Jump to content

lyriCAL

Moderators
  • Content count

    654
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    3

lyriCAL last won the day on October 13

lyriCAL had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

39 Excellent

About lyriCAL

  • Rank
    A Muse's Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Traveling, walking, hiking, reading, photography

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    Lyricist
  • Musical Influences?
    Songwriters I love include Dylan, Joni Mitchell, Bruce Springstreen, Elvis Costello, and The Eagles
  1. Meter Matters!

    Super helpful, Alistair. Hope many folks read it. I had to be schooled about this over and over again in my early attempts at lyric writing, which often neglected much of the wisdom you impart here. I would argue that counting syllables isn't useless -- it's useless if that's ALL you do. You have to focus on the stresses as the priority but keep an eye on the syllables, too. Especially for those of us who don't write music, it takes a lot of work to think about what the lyric will sound like SUNG. Getting the stresses right so that the language sounds natural, writing lines that make some sort of sense, rhyming (if you want your lyric to rhyme), and changing up the rhythms so that verses and chorus have some sonic variety -- it all requires thought and diligence. And a lot of the hardest work is done in the revising. Thanks for posting this. Doug
  2. November Lyrics Contest

    Oh no, sorry to hear that, Andrew. Hope all is well and that your house is done soon and you're back with us regularly.
  3. Baby Bird

    BHJ, For some reason, the rhythm of this makes me think of "I Can't Make You Love Me" but the lyrics, obviously are totally different. I agree with Patty's comments 100 percent, the complimentary and the questioning comments. How young is young here? By just starting out in life, is she at university? Or working her first full-time job? It does sound like she's hung over in the first couple lines, which would imply she'd been out drinking the night before. Then, next verse, her friends don't call her -- so who was she out drinking with? I can already hear Paul and Mike commenting on the third line of the first verse -- Yoda speak! Then at the very end, you introduce "you" -- the person to whom this song is addressed, I suppose. But it's unclear who the singer is addressing though that person apparently can pull out a blanket and turn out the light for the singer. A parent? I think this could be clearer. --Doug
  4. A Summer Place

    Gator, Is the memorable song you are referring to Somewhere Only We Know by Keane? I'm with Patty on the part about the eyes. Also, no offense, but I'm having trouble finding a rhythm to this. If you already have music, then it's my issue. If you don't have music, I suggest trying to sing it -- unless you're going for a type of song that doesn't follow traditional songwriting rules. Good luck with this! --Doug
  5. Shipwrecked

    Sorry, Kerry, I was also thrown by some of the verb tense switches -- in some verses you mix past tense like the relationship is over with present tense like it's not (example in first verse: can/could; example in second verse: shared/make). For me, that makes this lyric unnecessarily confusing. I think there's a cleverness to it that makes it worth the effort of fixing those tense issues. The more I think about it, the first two verses are maybe too casual about the other person's efforts to win the singer's heart. The "make life worthwhile" line shows us that the singer cares a ton about this other person but "shared a laugh or two" makes it sound like they barely know each other. Might work better to imply that the person is pulling out all the stops to win the singer over. That way when you get to the refrain it will pack more of a wallop in showing that the singer isn't going to fall in love anymore. My two bits. --Doug
  6. Winnemucca

    kon.sam, somehow I missed your comment. Thanks for the suggestion and for taking a look at the lyric. Cheers, Doug
  7. November Lyrics Contest

    Congratulations to Patty! I'm enjoying your reaction and have to tell you that your lyric had my top score -- it's a superb lyric and not a topic discussed in songs all that much, certainly not on the Muse. I don't know how long you've been active here but you contribute a lot and have made yourself a valuable member of the community. Congratulations also to kuya! Thanks to everyone for your votes for Lay Me Down Easy. Other lyrics that I thought were particularly well done included I Need a Shoulder to Dry On, Swept Away, and Mama's Little Girl. Six More Days was another standout but I'm guessing that it's an iggy special and that's why it was disqualified. Speaking of iggy, thank you again so much for putting this together. The lyric contests seem to be growing exponentially and I know it must be a lot of work to do all the tabulating and everything else. You're awesome! --Doug
  8. AMERICAN SONGWRITER WINNER

    Congratulations, Gary!
  9. Roundabout 18

    They take someone to the tower Just to show they've got the power Judas Cradle and torture wheel The implements that seal the deal
  10. @kuya, you're a crack-up, man! SongWolfe, I think this was too subtle for most of us. Looking at it again, I'm guessing the speaker must've gotten her pregnant and was going to marry her once he saved up enough but it took too long and she found someone else. If I'm wrong, well then I'm out of guesses. And if I'm right, then you probably do need to help the listeners "get it" with a bit more of a hint. Because I didn't get it as I was rating it for the contest, I obviously marked it down. I don't like "rescue" either. I could be hearing the rhythm wrong but it sounds like you would have to say resCUE instead of REScue. I guess, too, that if what he says in the bridge is true, that they both knew their dream was past rescue, then it shouldn't be so shocking that she moved on to someone else. I feel like it undercuts the shock element of the chorus. You have the makings of a totally cool song here with a bit of tweaking, mate. --Doug
  11. October Lyrics Contest

    Congratulations to Donna and iggy! Both great lyrics. Donna's is super poetic and has a timeless feel and iggy's is a beautifully written heartfelt plea. I have to give credit to Joan, too, for bravery in these polarized times. I'm sure she lost votes purely on politics but I thought she had the spirit of Dr. Seuss in her lyric and it was exceptionally well done. I really enjoyed a number of other entries, including Gary's. Thanks, Donna, for your kind words about River. It was a really pleasant surprise to see so many entries. A big thank you to Alistair for making it all happen! --Doug
  12. Yard Sale

    I'm with the others on this, Donna. Awesome concept, great execution, one or two tweaks and it's gold. Love "Punjabi sword" -- you might be the only lyricist I know who would come up with that!--Doug
  13. Very funny! Thanks for posting it, Alistair! I need to go work on my man bun.
  14. September Song Contest - RESULTS!

    I had a pretty hard time deciding on my favorite in this cool bunch of songs but ending up picking Rick's because of the guitar, which I loved. Murphster's is super catchy and tells a cute story. For me, Scenes' song was very well produced but I didn't get the lyric at all. Clint's was a fun listen, kind of a modern R&B that made me think of Earth, Wind & Fire at times and had lots of good energy. Joe's was well done but hit me the least. Road Dog's was creatively unusual -- I probably wouldn't listen to it over and over again but it really stood out in a good way. And Triffid's and Eric's were both nicely melodic. As a non-musician I can only say I'm envious of all the talent I heard on these songs! Doug
  15. Reflections on an Obelisk

    Ty, You use the word "did" too much, I guess to fit the words to the cadence you hear. Other than that, I think it's pretty damn cool. So I'm reading it and getting some of it. I see you are starting the verses with lines from The Gettysburg Address. The rest of each verse seems focused on the current political polarization of the nation, which, although there is no civil war going on now, seems to threaten our union and it's unclear if we're up to the task of breaching the gap that divides us. Some of the chorus lines seem to reference Lincoln watching the construction of the Washington Monument, which was only partly completed at the time Lincoln was president. The narrator seems to wonder if the obelisk today still represents a monument to our great nation and one of its key founders or a tomb for the American experiment that no longer seems to be thriving because of the political polarization driving Americans apart. The last chorus ties the two noble men, Washington and Lincoln, together through the reflecting pond on the National Mall. You get a zillion points for doing something unique and doing it well. I'm not sure I've ever seen anyone try something like this here. And in addition to it being superbly put together, I don't see anything in there that would offend either side of the political aisle in the U.S. And that's a neat trick to pull off in a political lyric. Cheers, Doug --
×