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PaulCanuck last won the day on September 23

PaulCanuck had the most liked content!

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About PaulCanuck

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    A Muse's Muse

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    Life, Love

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  1. Train Whistle Blues

    I like the change to "back and forth again" I would change this line: Take me someplace far away The chorus is OK but the first two verses don't set it up well IMO. The chorus says "There's something wrong there" but no mention previously of anything wrong in Forth Worth.. Did she leave him in Fort Worth? What is wrong with Fort Worth?? Then the last verse asks the brakeman to take him away from "here". Where is "here" and what is wrong with "here"? This guy isn't happy anywhere! Well I guess that's why they call it the blues.. Still liking this! Paul
  2. Dirty Money

    Thank you! Cheers - some good advice on the mix as well. The bass is partly MIDI slap-bass (in the chorus) - would love to hear a real bass player take a run at it Hi Mark and thanks for listening and commenting. You're right about the timing nits - I noticed that it sounded better with drums too IDK why. I guess I'm OK with it a bit stilted in a dark theme even though it wasn't intentional . I'll have another look at the low end - prob dropped out in mastering. Thanks again everyone

    Hi Good country or blues lyrics IMO. Good hook and you stay true to it (and hammer it home ) For some reason I wanted "Tie one on" to have a double meaning but that's just me trying to complicate things. The other thing that struck me is maybe it could be more obvious that he won the lottery - I read it a couple of times before it sunk in. Well done Paul
  4. Planes Trains And Automobiles

    Hi kuya Of course you know your hook is stolen Apart from that, I think this is a funny lyric. Only sugg is to get an internal rhyme here to lessen the shock value of the word :sex" or similar Enjoyed it Paul
  5. Love Hotel by Dani

    My main nit here is - the hook is MIA. If you want a repeating chorus, you need a repeating hook IMO but you mention it once then abandoned it. It would help people develop a rhythm if you were to show the lines properly in the verses, rather than just sentences. e.g. This also shows up prosody issues to me - extra words that break the flow. Keep at it - it is a good hook. Paul
  6. Can't Do This Anymore

    Sounds pretty good for a free collab (assuming no-one was paid ) The lyrics are good. The music suffers from a poor mix as others have said so, to me, the message/lead vox gets lost in the wash of reverb and wall-to-wall instruments. A cleaner mix would do this wonders but I suppose you can't be too demanding when ppl are working for free.. enjoyed it Paul
  7. Solid Evidence

    Yes, for a NORMAL person the accusations and public shaming would be enough. But these are predators. They will continue to offend even after they are exposed. I want to see these men put in jail or at least criminally charged. Otherwise there is no deterrence.
  8. It ain’t my song written from Dani

    Hi Dani I really like it - it flows wonderfully The title is wrong though - should be "Fight" or "Fight for Life" IMHO. The chorus is super catchy and not preachy for some unknown reason. I would have said "Happily where I belong" just to get the assonance in "ly" and "long" Damn good for a first post IMHO. More please! Paul
  9. Connie

    Hi John I'm hearing Beach Boys for some reason It has a nice flow and nice imperfect rhyming to keep it interesting. The story doesn't really develop much and I found this line a bit odd: Halfway where? You don't have him going anywhere. Maybe "halfway home" or "halfway sane" could be considered. Good title/hook and you respect it with repetition. Paul
  10. Solid Evidence

    Thanks guys - yeah the point I was hoping to make here is there doesn't seem to be a legal "threshold" for the number of accusers. Shouldn't there be a number - say 5 accusers with some collaborating testimony? (maybe people who they told at the time). It just seems ridiculous that someone can't be charged and convicted on the testimony of so many upstanding and believable women. Looks like Weinstein will have over 100 accusers and will still not be put behind bars - WTF?? These a-holes are giving real men a bad name. Rant over - sorry! Jim - thanks for the kind remarks on the lyrics - glad you found no nits Dan - appreciate the comments - yeah still crawling - some. Maybe if we shine a light on them they'll slither away. John - good points. I want to see laws change. All this public shaming doesn't work IMHO. Do we honestly think these low-lives care if they are publicly shamed? Sorry, I did say my rant was over.. Peko - what can I say? Maybe we can redeem ourselves some day. Maybe. Kerry - thanks for the read and suggs. In my twisted head "flood" and "out" rhyme - well close enough for a verse line Good point about the crack and I suppose the double meaning works so I'l leave it there. thank you everyone Paul
  11. Solid Evidence

    Solid Evidence One spoke up.. Called out his crime He'd groped her for the final time "No - make her sign an NDA No-one believes her anyway" Two spoke up.. "Coincidence!" His lawyers spring to his defence They claim it's all consensual The scandal ebbs The money flows ch An idle judge sits at his bench Awaiting solid evidence. Three, then four.. Then five and six! The money pours No charge will stick His agents race To halt the flood Then seven, eight and nine come out Prosecutors now lament "Where's the solid evidence ??" The victim count - now twenty-three And from the sirens - not a peep These women have no cause to lie But LAWS of MEN ignore their cries So, off to mull his next attack The spider crawls back in his crack.. And where's the world in all of this? Still waiting solid evidence.
  12. Death

    Hi Ron I like this - it has a world-weary feel to it. The format is a bit strange, but I think it could work musically. I would look at the chorus as more of a Part B section. Is "agonal" really a word? Seems to pass the spell check No nits here - they all died on that stone.. Paul
  13. October Song Contest - RESULTS!

    Finally your intrepid host got off his fat @ss and tabulated the results and the winners are: First Prize goes to: Clint Leonard - Where the Sun Keeps Shining Down Second Prize (by a hair!): HoboSage - If I Were You Third Prize: Triffid - See About a Girl Congrats to our winners and everyone who participated - great turn-out this month! And thank you to our non-contestant scorers: Peko and Graybeard. One song had to be removed due to the contestant not scoring the entries. This thread is now unlocked so you can offer your congrats and any further comments on the songs or the "rules" (Ah hates RULES! ) ClintLeonard - Where The Sun Keeps Shining Down 3.0 4.0 2.0 3.0 2.0 1.5 1.5 2.0 3.0 2.5 2.5 1.0 1.5 1.5 2.0 33.0 HoboSage - If I Were You 3.0 3.0 2.0 1.5 2.5 2.5 2.0 3.0 1.0 2.5 2.0 3.0 1.5 1.5 2.5 33.5 Triffid - See About A Girl 3.0 3.5 1.5 2.5 3.0 1.5 2.5 2.5 2.0 2.0 2.5 1.0 3.0 2.0 3.0 35.5 ScenesFromPalacio - Flotsam & Jetsam 3.0 3.5 1.5 3.0 3.0 1.5 2.5 2.5 2.5 3.0 2.0 2.0 3.0 2.0 3.0 38.0 Brelizabeth - Seasons of Life 2.0 3.5 3.0 3.0 1.5 2.0 3.0 2.5 2.5 3.5 3.0 2.5 1.5 1.5 3.0 38.0 DonnaMarilyn - Yard Sale 3.5 2.0 2.5 3.5 2.0 3.5 2.5 3.0 1.5 2.0 3.0 3.0 1.5 3.0 3.0 39.5 DanJames - My Avalon 3.5 2.5 2.5 3.5 2.5 3.0 2.5 3.0 3.5 3.0 2.5 2.5 2.0 2.0 2.0 40.5 Murphster - Little Big Lies 3.5 4.0 3.0 3.5 2.0 3.0 3.0 3.0 1.5 3.0 3.0 3.0 2.0 2.0 3.0 42.5 syl_a_med - Profit / Then It Comes 3.0 4.0 3.0 3.5 2.5 3.5 1.5 3.0 2.5 2.0 3.0 2.0 3.5 2.0 3.5 42.5 RoadDog - Rock 'n' Roll Citizen 2.5 4.0 4.5 3.0 3.0 2.5 3.0 3.0 3.0 2.5 3.5 3.0 2.5 2.5 2.5 45.0 Eric Borgos - Distortion 3.5 4.0 3.5 3.0 2.5 2.5 3.5 4.0 2.0 3.0 4.0 2.5 3.0 2.5 4.0 47.5 Moptop - Seerz 4.0 2.5 4.0 3.5 3.0 3.5 3.5 4.0 4.0 3.5 3.5 3.0 2.5 2.5 3.5 50.5 Onewholovesrock - White Lake Country Club 3.5 4.0 4.0 3.0 3.0 2.5 2.5 4.0 3.0 3.5 3.5 3.5 4.0 3.0 3.5 50.5
  14. Darker Than Black

    Nice one John My interpretation is "I felt sorry for myself because I had no shoes - then I met a man who had no feet" Darker than black is a colour no-one should experience Paul
  15. Dirty Money

    Thanks for that - yep the metalica guy would be just the ticket- do you have his number ? Glad you mentioned the guitar - I'm a piano playing just learning that beast Cheers kuya - very kind of you Thanks moptop - I've still got a long way to go before I can teach anyone anything - but I appreciate the generous comments Glad you liked it.