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Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

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  1. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    Home

    Howdy. This is a nice lyric. It looks like you had a pretty clear melodic structure in mind for the chorus, so I'll leave that. I seem to trip up on this line a little; the "tides, of seas" part, specifically. As I read it, it seems not to flow as neatly as the other lines. I'd even say I'm not too sure what this line conveys, but you probably do. My first guess was, a previously dangerous situation was shown to be not so under the narrator's newer perspective? Beyond that, it seems you have a clear vision of the theme as the narrator finding comfort (or insight?), so as far as I'm concerned, I think it's fine overall beyond the line I mentioned.
  2. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    Mortal Soul killed in accident.

    I know this is a year old, but this is really sad to hear. MS was quite a big personality, but I think he just had that strong will and desire to write from the heart. He helped me with quite a few of my lyrics when I first came here, and his critiques were always thorough and almost intuitively knew every time where I was screwing up, even when I was resistant to his words. I thank him for being the eye to detail I wasn't at the time.
  3. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    It's All Gone

    This is cool. It's a funny, homey turnaround on a less-than-happy subject matter. The nigerian prince verse...it's hard to pinpoint why it might be out of place in a lyric like this, but to me it feels like it. Maybe it's because of the reference to the digital world in a lyric not remotely tied to it otherwise. But now this sounds like a nitpick haha (sometimes I get too rigid when in lyrics-writing state of mind). Beyond that though, I like!
  4. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    Uber Love - updated 08/10/2018

    Hey Paul. It's unique (using an Uber driver as the vehicle for a secret love is really inventive) and I dig the added bridge, flows really well to me. Don't have much else to say. Nice one!
  5. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    ee

    Hey Owslek, thanks for your input! I must be really used to my current tuning, or lack thereof! If three people are mentioning it, there's probably something to it. I'll go find my tuner when I have the chance - I think my ears are shot, haha! As for the lyrics, I had rewritten the last two verses a few days prior to your comment, so I plan to post them once I re-do the recording here. I don't have much time to record songs after working 9-5 and other life obligations, so it's slow-going.
  6. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    ee

    Heyas! Yeah, Audacity has EQ and that would work fine for you. I would redo the vocal after you iron out any rough patches and sing a bit further from the mic to get the best recorded track you can. You have a computer and a condenser mic - you are all set! I think there are two modes for EQ (equalization) in Audacity, one where you draw the curve and the other is a graphic EQ. I would just start with the graphic EQ and try cutting out the very lows and find the band in the midrange that is causing the 'boxiness' - I suspect it's somewhere around 500Hz. You could also boost the highest band ever so slightly to add some 'air' to the vocal. Cut deep if you have to but only boost a little is a good rule of thumb for tweaking EQ most of the time. Re-post your next version! Peace, TC Thanks, I'll keep that in mind when I record again! Luckily, I was able to rewrite the second and third verses, so that's a good start I think. Thanks! Yeah, my vocals are still a little shaky. I'd wager I'd have better luck singing a bit lower, something closer to my speaking voice. No problem. Yeah, I'll probably do a full-blown one after I cut another acoustic version with my revised lyrics as I just told TC earlier. Yeah, when you get the time, check out the progressions. I'm kinda fond of those progressions, it has a lot of chord interchange which sounds really cool to me.
  7. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    The Muse

    Well, I've come back from a prolonged departure from this site, mostly for personal issues. So, hey! :)/> That said, I really think it boils down to the move of the site. Although, one can't discount the whole social media thing, and how certain platforms probably cater better to certain demographics than others. Forums are less popular with the demographic(s) that's targeted by social media.
  8. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    ee

    Hey TC. Thanks for your input! That's a lot of useful information, and I'm glad you see something in my song despite it's lack of refinement. I actually have a digital tuner...somewhere, haha. Maybe I've gotten so used to my guitar that I don't notice that disparity. I do have a capo the first fret, if that means anything. In terms of the recording, you mentioned EQ. Now, currently my setup is a condenser mic hooked to my laptop, and I record it using audacity. I think audacity has EQ, but maybe that's not what you're referring to? Cheers!
  9. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    ee

    markusrothko: Wow! Thank you for your praise and recommendations! That's such a thorough review, haha. I like your interpretation. I was actually leaving it as open-ended, but the image of a knight upon his steed, maybe Arthurian-inspired, was what I initially was going for. Of course, the bridge does create a somewhat more hidden meaning. Funny enough, the bridge was written on-the-fly during this recording of the song. Luckily, it supports your interpretation quite well! Yeah, I had thought of double or tripling-tracking the vocals either during the second/third verses or the bridge. But I like your idea of introducing a female vocal singing in harmony with the lead vocal -- THAT would be really cool, now that I play it through my head. I'd probably have to sing a bit lower, which is probably better because my speaking voice is quite a bit deeper than my singing voice. In terms of the chord progressions...(each line represents a line on my lyrics): INTRO Am-G/B-C-Em7-D-C VERSE Am-G-C-Em7-D C-D-Dsus4-G Am-G-C-Em7-D C-Em-D-Dsus4-G BRIDGE F-Em7 F-C-G Am-D G-E7 F-Em7 F-C-G Am-D E7-F CODA C-Em-D-Dsus4-G Thanks for all your feedback! Much to consider if I do go on and make a fuller-produced song. Paul: Thanks Paul! Glad you dig it. In terms of the out-of-tunedness, was it more a general out-of-tune across the whole song, or was it out-of-tune in select spots? I'm pretty sure I blubbed a chord in the bridge (twice, I think), and maybe that's what you're referring to. After markus' suggestions, I'm really thinking a full production version could happen, too.
  10. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    I'll Meet You There

    > Do you think the song would benefit from being "popified" a bit more? As in maybe changing between the verses and the choruses more often? And perhaps having the first chorus come earlier? Right now it starts at around 1.20, I think. A form I believe is more used in dance music than in pop? I guess this is electronic dance pop hehe Well, ultimately it's up to you, but I suppose if you want to be more conventional, then you should take a look at other songs in the genre and get a gist of spacing between verses and choruses.
  11. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    I'll Meet You There

    Hey there. Since you said this is electronic pop, then I'll alter my critique to suit it. The beat and synths are definitely on cue. Solid. This is definitely a dance club sort of thing going on here. The lyrics do seem a little disconnect from verse to verse, but that's probably not that big of a deal. I would say you're talk-singing more than singing, but it works. It'd be interesting to hear how it'd contrast with a version of the song where you do sing, or incorporate talk-singing with singing. Anyways, those are my thoughts. Cheers!
  12. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    Thirteenth Floor

    Hi Paul, I'm a little late for the trick-or-treating, but this sure is sweet! It kicks the right amounts of ass, it's spooky AND [darkly] humorous all at once. I also somehow caught a whiff of some Pink Floyd influence musically...don't know why, really. And I love that guitar in the intro! That scrambled voice was slightly brain-muddling when I first heard it in the intro, but as the song went on, it added that slightly offbeat touch the pushes the song into offbeatly cool. No critique beyond that, really. It's a winner in my book.
  13. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    Where do you draw the line between "cliche" and "simple"?

    It's all in how "cliches" are used. They're just another tool in the songwriter's tool box. There's no question that cliches are cliche for a reason -- they work and they flow well in many different song lyrics. However, their misuse is not clear-cut, and determining misuse is a product of, er, musical intuition: you'll know it, your audience'll know it, we can't quite expound on why that is, but you can just "feel" it. Like the ear detecting when something's unintentionally out-of-rhythm, it's similar to that.
  14. Boldly-Rimmed Glasses

    Untitled first draft

    Hey there. It's not a bad write. I get a sense of someone who's out at the bar, mourning over a lost love. I like the AAAA rhyming scheme in the verses, even it's considered nay-nay by certain songwriting purists out there, haha. There are some confusing bits [to me]. The "box room" is sort of vague. "Shout me a taxi to another ear to chew" doesn't sound right to me, but maybe I'm just reading it wrong. And in the bridge, these lines. >Put in me in the arms forever >Of a consolation girl who can't refuse >Shout me a consolation girl who won't refuse I'm not sure if this is meant to be poetic, but to me it sort of blends poetic and lyrical, which diverges from what you got going in the other choruses. In fact, I think the choruses read like bridges. Maybe think about using one or two of those as bridges and then come up with a chorus -- maybe someone's suggested title could help there. Alright, those are my thoughts. Have a good one!
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