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lyriCAL

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lyriCAL last won the day on March 10

lyriCAL had the most liked content!

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About lyriCAL

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    A Muse's Muse
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  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Traveling, walking, hiking, reading, photography

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Songwriters I love include Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springstreen, Elvis Costello, and The Eagles
  1. Gary, you know you'd rather laugh with the sinners!
  2. I like the music a lot. No offense to the singer but at times it's nearly impossible to hear the lyrics. Personally, I like to hear the lyrics clearly in the songs that I listen to.
  3. Congratulations, Justin! Makes me happy when talented Muse community members do well.
  4. This is another very thorough article for anyone still interested. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/03/13/a-survivor-recalls-the-mother-and-baby-home-at-tuam-in-ireland-where-friends-just-disappeared-one-after-the-other/?utm_term=.c0d044414c73d.
  5. fabkebab, If you want to do a collaboration, that'd be great. My problem is that I'm neither Irish nor Irish-American so I don't have an instinctive feel for the more Irish edge you'd like to give the lyrics. I crafted this with a bunch of internal rhymes that will probably have to be sacrificed to make it more Irish, but I'm OK with that. BTW, the children's corpses were found underground (hence catacomb) but you can certainly play with that for artistic effect, such as mounds. If you want to run your ideas by me, you can write me at dblyrics50@gmail.com. Cheers, Doug
  6. I love the concept of this lyric and I think you've done a really great job with the verses. I can almost hear a melody. Personally, I'd like something deeper from the choruses -- some flash of insight or a revelation. You get to this kind of impact in the fifth verse, but it seems to me a long way to make us wait. I sing these sad songs 'Cuz they make people happy I sing these sad songs They've made me a star But this life don't come close To what matters most It's you And I know that by far Something like that. Just my opinion. Others here may disagree, of course. And the suggestions are yours to keep or sweep, as we say here. Good luck with this. If you write music, too, I'm sure it's going to make a fine song for you. Doug
  7. SongWolfe: I think you have some very nice writing here but the lyric doesn't hold my interest for very long. The intro gives too much away and the verses are too repetitive for my taste. There's no real drama or tension until you suddenly throw some in, in the bridge. The pre-chorus has the athlete screaming but we haven't been explicitly told he or she had aspirations of a big-league career or real chances of a big championship win so we don't completely know why he or she is screaming other than it's all over and he/she didn't accomplish everything he/she wanted to. The intro would be better for me if it showed us the subject driving a truck or working a cash register or fixing cars or waiting tables but the roar of the crowd is still in his/her head. Then you could take us back to his/her early aspirations, his/her rise up the ladder, so there's some tension built up and then the bridge has it all crumbling. You could even have a final verse with the athlete at work again and he/she is talking to him/herself about moving on and then someone recognizes them from their athletic career, triggering the memories again. OK, I'm a bastard and I apologize for my harshness. And you can tell me my suggestions would be fine -- for another lyric than the one you wrote. By the way, if you like poetry, check this out: https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/43489 Cheers, Doug
  8. Yes, SongWolfe, the straying off the path and their young age. Together, it seemed like the perfect thing to call them. If not everyone gets it, that's okay. The more I write lyrics the more I realize that everyone brings their own interpretation no matter how hard you try to put your own ideas across.
  9. I can do that, Bob. Thanks for taking a look at it. I've never heard the expression "covered" to describe rhymes. I'm used to "internal" as opposed to "external" or end rhymes. Learn something new every day!
  10. Revised significantly. Any better? Thanks.
  11. Congratulations to JWallace and SpanishBuddha!
  12. It's a fun lyric, Gary. It's not at all like Steve Earle's Copperhead Road but for some reason it made me think of that. (Totally different songs, I know, I know). Curious as to whether this could be a hit in the country market. I assume you have the music ready. So that means we're all just waiting on Tee to hear it? --Doug
  13. Yeah, Joe, it was amazing for me. Sorry to hear it was such a tough month for you but congrats on hitting 14 posts.--Doug
  14. Thanks, Paul and Bob. Definitely need to put on my thinking cap and figure this one out. Appreciate your comments!--Doug
  15. Thanks to everyone for commenting. I'll have to refine this a bit. Bob, here's just one of many links I found: http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Global-News/2017/0304/Why-an-orphanage-s-mass-grave-controversy-strikes-such-a-chord-in-Ireland Doug