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PaulCanuck last won the day on May 24

PaulCanuck had the most liked content!

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About PaulCanuck

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    Life, Love

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  1. Sounds good for the genre. Pretty repetitive but I suppose that's the point Needs a video! Paul
  2. Aw - I get it - but I would think most would think of a sperm/egg for a man/woman to "make a miracle". But maybe that's just what I would think...
  3. Hi SW Heartfelt - I liked that. I like some of the near rhymes like branches/meanders and bridges/stretches A few suggs regarding flow/prosody: I think the hook should be "Sorrows flow" I agree with ron99 on that line he mentioned - I tripped on that one too There is a prosody issue here: The sorrow echo/wish it was not so I have bolded the emphasized syllables for normal conversation. Because the couplet is far apart, you can almost get away with it though. Nice work Paul
  4. Yep - production on this is stellar (as expected ) Really liked the melody lines and the vocals were stand-out IMHO. Good arrangement and bridge. Love the drumming! Lyrically I'm not sure about the hook - it's unique but I thought a sperm and an egg would be more than one molecule each - n'est pas? Good work - I enjoyed the listen! Paul
  5. Thank you Bielka
  6. Hi Cindy - yeah I guess it could be a true story Thanks for listening and commenting. Paul
  7. Hi BHJ I like the first two lines - I used a similar two opening lines in this - it's a way of using a cliche by announcing it as a cliche But I beg you not to use the heart/start rhyme in that verse! Nothing turns ppl off faster than a blatant cliche early in a song IMHO It's a great chorus - with a perfectly placed hook at its end. I would dump both bridges and keep the focus on Mary, not both of you. Paul
  8. Hi BHJ and thanks for reading/commenting. Yep - flirts with cliché or maybe married to it It's for a brief so not a lot of room to get creative - but those old four seasons songs didn't wade into deep water much so I hope it will work. Hi SnarkyAnarky - yes I agree the 1st verse is detailed - maybe too much so. I wanted to set up the hook fast and the chorus is SO generic it won't carry the song without a proper set up. We'll see if it works musically.. Thanks for reviewing! Paul
  9. Hi Cindy I'm glad you didn't use "a basket of deplorables" I liked this - wouldn't change much if I were you. Captures the simplicity and innocence of childhood IMO. Great hook and you position it well. Maybe sing "take another bite" the second time the chorus comes around as you can't take your first bite twice I don't know why some people think good poetry can't be a great song Paul
  10. Hey - I resemble that remark
  11. Hi BHJ You've already gotten some good advice - I won't repeat it. As others have said this has a good flow and lots of great lines. There are a couple of places where prosody raises it's less-than-beautiful head Like: and blurred/password my feet/heartbeat No other nits from me - great chorus Paul
  12. Hi Aneanani She saved him so she could lock him up in her basement - geesh Seriously though I just thought it made sense that she would do that, given he was stupid enough to go around to her place again I thank you for weighing in though! Paul
  13. Cheers CapM - happy you like the mix - still haven't had time to master it. I know what you mean about the pauses - some are intentional, some are a product of lazy me copying and pasting piano sections Thanks for the feedback and for listening! Paul
  14. Thanks Daryl - means a lot coming from someone with your talents Paul
  15. Thank you Daryl and Bielka - glad you liked my low-brow song