my favorite
  7. Nice lyric. Clear and easy to follow. Tells a compelling story in a smart way. Personally, because I like this story, I would have enjoyed more - I think a strong bridge would be terrific and would add a nice element to this lyric. Good job!
  8. Not a good word for a song... for many reasons.
  9. I think you have a good idea but I think it’s overwritten and gets buried in the length and similarities of the verses and chorus. (As I read this I hear it roughly sung to the tune and with the inflections of Bartender’s Blues by GJ.) From the opening verse we know pretty well where this is going and what to expect and that, I think, is both a blessing and a curse because, yes, while it meets our expectations it doesn’t break any new lyrical ground IMO. I think this would greatly benefit from some editing and trimming (see He Stopped Loving Her Today - really tight write - no excess fat on any of the verses) as well as rethinking the choruses which don’t offer us anything other than what the verses are telling us - there are no surprises in this song - why did she stop loving him? Was it someone else who caught her eye? ( Was the cheating she did with a friend of his - something stronger and than just "cheating" could add some interest.) Or maybe she died in childbirth? Maybe she took her life... whatever. And writing a traditional country song doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to hit every last maudlin country cliché - a couple are mandatory but don’t overload it. Say them in a novel way we haven't heard before that will stimulate our interest and keep us tuned in and help us empathize with your misery and hurt. Don’t misunderstand me, there’s a lot to like here and I really think you could craft a strong standout song with some judicious re-thinking, re-writing and re-imagining.
  10. Brutal and unflinching lyric. You could, in a story like this, actually be specific with names and places. That would strongly center it in a time and place and, in my opinion, increase the power, pathos, tragedy and horror of this story. 800 souls were found today In Tuam, County Galway And the horror that passed for years Will never be covered by your tears
  11. Hey Mike, The issue that the bridge brings up for me is simply that this person in your lyric (who shall be nameless) has lived his entire life in a room full of mirrors, metaphorically speaking, and has only ever seen himself and is only motivated by and for wealth. So I don't quite see how continuing along this self-obsessed path would be considered a negative for him. I think it would just affirm their success, like living in an echo chamber. So if the bridge is meant to be some type of moral lesson, judgement or ultimatum I don't think it makes as powerful a denouement as you may have intended. I dig the fact that your writing continues to be a moral compass addressing important issues.
  12. Hey, Doug, thanks, man, Yeah, I have the music. I think it could find some traction in the marketplace. It's a catchy lyric and subject. Thanks for stopping by. Hey, Tee, cool! We'll get it done. LMFO! Thanks, Paul. Always value your input. Gonna take a look at your suggestions... you may have some good points to consider. Bob, HA!
  13. I don't know if I ever posted this before but I've always liked it. It's meant to be a rockin' fun song with some of the vibe you might get from The Cadillac Three. I'm thinking of asking my buddy teeporter to contribute some tight Rap after the first and second chorus (you listening, Tee?) Interested in response to this lyric. Alabama’s Best ©2016 Gary Hale V Back in the woods Miles from the highway You won’t find it on a GPS We got a crop Ready for the harvest Sweet and green Alabama’s best V Now, I ain’t a saint And I ain’t a sinner Just a hickbilly boy with a skill, I guess A little plot of land And a little bit of know-how That’s how we grow Alabama’s best CH1 We grow it for love We don’t grow it for money It’s better than the chronic from way out West We grow it for ourselves And we grow it for our buddies Sweet and green Alabama’s best V Well, the police came Said, “Son you in trouble” Took out the cuffs to make the arrest I said “hey Bo ‘Fore you take me off to jail Have a little taste of Alabama’s best” V Now Bo is my buddy He’s here every evening With his head on a duffle And his hands on his chest Lookin’ at the stars And singing ‘long to Haggard Puffin’ on a little Alabama’s best CH2 We grow it for love We don’t grow it for money It’s better than the chronic from way out West Share it with your friends, smoke it with your honey Just fire you up Alabama’s best BR Everybody needs some real-good feel-good kick-back time So grab yourself a handful, a nickel or a dime CH and Fade We grow it for love We don’t grow it for money It’s better than the chronic from way out West We grow it for ourselves And we grow it for our buddies Sweet and green Alabama’s best Fire up some Alabama’s best Sweet and green Alabama’s best
  14. Seduce Me : Eric Borgos I’m a big fan of your music. You always capture a very contemporary vibe in your work. This had a good feel and drew me in from the start. I do wish the chorus had a little more kick to it but overall it was a very good production. Friends of Richard Perkins : ScenesFromPalacio An incredibly catchy and memorable tune. I found myself humming the hook the other morning. Your production, expertise and love of music clearly comes through in all of your work. One of my favorites and highest scores. Damn This Field - PaulCanuck Totally dug this! I think it’s a powerful story powerfully told. Also one of my favorites and highest scores. Rolling On : Jambrains From the opening line about “... hell on earth,” I did have a bit of disconnect between the lyric, which seemed dark, and the current production. While this was well done I could not help but to wish that the performance - music, production, and voice - were more powerful and ominous than the way you produced this - just a personal choice on my part. Having said that I do think this was very well performed. Mexican Wind: GaryHale This is my song and a reworked older lyric. I really love this lyric. There’s a very interesting story behind the original version which I may share one day - (Hint: It involves Mick Ronson and Bob Dylan.) Elegy On The death of an American girl: The S Super on all accounts. Deserving of the win. Get Gone: The Nameless Untold Superb picking on this. Love your voice, just wish you had stepped this up a bit. Lovely lyric. My Baja Bug: neuroron Good time, feel good nod to classic rock n roll - what’s not to love about this. Alpha Dog: RoadDog Pretty powerful lyric and matching music. Loved the bridge on this. I think you accomplished what you set out to do. Out of time: ClineLeonard Really dug this. One of my highest scores. A meeting of Imagine Dragons + One Republic skillfully blended by your band and made your own. Really nice work. I was the one: chazmataz Well written and thoughtfully performed. I found this very believable and genuine.
  15. Yeah, it's a good story but I didn't find it very compelling for some reason and I'm not certain why that is. Maybe because it's so reportorial. Even though there are intimate details it feels very impersonal. I know these comments are more of my response than a critique but this lyric didn't really grab me at any point and I was hoping it would.