Welcome to Muse Songwriters Message Board

Register now to gain access to all of our features. 

 

This message will be removed once you have signed in.

somefellow

Members
  • Content count

    180
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Community Reputation

0 Neutral

About somefellow

  • Rank
    Active Muse
  • Birthday

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Northern California

Previous Fields

  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
    I write both music and lyrics
  • Musical Influences?
    Rilo Kailey, Cat Power
  1. TC - Thanks so much for your careful listen and suggestions. Interesting you said that the music part sounded a bit canned. I kind of agree. I sent this off to an on line mixing and mastering studio, cause I am really amateurish at mixing and mastering. The individual tracks came back sounding better and the overall song sounded louder for sure but the dynamics felt less dynamic (and the harmonies were a touch sloppier {maybe I could just hear them better}). . . . Thank you again. David - really like your snippet you sent. I will try to understand your melody and replicate it. It sounds way better and the harmonies are tight, tight, tight. I got this program Melodine but it won't work with my protools for some reason . . . so my loose (melodically) harmonies will continue. I can definitely line them up more precisely though. Thanks also for the lyric/prosody suggestions they are correct and a help. Thomas - I appreciate the listen and kind words. Thank you. Rick - I am thinking you might be onto something with the chorus. I liked it but it is really simple 1,4,5. I was trying to channel my inner John Conlee. Remember "Rose Colored Glasses" from the olden days? I don't like a lot of country music but I always liked his songs. I think the cords you like in the verse is a G6th going to Am7, if I am remembering correctly. I found it where I find most of my cord progressions searching desperately on You Tube. It sounds reminiscent of Janis Ian (Seventeen) and James Taylor (Walking Man). God I am aging myself that I know that old music. But you got me thinking on the chorus. I am worried you might be right and I just got lazy on that. . . . Oh and thanks for your kind words on the song. Bruce - I hold your writing in high regard. Thanks for the listen and very kind words.
  2. Thank you Nice. I see that David (who is brilliant) agreed with my assessment of your tune. That is a good sign for you. Tom
  3. TC, Man you have intimidating skills. In all areas, musicianship, recording, song crafting. Really a tour de force. Tom
  4. Nice one Brad. Interesting conversation you must have had with your friend. Conversations with friends is where I get half my ideas for songs. Nothing safe when talking to a songwriter. Now I have a little advice that is probably so off base as I don't do this style of music. But I do listen to it. And David and Blvklite are far more accomplished than I. Never the less. My ear would like to hear more dynamics. Perhaps you are going for a more ambient, trance type feel, wall of sound kind of thing. But what I am hearing in my head is the full band exploding after or when you sing "Losing Gravity". Where it seems to stay at the same level volume wise. That said I like a lot about this. Love the vocal. Mix sounds rich and deep. and of course the subject matter works for me. Tom
  5. Hey Tom, The music sounds great! Neal has skills. Love the guitar sound. You guys do sound like you were having a lot of fun doing this. Thanks for sharing. Tom
  6. Hi Michael, I like your unblinking, honest descriptions of life events. I like your language. I like your bridge. The willingness to look hard and honestly at uncomfortable realities makes for good songwriting in my humble opinion. Here are my personal questions and ideas about your song. Too much reverb on the vocals. Your words are clean, your guitar is clean. Vox should be too. I always struggle with too many examples of something. Each example you use is worthy of a song in itself. Now to keep it riveting for three minutes that takes some deep thinking and quality writing. Both of which you are obviously capable. Anyway I like your style. Tom
  7. Wow this is good. Is that a nylon string guitar? Sounds wonderful. What a melody, what an arrangement. This is significant work. That said David (Hobo Sage) is giving you good advice. Tom
  8. Ryland, The message wears me out a little bit. The whole alienation thing is a just a little bit tiring. But that might just be because i am old. Otherwise I love this. Seriously. Well played and really well recorded. And dude you have serious skill melodically this kicks A$$. The slow down works great. Can't wait to hear more from you. Tom
  9. Dylan, Those lyrics get a little complicated. But the music is very accessible and invites the listener in. So my two cents is that the first verse and chorus connect nicely but then your connection gets iffy. That said I think most people will be be completely entrance by you great melody and not notice distancing of the lyric. Tom
  10. Hey James, You obviously have skill. Nice musicianship and nice composition. This is a well crafted song. I am not the clearest singer by a long shot. But I think that you would do yourself and your listeners a favor by singing clearer. Don't worry your good. Tom
  11. New song advice and opinions welcome Break Your Heart Break Your Heart By Tom Franz V1 Everybody’s broken Everybody cries Everyone denies it But everybody lies V2 You may not see it coming When sadness call on you You thought you were above it I confess that I did too Pre Then you see you’ll have to play your part With a broken heart C This world will break your heart Into a million parts Just expect it from the start Life will leave a deep, deep mark On your broken heart V3 Everyone was stronger Everyone was sure No one quite expected What everyone must endure V4 Lovers leave Family dies Friends betray your soul Enemies rise from ashes To come and take their toll Pre If you add up all the parts It will break your heart C B There’s beauty in your struggle There is beauty in the dark There is so much beauty in redemption That it will break you heart C
  12. Welcome Caranella, Here is my take on songwriting. My perception is that most is most the people that write on this site are consumed by/addicted to songwriting. They can't help it. It's time consuming. Make that all consuming. It's often an every waking moment kind of thing. Always running a melody through your head, working on lyrics, trying to coax an interesting progression out of your instrument. So I have no advice to give you except it is really hard to write a really good song. But as soon as I write a really good one I will let you know how gratifying it is to do so. Hang in there welcome to the club. Tom
  13. David, What kind of guitar do you have it sounds beautiful. How do you record it? Thanks for the tips on reverb. Reverb always mystifies me. I will try those settings. I am working on a new acoustic song but it has two guitars. do you suggest to leave the first guitar centered with the vocals? Thanks, Tom
  14. David, That is so helpful thank you. For you to take that much time and thought to help me improve is really kind. Don't expect the same on my crit of your song, you are way better than me. Interesting on the the guitar panned left. I am always fighting mud and trying to make everything more distinct (whilst blending together). So I always pan the guitar 25% - 30% one way or the other. But I never thought of the obvious result that it gives the impression of someone else playing the guitar (if I was going to have someone else play the guitar I would choose a better player). So I guess mix the voice and guitar as if it was a mono recording. I'll try that for sure. I am also intrigued by the idea of moving the harmonies to the opposite side of the stage from the guitar (Now I stereo pan them both 100% hard right and hard left). I'l try that too. Also I think you are on to something that I should have brought in a different guitar pattern for the bridge. Thank you again David. Tom
  15. The good news is I like your start. The bad news is that you shouldn't make us listen to your start. Flesh it out make something out of it. Give it a good effort. Tom