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lyriCAL

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lyriCAL last won the day on October 13 2017

lyriCAL had the most liked content!

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53 Excellent

About lyriCAL

  • Rank
    A Muse's Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Traveling, walking, hiking, reading, photography

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Songwriters I love include Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springstreen, Elvis Costello, The Eagles and Natalie Merchant
  1. Really cool! An infectious song with a fun vibe and a vague lyric open to all kinds of interpretation -- in a good way.
  2. Collaboration Contest Discussion

    No, Justin, you're not fooling anyone here. We all KNOW that the apparent thoughtfulness of your critiques is just a pose and the apparent emotion woven throughout songs like Your Life is polyester compared to everyone else's silk. We just put up with you!
  3. March Lyrics Contest

    I think so. I think not. And I know I'm right.
  4. March Lyrics Contest

    Rain to drought-stricken farmers: relief and possible financial well-being (at least for a while). Rain to homeowners in a suburban flood plain: possible devastation or the actual loss of their homes. Rain can be different things to different people. ..................................................................................... My comment above about rain being different things to different people was in response to your comment (at the top here) that you didn't see how it could be a metaphor for both joy and sadness. Sorry if I failed to make that clear, @Barneyboy . My examples have nothing to do literally with Donna's lyric. They're just to show you that one person can derive joy from rain (a drought-stricken farmer) and one person can derive sadness from that very same rain (a homeowner in a flood plain). And that is how rain can serve as a metaphor for both joy and sadness.
  5. March Lyrics Contest

    @Barneyboy You had a whole thread going on this issue previously and I dissected every song that won a monthly contest last year as to their "poetry" but you never responded. Your assertion is just flat-out wrong and you can read my analysis on the other thread. I won't re-hash it here. Rain to drought-stricken farmers: relief and possible financial well-being (at least for a while). Rain to homeowners in a suburban flood plain: possible devastation or the actual loss of their homes. Rain can be different things to different people.
  6. In Times Like These

    Fantastic prosody but I think it's hard to perceive a strong relatable message despite the catchy hook. I don't think listeners will understand this is about the Industrial Revolution (I didn't until you said so) and to say we're all driven to our knees right now seems pretty harsh. Are there people driven to their knees? Of course. The whole opioid crisis is a case in point and I see so many homeless people when I'm in L.A. that it shocks me. But the chorus makes it seem like this is our common fate and that's a hard sell in an era when so many others have big-screen high-definition TVs, multiple cellphones, laptops and tablets, SUVs (or even Priuses) everywhere, etc., etc. If this is supposed to be about the Industrial Revolution, you need something about the drudgery of working on the line or about cramped and unsanitary conditions in overcrowded cities, IMHO. Too many of the verses, I think, don't seem to connect to the key message, you've cast too wide a net. Still, I look at how you've constructed this and weep with envy, I admit it. Doug
  7. When we were children

    From reading the lyric, I could guess what this was about and then I looked it up. (I don't remember it but, unfortunately, there are too many violent incidents all over the world. And too many children die for no good reason.) For me, it's the outro that has the most impact. But I'm not sure it's best to wait until the end to reach the listeners. Reading this for the contest, I was perplexed by the very different rhyme structures in Verse 1 and Verse 2. There's no ironclad law that says they absolutely must be similar but it just struck me. I won't dissect all the differences but in V. 1, you have hate rhyme with straight rhyme with late and then in V. 2 are black and not supposed to be a near rhyme? (to my ear, they wouldn't work for that but maybe to a Brit...?) And where's the third rhyme? I think the verses probably have more than they need and could be tightened to stay focused on the social divisions of the kids. Your hair and being late, for example, I'm not sure how they help the lyric. Just seems like filler. --Doug
  8. March Lyrics Contest

    Congratulations on a well deserved win, Donna. One of the best lyrics I've ever seen here. Patty's lyric is another brilliantly captivating one that I just loved. Paul's is superbly touching. I liked a bunch more but won't name 'em all. Suffice it to say, talent abounds on the lyric board. Thanks to iggy for helming the ship. --Doug
  9. You Don't Gotta Die Tonight

    Dang, Jonie, if you discarded this one in favor of another one, I'm really looking forward to your collaboration's final result. This is solid. I especially dig the second verse.
  10. Facing Polaris REVISION 3

    You let go the hardest -- brilliant!
  11. What would Jesus be packing?

    Never heard that one, @spanishbuddha. I think most people would know immediately what Mick means by "packing" even if they only see the title. This lyric is a clever twist on the WWJD concept that was popular back in the '90s. Donna's given you some good advice, @mick70, on how to tighten it up. Were this lyric turned into a song, I'm guessing it wouldn't be a hit in the US, where "God, guns, and glory" reign. Not sure there are too many other places where God and guns are right next to each other like that but America has a centuries-long love affair with firearms that few outsiders ever seem to understand. Not my intention to start an argument here, though. Keep working on this so that the metering really makes it flow. Cheers, Doug
  12. Collaboration Contest Discussion

    Loving your posts, @Moso Can you just keep a running commentary going about your adventures in zoological orchestration?
  13. This is from the most recent FAWM (February Album Writing Month). Thought I'd share it since the lyric won February's contest here at the Muse. The musician took it and turned it into something that was, for me, totally unexpected. I particularly like what he does with the chorus.--Doug
  14. Big Forever Sky (formerly 'Watching') REVISION 3

    You didn't warn us we might need Kleenex, Donna! This is one of the most personal lyrics of yours I've had the pleasure to read. It's very poignant but definitely not mawkish -- your deft touch is at play here. Some beautiful writing -- "a big forever sky" and "scrambling for sunlight" are just two examples. Wonderful. --Doug
  15. Drink To Forget

    Just read through the thread and I have nothing to add but I have to say it's been fun to see the back-and-forth between you and everyone else. Good luck with this! --Doug
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