Jump to content

A Musical Key

  • Content count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


A Musical Key last won the day on July 16

A Musical Key had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

30 Excellent

1 Follower

About A Musical Key

  • Rank
    Active Muse

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    soft rock and roll, singer/songwriter

Recent Profile Visitors

2,271 profile views
  1. Darker Than Black

    Alas, John, this one confuses me. A door darker than black.... that everyone feels better for that? What did you have in mind for that? Sometimes, I'm too literal when I look at lyrics. If you mean Death it starts to make sense. The bridge doesn't make much sense either. What am I missing?
  2. My American Hero

    A couple of oh-so-minor suggestions. Is it possible to mention the woman in service too? Probably not needed, the audience for this is already large enough. Besides, I wouldn't want to risk changing this too much. Is it possible to have a little bit more of a romantic feeling when he's home? Right now, he feels more like a dutiful husband. Yup, I see it now, it's in your out! Never mind. And the private battle thing is good but it may be an opportunity to say something about his battle too. We both have our battles to fight... Pretty Damn Good!
  3. It's All A Mistake

    Jim, I wasn't questioning what the lyric meant to you I was trying to point out where I as a reader felt a disconnect It helps me to know where the soft spots so that I can then judge if the concern is valid and worth addressing. I personally tend to worry about points that are echoed by several reviewers. Everyone's (re)writing style is different. I suggest putting this one down to marinate in your brain for a while.
  4. It's All A Mistake

    I got it! I know why this lyric bothers me. Every time I get to the refrain None of it's real It's all a mistake I wonder what's not real? Where's the mistake? The prior verses are about dissatisfaction and authority issues.. Disconnect identified. Your interpretation may vary.
  5. Cutting Me Loose

    This has a nonchalant way of telling the story. A more emotional approach might help. In other words, make it about losing someone rather than the ways you were deceived.
  6. Rip It Out!

    Hobo Thanks for sharing your insights. You certainly know your structure. I have yet to put it to the real world test of music but I suspect you're right - the bridge may not fit. I'll try it out and let you know after I make some of changes.
  7. Rip It Out!

    =BOB= As always, I am intrigued by your suggestions. Thanks old buddy, old pal, old friend of mine. Hobo, that's the real question here, isn't it? How does the bridge sound. Fantastic in my head. The closest thing to it is Bon Jovi's Living On A Prayer OH, WE'RE HALFWAY HOME! Not quite a syllable match but that's the sound I hear. Nothing worked out on my guitar yet.
  8. Rip It Out!

    Peko and Mike, I like your suggestions. Peko don't ever doubt your lyric sense. It's always right. Right? I can't hear you! RIGHT! Good thoughts on the bridge and verses. Sure this the first publicly shown draft but it was many drafts in the making. Another rewrite on the way. In general, your comments are "amp it up" so I can "rip it out." Thanks!
  9. Rip It Out!

    KP, thanks for the questions. A bad tooth causes pain which can "bring you down" until it is removed. And a bad tooth seldom comes out smoothly. "Pulling you down" can be rewritten. I wrote the "preacher's sin" line first and the others followed. I don't know if they're hollow or goofy but I see your point. Often my first lines are the best lines. The skin thing was on purpose to tie the ideas together. This is what happens when you advertise that your bridge is interesting, it always something. The last line in the chorus does look a little funky. Perhaps "Or a life in chains" helps? In the original version the "garden/broken" lines were the lead off lines when I decided to change the rhyme scheme from AABB to ABAB. I'm not particularly worried about it but anything in the first verse is good to point out, Thoughtful stuff man.
  10. Rip It Out!

    Thank you SB! I haven't done much since the Before Yesterday challenge back in April/May. Good to see you back in the monthly contest/ This song was unusual for me since it invaded my brain with a very persistent voice -- kind of like Bon Jovi's Living On A Prayer.
  11. Snakebite Viv

    Snakeskin Sal. Maybe a little obvious but give it a chance to slither in.
  12. Rip It Out!

    Hey! Many of you have experienced my helpful and insanely insightful comments. I tried to do a straight ahead rocker. My first completed effort in half a year. Please, any comments you care to make are appreciated Rip It Out! V My heart won't mend In this lovers garden I've lost all hope and My heart is broken Put me out of my misery I don't need a surgeon It's like a cancer inside of me Get it out! One and done C Never use my heart again Rip it out! Grab that sucker and Rip it out! A moment's pain Rip it out! Or a life time in chains Rip it out! V Just like a bad tooth Don't want my heart around It ain't pulling out smooth Can't use it to pull me down I'll do it I swear You can't stop me Don't you dare My heart is burning B Burning like sin on a preacher's skin Burning like silver in a werewolf' s hide Burning like Holy Water on a vampires skin Burning like acid falling from a toxic sky V My broken heart There's no mistaking My crazy ex lover Put a stake in C Never use my heart again Rip it out! Grab that sucker and Rip it out! A moment's pain Rip it out! Or a life time in chains Rip it out! © 2017 Gary Rademan
  13. The Barfly Maneuver==Take 2

    John, Good rewrite. I like the reversal of the end. I also like the placement and repetition of the smile line at the end of each verse though I think it would be tighter if each smile line was the same. Sir Morgan doesn't mean anything to most folks. I liked the empty shot glasses as you showed us rather than told us they were tipsy if not drunk. Maybe the bridge could be about the story she told? I know part of it's in the verse. Oh well, a thought. I'll gladly accept a shot of Jack if this review is satisfactory.
  14. The Barfly Maneuver

    The lyric circles around the barfly and the barfly -- that's kinda cool and adds to the anticipation for the story. I suggest ending the story before it starts -- making it a mutual admiration thing or come up with a hell of a story. I liked this - just deliver on the premise.
  15. Snakebite Viv

    The sounds of the title don't work for me. The harsh sounds of snakebite don't mesh well with the soft sounds of Viv. Other than that, looks fine!