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Everything posted by PaulCanuck

  1. Time to Sink In

    Some songwriters advise us to give a song room to breathe, give it space, and make it less busy. While I agree this good advice, I also like to think - give things a chance to "sink in". Often listening to lyrics is like drinking from a fire hose. You can't do it, so plenty of water doesn't make it down your throat To avoid this, we need to meter out the lyric so it gets absorbed by the listener's brain, not discarded because the listener isn't ready for more information. A repeating chorus, a musical interlude or even a stop or breakdown in the song can give the listener a break. Is there a poignant line in the lyric of your song? Is there a climax in the storyline? Is new information flowing too fast for a typical listener to keep up? If so, add some room to allow things to sink in. You'll make a better connection to your listeners if you do
  2. Collaboration Contest

    I'm in as a ... (whatever you're short of )
  3. be on your way

    Nice one Dan - reminded me of Dylan's "It ain't Me Babe". +1 on Patty's comments - esp the heart/apart rhyme. Otherwise good to go in my books Paul
  4. January 2018 Song Contest

    Welcome to the January Song Contest – an open format contest. For any newcomers, open format means the entry can be at any production level - from just you and your guitar to a fully orchestrated masterpiece TO ENTER: You must post your song in this thread. The timeline is as follows: • Entries will be accepted now through Midnight Eastern Standard Time (EST) Wednesday, Jan 31st, 2018. • Voting (scorecards) will take place Thurs. Feb. 1st through Midnight EST Sunday Feb 11th, 2018. • Don’t start voting until I officially post the scoring instructions on Thurs. Feb. 1st • You must score all other entries or your entry will be disqualified from the contest. • I'll post the results shortly after scoring is completed. If you plan to enter, please review the revised rules, pinned in this forum. When posting your song to the Songs Feedback Forum, please include: •song title •writer credits (If it’s a collab with another Muser please make that clear by including their M/M id) •audio link Please include the lyrics on your post. Videos are permitted. (Voters are encouraged to refrain from watching any video until after they've scored the song.) All Musers are welcome to submit songs as contestants or score the songs as non-contestants. Any questions or problems should be sent to me (paulcanuck) via private message (PM).
  5. Smile For Everyone

    Hi Joey Great country-rock tune IMHO. Love the hook - and how you stay true to it. My only suggs are on the production side of things. +1 on scaling back the backing music in the verses - this will make the chorus stand out more and feel more intimate in story telling. Also, just a touch less reverb on the main vocal (leave it heavy on the bg vox), again will make it more intimate. The lead vox is excellent BTW. Lastly it needs a haircut - trimmed to 3:30 max. I would even be tempted to give it a key change lift for the last chorus to keep it fresh/interesting. All in all a solid song and recording - enjoyed it Paul
  6. Another few tweaks shown in green 02/16/2018. I decided to personify "Alzheimer's" in the first two lines to make it less "scientific" sounding. Thanks to everyone who hung in with this as it developed. Thanks to all who commented - updated 02/09/2018 This was my contest entry last month - I was pleased with its placement despite the formidable competition it faced. I now have music written so looking for finishing touches from you kind folks The Trouble Is.. Copyright 2018 Tennyson Road Music Alzheimer's is a terrible disease devil and a thief It He runs off with the ones you love, steals their memories So when I visit Dad and see his distant eyes I know I'm just another face he doesn't recognize He talks of to Mom like she is still around But it's almost 20 years now since we laid her in the ground He wouldn't be as safe, if he were living on his own But the trouble is.. he thinks he'll soon be home ch And he talks of how he sees her waiting there And he tells me how she's waiting for him there With her Mona Lisa smile, And her Judy Garland hair Says she's busy in the kitchen, makin' supper on the stove And the trouble is: he thinks he'll soon be home I'll spare you all the grief of when he died Suffice to say I kissed his cheek goodbye, then I cried I knew that soon I'd lose him, but if the truth were known The trouble is.. Yeah, the trouble is.. I lost him years ago .....instr... It goes against what common sense says happens to our souls But, the trouble is.. I know he made it home And he held her in his arms when he got there Kissed her Mona Lisa smile, Touched her Judy Garland hair They had supper in the kitchen, got caught up around the stove Though it goes against most everything my common sense, I know The trouble is.. The trouble is.. The trouble is.. I know he made it home.
  7. Bring It to the River

    The only one I know is by the Talking Heads
  8. The Trouble Is.. 02/16/2018 (final?!)

    Made a few more tweaks in green. As Buck Owens used to say to guitar players: "You keep pickin that thing and it won't heal" Hopefully that isn't the case here. Thanks again everyone - I think it's a better lyric because of your esteemed inputs Paul
  9. Bring It to the River

    Hi Donna Knowing nothing about the genre - looks good to me. Only thought was "Bring it to His/God's River" to get it further from "Take Me To the River" which is sort of "taken". Quality work Paul
  10. "Watching You Fly"

    Good stuff Andy - you put us in that arena watching her fly. The verses build nicely and the chorus explodes magnificently A few suggs - use or lose at will: "Ice" is redundant IMO: Think this line has one adjective too many: This is a great "meta song" line: Hope this is of some use. Paul
  11. Wishful Drinking

    Haha - love it - would make a great country song! I think the first line is a bit too potty-mouth and the first two lines could be clearer (with one less "pretty") Assuming the idea is that the more he drinks the prettier the girls get: Not sure "stinking bad" works - seems redundant - maybe: Good write! Paul
  12. January 2018 Song Contest

    Hi everyone - just wanted to point out that the highlighted (in yellow) scores of "5" were put in by myself - these were either not scored, or were the scorer's own lyric/music. I'm not sure if they skew the results - maybe they should be an "average" instead of "5". Would be interested if the lyric/music scoring is helpful or not - it's a bit more work for everyone so we needn't bother if it is not useful. This thread is weird in my browser - I keep getting a pop-up saying there are 22 new replies but there aren't Does this happen to anyone else? Paul
  13. January 2018 Song Contest

    The scores have been tabulated (by an infinite number of monkeys typing on an infinite number of typewriters) and we have the following results. FIRST PLACE: Gone Away - Triffid SECOND PLACE: Because You Are - HoboSage THIRD PLACE: Fade - Jambrains Congratulations to our winners and all who participated. Special thanks to our non-contestant scorers: peko, murphster, GaryHale, and Ironknee Total Gone Away Triffid 7.0 7.0 9.0 7.0 3.0 8.0 7.0 8.0 5.0 7.0 5.0 7.0 8.5 6.5 8.5 103.5 Because You Are HoboSage 8.0 8.0 8.0 8.0 3.0 8.0 5.0 7.9 8.0 7.0 6.0 6.5 7.5 5.5 7.0 103.4 Fade Jambrains 9.0 6.0 7.0 7.5 6.0 5.0 6.5 8.8 7.0 5.0 7.0 7.5 7.5 6.5 6.5 102.8 Velvet Dream ScenesFromPalacio 6.0 5.0 7.0 7.0 6.0 6.0 4.0 8.6 7.0 6.5 6.5 8.5 7.0 7.0 8.0 100.1 Tables Turn DanJames 9.0 6.5 8.0 8.0 6.0 7.0 4.0 5.8 5.0 8.0 6.0 5.5 7.5 5.5 6.0 97.8 I Am Broken Eric Borgos 8.0 7.5 5.0 6.0 6.0 4.0 5.5 5.2 4.0 6.0 6.5 6.0 6.5 8.0 8.0 92.2 4exo27 (Forever as you are) ClintLeonard 7.0 6.5 6.0 7.0 3.0 5.0 7.5 4.0 5.0 8.0 7.0 8.5 7.0 5.5 5.0 92.0 Ashes of Her Bridges moptop 5.0 8.0 5.0 5.0 8.5 5.0 3.5 8.5 7.0 5.5 5.5 6.0 5.5 5.0 7.0 90.0 The Usual Suspects tunesmithth 5.0 7.0 6.0 6.5 5.0 5.0 4.5 6.1 5.0 5.0 4.0 5.0 5.5 5.5 6.0 81.1 4our 5ive Boy frevm 4.0 8.0 6.0 6.0 2.0 4.0 3.0 4.9 4.0 6.5 4.0 5.5 8.0 5.5 8.0 79.4 Good RoadDog 4.0 8.0 1.0 5.0 6.0 4.0 5.0 5.0 5.0 6.0 3.5 6.0 5.0 6.0 5.5 75.0 Mountain SOD 3.0 7.0 6.0 7.0 1.0 4.0 3.0 5.0 5.0 4.0 6.0 5.0 7.5 5.5 5.0 74.0 Lyrics Scores Total Tables Turn DanJames 7 8 8 8 8 4 8 6 57 Fade Jambrains 6 7 7 7 6 6 6 7 52 I Am Broken Eric Borgos 7 5 6 6 7 6.5 6 7.5 51 4exo27 (Forever as you are) ClintLeonard 7 6 6 4 7 6 6 5 47 Gone Away Triffid 4 6 8 3 7 5 7 7 47 Velvet Dream ScenesFromPalacio 5 4 5 4 8 6 6 7.5 46 The Usual Suspects tunesmithth 6 7 5 6 7 4 4 6 45 Ashes of Her Bridges moptop 8 5 5 6 4 5 4 7 44 Mountain SOD 7 7 5 4 4 5.5 6 5 44 Because You Are HoboSage 7 4 6 2 6 5 7 5.5 43 Good RoadDog 8 5 4 4 6 2 5 6 40 4our 5ive Boy frevm 7 4 5 1 4 1 8 7.5 38 Music Scores Total Because You Are HoboSage 8 9 8 3 8 7.5 8.5 8.5 61 Tables Turn DanJames 6 8 8 5 8 7.5 5 7.5 55 Gone Away Triffid 7 9 7 3 7 5 8 9 55 Fade Jambrains 6 7 8 5 4 7.5 9 7.5 54 Ashes of Her Bridges moptop 8 5 5 9 7 5.5 6 8 54 4our 5ive Boy frevm 8 7 5 2 9 6.5 8 7 53 4exo27 (Forever as you are) ClintLeonard 6 6 8 3 8 8 8 5 52 Velvet Dream ScenesFromPalacio 5 6 6 5 5 7 8 8 50 I Am Broken Eric Borgos 8 5 6 3 5 6.5 7 8.5 49 Mountain SOD 7 6 6 4 4 6 9 7 49 The Usual Suspects tunesmithth 7 5 6.5 3 4 4 6 6.5 42 Good RoadDog 8 4 4 3 6 5 5 6 41
  14. You Light A Fire

    Good stuff Gary - I can see this working great as a duet. A few comments.. The second line seems a bit over-complicated to me. It requires the listeners to think too much IMO, and because it is sandwiched inside the verse they don't have time to digest it. Plus I don't think it needs explaining - they could just say they're hurting others and we can fill in the blanks. I don't think it needs the bridge - and the "naked skin" bit, to me at least, seemed a tad creepy having said that, it's a great lyric with a stellar chorus - it's going to make a good song I predict. Paul
  15. The Trouble Is.. 02/16/2018 (final?!)

    OK - now in the recording phase so I hope this is nearly final I got rid of the "science" bit - it's a hard word to sing and as ppl have mentioned doesn't entirely apply. Many thanks to barneyboy, kuya and Andy for hanging in there and critiquing the new version. Anything that stands out as an issue ple let me know Thanks again everyone Paul
  16. Shake That Thing

  17. A Promise Made

    I liked the hook in this and the first half was interesting and kept my attention. I wanted the second half to be bittersweet - like maybe he gets back to fulfill his promise but she's in the cemetery (and not just visiting ) In other words I'd like to see more drama - not just some guy saying as much as "I'm a gonna go back and win that girl so I am" Paul
  18. The Trouble Is.. 02/16/2018 (final?!)

    Thanks everyone - great feedback I'm still clinging to the notion that I can have the guy conflicted about what science tells him and what he "knows" in his heart (as barneyboy correctly pointed out) near the end. I got rid of "conflicted" with its hard t's and now using "science says" rather than "science predicts" which flowed like a plugged drain Hope it moving the right direction - thanks again. BTW - this song is not from personal experience, but was inspired by my Mom who is now 90 and gets confused at times.
  19. Quincy

    What a fecking awesome interview Loved this quote: Is there innovation happening in modern pop music? Hell no. It’s just loops, beats, rhymes and hooks. What is there for me to learn from that? There ain’t no fucking songs. The song is the power; the singer is the messenger. The greatest singer in the world cannot save a bad song. I learned that 50 years ago, and it’s the single greatest lesson I ever learned as a producer. If you don’t have a great song, it doesn’t matter what else you put around it. Thanks for the links Lazz!
  20. Wanna hear 12 great songs? You don't have to have an entry to score in the contest so what have you got to lose?
  21. Jan 31st is last day to enter. You should enter!
  22. Creative Types

    Nice tribute to the Muse
  23. My Internet Browser's Out of Date I got a message yesterday "Your internet browser's out of date" I know I shouldn't 'a clicked that link Now this damned computer's on the blink I got a message yesterday From Microsoft (or so it claimed) "Your internet browser's out of date" Got no-one but myself to blame Got more pop-ups yesterday From Microsoft (or so they say) "You're pretty lame" "You're going insane.. .. and, by the way.. Your internet browser's out of date!" If that God-damned message pops today I'm gonna throw this fucking thing away!
  24. Change of Heart

    Good stuff CG - really good stuff
  25. You You You

    OK, now that you've de-genderized it I don't think it matters what gender the friend is. Last observation - too many "love"s in the chorus. Maybe end it with: Now I can see myself singing this Paul