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A Musical Key

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A Musical Key last won the day on July 16

A Musical Key had the most liked content!

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About A Musical Key

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    Contributing Muse
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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
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    soft rock and roll, singer/songwriter

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  1. Son

    Hey George. Here are my impressions: It reads like a parable or psalm with its true meaning hidden It strikes me as more of a prayer than a lyric The formatting into verse and chorus is nonexistent The content is overly religious A majority of the lines are too long and need pruning So, put it in verses and choruses and do some pruning and see where you are at.
  2. Hello Mona There's not enough here to really display your talent. In other words, it's too short. Try and complete the entire lyric and then let it sit for a day or two and make any revisions you think it needs. We all have years of listening to music to use as reference. I thought your description of the song as post Disney was an indication you have a different way of looking at things. So Mona, it's too early in the process to say your lyrics suck. Might be worth a listen to Elton John's DON'T GO BREAKING MY HEART or similar songs.
  3. Interesting title, it got my attention. But it may be better as Ring Master. Change the hook slightly and leave the female pronouns and you're golden. I stumbled when I read the "diddle" line. I liked it yet thinking "ah - filler to make the rhyme work" I'm not sure what would work better, it just seems out of place. Same with the word "bestraddle." I also would have liked a little more story on what happened with the mistress, maybe another verse? I know those third verses are hard to come up with. But I can see this as a chorus worthy song. Keep or sweep. These are things I'd do to change it to my sensibilities.
  4. rap

    I definitely heard a rapper doing this. I see you want to make a point re: meds. Why not the title phrase/hook in the lyric? Also, this is just too dense on the page to be memorable. Try a slimmed down version to see what happens. I Keep or sweep.
  5. I like it, There are a few places where I stumbled "Dawning sun" and "Coupled hearts" were the most noticeable. Something poetic about your lyric or something lyrical about your poetry that I found appealing.
  6. Someday Soon
  7. The repetition of "some" seems excessive. Is this about heaven?
  8. Female POV? Oops! Strike the pink stinks comment. Thanks for referring me to the Linda album. I haven't listened to it in a while. s.
  9. Kuya -- Carrying a torch for someone is tough to do especially in the tradition of the Great American Songbook. The one I always think of is One For My Baby by Cole Porter. "I was dressed in pink" stinks. I'm not sure about the "kissed you once and then again" that may have a little stink on it so it can rhyme. So you ask " Okay what you got?" I got nothing but I suspect there's better out there. In general your rhymes are okay they just use the easy combos "drink/pink" and "end/ again". Nothing wrong with that but I noticed. But I like the way you set this up. V1 is the description of the day you met V2 you meet her CH your reaction V3 blissfully happy V4 memories intrude Br where did the summer go? CH your reaction. regret The chorus is different each time except for the last line "the day we met" That's good and bad for the listener. Good for the ear to hear something well thought out but bad for the lack of an oft repeated hook. Good work. A nice entry in your songbook.
  10. Verse: Oh! My poor heart, All the savings You have made inside. Wasted somewhere By the road aside. My poor heart Once full of love Now barren inside Wasted somewhere Along the roadside Not very bluesy but this is what I think you meant. As you can see we all write differently. I don't have anything more other than the previous advice was pretty good. They pointed out areas that confused them. Work on those. Good luck with this.
  11. The bridge might work better if you change one word. Br: Been sitting on a bubble Just waiting to burst You hold the pin Come on baby let me in "Sitting on the bubble" means that the situation is on a cusp and could go either way.
  12. I suggest a few things A different title. It needs an extra word or syllable something like: A POOR MAN'S HEART or WOUNDED HEART More natural wording of the first line in each verse. Right now they sound like dialogue from a play. A fourth line for each verse. Unusual to have an odd number of lines. There's no rule on that but the listeners will notice waiting for the rhyme scheme to unfold. The content/imagery is vague and could use some sharpening. Hope these help
  13. What? Introduce two characters by name and nothing happens to them?
  14. Jiggling down the road? This doesn't fit but I like it anyway: Bad motor scooter! You speed up then you slow down Pressing those hooters Right where they belong Bad Motor Scooter is a reference to the cut on Ronnie Montrose's first album with a young Sammy Hagar on vocals. I don't know Kuya. You pleasantly surprise me every time I read one of your lyrics. FYI, a motorcycle is never called a scooter in the US.
  15. The Internet defines it pretty well "TED Talks are influential videos from expert speakers on education, business, science, tech and creativity" I thought the sheer volume of the verses threw this out of balance compared to the pithy chorus. Either the chorus is too good for the verses or the verses are too good for the chorus, They seemed disconnected. @PaulCanuck is right. Don't sweat it.