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fabkebab last won the day on July 28 2017

fabkebab had the most liked content!

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36 Excellent

About fabkebab

  • Rank
    Ahh a newbie no longer
  • Birthday 20/12/1969

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Houston, Texas
  • Interests
    Fatherhood, Songwriting/performing, the mystery of "on stage charisma", The wide world, Gardening, People, Sports, trying to "get" America

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Traditional Folk, Progressive Rock, plus some classical, acoustic, metal, pop, country, reggae

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25,383 profile views
  1. Writing Lyrics: Formula or Freefall?

    I think you misread my mail - I pretty much agree with everything you said. I think the sheet music idea isnt practical (and would not be enjoyable) Not sure how my comment was so vague that you were able to interpret it as sour grapes and trying to change any rules
  2. Writing Lyrics: Formula or Freefall?

    For the song competitions (and I have won and run many lyric and music competitions) - Good singing and good production nowadays are the minimum bar before your song can win. There are typically perhaps 6 songs which have sufficient production to win a competition, then it comes down to the specifics of the song and its relative merits vs. the other 5. The conversation has come up repeatedly in the last 10 years or so, and the best idea was the 1+1 competition (even with 1+1 the great vocals and production still stand out!). Some people have suggested posting the sheet music instead of the recording, but IMHO that is not going to work. I think the modern world of making music is about making a good "track" - people vote based on "would this sound good on my playlist?". If the recording is sloppy, the answer will almost always be "no!"
  3. Writing Lyrics: Formula or Freefall?

    You make a good point - perhaps with my own lyrics I have become a bit lazy, thinking the hook and a few related thoughts carry the day - but I think you are right, you have to polish and eek out everything from the lyric
  4. Writing Lyrics: Formula or Freefall?

    Brilliant lyric ideas! Although you feel you used a formula to write them, they wouldnt have been anything without the neat inspiration plus your crafting ability to wrangle them into a lyric. The value of practice is that you have the training and readiness to capture an idea and put it into a lyrical form before the inspiration is gone I had my year back in somewhere like 2007 - It is too long ago to remember the details, but I had 4 winning lyrics. For the most part they were built on a common premise - think of a hook and make it like a jewel, around which you craft all of your other lyrics. It worked at the time. I just wrote down anything I could think of which pertained to the hook, then honed it down from there. Lyric 1 - Really I started with the chorus Annabelle was really a classic, with a little bit of fairy tale And she let me read her like a book- A book written in braille From there it was a case of striking the hammer again and again to turn out a story which contained numerous bookish references, for example this verse snippet (doesnt really convey the story, but has lots of book bits) Sometimes like a romance, sometimes like a thriller Every night a masterpiece, without one line of filler Intricate, unusual plots, each chapter tightly wound Hours of pleasure every night, I couldnt put her down! Lyric 2 - Again a "hook becomes a story" "Its the kind of love I love to hate" - basically I had that little line, and it is easy to think of the kind of love someone would hate - they would hate the sickly love of a girl you like swooning over someone else, hence a developing story with verses like this (again a middle verse) : This saturday he's got it planned He's going to take her by the hand Kneel before her at the football game She'll take the ring, the crowds will cheer She'll smile through floods of joyful tears The scoreboard will be flashing out her name But i can't stand the crowd and the attention that they're paying As everyone keeps saying "Dont they both look great?" Well its the kind of love I love to hate! Lyric 3 : I had a lyric which again used a hook "You've got me feeling like a corvette, stuck in a 30 zone". The lyric was so irredeemably bad I cannot seem to find it in my lyric collection, but thats probably good for yourself. Once you have the hook you can imagine the rest. Safe to say it was a "hurry up and love me" song with lots of references to speeding fines etc. Lyric 4 : This is the only one which genuinely tried to have poetic lyrics, which implies the flowery lyrics *can* be popular, but its the clever, well crafted, stick to a theme songs which work the best. Anyway I just had the simple thought of someone looking at a beautiful day beginning, but knowing its a horrible day because his girlfriend is leaving. Its actually a concept ripped off from Simon and Garfunkels "Somewhere they cant find me" where the singer is looking at his sleeping girlfriend before he has to go out on the run. Anyway here is a sample verse Street blown whispers of old crumpled papers first light of dawn on the distant skyscrapers drawn out shadows on the bedroom wall Sleeping beside me, your soft gentle breathing I'm falling apart at the thought that you’re leaving Suitcase packed and waiting in the hall Ch/ Cos you're leaving today its as we agreed Your new life begins the last thing you need Is these chains, these ties, these feelings -this past in your way There's a new road in front of you now And you're leaving today
  5. Innocent

    I am surprised you didnt get any comment on this one. I read it when you first posted it but for whatever reason I didnt reply. I am glad I helped inspire it. I enjoyed the progression of the lyric. If I was to focus on one thing, it would be the section starting "Little children down on their knees" - the way you write it, its almost like the kids are somehow in the video. The previous time you used the same section it was clear that the tv scenes were coming from the TV in the corner, but here they are blended together
  6. Difficult to Look At

    I felt a kind of "fairytale of new york" vibe to this. I didnt enjoy it much because it felt a bit like a combination of two humors I dont like much - slapstick and mean, but the ending had a nice sweet twist to it. I wonder if you couldnt make it less about just her looks, but about other flaws too - like spending too much on credit cards or being grumpy in the mornings. I think it would allow you to explore other funny areas, and makes the person seem a bit more complex and human
  7. March Lyrics Contest

    Ah... That was it (having just moved back into my house after Harvey) Actually I really liked the lyric, and will have to do better myself before I can claim to be a "lyricist" anytime soon The competitions are great, almost an institution for me. I dont have sour grapes, and urge anyone who thinks they have the formula to show it off. I plan to. There has to be some inspiration and craft however, as well as being "tuned in" to the right mindset (as you can see I am already making my excuses)
  8. In Times Like These

    Loved it!
  9. Untitled (maybe "In my memory")

    I think the topic of the song is a strong one, but I want to pull out a couple of your verses which i think just "sing" very well in my mind (and could be the seed of an entirely new song!) I'm drowning on dryland I'm stuck in the quicksand I'm caught in a whirlwind Swept up in a dustpan My heart is an eggshell Dropped down in a deep well The gravity's pulling Me downward to hell i think overall these sing no cleanly (with the exception of the last line with is a bit off) - but the first line is the killer, and its a concept you could carry to the other verses. Drowning on dryland? So brilliantly impossible. but then the other lines are actually possible, whereas they would be really exceptional if you kept the impossible thing going I'm drowning in dryland Sleeping in quicksand Inside the whirlwind Swept up in a dustpan
  10. Red O'Hare

    Just like Jonie I read this yesterday and thought i would let it sit. I enjoyed the imagery of the whole thing, and could clearly see a well painted rural kind of hillbilly scene The only area where i beleive you could strengthen it is by telling a clearer, more concise story. At the moment (at least for me) it feels a bit open to intetrpretation, where the verse narrative is very clear, but I dont clearly see the transition into the chorus 1 ) shes working in the garden Chorus - digging digging 2 ) the neigbor has been treating her badly Chorus - digging digging 3 ) Dramatic court scene, but a slight surprising and anticlimactic repentance Chorus - digging digging (with hints of an exhumation?) I would keep most of your words but develop the words into the chorus: 1 ) shes working in the garden, Chorus - digging digging 2 ) the neigbor has been treating her badly, she shoots him, and when her gramps walks in on her and the body, she is... Chorus - digging digging 3 ) Dramatic escape, perhaps with the moral being that when your in a hole, sometimes its better to keep Chorus - digging digging something like that (your own choices of course) but a story built around your great imagery and a catchy chorus idea
  11. Little plastic soldiers

    Hi guys - thanks for the comments Sometimes you put a lyric up and its clear why it doesn't work for people, and I appreciate how your comments have shown it. The lyric is too simplistic or insubstantial to clearly convey what I am trying to put into it, meaning that it looks like a poorly executed version of something else. In song form, this is a lighthearted kind of skiffle song - perhaps akin to "lazing on a sunny afternoon". Perhaps if I was indulging myself, I would describe it as a "post-anti-war" song- I am not trying to stop a war with this song, I am just painting a kind of absurd situation. Its just these poor characters that would be rather hanging like a bucket full of plastic animals, for example. I obviously have a tiny whiff of pacifism in the lyrics which has turned into a full on stench! @Short Order Kook @SongWolfe @Oswlek I think your comments have helped a lot with explaining how it didnt work for you. I sailed too close to the "war song" topic and ended up with the song being a weak version of one @IronkneeI think you have actually summarized my song - it is plastic soldiers bellyaching because they are getting bashed around by kids instead of being dressed up like barbie etc
  12. Little plastic soldiers

    Interested in whether this lyric has any merit - most people hammered it in the competition which surely means I will get some good feedback! Little plastic soldiers Little plastic soldiers feeling unhappy They’re tired of children's wars and feeling crappy They want to get back in their bucket They want this game to end They don't like being fighters They just want to be friends Interview the heroes who won the war But they stand there still, cant do much more They want to get back in their bucket They want this game to end They don't like being fighters They just want to be friends Then the kids are shocked to hear a squeaking One of the soldiers has started speaking! “We want to get back in our bucket We want this game to end We don't like being fighters We just want to be friends”
  13. Hard Way Home

    HI Donna - Well I really should comment on this since my word cloud inspired it!! I think it read smoothly, and even though you diffused the bomb (by telling us it was inspired by earth day) i think the B section really worked nicely to add to the resonance of the last verse. I thought it worked well. My favorite and least favorite lines were packed closely together Plastic in her hair : Obviously topical with the various videos of people swimming around in tangles of plastic Dead dolphins at her feet : Seemed oddly specific and distracting. It might be better to use "general imagery" like bloodstains on her dress. Another comment - you talk about water, rivers, oceans. The idea of a bridge burning fits the river part, but the rest of the lyric is built so much around wetness that a fire seems a bit out of place. Perhaps you could talk in terms of the tide rolling out, a well running dry, a storm coming - something aquatic!
  14. Take it All (updated 04/10/2018)

    I enjoyed the read. To be honest I was waiting for a plot twist at the end - making the "taking everything" a pyrrhic victory. But with the right music this sadder approach will work nicely