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lyriCAL

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lyriCAL last won the day on March 10

lyriCAL had the most liked content!

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11 Good

About lyriCAL

  • Rank
    A Muse's Muse
  • Birthday

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Traveling, walking, hiking, reading, photography

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Songwriters I love include Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springstreen, Elvis Costello, and The Eagles
  1. I second everything Paul said.
  2. I think I'm in agreement about embrace not working (to me, parents and children hug but lovers embrace). You already threw out the idea of smile/child so: Have I seen your smile For the last time? The eyes of my child For the last time?
  3. Justin, Are you trying to leave out the word child so that people can interpret the lyric in more than one way? I think that's what I'm getting but I just want to be sure...
  4. Sounds like a hit! Little bit of an LA vibe, some humor, strong hook. I like. Good luck with it.
  5. We smile at this sort of thing around here!
  6. Paul, I completely missed the twist. But obviously I'm not alone. As written, I don't think the lyric gives the listener enough information to understand the grandfather died from the toxic fumes. Even if you change it to "his" twisted face. For listeners to "get it", I think you need to spell it out a bit more than you might have wanted to. I also think the whole story would work better if you make it clear that the speaker worshiped his grandfather as a war hero. Right now, he's just kind of a poor silent ghost in the corner. The final chorus could sound callous if it's not clearer that you're grieving him rather than a bunch of toy soldiers.
  7. Drew, if you go to the top of the March contest thread you'll see the directions for that contest. Each month the contests work roughly the same way, with one person agreeing to run the contest and posting the rules for that contest. For the lyric contests, anyone wishing to enter then sends their entry to the contest runner who then posts them in the thread. For song contests, entrants themselves post their entry. Only one entry is allowed per person per contest. Lyric contest entries are posted anonymously with the writers only revealed when the scores are announced. The song contests are not anonymous. People who have entered a contest must vote when the time comes to vote but voting is also open to non-entrants. Welcome to the Muse!
  8. You're on a comedic roll, man!
  9. I loved this one, kuya. It's funny and kept me reading right to the end. It's got cynicism and pathos (the line about her smile is amazing) and a Greek chorus. I wouldn't change a thing.--Doug
  10. Man, I love seeing the fruits of your brain's labors. You are endlessly inventive. Love the names of the places (Coffee Table Ridge) but in the end this falls short for me for two reasons: it's hard for me to care about a bunch of plastic soldiers, even if they end up as soup, and it's hard for me to believe (even if it's true!) that someone would still be reproaching himself all those years later because they melted. But your skill is evident in every line, as always. Cheers, Doug
  11. Thanks for doing that! Much easier for me, Tony. I hear the rhythm of the song in most places, so that's a big plus. I'm betting you already have music for it but I'm hung up on "Can barely pump enough life in your veins" -- it doesn't seem to fit the rhythm right. My biggest issue with the lyric is going to take me a minute to explain. You're telling everyone they have to "see for yourself" as if there is actually something to see. "See" can mean understand but that doesn't seem to be how you're using it. You give all these physical examples. But the thing you want everyone to experience is a spiritual change. So I'm not sure "see" is the best word unless you mean it as "understand" -- in which case, the whole idea of the lyric is a bit of a cop out, because of course you ought to be able to tell us very clearly how our lives will be different if we accept Christ as our savior. If you explain how we would be different then urge us to go ahead and "see for yourself," then it might work better for me. "All the joy that you find brings true peace of mind. See for yourself!" Keep or sweep but that's how I see it. Pun intended. Cheers! --Doug
  12. Tony, can you start by re-typing it in lower-case letters? It's very annoying to read a lyric in the internet equivalent of SHOUTING. That might be a good start.
  13. I really like this one, discatticus. Nice, bittersweet feel to it. Do you write music also and will we be able to hear this soon?
  14. Congratulations to Iggy! Good to have you back where you belong! And to Andy as well, whose writing was excellent. My top pick's were Iggy's and kuya's lyrics followed by Streets of Coeur d'Alene and Redemption. Thanks to fabkebab for running the show. --Doug
  15. Congratulations, Andrew! We had a lot of back-and-forth (in a good way) about how to make this work so this is a nice payoff, eh? I'm grateful you contacted me about collaborating, which I'd like to see more musicians here do. I enjoyed all the songs in the competition. I thought Tom's was an instant classic folk song, Steve's was another of his pop jewels, and Paul's was a touching and beautifully rendered tribute to the flight's lost passengers with just the right little bit of Asian spice thrown in. Don't Doubt My Heart is very sweet. For what it's worth, Andrew saw my lyric in the lyrics forum after there'd been considerable discussion about its meaning. It's a story ripped from the headlines about 800 or so Irish babies found buried in the yard of a Catholic home where pregnant girls used to be sent away. The burials apparently dated back to the '50s but were recently brought to light by an intrepid researcher who, if I recall correctly, lives in the very town where it all happened. You'll have to ask Andrew about "in the corn."