Welcome to Muse Songwriters Message Board

Register now to gain access to all of our features. 

 

This message will be removed once you have signed in.

lyriCAL

Moderators
  • Content count

    593
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

lyriCAL last won the day on March 10

lyriCAL had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

15 Good

About lyriCAL

  • Rank
    A Muse's Muse
  • Birthday

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Traveling, walking, hiking, reading, photography

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Songwriters I love include Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springstreen, Elvis Costello, and The Eagles
  1. I'll let the musicians be more specific but the most obvious answer is that lyrics have to fit in with the music or they have to be written so that music can be adapted to them in a way that we all would recognize as a song -- and the music of songs almost always has patterns that repeat (verses and choruses or refrains). So the rhythm of songs usually dictates what you can and cannot get away with as a lyric writer -- the words have to fit or create musical patterns. If not, the words will be going one way while the music goes another. And that wouldn't be singable.
  2. Strikes me as sadly lazy on his part. Guess he's too busy to write his own material. A tad ironic, no?
  3. I'm going to be a bit of an outlier, which seems to be my new role at the Muse. This lyric has a lot of poetry to it, which is not always the case here. I commend you for that. But, basically, I don't get what this is all about it. Was there some meteor that hit the Earth and so the singer is saying, kind of like the folks in the Middle Ages would party to forget about the Black Plague, that everyone should just dance to forget about their impending death? What fabkebab called the breakaway tag lines at the end and which he likes, I really didn't get and I didn't understand their connection to the meteor or whatever it was. (I understand there's a connection between apple and sin, say, but I don't see how those connected pairs fit in with the end of the world). What does "am I beauty?" even mean? And how is beauty related to being tame? Sorry, maybe I'm too picky, but I read this through a few times and am lost. I also dislike "come hither" -- great in Shakespeare but sounds so out of place here, IMHO. What I like most about the lyric is that you are definitely not trying to fit into anyone else's mold. That is very cool. Doug
  4. Yes, best left out. Nostalgia doesn't mix so well with nukes.
  5. Congrats to fabkebab! Nice homage. And congrats as well to LooknGlass and John. My favorite was kuya's, actually. But not enough people agreed with me, buddy! And if it sucks to be you, where does that leave me? I had Mustard and Eve in second. Huge thank you to iggy for running the show! --Doug
  6. The above (call them Set 1) are the third and fourth lines of the second verse. These (Set 2) are the third and fourth lines of the third verse. The first line of Set 1 should have a similar rhythm to the first line of Set 2 and the second line of Set 1 should have a similar rhythm to the second line of Set 2. I don't hear it. But maybe I'm just missing it. I'll defer to you and the musicians. --Doug
  7. Ron, you've done some of the best lyrics I've seen here in the last 6 months or year but I have to say this one is incredibly wordy. With every syllable you throw in there, it makes it harder and harder to find a rhythm. Are you able to sing this in your head? I tried and failed. If you hear an actual rhythm and you'll be able to share that with a songwriter or singer, great. But if not, then it's not a song lyric and you need to tailor it so that it's got a repeated rhythm that can be sung. It's a nice story about a guy whose desires get way ahead of the confusing reality this woman presents (and whom he obviously misreads). But I'd take a very sharp knife to it. Hope I'm not being too harsh. --Doug
  8. This is nice, Paul. Has a '50s or '60s innocence to it. But I would like to point out that both your first line and your second line use the word "get" -- and I'm not going to suggest a replacement (you're fully capable of finding your own if you feel it's warranted) but I'm almost positive if this were my lyric, you would point that out to me. Best of luck on the contest! Doug
  9. Really nice song!
  10. @Mike B Thanks for the comment. Yeah, meant to be rollicking. Glad you like it. @spanishbuddha Great minds, eh? The white part is just supposed to mean he sees himself as pure. I'll give a think to your suggestion. I appreciate your comments. @kuya Thank you, sir! @PaulCanuck Thanks, buddy. What Hollywood bus? I'll grab a, um, seat and you can fill me in. Yeah, I had it without "thrown" at first. But the way I'm hearing the chorus, it's better with it. Try it a couple times and you might hear it that way, too! Cheers, Doug
  11. I'm hearing banjos and mandolins -- good old-fashioned picking. And vocals at a good clip. Don’t dare to be ambivalent Cuz no one’s his equivalent His win is so significant Admit that he’s magnificent Then when he thinks he’s on a roll He falls right down the rabbit hole Our man twists like a barber’s pole And takes his old eyes off the goal (Chorus) When the praise is faint Damn but he can cuss Someone’s gonna end up thrown Under the bus Under the bus His flunkies are all in a bind He thinks they ought to read his mind He contradicts, they’re left behind And then they find themselves maligned He bristles when they hem and haw Or talk about the rule of law It always makes him clench his jaw The camel’s back is full of straw (Chorus) Leaks come in a flood Damn but he can cuss Someone’s gonna end up thrown Under the bus Under the bus The swamp is full of crooked brutes Who’d stab his back in their grey suits And everybody’s in cahoots To denigrate his attributes He shows ’em he knows how to fight He lets ’em have it left and right He’s chirping loudly every night He’ll blacken names while he stays white (Chorus) Up against the wall Damn but he can cuss Someone’s gonna end up thrown Under the bus Under the bus (Bridge) Loyalty must never waver When he’s your commander But cross him and you’re subject to Abandonment and slander (Chorus) Things are far from great Damn but he can cuss Someone’s gonna end up thrown Under the bus Under the bus
  12. Ron, Think you've got a great idea here and some clever writing in places. I especially dig the first two lines of the chorus. And some of the clever internal rhymes, like maneuver and Vancouver. I think the part about the obituary might, ahem, kill a singer to sing. Lot of syllables to cram in there. I think the lyric goes on for too long. You may envision this as really fast paced (might help to say that upfront if you do) but I can't remember the last time I saw a 9-verse lyric here that kept me going to the end. I see the structure -- 3 verses, chorus, 3 verses, chorus, 3 verses, chorus -- but I'm wondering if a little condensing might not be called for here. Lots of great material to work with, but I'd say it needs a trim. Doug
  13. This does seem like a very real story, one a lot of people can relate to. Not a fan of BFF either but not sure how to replace it. Girlfriend might be confusing even though I know plenty of women who call their female friends girlfriends. Could you call her (the BFF) "your cousin Meg" or something like that? I'm assuming the couple that didn't, um, couple just decided to have a nice night of conversation but there wasn't the passion there for a fling. The chorus seems a bit cluttered with ways and aways and always for my taste, though I think it's a great concept that more trains leave than pull in to your station. To make this song really zing, I think refining the chorus is where you should start, Mike. --Doug
  14. Emily, I think this is powerful and I can "hear" it having a solid rhythm. There are many lines with strong images that listeners will see clearly. The section above that I've quoted is the one throwing me off. "I know" is in the present tense and then "lay" is past tense. If you're talking about what happened the night before then "I knew what lay in store again" and if you're talking about tonight or tomorrow night then "I know what lies in store again". Or else I'm missing something. Which is quite possible --Doug
  15. Nice, Oxe. Sounds like the poetry of a new father!