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lyriCAL

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lyriCAL last won the day on May 6

lyriCAL had the most liked content!

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About lyriCAL

  • Rank
    A Muse's Muse

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Traveling, walking, hiking, reading, photography

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Songwriters I love include Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springstreen, Elvis Costello, The Eagles and Natalie Merchant

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  1. lyriCAL

    Lyrical Parody Parade

    Sounds like some Gordon Lightfoot to me! You had fun with it.
  2. lyriCAL

    Three Wishes

    @spanishbuddha If you've been on the site for years and years, I can see how the contests might not interest you. Personally, I like a lot of the winning lyrics every month. I don't think Donna writes a bad lyric, Paul is always clever and creative, kuya's won with some really fun stuff in the last couple years, Peko writes very thought-provoking lyrics, and SongWolfe can be very poetic, among others who turn out work that I appreciate. Did you listen to the collaboration contest songs? They were all over the place! Are a bunch of us over 40 (or 50 or 60) and writing folk, country, and singer-songwriter lyrics? Yep. There probably isn't enough diversity among the contest's winning entries when you think of all the possible genres out there but I see a ton of talent in the winners' entries every month. I know how hard it is to write a good lyric and how hard it is to win. Just because you know the winner is likely to be folk, country, or singer-songwriter doesn't mean you can just cook up a lyric and win. It takes work. Maybe it even took real work for Neal to win 5 contests that one year. And I'm not bored of what people post here. I just wanted to branch out personally. If you're bored here, you should really try FAWM or 50/90 -- Donna got me into them and they are awesome -- or maybe one of those collaboration sites like kompoz. --Doug
  3. lyriCAL

    Three Wishes

    @Ty Cobb It isn't really rap or hip-hop, it just borrows from them. But I didn't know what else to call it. A lot of rap and hip-hop language is unpleasant (a lot of it is very creative and much of it is not something I can decipher) and to be authentic, I'd have to have the "n" word in there a bunch and lots of other foul words. I used two ugly words but in a way I thought would make it clear I was making fun of the genre. But if you don't really know the genre, you wouldn't see that. See No. 4 below: ho Hooker, prostitute, from the Southern pronounciation of the word whore. She ain't nothing but another ho, according to the system -- KRS One (Exhibit D. [1990]). To sell out, as in to prostitute yourself or your reputation for money. Also reffered to as hoochie Alternative to "bitch" as in, one's girlfriend. "She's ma ho'" Haldun Altunbag is a ho, e.g. "That ho bitched out!"
  4. lyriCAL

    Three Wishes

    Thanks, spanishbuddha. I write all sorts of lyrics, even punk, even hard rock, even sappy love songs. I just don't post them here and I know most of them wouldn't win a lyric contest. I knew this one wouldn't win either but, and I'm not sure why, I just threw it in for the hell of it. Thanks again, Andrew. I really enjoyed your lyric, too. Thanks, kuya. You're exactly right about staying fresh. It's not easy and if you don't challenge yourself, you'll grow stale. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, SongWolfe. I realized as I was writing it that it's really not rap, really not hip-hop, it's just a goofy mishmash of styles without a name but it does borrow a bit from those two genres. It is actually a song rather than a rap. I really, really tried to write a legitimate rap song and just couldn't. It's not in me. Donna: Given the peril with which this lyric was fraught (how's that for an awkward start???), I count myself blessed to have you and Andrew on my side. Thank you again for your kind words. A lyric like this is never going to compete with one as wonderful as your gold medal winner but I do appreciate everything you've said. And your 1! Yes, it's not to be taken seriously at all and since most rap doesn't really have a story, per se, this flouts the basic template of the genre for sure. It isn't really a rap lyric. Thanks for chiming in! @PaulCanuck I do understand where you are coming from, Paul, but just have to disagree with you. As I wrote in my intro above, I decided my rap writing skills were non-existent and the only thing I could try to do was to spoof the genre -- the misogyny, the braggadocio, etc. But it's pretty hard to spoof a genre without using some of its tropes. To me, the opening line is so patently ridiculous that I didn't think anyone could take it seriously, though I knew the very use of those words might offend. But maybe spoofing is a first step toward getting people to think about these issues? Thanks for taking the time to comment. Cheers, Doug
  5. lyriCAL

    Battle of the Bulge

    Like Paul, I had trouble hearing a consistent rhythm so I'll be curious to hear it when it's ready. It's a clever idea and you've been given some good suggestions here. For me, the second verse didn't add a ton of drama because someone else saved you from indulging rather than you having to struggle. I think it would be funnier if the singer had to show what he goes through to fight temptation and then ultimately gives in. Another 8 a.m. meeting but I don't hear a word I try to keep my eyes off the box of Krispy Kreme "Eat me, eat me" are the only words I've heard I take one and kill my dietary dream OK, that's stupid but something more along those lines than someone ruining the donuts by spilling coffee on them. KOS, Doug
  6. lyriCAL

    The Truth Comes Stumbling In

    I agree with kuya's assessment and Andrew's. This is typically well crafted and might've been a second-place finisher for me but what lowered it a notch was the abrupt switch from the courtroom to watching the news even though I get the message. Have you done this limerick structure before? It really smacked me in the face reading it -- Hey! Each verse is its own limerick! (although the first verse doesn't totally fit the pattern) -- and for some silly reason it also detracted a bit from my enjoyment because I was focusing more on the structure of each verse than on the words. That's my own problem, of course. And, Paul, you always do great work so I look forward to hearing the song. --Doug
  7. lyriCAL

    Alexa

    Enjoyed the idea and the verses but felt like the chorus is the weakest part. "Did I make a bad connection" is not the zinger line you need. Unlike spanishbuddha, I dislike having Alexa speak at the end -- or if you insist on it, it needs to be sharper, cleverer.
  8. lyriCAL

    My Man Is Almost Home

    I like this, @kuya, and the only thing I'm not sure about is the shoulder bone. Are you sure that's the right bone?
  9. lyriCAL

    May Lyric Contest

    Thanks, Andrew!
  10. lyriCAL

    Three Wishes

    When people don’t “get” what you did and you have to explain, that means you failed. I know. After reading a bunch of rap and hip-hop lyrics and giving a listen to the accompanying songs off and on over the course of about a week, I began writing this. Lots of rap and hip-hop is unconventional and clever in its use of rhyme and language. I’m not normally a fan and don’t listen to rap or hip-hop hardly ever but it was an illuminating experience. Setting aside the obvious bragging and foul language and misogyny, I found that I admired some writers’ talent but could rarely follow the narrative, if there even was a narrative. At first, I really wanted to try to write a real rap/hip-hop song. But everything I wrote sounded ridiculous. I didn’t grow up in Compton or the Long Beach ’hood, I’m not going to use the “n” word, I don’t think like a rapper, etc., etc. I finally decided to spoof the genre, as Donna discerned. I realized I had to use some of its stereotypical language and put it right at the start to establish the lyric’s “credibility” – knowing full well that “ho” and “bitch” were going to place me at the bottom of the contest – but doing it in such an over-the-top way (“All my ho’s is bitches” – I mean, c’mon!) that some people might see what I was doing. I wanted to do some slightly unusual rhyming, as you see in rap (firer, hire her, etc.), and I wanted to create a rapper/singer who feels like he has to boast (because rap) but who actually can’t really boast when it comes to the ladies (which is the opposite of, I don't know, 99 percent of rap). Yeah, he’s got three girlfriends, but not only is he really not getting any from them, each is in control of him, because they’re more stereotypically manly than he is. And, even worse, they’re with him because he’s rich and famous but two of them even put down the “talent” that made him rich and famous. He wants to get rid of them but doesn’t have the cojones. And he’s so frustrated by this that he fantasizes about getting rid of them in a way that psychologically toys with them for toying with him – sending them away, then bringing them back so they think he changed his mind and realizes how much he needs them, and then quickly putting the kibosh on that by sending them away forever. Three Wishes [Intro] All my hoes is bitches Each of ’em is vicious And if I had three wishes I’d send ’em all away And make ’em unpack Then I’d bring ’em back And then I’d send ’em all away for good V1 There’s one with skin Like cinnamon An eagle-eyed Glock firer The Mafia could hire her Her tongue can cut like diamonds And just like Simple Simon She asked to taste my wares But she don’t really care She ridicule my rhymin’ [Hook] All my hoes is bitches Each of ’em is vicious And if I had three wishes I’d send ’em all away And make ’em unpack Then I’d bring ’em back And then I’d send ’em all away for good Three wishes (3X) V2 Another’s bold She call me cold Right in the heat of passion So I gave up on action An ace nunchuck instructor And peace of mind abductor She press me for new clothes I paid for her new nose I’m just a chip to cash in [Hook] All my hoes is bitches Each of ’em is vicious And if I had three wishes I’d send ’em all away And make ’em unpack Then I’d bring ’em back And then I’d send ’em all away for good Three wishes (3X) V3 The third one’s rude She’ll diss my crew Right to their very faces A black belt in karate She ninja but not naughty I take her to nice places Too stuck up not to frown She always lookin’ down She call my flow disgraceful [Hook] All my hoes is bitches Each of ’em is vicious And if I had three wishes I’d send ’em all away And make ’em unpack Then I’d bring ’em back And then I’d send ’em all away for good Three wishes (3X) [Bridge] They moths to a flame All drawn by my fame I’m thoroughbred, yeah, Preakness But damn I got a weakness For straight up bad kitties I think I’m finessin’ But they just be messin’ With my mind I want them gone They cause so much distress But I let them hang on I let them hang on Yeah, I let them hang on Cuz they scare me half to death [Hook] All my hoes is bitches Each of ’em is vicious And if I had three wishes I’d send ’em all away And make ’em unpack Then I’d bring ’em back And then I’d send ’em all away for good Three wishes (Repeat to fade out)
  11. lyriCAL

    May Lyric Contest

    @DonnaMarilyn Obviously, it didn't appeal to almost anyone but you! But I have to say, you totally, I mean 100 percent, get exactly what I was aiming for. And because I consider you one of my lyric-writing role models, your understanding of it makes it worthwhile to have entered the contest with the lyric. Thanks again for your vote. Doug
  12. lyriCAL

    May Lyric Contest

    Big congratulations to Donna for the gold, to Paul for the silver, and to kuya, iggy, and Andy for the bronze! Man, what a strong showing this month! So many really good lyrics. My highest score went to kuya. I had to laugh at the title alone, since it's one of the pinned threads on the Muse -- a stroke of genius for which I give you full recognition, sir! The whole lyric is well executed from start to finish. I had Donna, iggy, and fabkebab tied for second. I really just couldn't pick one as better than the other because they are all excellent. This almost never happens to me when I'm scoring so it's a tribute to the strength of the lyrics this month. I had six lyrics tied for third, including Paul's. Donna, you are too nice. I told Justin right from the start that I'd finish last for the language alone. I'm happy you were able to read past the distracting words to see the humor and effort that I put into it. I'm not sure about your suggestion for changing the title -- I'll have to ask, um, all my girlfriends what they think. Thanks, Andrew. I was certainly WAY out of my comfort zone and the lyric was probably more than faintly ridiculous for me to write but it was a cool challenge. I think everyone deserves a round of applause for participating and making this such a great contest. And, of course, a huge thank you to Justin for running the show! Cheers, Doug
  13. I didn't click on the link you posted, @spanishbuddha, but Rush and Green Day are two groups that come to mind. And that have totally different points of view but have both been hugely successful. I've enjoyed songs from both of them over the years though I'm not a rabid fan of either.
  14. lyriCAL

    Writing Lyrics: Formula or Freefall?

    I haven't read the article yet, but looking at your reduction to three basic themes, I'm struck that all of them are AGAINST. And since it sometimes seems like 90 percent of songs are love songs and a huge chunk of those is NOT negative (ie, breakup or caught you cheating), I'm not sure how the AGAINST themes and the love songs fit together. --Doug
  15. lyriCAL

    Free speech, anyone?

    News to me. I used to be in the courts ALL the time for a previous job, for long stretches of time, and cannot think of a time that anyone ever interrupted the proceedings. And, if such a disruption were to occur, I'm sure the law would come down on the perpetrators hard. If you have strong evidence, Bob, of our courts being disrupted all the time, I'd sure like you to provide it. Haven't read anything about this guy that Tom brought up (though I can guess what he's up to) but I have a hard time believing the responses here would be exactly the same if Black Lives Matter, say, or Colin Kaepernick or Occupy Wall Street, or, say, Muslim activists, were the ones doing the disrupting in court.
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