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  1. 4 points
    I know it still needs work, but I could use some fresh eyes. Edits-better or worse? Wishful drinking Revised Feb 22 My life ain't that shitty I can drink these girls pretty I look almost good For a guy pushing fifty Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems My truck ain't a clunker It's still got one bumper And knows the way home When I get even drunker Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems My house ain't a pig stye I could work I'm a smart guy Got so many friends They wave as they pass by Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I may be deluded But I have concluded Best way through life Is to just stay polluted Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I know I'm not wealthy BR Drinking ain't healthy And my sober self sees I ain't d'purtiest man half alive I'm aware that my boozing S'just a method I'm choosing to keep life amusing As I slowly nosedive ... but ... Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't a stinking old wicked bad dream -------------------------------------------------------------------- Wishful drinking original posted version My life ain't that shitty I can drink these girls pretty I look pretty good For a guy almost fifty Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems my life doesn't stink half as much as it seems (?) My truck ain't a clunker And I've still got one bumper It knows the way home If I get any drunker Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I may be deluded But I have concluded Best way through life is keep getting polluted Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems My house ain't a pig stye At work I'm the big guy People look up to Admire and ask my advice Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I'm not all that wealthy BR pt 1 Damned sure not healthy look at myself see I Ain't d'purtiest man half alive I know that my boozing BR pt2 S'the method I'm choosing Just to keep life amusing In my eternal quest to survive Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems
  2. 2 points
    Something simple, no music, any thoughts? Thanks, Dan. (the stars are back Kuya!) be on your way don’t waste your time on me move on and just leave me be I ain’t looking for love today so move on and be on your way save all your kisses for somebody new for someone who’s able to hold on to you I ain’t looking for love today So move on and be on your way Chorus I never needed nobody’s love never needed romancin’ and all o’ that stuff I never gazed at the stars and cried and I won’t sing love songs that tell you lies love it ain’t easy, love it ain’t free I tried it once but it wasn’t for me I gave her my heart but she tore it apart so move on, move on and be on your way I come and go as I please I’m free as a bird on the breeze love it came once but it didn’t stay so move baby and baby be on your way
  3. 2 points
    My Valentine (tweaks in red) V1 You warm me on these cold and wintry nights Beside me to make everything alright Beside me no matter what my plight I taste you on my lips and I’m entranced My spirit is lifted freed to dance They tell me you're no good for me My friend’s say your no good for me What you give me they will never see C1 My Secret Valentine My amber concubine Into your waiting arms I gently slide My private valentine Your embrace so sublime The only one that’s always by my side V2 Was empty until you filled my heart Was lonely until you won my heart Now I can't think of us apart Now I can barely think of us apart I savor your embrace and the escape The loneliness and hurt just dissipates Not happy with this, still thinking on it The loneliness and hurt you extricate I touch you and my hands begin to shake I ache for you left humbled in your wake C2 My Secret Valentine My amber concubine Into your waiting arms I gently slide My liquid Valentine My sweet Kentucky shine The only one that’s always by my side Solo C3 My secret valentine My amber concubine Into your waiting arms I gently slide My liquid Valentine My sweet Kentucky shine The only one that’s always at my side The only one that’s always at my side Thought this appropriate for the Day. Silly little throw away, a darker take on the Valentine's Day.
  4. 2 points
    Could be wrong but I'm thinking this could relate to the average person today in the digital age, who is obsessed with and overly attached to the technology and all it has to offer. Use of "binary code" leads me to believe its use here is in some way insidious, but whatever the meaning is in its contextual use here, we are disconnected from each other and stuck in what we've got in a culture of dissatisfaction. English for the most part is good with a few bumpy spots in the word dept that might be difficult to sing as noted above. Consider alternatives for "binary code" and "sticking", but I have a funny feeling after digesting this a couple of times that the binary code here is key unless you mean technology or some other aspect of it. I only throw this into the mix and give it thought because you make mention early on that English is not your first language. But, I will stick with my gut, binary code is key and yes insidious and perhaps so is the title, Birds of November. Hmm November at least in my neck of the woods is an election month. Anyway.................... Suggestion: expand this a bit more, not much but a little and tighten the lines and meter if you think it can be sung.
  5. 2 points
    100% agree with vocals being the single most important factor. Hence that's where I put most of my money when I bought gear for my studio, mic and pre amp, because, as said by the new polar music prize winners, nothing else matters. Good stuff Tom! Thanks for sharing.
  6. 1 point
    Apologies for posting two on the bounce. I haven't done anything for a while and I am keen to use the great advice I get around here to help me finish a few songs this year. Again, just like "More Than Beautiful" this is a very rough vocal take, and while I have used some effects this time, I didn't really try to sing it too well. I am getting used to the idea of letting any feedback I get help form where I take this song and not try too hard to make me sound nice to begin with. But I like this one too, and it is nice to let loose and write something up tempo and bouncy. Maybe a massive risk with the title??? I think there may be something here. But please, I am looking for real feedback as to whether it is a dumb idea or not. My lyrics really let me down sometimes and I sometimes get lost as to whether I am any good at this nonsense. ;-) Daydream Believer Something in her way Stood her out from everyday She had a good reason Waiting for her season to shine I knew her back in school Always half a notch too cool She was a loner Her family disowned her in time. Daydream believer You'll know when you see her Nothing they say can bring her down Listens to voices Positive noises She's gonna be a star in this town Then leave this town They watch her on TV In the bar she used to clean But no-one remembers Invisible embers don't glow Everybody votes Hometown girl she hits the notes She's in the final American Idol on show Daydream believer You'll know when you see her Nothing they say can bring her down Listens to voices Positive noises She's gonna be a star in this town Then leave.. This town that doesn't really know her face, that didn't hear her voice She slipped down all the cracks they made, yet now they all rejoice Party in the street, The Mayor is here, a giant key. They come to anoint, but She disappoints and disappears. Daydream believer You'll know when you see her Nothing they say can bring her down Listens to voices Positive noises Gonna be a star in this town Then leave this town Then leave this town Then leave this town.
  7. 1 point
    Hi everyone. I have already posted one video in this board. But for this one that I'm posting today I have not been involved in the video production. In this project I write the music arrangement and I'm in charge with the production of the song itself. My friend Osva is the singer and is in charge with the production of the video. He is a talented photographer but this one is his first video. It took 3 months to complete it. It would be nice to have your feedback.
  8. 1 point
  9. 1 point
    Hey Murphster... I think this is a solid start to cool track! I've listened to it 5 or 6 times now and kept some notes each time. I see others had some similar notes: 1. I think the chorus needs something to separate it from other parts of the song. I tried to imagine what a lead or rhythm guitar would sound over it, or some sort of synth instrument in the higher range. I'm not sure any of those would work, but just something to break it up a bit. 2. I thought the way you sung "town" in the closing line of the first chorus was interesting and worked. I was then disappointed you didn't go back to it in the following choruses, especially the end. 3. The middle 8 sounds a little clunky and takes me out of the nice groove the track otherwise has. It may just be the delivery, singing it somewhat smoother may help... but there may just be too many syllables there too. It could maybe use some more change as well, changing the drum beat a bit more or changing the piano rhythm to hold the chords longer... whole notes even the first few measures of each line. As for the title... I have to admit I thought maybe you did a cover track before I read the first few lines. Naming a track is hard, as there is almost always already a track somewhere with the same title. My first thought to an alternative was "Leave this town". But, I see there is a popular album and a few not so popular songs with that tile already. I guess it is a judgement call as to whether people will immediately think of the other song(s). Great work!
  10. 1 point
    I agree. Spaces and the art of letting a song breath. I believe this is one of the toughest tasks in songwriting, especially when you're writing by yourself and don't have a band to rehearse with, then the problem will solve itself, your bandmates will simply tell you to shut the hell up. It's difficult to lean back, and naturally let the music fill out the spaces. A lot of songwriters, when it's time to let the music "speak", a time when you should really let the lyrics (and vocal melodies) sink in, hit panic mode and instead fill the musical parts with vocals. What happens then is that we feed the listener with too much vocal and lyrical information so we lose their interest. I've gotten better at it but I'm guilty of this myself in the past. That's the hardest part of arranging, you really need to step out of yourself to be able to focus on what the song wants and needs, not what you want or need. A big difference and usually makes wonders once a songwriter figure it out. Again, not saying I don't do it, just saying I'm more aware of it nowadays and that alone helps a ton. Thanks for sharing Paul. Good stuff! /Peter
  11. 1 point
    Voice sounds good Murphster, I like the tale, pretty low key sound to it. Agree that it maybe need a little injection of a more poppy sound? Very cool though, lyrics are sound. Most enjoyable. Dan
  12. 1 point
    Hi Murphster On lines 4 & 8 of each verse - how about going up on the melody notes instead of down? I agree with Clemo, that the chorus needs some kind of lift and changing up the piano rhythm would help distinguish it as well. The bridge sounds stilted, it looses the free-flowing rhythm you establish i the rest of the song.
  13. 1 point
    A drunken slob song. Pros and cons. . . Drinking: Got that covered. Wishful: Also well covered, the idea being wishful thinking, which is that his life isn't as bad as it actually is, presumably for some reason other than the drinking itself, although who knows? Presumably bad things happened and drove him to this. Or maybe he's constitutionally depressive. And there is indeed wishful thinking. If I'm ugly and I get a cool haircut that let's me imagine that I'm good-looking, that's wishful thinking. If my life has been rotten and I tell myself it's actually OK ("My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems") for certain reasons (women look better, my pickup still works, my house ain't a pigstye, I got acquaintances, and I could work--all invalid reassurances), that is wishful thinking. And if I'm reinforcing my wishfulness by alcohol, that's 'wishful drinking.' A pearl. You're do a great job with this theme, and it is being impressively polished up by various members' input, especially Mr. Cobb, who, in this drinking game, claims to be no slouch himself. When I saw the title, my first flash of a thought was that, wow, you had come up with a first-tier hook, every bit as good as "I've Got Friends in Low Places," and that it would probably be a song about lost love, perhaps about a soul who had been dumped and was going to wishfully sit drinking on that barstool until his lover, upon realizing that he/she had run off with a scoundrel, came waltzing back through that barroom door, the place they had originally met. I guess it's too late for that, although such a scenario, to me, would be more relatable, since basically everyone has been dumped. But how many people want to just stay polluted? Or "slowly nosedive." This is a song about someone who has chosen a way to reassure himself that his circumstances aren't so horrible. Once you get past the cleverness of the lyric, it may not be all that appealing. Still, none of the reviewers seemed to think that. The song will probably work because the listener will tell himself that this guy is just going through a stage. And the listener knows this guy is fooling himself. He knows it, too. I guess my concerns make me a fuddy-duddy. Still, I would have gone for the lost love.
  14. 1 point
    Hi Dan, I can see a little Nashville Skyline here. Heart is a tough rhyme if you're trying to say something new. It's been mined thoroughly for every available rhyme already. If you ever want to use heart you could always use it earlier in a line so the rhyme word ends up as a different final word. But back to your lyric. Each verse ends with a variation of 'so move on and be on your way' and all but the heart/apart verse has a rhyme for 'way' at the end of line 3. I think you should try to find another 'way' rhyme for verse 3, so all the verses have that consistant rhyme pattern or near rhyme pattern for lines 3 and 4. I think that would make it stronger. Verses 1 and 2 use the exact same line for line 3. And line 4 also, but my concern is line 3. Again I think it would be stronger with unique line 3's. If you ever get stuck for a rhyme or near rhyme use google ... in this particular situation type in 'way rhymes with' and you will be directed to all of these rhyme sites. I end up at rhymezone most often. 1, 2, 3 syllable rhymes and near rhymes for any conceivable syllable or syllables. So my suggestion will leave your verses with a consistent AABB rhyme scheme. But as it is now the bridge has that exact same AABB rhyme scheme already. Usually the bridge is different enough that it noticably breaks up the pattern of the verses. You could easily rearrange the 4 lines of the bridge into an ABAB or ABBA rhyme scheme depending on how you hear it yourself. ABAB works fine with your lines as is. See what you think. I was looking at the lyric 'It Ain't Me Babe' over the weekend. It builds up at the end, and I think your slight variation of line 4's is your similar build up. I wouldn't be afraid to keep tweaking that buildup. It's tricky. You have to sing it out loud so you can find word combos that you don't stumble over. This is a good lyric. Emulating Bob Dylan without ripping him off. That's pretty good! These edits can be tedious but it will be worth it. I think when you're done it's going to be great.
  15. 1 point
    Here's a new sketch I'm working on! Should I Believe Should I Believe Is it what it seems Are we free Are we free
  16. 1 point
    Nice one Dan - reminded me of Dylan's "It ain't Me Babe". +1 on Patty's comments - esp the heart/apart rhyme. Otherwise good to go in my books Paul
  17. 1 point
    Hi Joey Great country-rock tune IMHO. Love the hook - and how you stay true to it. My only suggs are on the production side of things. +1 on scaling back the backing music in the verses - this will make the chorus stand out more and feel more intimate in story telling. Also, just a touch less reverb on the main vocal (leave it heavy on the bg vox), again will make it more intimate. The lead vox is excellent BTW. Lastly it needs a haircut - trimmed to 3:30 max. I would even be tempted to give it a key change lift for the last chorus to keep it fresh/interesting. All in all a solid song and recording - enjoyed it Paul
  18. 1 point
    Thanks for the input Joe, I'm not really a song-writer( obvious!) but I get carried away with myself sometimes. Thanks for taking the time to respond. Nice one Patty, good advice and always positive. Thank you. Thanks Malice, if it's good enough for Miley it's good enough for me. Dan
  19. 1 point
    I don't really like Country, but find myself listening to it more and more lately. A lot to do with this site, I have heard a couple of great country songs recently here. This was just wonderful, I mean really wonderful. I can't suggest anything other than to echo the suggestion that you try and get this out there. I enjoyed it, a really nice story, very touching and it felt very real. The production was sound, the piano sounded really nice behind the guitar. A really great job all round. I hope you are proud. Cheers
  20. 1 point
    Hi, Dan, I like the message here. It's refreshing. It could even be MORE exaggerated if you wanted to do that. Like emphasizing how much he DOESN'T want/need all the trappings of a relationship. "Lovers' words are just noise" kind of thing, (rhymes conveniently with "girls and boys.") It's interesting that your hook is in the verses, but not your Chorus. I don't know if that's good or bad; just different. In V3 the heart/apart rhyme is a little tired. But with a rewrite, perhaps this could be your Chorus. It seems to sum up your message, and it ends with your hook. Patty
  21. 1 point
  22. 1 point
    Ahhhhhhhhh, an ode to an unrepentant drunk, right in my wheel house (LOL). You requested 'fresh eyes', i offer you 'drunk eyes'. For what it's worth, here's my 2 cents: I'm hearing this in the 'outlaw country' vein, ala Billy Joe Shaver/David Allen Coe? Good stuff, as always, just my opinion, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  23. 1 point
    My co-writer and I are working on a blues & gospel album. I wrote this quickly during the current FAWM challenge, and want to run it by you before sending it to Billy for the music/vocals. Genre: Big-tent gospel revival Tempo: Upbeat The phrases in brackets [ ] are where I envisage sounds of a backing choir. As always, I welcome your constructive feedback. I've made a couple of minor changes in blue. Donna Bring It to the River (Big-Tent Gospel Revival) V1 Now the rock it rolled At the angel’s touch And the Good Lord walked But He didn’t say much Because first He had to find [He had to find] His faithful few V2 And for forty days He was here and there And disciples came To learn what they should share So that people might know [people might know] How to start anew Pre-chorus And His message was, ‘Come, my children When you’re in despair Hurt and angry Burdened with cares… Chorus Bring it to the river All your pain [all your pain] Bring it to the river Let the water wash it away [wash it away] Bring them to the river All your tears [all your tears] Bring them to the river Let the water [let the water] heal you today Bridge Whenever I forget That there’s always a choice I suddenly hear His forgiving voice Strong and clear As it draws so near Pre-chorus And His message is, ‘Come, my child When you’re in despair Hurt and angry Burdened with cares… Chorus Bring it to the river All your pain [all your pain] Bring it to the river Let the water wash it away [wash it away] Bring them to the river All your tears [all your tears] Bring them to the river Let the water [let the water] heal you today © 2018 Donna Devine
  24. 1 point
    Hi Anna good lyric paints the awful destruction of life and homes that war brings, thanks for your wtite All the best Mike
  25. 1 point
    I actually like the line - Devils fiery fishbowl. It gives me the sense that the devil is preying on them (basically eating them up..) There's one line that stood out to me - And once they answer deaths beckoning call. I think it would fit in better with the rest if you reduced the syllable count for this line. Otherwise I really do like this song...I think when played, it would have a very distinct and catchy beat so..... Well done!
  26. 1 point
    Lately I have become fascinated with musicians who supposedly sold their souls for musical talent. I know there are others but I couldn't find anything to rhyme with Niccolò Paganini. Please leave feedback/suggestins Thanks They Sold Their Souls Ever since our ancestors clapped their hands People have been in bands Makin' music for the world to hear 'Cus music is food for the ear But there were those who stood out from the rest They were those who were the best But things aren’t always as they seem Though their instruments played like a dream They made a deal which doomed them all And once they answer death’s beckoning call Eternal pain they must endure For the music they made, so rich and pure. (Chorus) They sold their souls They sold their souls Now they’re in the Devils fiery fishbowl They sold their souls One a dark day And unfortunately now They can’t be saved. Robert Johnson was one of the first He played the guitar the very worst Got booed out of clubs and laughed out of town Then to the crossroads he went down His guitar slung on his back He met a man all dressed in black Suddenly they said “This Kid Can Play” And he played good till his last day Died at the age of 27 And you must know he didn’t go to heaven. (Chorus) He sold his soul He sold his soul Now he’s in the Devils fiery fishbowl He sold their soul One a dark day And unfortunately now He can’t be saved. Years later there was rock and roll Johnson got that ball rolling with his soul There were four lads across the sea A British Invasion it would be Jimmy page, a virtuoso John Paul Jones a man of the show Robert Plant could sure sing well And John Bonham played like a bat out of hell. With the devil they became friends And once Bonham met his grizzly end With Satan he now plays With Hell’s band in a fiery blaze. (Chorus) They sold their souls They sold their souls Now they’re in the Devils fiery fishbowl They sold their souls One a dark day And unfortunately now They can’t be saved.
  27. 1 point
    This seems pretty deep! I agree with spanishbuddha.... There are certain aspects of this lyric that I can't completely grasp. I don't completely understand the meaning behind Birds of Novemeber... This could totally be wrong but since you've linked birds (which are generally of a bright aspect ) to November (which is cold and dreary).....do you mean to suggest that all of us are losing out on the spark within us? The spark that sets us free and allows us to fly high into the sky. Apart from that....the one thing I do feel is that this comes off as poetic more than it comes across as a song.....so it would probably be better to add a bit more to it. That's only my point of view of course. Otherwise you have a very intriguing piece of work here.
  28. 1 point
    There is no easy solution and if there is a way to curb outbursts like the one in Florida recently, then it must extend far beyond the usual arguments and debates leaving the Republicans, the Democrats and all their supporters at each others throats. Take out of the equation for a moment, laws, legislation, guns and mental illness. Hear me out. I work in an urban school district. The populations I work with are in great need of help as are the children in suburban communities across the country. I teach as well as observe, actions, thinking and behavior today that is frankly shocking to me among the populations I teach and much of the behavior I witness would never be tolerated in any form when I was a kid growing up. We've had kids bring unloaded hand guns to some of our schools, knives, condoms, porn video tapes, hookah pipes and even once a machete. Nothing surprises me any more. I've come to expect the unexpected. These same children are hyperactive, unable to focus and many have little to no interest in scholastic news and information that pertains to learning. Today's school age kids are exposed to things much the way an adult is exposed to things and many of these same kids have responsibilities that their parents place on them like picking up younger brothers or sisters, going to the store for them on foot, cooking at home for younger siblings because one or both parents are working and or one parent is absent from their lives and the other must work to support whatever family they have. It's a very sad, disheartening situation that plays itself out in the classroom as well as in the real world when they step outside of the parameters of the school grounds. Today's youth in my school, 1st through 8th grades live and are exposed to violence non-stop, whether it is a drive by shooting in the neighborhood and or on TV via the news, movies, a video game and or a newspaper. And that brings me to my point. No matter who you are or where you live or come from in the United States of America, we are programmed to accept the culture of violence that we see all around us and this is at the heart of our problem on the issues we are constantly confronting with regards to shootings. Yes, the media and the Hollywood crowd with their news and movies all perpetuate the killings, shootings, bombings and the darkest things they can conjure up for us to witness and or fathom possible in the human psyche and the video games too that these kids spend much of their time on also is even more violent than the TV and movies. In many ways, the TV and the movies and the video games have become surrogate parents for today's youth who are given these devices (ipads, ipods, video games, etc, etc) to occupy their time, to consume them, since mommy and daddy have their own problems, lack of time, are overworked, uninterested etc. In my observation and sadly......there is no love. These kids today are love starved in a culture that is hellbent on greed, money, sex and violence. The kids I work with all put each other down and bully each other, flash how much money they've brought to school, show off their electronic devices like it's a brand new sports car and there you have it. All of them are extremely needy and easily agitated and at the heart of it many of them are angry. So, consider all of this before diving into the typical conversation on the issues that many start squabbling over with regards to why these shootings happen. If we can't come to an agreement on issues that divide us when shootings like this occur, then perhaps finding common ground in the fact and it is a fact, that I said before and I will say again. These kids are love starved and it mutates and they act out in different ways based on their experiences , perceptions and outlook. Teaching today is a daunting task, at least in the US and quite frankly I don't envy anyone who chooses to raise kids today across the land as I firmly believe based on experience at work and what I see, that raising a kid today in many parts of the land is not a healthy experience for anyone involved. The solution if one exists realistically goes far beyond curbing gun access and addressing mental health issues. It's complicated as today's youth are more influenced by their peers, the greater society (TV, movies, video games, each other) than they are by their parents and authority figures. We live in a culture that openly embraces violence and we wonder why these young people act out??? I think back to when I was growing up. I was a shy, often a scared kid who had my own share of problems and then try imagining me as a kid in today's world with the toxic TV/media and movie culture we've got and the devices that seem to have many sped up literally and unable to focus or calm down. I think it would or could be very overwhelming and thus could cause some to act out and in different ways unfortunately if they aren't getting the attention they need from home first and foremost but then the outside cultural influences with the technological wonders are now as much their family as their parents. Today's kids are also under a lot of pressure to perform, not only in the classroom but there are expectations from their peers, parents, the schools and frankly life is just getting much too overwhelming & complicated. Just a few thoughts
  29. 1 point
    .... and refrain Or ... start, middle, end ... Or maybe it depends on the genre. There ya go!
  30. 1 point
    This is solid already Donna - great job Like Paul I know nothing about this genre so, kudos on you for finding out and executing a lyric in this style so well. A couple of small things occurred to me reading though, probably nothing to worry about but thought I'd mention them in case they are of help. In the PreCh you have: "Hurt and angry" - "angry" sounded slightly out of place in my head. Would "Hurt and anger" give a better/smoother flow for your singer? In the Bridge I was wondering if the word "Crystal" in the line "Crystal clear" could be improved on? - it has a rather cold, unemotional feel to it. Maybe something like "Warm and clear" or "Drawing near" or something... Apart from those two tiny nits the whole lyrics was brilliantly constructed and could become a gospel classic! Well done Andy
  31. 1 point
    thanks for feedback! you noticed a really important thing. the places that you have designated as not tuned guitars are in fact a tonal development, the middle part of the musical form. here I applied a modulating sequence which apparently was not quite successful. there is some feeling of confusion in these fragments. and the guitars are tuned correctly. by the way in this place playing three guitars, the bottom performs a bass function, so it is almost not audible. I'm just learning to write sequences of this kind, I hope it will be more pleasant in the future. Serg
  32. 1 point
    Kuya, These two lines seem to be in conflict: I look pretty good For a guy almost fifty. AND Look at myself see I Ain't d'purtiest man half alive You asked about the edit— I think it’s better. Still absolutely LOVE the hook! Patty
  33. 1 point
    Hi Kuya so we are a band already 😊 What about yor title being Wistfull Drinking, Ha Ha Well I like your song and the advice you've been given sounds good to me Not much else to add at the moment but I,ll look it over again and let you know If I see something All the best Mike
  34. 1 point
    Really nice. The harmonies are great. Love the feel.
  35. 1 point
    Hi AndyLeF I resemble that remark 😂 But the Doo Doo Poo band Might be better All the best Mike
  36. 1 point
    (Second draft changes in red)... I was watching the Olympic ladies ice dancing this morning when the young Russian Evgenia came on - absolutely beautiful to watch her dance choreography and the atmosphere/music/occasion quite brought a tear to my eye - I've made a rather poor attempt to capture some of the wonderful atmosphere and feeling in this quick lyric attempt. All comments and suggestions to improve it welcomed - thanks! Andy Skate For Your Life (Watching You Fly, Evgenia) © 2018 Andy LeFevre Verse 1 The Crowd holds their breath Expectation fills the air In the middle of that ice arena A young girl’s standing there Alone Verse 2 Short white blue dress Long slender sculptured legs Concentrating, her eyes closed Preparing the woven threads To come PreChorus (heart beat here) And then the music starts Chorus 1 Skate for your life Glide ‘cross the ice Blades cutting through, to hold you. Arms circle round Spinning through the air Tears in our eyes, watching you fly Watching you fly Evgenia Verse 4 The crowd’s going wild To her ballet perfect moves Such graceful steps in time Ice writing artist grooves Hall marked PreChorus And then the music builds Chorus 2 Skate for your life Glide ‘cross the ice Blades cutting through, to hold you. Arms circle round Spinning through the air Tears in our eyes, watching you fly Watching you fly Evgenia Bridge The hours, the pain The early morning rain Childhood’s lost Boyfriends past Now’s come the moment to excel at last We’re watching you fly Watching you fly Evgenia Chorus 3
  37. 1 point
    What a fabulous hook! I couldn't wait to read it! Good job, Kuya! Agree with Paul about cleaning it up just a tad. But I really like this line: I can drink these girls pretty. So you'd have to find an alternate rhyme or near-rhyme with pretty. Or change "pretty." This is a fun song as it is. What I think would make it really good is if your Bridge could be the adult in the room and let him admit that he might be fooling himself. That woud provide the contrast/different point of view. It was rather depressing/disappointing to hear this verse: I may be deluded But I have concluded Best way through life is keep getting polluted (You've made me like this guy and I want him to be happy and on a good track.) So maybe that's why I was hoping for an "Oops! Didn't mean that. That's just the booze talking" moment in the Bridge. But it's a GREAT lyric, Kuya and I wish you well with it! Patty
  38. 1 point
    Haha - love it - would make a great country song! I think the first line is a bit too potty-mouth and the first two lines could be clearer (with one less "pretty") Assuming the idea is that the more he drinks the prettier the girls get: Not sure "stinking bad" works - seems redundant - maybe: Good write! Paul
  39. 1 point
    Andy, I strongly advise not joining Kompoz - it seems to have a bit of a 'Wild West' attitude. Projects are often begun and then dropped halfway through, leaving participants hanging. Or people will agree enthusiastically, and promise vocals or an instrument, and then simply disappear. There are one or two other musician collaboration sites that are quite good. And - unlike Kompoz - there's no fee to join. I'll PM you. Regarding the lyrics competition forum: The fact is that wherever you post a lyric - with or without copyright symbol and name - you'll run the risk of someone liking it enough to snag it, or parts of it (I've had this happen in the past, though not here). Remember though that that if it ever comes to the crunch, you have the lyric details on your own computer and - I hope - registered with your PRO or an official copyright registration agency. Also, whenever I submit a lyric to a contest here, it includes the copyright symbol, the year, and my name; these are later removed by the contest moderator. So there's evidence of my ownership in the site's PM system. (I've just had a thought: Perhaps at the top of the contest forum there could be a stickied statement to the effect that all of the posted content is the exclusive property of the individual writers, and unauthorised use of it is a violation of copyright.) For sure, though, we can't let the - mostly unlikely - risk of copyright violation spoil our joy in writing or in taking part in contests.
  40. 1 point
    Wow Donna - WHAT a lot of hassle - That's quite put me off ever using Kompoz! I've often wondered about putting lyrics up on the musesmuse - especially the lyrics competition forum... ...the concern being that a full lyric is disclosed for up to 4 weeks where it is effectively 'naked' - there is NO associated copyright symbol, date and lyricist disclosed on the lyric. The normal 'paper-chain' of composition creation, needed for any legal copyright infringement defence, is broken... Anyone have any thoughts on this....? Andy
  41. 1 point
    Kuya, this seems to be the most critical aspect with regard to posting lyrics to Kompoz. "Most often, this license agreement is one of the Creative Commons licenses. Further, by submitting files and supporting materials, you acknowledge that you have read the full license applicable for each collaboration to which you are contributing." When you posted, did you indicate under which licence agreement? Did you read the agreement? I've had a couple of negative experiences with Kompoz, and am no longer a member. In one instance, it involved a song that had been completed with a co-writer on another musicians collaboration site. The song had already been placed with a music licensing agency. One day, to my surprise, I saw that another member on that musicians collaboration site had posted my lyric in the collaboration section, and was looking for other musicians to work on it with him. I PMed him, thanked him for his interest in the lyric, and asked him pleasantly to remove the thread, explaining that the song was already complete (which he already knew because he'd seen & heard it on the site), and I wasn't interested in an alternative version. He responded very curtly, claiming that by having posted my lyric to the site (where I was a long-standing member) I'd given up all rights to it, and it was up for grabs by anyone, and there could be any number of songs using it. This was not true, of course. The site's agreement indicated clearly that anything posted was the sole property of the poster, and a collaboration was by mutual agreement. He continued to argue the point, and became extremely unpleasant, even threatening, saying that he was going to use the lyric nevertheless. I contacted my PRO, and they agreed that his behaviour was out of bounds, and it was a clear infringement of copyright. I contacted the music site's owner, and requested that he remove the thread in which my lyric had - without my knowledge or permission - been posted by the musician looking for other instrumentalists to collaborate. He did so immediately. End of story, I thought. Another surprise in store when, several days later, I happened to be on Kompoz, and lo and behold, there was my full lyric (though I had never posted it to Kompoz), with that guy looking for musical collaborators. I contacted Kompoz, explained the situation, and they agreed there was a violation of copyright. The person was instructed to remove the thread. What he did then was change the hook/title, and get someone to make a few alterations to the lyric, although the unique theme and certain lyrical elements remained the same. I went again to the Kompoz folks, and again the person was warned, and instructed to remove the thread under penalty of being banned from the site, owing to an infringement of the copyright law involving derivative works. That appeared to do the trick. A second instance involved a lyric that I'd written specifically for a Kompoz composer who'd been asking for lyrics for a piece of music he'd posted. The lyric had never been posted 'loose' on the Kompoz site. It was only on the composer's project page. The song was partially finished, and awaiting a suitable vocalist. It remained in this state of limbo for about 3 years (Kompoz is notorious for the slowness of many of its projects). I decided that was long enough to wait, and I contacted the collaborator, asking when the song might be done. He was apologetic, and explained that - largely for health reasons - music was no longer a priority in his life, and that the project wouldn't be completed. OK. No worries, I thought. I'll just delete my lyric from the project description, and use it elsewhere. When searching for the lyric by title, I was surprised to see that a song by that title existed, and had been posted a year or two earlier. The song had been created by someone in Sweden, who wrote that the lyric was 'based on an idea by D. Devine', although the lyric was word-for-word what I'd written. At no point had I been informed or contacted by this person. in fact, I believe he'd made an honest mistake, and didn't realise that lyrics aren't simply up for grabs. He was a much older person, an acoustic guitar player, and stated in his profile that he had no commercial intentions. He just wrote songs for the pleasure of it, and he'd liked the lyric. What had clearly happened was that he'd seen my lyric on the other guy's project page, and had simply taken it. Anyway, at that point I couldn't be bothered even contacting him. I re-wrote a few lines, altered the structure, and then sent the result to my long-time co-writer in England, who included it on his album. I also removed all of my files on Kompoz and cancelled my subscription. I suggest you contact Kompoz and ask about their policy regarding the guy's having used your lyrics and changed them without your knowledge or permission.
  42. 1 point
    Very nice I like it...
  43. 1 point
    Joey . Good country song. Write more like it..... You may want to take a little off the time.
  44. 1 point
    I'm digging this! Voice sounds nice. I agree that the mix could be a biiit more in your face, but the song has a nice open clean sound. The synth melody is nice as well!
  45. 1 point
    Hi folks Thanks Curtain jerker and Musical key for your comments on my Black and white lyric rewrite Yes I can sympathise with your worries about the so called governments and the political puppet lackeys who call themselves Politicians, who obey the orders of the men in grey who are in turn whipped and driven into action by the monied masters of this world that George Orwell warned us about. The about turns that so called 'men of principles' make is staggering and proves the above by no doubt whatsoever that The real controllers of our world are evil and have no care for the welfare of our planet or the animals and humans who live upon it, unfortunately the masses prefer to believe the fake news and tripe that money moguls media serve up and prefer to live their lives in sweet ignorant bliss. It is those very people that would never pick up an Orwell book or try to think for themselves that are at the root of the problem, there is no power like that of the people themselves. All the best Mike
  46. 1 point
    I think Rain or some unusual spelling of it ie Reyne might be good.
  47. 1 point
    Nothing wierd sounding harmonically or otherwise about this well done tune. The performance and recording both sound good. I rather liked the progression and arrangement. It has lots of little motifs and things to sink your teeth into. There are some small issues in lyrics: 1. At the head of furious crowd => At the head of a furious crowd, or At the head of furious crowds 2. Some says I’ve lost all the things => Some say I've lost all the 'things' --- but I would make 'things' more specific for better imagery (which you make good use of in the rest of the song) 3. Oh nothing can’t be changed => Nothing can be changed The mix is solid but could use a bit more punch. Nice sounding tune overall. Peace, TC
  48. 1 point
    Hello Patty love the lyric, as usual it's a good write from you, and has a good message yes I like walking money, if it's not already a saying it ought to be one My sugestions - love turns sideways threw me. 1/ What about when love goes belly up ( ties in slightly with your fella down the gym) 2/ and you feel in a trap. 3/ get out of his face hope you like my input, if not disregard it no problem all the best Mike
  49. 1 point
    Open Music Agreement By submitting your music to a collaboration on Kompoz, you are allowing others to build and improve upon your work. You are not giving up ownership of your music/lyrics, but are offering some rights to others under a certain set of conditions. In particular, by submitting audio files and supporting materials, you are agreeing that your music is licensed under the license agreement defined for the collaboration to which you are submitting music. Most often, this license agreement is one of the Creative Commons licenses. Further, by submitting files and supporting materials, you acknowledge that you have read the full license applicable for each collaboration to which you are contributing. By submitting your music to a collaboration on Kompoz, you grant to Kompoz the non-exclusive right, throughout the world, in perpetuity to broadcast, and exhibit your work. Furthermore, Kompoz is granted the non-exclusive right to advertise, promote and market the composition through any and all methods, means and media, whether now known or hereafter devised. You further understand and agree that the collaboration owners may release a completed mix for a collaboration, which may or may not include your contributions. If your contributions are included in a released mix, the collaboration owner will be required to provide attribution to your work.
  50. 1 point
    What are the parameters you agreed to on this site? He may just be experimenting with your lyric and offering it to you for your input. It's very similar to the Muse's collaboration contest.
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