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fabkebab last won the day on March 31

fabkebab had the most liked content!

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20 Excellent

About fabkebab

  • Rank
    Ahh a newbie no longer
  • Birthday 20/12/69

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Houston, Texas
  • Interests
    Fatherhood, Songwriting/performing, the mystery of "on stage charisma", The wide world, Gardening, People, Sports, trying to "get" America

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  • Lyricist, Composer or Both?
  • Musical Influences?
    Traditional Folk, Progressive Rock, plus some classical, acoustic, metal, pop, country, reggae

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  1. This was a lot of fun! The style of the lyrics and the super-autotuned vocals (and a young sounding voice) sounded quite modern - whereas the music sounded like it was a mixture between Billy Joel ("My Life") and the Buggles ("Video killed the radio star") My only comment on a posible improvement is where you are smashing too many words into a space which is too small - so a lot of what you are saying cannot be heard There is also a bit of clattering in the background, like you are singing along to an audio backing track karaoke style (like the click at the very end of the song - its as though you are turning off a music player) Anyway - enjoyed it, and it deserves more listeners!
  2. thanks Hobo - of course I emailed you privately. I redid the vocals - to be honest I probably need to redo them as they sound quite pitchy second time around
  3. Nice start!
  4. ---kind of raw, but hopefully passes the muse litmus test - all comments welcome! O.L. Manchester Got me by surprise, got tears in my eyes Even though i'm a grown man and should know better As tight as lovers hands, Ariana and her fans Crying and laughing in a party together It was One love, One Manchester love One love, One Manchester love I saw something good and whole in that rainy city’s soul Selfies and singing loud artists mixing with the crowd A policeman was dancing outside there was a choir, a sense of pride A city that was standing tall I just looked I saw it all It was One love, One Manchester love One love, One Manchester love These peddlers of hate must wonder What will it take to for them to get under the skins of us people of the west? As every fresh attack Is met by people surging back - light defeating darkness when put to the test It was One love, One Manchester love One love, One Manchester love Got me by surprise, got tears in my eyes Even though i'm a grown man and should know better As tight as lovers hands, Ariana and her fans Crying and laughing in a party together
  5. I listened to this a couple of timesI I have only heard a couple of your songs but you have a real talent for these multi-part songs, with each part being a strong part in a greater whole. I am wondering if you often take the approach of smashing songs together? That might explain some of your other pieces My only nits are 1 ) "leading you around by the nose" - there are too many syllables and it slurs together 2 ) I dont like the sound of your drumrolls (tom drum?) overall I enjoyed it a lot - and suspect with more listens I would find more things to like (like "I was the one"!)
  6. Oh - I just saw the "screw the critics" in your sig...
  7. this song had shades of paul mccartney - "whos that knocking on the door" I thought it was delicately produced - I enjoyed the journey the music took me on, especially the change in instrumentation and the modulated notes My only offer for improvement is in the lyrics and the vocal delivery - What are you trying to say- What gives it impact? Why should we, the listeners become emotionally invested? I think if you can revise some of the lyrics to give it an immmediacy, it, in return will make your song more compelling to us, demanding our attention. I hope that makes sense - I think you are 9/10 there on the music so dont give up!
  8. I listened to this a couple of times It sounds like you have a Bjork soundalike (at least in terms of syllables) - really charming! I found the overall performance so smooth that everything slipped by - kind of like those cocktails where you dont really taste the hard stuff, drinking it down in a few long gulps and only feeling the impact later. In this case I mean that if the lyrics are profound or unsettling, I would never know it from this polished delivery I knew there was something interesting in the lyrics - caught by the airbrushed line - so i went back and read the lyrics, which were really strong. I actually wonder if the music and lyrics are the perfect match - the sultry delivery almost gives the feeling of someone being at the top of their game, where maybe a rougher delivery, or perhaps a more theatrical one would really serve the message - I am thinking more like a bitter ertha kitt type voice. Anyway - very enjoyable as it is; and like the killer cocktail, you might want someone to have to work at this one, listening a few times before they suddenly get the "aha" moment about what the lyrics are conveying
  9. Wonderful production - the guitar in the intro was awesome I must be honest I found the song pleasant sounding throughout, but kind of static, without highs or lows. The introduction was really good, the backing vocal track was a nice touch - but the melody of the piece itself seemed more like a rythm track. I wanted a much more dynamic melody to make it stand out As the track went along (and I listened a couple of times), the song just didnt seem to head towards a destination. I was intrigued by the lyrics, and realize they must be about trump. Well written Anyway - those were my thoughts - it feels like you have put a lot into the production, so I can understand why you might not want to change anything at this point
  10. I listened to this a couple of times. I like the lyrics a lot , and the gist of the lyrics - I found it immediately uplifting. I have to say I think it would take a bit of work to match the promise of the lyrics with the song 1 ) The timing appears all over the place - I wonder if you sped it up by about 30% you could tighten it up - or at least it would expose the parts which are not right (like that crash drum) - it would also allow your singer to have a bit more swing in her delivery 2 ) Its hard to tell in the song at the moment, but I think you might need to add more contour to the melody. Your song has a soaring spirit, and I think you should revisit the melody to include that same spriit into something which covers a wider range of notes. It almost sounds at the moment like the singer is ad libbing a bit over the backing, without having really hit on the melody yet anyway - those were my impressions - I really wanted to like the song after reading the lyrics - I think there is more refinement needed however before you get the most out of this!
  11. Good voice There was an element of the classic song "la bamba" tucked away in there I think this is a good example of a showcase song for a star whose appeal goes beyond what we might normally get in this forum - where a part of the entertainment would come through the setting of the song - for example a video or being played at a nightclub I enjoyed it for sure, it sounded modern - nice job
  12. Nice!! :-)
  13. I must admit I was grasping around for the meaning of this lyric At first I thought you might be talking about liquor (you hit the bottle and it comes in a brown paper bag) I thought you might be talking about a woman By the end I thought you were actually talking about a cat - the key thing for me was the 20 lb in a 5lb bag - you clearly are asking me to think in terms of weight, this is more like the weight of a formidably feline I know you probably intended it to be about a kind of wild woman from the other comments you have left, but I didnt feel I could absolutely pin it down. My interpretation of it being a real cat certainly resulted in a kind of whymisical "read"
  14. Thanks @John Voorpostel I think I might look around at other acts of positive defiance - but I am constraining myself to this one event so would only look at those details In spite of my off the cuff comment to @HoboSage I do get the comment about judgement of others, us vs. them. I am very aware of it and I dont consider myself a judge. I just define "them" as "people of hate" - this is the organization who is actively recruiting and training for terror "on the west". That is my "them" Its not geographic or ethnic, and to be honest I feel the listener may project it based on their personal bias or an eagerness to judge me. I do have a vision of some dastardly mastermind being confounded by the increasingly positive reactions to their acts - For me its remarkable and joyous - thats what I was trying to convey. Perhaps I lack the tools to present that vision, perhaps the vision itself is too toxic Anyway- enjoying the comments (related to the lyric or the topic)
  15. ok