Jump to content


  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


lyriCAL last won the day on October 13

lyriCAL had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

33 Excellent

About lyriCAL

  • Rank
    A Muse's Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Interests
    Traveling, walking, hiking, reading, photography

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Songwriters I love include Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springstreen, Elvis Costello, and The Eagles
  1. September Song Contest - RESULTS!

    I had a pretty hard time deciding on my favorite in this cool bunch of songs but ending up picking Rick's because of the guitar, which I loved. Murphster's is super catchy and tells a cute story. For me, Scenes' song was very well produced but I didn't get the lyric at all. Clint's was a fun listen, kind of a modern R&B that made me think of Earth, Wind & Fire at times and had lots of good energy. Joe's was well done but hit me the least. Road Dog's was creatively unusual -- I probably wouldn't listen to it over and over again but it really stood out in a good way. And Triffid's and Eric's were both nicely melodic. As a non-musician I can only say I'm envious of all the talent I heard on these songs! Doug
  2. Reflections on an Obelisk

    Ty, You use the word "did" too much, I guess to fit the words to the cadence you hear. Other than that, I think it's pretty damn cool. So I'm reading it and getting some of it. I see you are starting the verses with lines from The Gettysburg Address. The rest of each verse seems focused on the current political polarization of the nation, which, although there is no civil war going on now, seems to threaten our union and it's unclear if we're up to the task of breaching the gap that divides us. Some of the chorus lines seem to reference Lincoln watching the construction of the Washington Monument, which was only partly completed at the time Lincoln was president. The narrator seems to wonder if the obelisk today still represents a monument to our great nation and one of its key founders or a tomb for the American experiment that no longer seems to be thriving because of the political polarization driving Americans apart. The last chorus ties the two noble men, Washington and Lincoln, together through the reflecting pond on the National Mall. You get a zillion points for doing something unique and doing it well. I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone try something like this here. And in addition to it being superbly put together, I don't see anything in there that would offend either side of the political aisle in the U.S. And that's a neat trick to pull off in a political lyric. Cheers, Doug --
  3. Vampire in Edinburgh

    I think for me the biggest issue with this lyric is that the narrator is a vampire but to me it's not clear why. I'm not sure what "hurts" him either. He's recalling the "glory days" almost with glee so what's his problem? There's a ton of great imagery but the chorus seems disconnected from it, like it's from another song. At least it seems that way to me. --Doug
  4. Winnemucca

    Good suggestion on the title, Hobo. Already changed. There's no accounting for taste and with my admittedly weird taste, I like having the blackjack dealer hit the guy with a blackjack and I like hearing the two different meanings of blackjack in the same line. A Musical Key -- cold skill is workable but loses the double meaning of cunning that I liked so much, though there's a little hint so I give you a lot of credit for coming up with it. SongWolfe -- I explained "cunning" further up. You can take a look if you're interested. If this song looked like it were a hit in the making, I seriously doubt that one word would ruin its chances for success. As it is, there will probably only be two people in the world who ever really listen to it! Thanks for taking the time to comment!
  5. Winnemucca

    Thanks for all the comments. The most illuminating is from Murphster. Of course, I knew I was sort of giving away the ending but I didn't think enough about how that might disappoint listeners/readers so much. Unfortunately, there's not much I can do about that!!! Oh, well. Bob and Jim, re: cunning. This was one of my personal favorite lines but I guess it didn't work for everyone. Cunning has two meanings as a noun -- dexterity or adeptness in performance (so, in other words, she had the skilled hands of a surgeon as she made love) but ALSO skill employed in a sly or shrewd manner, as in deceiving someone. I appreciate both of you weighing in and Jim for coming up with an alternative verse. Paul, are you trying to tell me that in the Great North, you folks have never heard of Winnemucca?!? Will wonders never cease. Yes, the singer knew how to sing it properly! I used Winnemucca because I liked the way it sounded and it sort of rhymes with sucker and that was a plus. Aren't there enough songs with Vegas in them? Other Nevada towns need air time, too! John, re: hightailed. Yep, even as I wrote it, I had the same exact thought as you but I figured the listeners would figure the singer learned it later from the detectives, er, sheriff. A Musical Key -- good suggestion about sheriff. Gary, thanks for your comments. I'll take being compared to John Prine any day! When the singer asked if he could set the lyric to music, he mentioned Lowell George and Warren Zevon. Guess I'm in no position to feel bad about finishing third. Cheers! Doug
  6. Hell Of A Time

  7. Find Myself

    I think you're on the right track. It's your song and you have to go with what feels right to you. I like sheltered in my shell more than the hunkered line (hunkered sounds too military for a love song to me) but they're strong images. I don't have any thoughts about bereft and chagrin -- both good words but people are funny and don't always like lyrics that are not made with words they use every day. For me, it depends on the song and yours starts off with dwell and pensive which a lot of people wouldn't think to use either. Existentially -- now that one got me. Not sure why -- it's kind of a mouthful at five syllables plus it's a big philosophical word. I'd probably look for another, more basic way to say what you mean. I think this has a super easy-to-follow flow, which will help to make it more accessible despite the higher-level vocab. Good work. Doug
  8. Winnemucca

    I wrote this a few weeks ago for the 50/90 challenge and a musician has already put it to music. I heard it in my head a certain way and then he went and came up with a sound that was 70 percent Little Feat and 30 percent Steely Dan that fit the words very well. Anyway, I had fun writing it but obviously it could be better. It came in third place in the September lyrics contest. Lost It All in Winnemucca Verse I met her in the Silver State Casino She said I looked like Rudolph Valentino I didn’t know exactly who she meant But I took it… as a compliment She said she likes a man who takes his chances A man who’s finally learned what true romance is I hadn’t really been around the block But knew enough to… walk the walk Chorus I lost it all in Winnemucca Lost it all in Winnemucca I thought I was Romeo and she was Juliet But it was yet one more bad, bad bet And now… I’m just another sucker I lost it all in… Winnemucca Verse I didn’t tell her I was still a virgin She loved me with the cunning of a surgeon I treated her to dinners and to drinks She kept smiling… like a sphinx Within a few days I was crazy for her A blackjack streak obscured the coming horror I walked out with a giant sack of bills I called her good luck… in high heels Chorus I lost it all in Winnemucca Lost it all in Winnemucca I thought I was Romeo and she was Juliet But it was yet one more bad, bad bet And now… I’m just another sucker I lost it all in… Winnemucca Verse A winner’s bender turned the simple abstract The blackjack dealer bopped me with a blackjack They grabbed the money and crushed all my toes And then hightailed it… to Mexico I woke the next day with a splitting headache But worse than that was overwhelming heartbreak Detectives said the pair had pulled a scam Her love for me was… just a sham Chorus I lost it all in Winnemucca Lost it all in Winnemucca I thought I was Romeo and she was Juliet But it was yet one more bad, bad bet And now… I’m just another sucker I lost it all in… Winnemucca (Repeat) (Outro) There’s only one thing I’m glad I lost… in Winnemucca
  9. September Lyrics Contest

    Congratulations to Eric and John. Like John's, my lyric was based on personal experience. Okay, just kidding. If I've been to Winnemucca, I don't remember. I just liked the name. I thought there were a lot of really solid entries this month, obviously including Eric's and John's. I, too, marvel at how one or two voters can give almost everyone 3's, 3.5's and 4's when most of us spread our numbers around more. Ah, well. Thanks again to Iggy for his generosity in putting the contest together! --Doug
  10. Tragic moon

    To me, the music doesn't sound particularly Asian. The singing and musicianship sound high quality to me but I didn't have a strong positive reaction to the music or a negative reaction -- it just doesn't excite me. It's your lyric that is strongly Asian and that's what makes it fascinating. The translation needs a ton of work but the imagery in there is very cool. If this type of music is popular in Korea right now, then I wouldn't change anything. But to my Western ears, the music needs something more -- more dynamics, more memorable melody. Right now, for me, it sounds too bland and generic. Good luck! --Doug
  11. The Hand We’re Dealt

    This is very well done, a very clever idea. I doubt most people will understand all the poker jargon but it probably won't matter with the right music. If this were my lyric and I could also write music, I'd just sit down and start working on the music. You'll see where you need to make tweaks once the music comes. Fun stuff! --Doug
  12. Mortal Soul killed in accident.

    I've missed Mortal Soul a lot around here and now... Wow, devastating. Thanks for sharing the news, Neal, even if it sucks. Yeah, Mark was gruff and prickly and not always the most gentle critic but his critiques were often incredibly detailed and he had a knack for homing in on exactly what was weakest in a lyric, particularly prosody. No one helped me learn lyric writing more effectively than Mark. He was very generous with his time, over and over again. And he never lowered his standards. He wrote all those melodramatic hard rock or heavy metal lyrics with the capital letters thrown in to help you see the rhythm but I remember one he wrote after his mother died and then, maybe my favorite of all of his, a song called Montana Skies that was so achingly tender it was hard to believe it was Mark's. Damn, I'm sad.
  13. August Lyrics Competition

    A great job by Graybeard, who earned my highest score. But right behind him I had Eric, Paul, and kuya. Some real humdingers this time. Good job all! Paul, so kind of you to make an old lyric writer feel good! Thanks for the comment. And thanks to the non-competing voters and to the maestro, iggy! --Doug
  14. Maybe We'd Still Be In Love

    This came out really nice. I love that so many of you collaborated on it. Way to go!
  15. Shape of You

    I love that you guys did a collaboration! This came out very cool. I've gotten so used to you doing raw acoustic, Joe, that hearing a more heavily produced song really caught me off guard, in a good way. It's inventive and has a little bit of punk, a little bit of grunge, a little bit of rock (of course) and a whole lot of attitude. I dig it!