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lyriCAL

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lyriCAL last won the day on May 6

lyriCAL had the most liked content!

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About lyriCAL

  • Rank
    A Muse's Muse

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Traveling, walking, hiking, reading, photography

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Songwriters I love include Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springstreen, Elvis Costello, The Eagles and Natalie Merchant

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  1. lyriCAL

    JULY Lyrics Competition

    Congratulations to discatticus, kuya, and Ty Cobb. Good work all. My favorites were It's All Gone, Those Eyes, City Girl, and Out of Control. That's after National Bankers' Dance, but of course iggy had to disqualify that one... Thank you, Paul, for mentioning Delilah as your top pick. Go ahead and turn it into a song, if you'd like! And a huge round of applause for iggy not only for his talent as a lyricist but for his hard work running the contest. Cheers, Doug
  2. lyriCAL

    Marry Me? Revised 7/30/18

    This is really sweet. My only quibble is with "Would you marry a man like me?" You don't want her to marry a man LIKE you. You want her to marry YOU. "Will you spend your life with me?" is more what I would say. Good luck and let us know how it goes! I wrote a poem and it worked for me! Happily married 14 years now. --Doug
  3. lyriCAL

    Molly Brooker

    Hey SongWolfe, For me, a lot of this seemed forced and awkward. Like, why does it matter to the story that the cottage is of hewn stone? It would seem to make more sense to me that, rather than pot boilers, she reads romance novels. I like the detail about cats but think it would better not to say that she loves them but that a dozen of them have the run of the cottage (show don't tell). We probably all understood that, yeah, she's lonely so she'll take ANY man she can get, but the lyric would be much stronger if you take us inside her head so we understand the fantasy she's concocted to justify meeting up with ol' Rick. He's served his time and now it's a new start and the first thing he'll do is sweep her up in his manly arms and melt her heart with a kiss like she's only read about in books up till now. I agree with A Musical Key that "life is not fair" is the wrong message and even if it were the right message, it's too prosaic for you to use here. I'd rate this one: Good concept, needs work. --Doug
  4. lyriCAL

    June Lyric Competition

    You might be confused by the colors but fabkebab's chart is the same as always in other respects. Each column represents a single scorer.
  5. lyriCAL

    June Lyric Competition

    You and I are looking at different charts. I see two 1's and three 1.5's out of 266 votes. That's your idea of "a lot"?
  6. lyriCAL

    June Lyric Competition

    Maybe something different happened this contest or maybe seeing the scores in color altered our perception. We should definitely have that discussion, kuya! The scoring is ALWAYS going to be subjective but it might help to define our terms.
  7. lyriCAL

    June Lyric Competition

    No offense to A Musical Key as a person, but, yeah, I disagree with Andrew on this and do think that to find almost EVERY song average or below average is really being harsh. This is just a hobby for me, I don't expect to ever hear a song on the radio with my words. But, man, a 4 or a 4.5 really says to me, "This lyric is crap." You may not LIKE something, but you have to ask yourself if that really makes it crap. I don't normally like lyrics about religion or that use religious imagery or language but iggy's was my top vote getter this time because I can see the talent in the writing. And remember, we don't know who wrote any of these ahead of time, so I'm not biased in favor of iggy. I'm biased in favor of solid lyric writing. I think it's great to give really tough critiques to folks who post in the lyrics forum seeking critiques. That's how we learn. But if you're honest opinion is that pretty much every lyric this time around is ordinary or worse -- even though there are lines like "even the deepest footprint gets washed away" and "Please whisper all your secrets while I tell you all my lies, so you can have redemption and I can sympathize" and "we cannot help our children if there's just too much damn noise, there has to be a reason we make killers out of boys" -- then, yeah, I think you're expecting the unexpectable from a Muse lyric writer and need to re-evaluate how you evaluate for the contests. Just my opinion. But I feel it strongly and won't apologize for it. Doug
  8. lyriCAL

    June Lyric Competition

    Congratulations to Patty! I had her song tied for second with Paul's and kuya's and Mr. Distraction's and I'm looking forward to hearing it set to music. My top vote went to Iggy's. Thanks to everyone who liked Coat of Dust, which I know is a bit of a downer but I worked hard on it. I especially appreciate the two 1.5's! And a big thank you to Andrew and his colorful score chart. I have to say that I'm shocked and disappointed at a few of the scores. Some people are handing out more 4's than any other score (this is NOT about me and the scores I received). If you think a third or half of the lyrics are BELOW AVERAGE, I'd sure like to know why. I mean, what is average to you then? Taylor Swift? Kendrick Lamar? And what's above average? King David's psalms? FOUR of the voters gave no score higher than a 3. In my opinion, that's pretty darn mean-spirited. Sorry, but if you think so many lyrics are so ordinary, well, it makes me wonder why you even hang out here. You should be out on a shopping spree with all the royalties you collect from your numerous hit songs. No one here can obviously reach you at all. --Doug
  9. lyriCAL

    Lyrical Parody Parade

    Sounds like some Gordon Lightfoot to me! You had fun with it.
  10. lyriCAL

    Three Wishes

    @spanishbuddha If you've been on the site for years and years, I can see how the contests might not interest you. Personally, I like a lot of the winning lyrics every month. I don't think Donna writes a bad lyric, Paul is always clever and creative, kuya's won with some really fun stuff in the last couple years, Peko writes very thought-provoking lyrics, and SongWolfe can be very poetic, among others who turn out work that I appreciate. Did you listen to the collaboration contest songs? They were all over the place! Are a bunch of us over 40 (or 50 or 60) and writing folk, country, and singer-songwriter lyrics? Yep. There probably isn't enough diversity among the contest's winning entries when you think of all the possible genres out there but I see a ton of talent in the winners' entries every month. I know how hard it is to write a good lyric and how hard it is to win. Just because you know the winner is likely to be folk, country, or singer-songwriter doesn't mean you can just cook up a lyric and win. It takes work. Maybe it even took real work for Neal to win 5 contests that one year. And I'm not bored of what people post here. I just wanted to branch out personally. If you're bored here, you should really try FAWM or 50/90 -- Donna got me into them and they are awesome -- or maybe one of those collaboration sites like kompoz. --Doug
  11. lyriCAL

    Three Wishes

    @Ty Cobb It isn't really rap or hip-hop, it just borrows from them. But I didn't know what else to call it. A lot of rap and hip-hop language is unpleasant (a lot of it is very creative and much of it is not something I can decipher) and to be authentic, I'd have to have the "n" word in there a bunch and lots of other foul words. I used two ugly words but in a way I thought would make it clear I was making fun of the genre. But if you don't really know the genre, you wouldn't see that. See No. 4 below: ho Hooker, prostitute, from the Southern pronounciation of the word whore. She ain't nothing but another ho, according to the system -- KRS One (Exhibit D. [1990]). To sell out, as in to prostitute yourself or your reputation for money. Also reffered to as hoochie Alternative to "bitch" as in, one's girlfriend. "She's ma ho'" Haldun Altunbag is a ho, e.g. "That ho bitched out!"
  12. lyriCAL

    Three Wishes

    Thanks, spanishbuddha. I write all sorts of lyrics, even punk, even hard rock, even sappy love songs. I just don't post them here and I know most of them wouldn't win a lyric contest. I knew this one wouldn't win either but, and I'm not sure why, I just threw it in for the hell of it. Thanks again, Andrew. I really enjoyed your lyric, too. Thanks, kuya. You're exactly right about staying fresh. It's not easy and if you don't challenge yourself, you'll grow stale. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, SongWolfe. I realized as I was writing it that it's really not rap, really not hip-hop, it's just a goofy mishmash of styles without a name but it does borrow a bit from those two genres. It is actually a song rather than a rap. I really, really tried to write a legitimate rap song and just couldn't. It's not in me. Donna: Given the peril with which this lyric was fraught (how's that for an awkward start???), I count myself blessed to have you and Andrew on my side. Thank you again for your kind words. A lyric like this is never going to compete with one as wonderful as your gold medal winner but I do appreciate everything you've said. And your 1! Yes, it's not to be taken seriously at all and since most rap doesn't really have a story, per se, this flouts the basic template of the genre for sure. It isn't really a rap lyric. Thanks for chiming in! @PaulCanuck I do understand where you are coming from, Paul, but just have to disagree with you. As I wrote in my intro above, I decided my rap writing skills were non-existent and the only thing I could try to do was to spoof the genre -- the misogyny, the braggadocio, etc. But it's pretty hard to spoof a genre without using some of its tropes. To me, the opening line is so patently ridiculous that I didn't think anyone could take it seriously, though I knew the very use of those words might offend. But maybe spoofing is a first step toward getting people to think about these issues? Thanks for taking the time to comment. Cheers, Doug
  13. lyriCAL

    Battle of the Bulge

    Like Paul, I had trouble hearing a consistent rhythm so I'll be curious to hear it when it's ready. It's a clever idea and you've been given some good suggestions here. For me, the second verse didn't add a ton of drama because someone else saved you from indulging rather than you having to struggle. I think it would be funnier if the singer had to show what he goes through to fight temptation and then ultimately gives in. Another 8 a.m. meeting but I don't hear a word I try to keep my eyes off the box of Krispy Kreme "Eat me, eat me" are the only words I've heard I take one and kill my dietary dream OK, that's stupid but something more along those lines than someone ruining the donuts by spilling coffee on them. KOS, Doug
  14. lyriCAL

    The Truth Comes Stumbling In

    I agree with kuya's assessment and Andrew's. This is typically well crafted and might've been a second-place finisher for me but what lowered it a notch was the abrupt switch from the courtroom to watching the news even though I get the message. Have you done this limerick structure before? It really smacked me in the face reading it -- Hey! Each verse is its own limerick! (although the first verse doesn't totally fit the pattern) -- and for some silly reason it also detracted a bit from my enjoyment because I was focusing more on the structure of each verse than on the words. That's my own problem, of course. And, Paul, you always do great work so I look forward to hearing the song. --Doug
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