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  1. 7 points
    I’ve been on this site for a little over a year. In that time I have benefited greatly form the input, critiques and suggestions that have been offered. I also hope that occasionally I have been able to make a legitimate contribution to others with my own suggestions or comments. One thing I notice fairly frequently is the submission of what I would classify as “creative” writing, or “poetry” presented as a lyric. One of the most substantial benefits I have received here is gaining a greater understanding that a song lyric is dependent on mastering certain skills, and an appreciation that lyric writing is a well-honed craft that follows established rules and that it is both radically and subtly different from a piece of poetry or creative writing. Oftentimes, particularly with new members, I have witnessed them getting their feathers ruffled when confronted with a critique that questions certain elements in their lyrics. I just wanted to take a moment to point out that the first requisite for learning is to be open to comments. Sure, not every comment is going to tell you what a great writer you are (leave that to your parents, siblings or significant others). Personally, I’m here to learn and benefit from those individuals who are willing to share their experience and knowledge with me. If I receive a compliment that’s a plus, but truly, when someone says “that doesn’t work” I want to know why, and how to make it better. I can’t count the number of times a new member will post a sappy, overwrought, overdone lyric and never return because of less than complimentary critiques. To those people I would simply say if you’re serious about improving your lyric writing stick around, ask questions, and participate. You will discover that overtime your understanding of lyric writing will sharpen and your skills will improve. There are quite a few people on this site who have a great deal of knowledge about lyric writing and are more than willing to share that knowledge... I think that’s pretty special!
  2. 6 points
    Ignorance and Arrogance Ignorance and Arrogance went for a walk Both had a problem and wanted to talk Arrogance said "Here's the thing I don't get: People don't worship me like I expect" Ignorance muttered and stared at the ground "Everyone laughs like I'm some kind of clown" By the end of their stroll they had mutually agreed A partnership was the best way to proceed So they put out the word they were running for office And fired up the masses like striking up matches Arrogance proved he could sell any lie While Ignorance faithfully clung to his side And even some well-minded voters were fooled By the promise of greatness and valour and good So despite what the experts said never would happen Arrogance stood by the nuclear button Disguising the fact that he already knew He asked his dull partner "What's this thing do?" But Ignorance being not versed in such things Suggested that Arrogance press it and see... ...... .. and so the world came to a horrible end All that were living now all that were dead Humanity banished, as were Hope and Dreams And Love and Compassion: consumed in the flames The planet lay barren and blackened and soiled As clouds from the blast wrapped its surface like wool And Time patiently waited for our next attempt To crawl from the shallows and try once again.
  3. 5 points
    I wrote this for the collab contest. I think we've settled on another lyric so I thought I'd put this one up for comments and suggestions. A Thousand Years Ago I still remember the first time we met Outside that nightclub in West Lafayette Your coat was indoors when it started to snow Feels like a thousand years ago Heard you were married, some cop from Carlisle Me, I'm divorced, been that way for a while Wasn’t her fault, it must have been hell She needed a husband, I was a shell Had boots on the ground, two tours in Iraq Wasn't myself when I finally came back Wandering lost in another man's clothes Feels like a thousand years ago BR Thought about calling you Certain of what I'd do Ask you if life's okay Hang up before I'd say....... Sorry I left you the way that I did Tried telling myself I was just a dumb kid If fools be forgiven, fools must confess Truth is I loved you and it scared me to death I still remember the first time we met We shared my wool coat and your last cigarette You leaned in to kiss me as it started to snow Feels like a thousand years ago
  4. 5 points
    I think we can all agree that a song is meant to be a marriage between words and music. Some marriages work better than others for all kinds of reasons. There are emotional resonances between the music and the words, for example. Some songs are very strong in terms of the music and weaker lyrically and some work the other way round. I don’t plan on talking about every aspect of putting words to music (or music to words) in this post. I just want to talk about rhythm. Does meter matter? I say it does, but I want to try and say why – because I see lyricists often claim that the music can somehow cater for poor meter. I think it can sometimes appear that way if the lyricist doesn’t understand what is happening musically. This will probably be a long post and may sound over-analytical at times. However, many people do all of this intuitively. It only becomes necessary to go into this level of detail in order to explain it. However, if you don’t do it intuitively, it needs to be understood. This is especially important if you don’t write your own music (or if you have a problem writing lyrics for your music). Some of what I say may be controversial (but I hope not). Others may want to chip in and explain if I get things wrong, particularly on the music side. I wrote this fairly quickly this evening, so may need to edit it as time goes by. 1. Language has a natural rhythm When we speak, there is a natural rhythm in every sentence that comes out of our mouths. This comes about in two ways. The first is that we stress certain syllables in each word. Take the word “syllable”. We stress the “Syll”, so it becomes “SYLLable”. “There is a house in New Orleans” = “There IS a HOUSE in NEW OrLEANS”. Imagine clapping on each stressed syllable. You would have 4 hand-claps in that phrase and there would be a rhythm. The second way we provide rhythm is by varying the speed. We pause. We run words together. We draw out syllables. It’s kind of musical, isn’t it? Music has rhythm and pacing (via note lengths and pauses). 2. Songs are a form of communication and words should sound natural when sung I don’t think this is controversial. I don’t mean that every word has to be conversational (that’s a different argument). I simply mean that we shouldn’t be stressing syllables that shouldn’t be stressed - we want to pronounce words properly. Sometimes people don't do that in songs – and it normally sounds bad (and it happens because of bad meter). Let’s take “Yesterday” as an example of how to do it right - then screw it up! The second verse starts with: Suddenly, I ‘m not half the man I used to be Sing it – in your head. Now, using the same melody, sing this: Bill and me, Watched the movie Catastrophe Three Tricky, isn’t it? Without a lot of messing around, the word “catastrophe” sounds all wrong. We don’t want to put singers in that position … do we? 3. Music has a determined rhythm Any piece of music has a determined rhythm – it has a time signature. A piece of music in 4/4 (common time), for example, has 4 beats to a bar. However, these beats are not equal. The first beat is known as the down-beat and is the strongest. The third beat is not quite as strong, but is stronger than beats 2 and 4. BOM – bom – Da – bom A piece of music in 3/4 time (waltz time) will have 3 beats to a bar and will sound like “ONE two three, ONE two three” – with the heaviest beat on the “ONE”. 6/8 is like two 3/4 bars tied into one and will have the heaviest beats on the first and fourth beats. A song may contain multiple time signatures but, if they do, they change in a structured way that follows musical patterns. 4. The time signature lends itself to certain places for the stresses Think back to when we clapped hands to “There IS a HOUSE in NEW OrLEANS”. The ideal place to position our stresses is on the heaviest beats. That is what is done in the song. Here’s the sheet music: Notice where the stresses fall in relation to the bar. In this version, it is in 4/4. There are other versions of the song out there in 2/4, 3/4 and 6/8 but the same rule applies in each one. 5. A song is a series of patterns If just writing lyrics and one has no musical background, that can be hard to think about. The good news is that you probably don’t need to – as long as you maintain and replicate patterns properly. A song can be seen as a series of repeating patterns. The most obvious patterns are the patterns for a verse or a chorus. The chorus will be the same in both words and music (usually). So, the chorus should look after itself. Write it once and repeat it and the same music will work every time. The verses must also follow the same pattern as each other because they will be set to the same music as each other. When we write our first verse, we set a template for every other verse to follow. Let’s look at “Yesterday” again. V1. Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay. Oh, I believe in yesterday. V2 Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be, There's a shadow hanging over me, Oh, yesterday came suddenly. Line 1 in each verse matches. Line 2 in each verse matches. Line 3 in each verse matches. How do they match? The stresses appear in the same place! That’s an important point. Counting syllables is useless. Count stresses. Yes, line 1 in each verse has 12 syllables, line 2 has 9 syllables in each verse and line 3 has 8 syllables in each verse. Often that will be the case. However … it is the stresses that matter and they need to match. 6. The stresses in a pattern must match whenever that pattern is repeated Remember the “catastrophe” version? “Bill and me watched the movie Catastrophe Three” also has 12 syllables – but it doesn’t work. The stresses have to match or the singer will have a problem. So, stress-matching is extremely helpful, musically – and can be a major problem if attention isn’t paid to it. It’s not just the verse, either. There can be patterns inside verses where rhythms are repeated and there can be pre-choruses and so on. The important thing is the matching of stresses when a pattern is repeated. This is so that the singer can sing the words as they should be pronounced naturally, without undue difficulty, every time the pattern is repeated. 7. Phrasing can alter things to a degree Ah, but what about phrasing? Throw in a pause here or there and things can be made to work, surely? Well, to a degree. For example, a lyrical line will often not be sung beginning on beat 1. If you look at the sheet music for The House of The Rising Sun, the line “There is a house in New Orleans” doesn’t start on the first beat. There is an unstressed syllable there before the first, stressed syllable (“IS”) – it’s called anacrusis and is sometimes used in poetry too. Sometimes, the first stressed syllable is sung just before the downbeat. In these cases, it usually starts in beat 4 and is a tied note leading into the next bar. It serves to emphasise that syllable even stronger. Equally, sometimes a line may start on the second (or even third) beat. That slight delay can introduce a degree of uncertainty to the delivery. Ideally, this will be deliberately designed by the lyricist because that uncertainty (or ennui or whatever) is desirable for prosody. It’s used in “Yesterday”, in fact. Note that stresses still fall in the "right" places. You could also shorten lines and let the music play without words. You’d normally do this for a specific effect, I would suggest. What you can’t do is squeeze in extra words (except for comic effect). Actually, this isn't an absolute truth, but care must be taken. In extremis, a singer may be able to introduce a slight pause, mid-line and get back on track. It’s not ideal unless, again, it is deliberate – because, for example, it follows the natural pace of what is being said (a natural hesitation). While I have focused on stresses, I did mention pacing in point 1 as well. It is also helpful to the singer to try and replicate pacing whenever patterns are repeated. 8. To summarise Meter matters! Replicating the patterns of stresses (and, to a lesser degree, pacing) is hugely helpful when putting music to words. Music is maths to a large degree and this discipline makes life much easier. I am of the opinion that it is the lyricist’s JOB to do that. The great thing is, if you don’t write music, your lyrics will contain a noticeable rhythm if you pay attention to this stuff. They will read musically and be more likely to attract collaborators, if that is what you want. Yes, some flexing is possible. However, it should only ever be deliberate and NOT because the lyricist wanted to get another word in or couldn’t think of a way around matching the pattern. It should be done knowing and designing the musical delivery and should not leave a problem to be solved during musical composition.
  5. 5 points
    The scientist I referred to above, Sir Tim Hunt, a Nobel prize winner for scientific achievements. He gave the following speech at a lunch organised for Korean female scientists and journalists: It's strange that such a chauvinist monster like me has been asked to speak to women scientists. Let me tell you about my trouble with girls. Three things happen when they are in the lab: you fall in love with them, they fall in love with you, and when you criticise them they cry. Perhaps we should make separate labs for boys and girls? Now, seriously, I'm impressed by the economic development of Korea. And women scientists played, without doubt an important role in it. Science needs women, and you should do science, despite all the obstacles, and despite monsters like me. He was destroyed by social media and leftwing news outlets. The furore got so bad that he was asked to resign his position and he life was left pretty much in tatters. He explained that he was joking about his wife, who he met in a Lab. Later a recording of the speech was released in which the audience were heard laughing. This is happening all the time. The most ridiculous things are causing speakers to be no-platformed and labelled as racist or sexist. People are scared to speak the truth on certain matters because free-speech is under attack. And while you can choose to think it is all in people's heads the truth is that this is happening now. Everyone should be worried about this, especially writers. This isn't about left and right, and it isn't about calling out real examples of racism and sexism. It is about being too scared to have an opinion, or even tell a joke, in case it destroys your career. We should be judging people on how they live their lives, how they treat other people and what their ideas actually are. We are instead trying to get them fired because of the shirt they wear, the jokes they tell or the things they do to let lose and unwind with friends. Twitter is a major part of the problem here. Nobody thinks anymore, nobody bothers to investigate, everyone is in just a mad rush to get re-tweeted and to be seen as "right-on". And I have to say this is mostly the Left, but not the traditional liberal left, the thinking left, but the new wave of "Progressive" left who just want to shut down debate at any given opportunity. Look at the amount of no-platforming that is going on in the Universities.
  6. 4 points
    Nameless, Here's what I do, and I'd say I do it this way 99% of the time. Below is my very first draft of a song called Bourbon Street, this is before it became Bourbon street. It's just me recording the chords and the melody with nonsense words. (The sizzling noise in the background is the frying pan, not unusual for me to get song ideas when I cook, much to my wife's delight since that also might lead to me burning whatever it is I'm cooking!?!) After this is done. I then sit down and put words to it, trying to preserve as much as I possible can of the melody. Again, this is how I do it 99% of the time. Oh, and I take no responsibility for the words I sing, I simply have no idea where they come from!!! Not entirely sure this is what you asked for, but I at least thought I'd throw this out there so you can see it more clearly from a different perspective. (music/melody first, lyrics second.) /Peter First draft: Final:
  7. 4 points
    This is likely to be a long post (sorry!). I have to admit to being confused about the wall and the focus on it. I can only assume it is largely symbolic and more about attitudes and feelings than about anything else. Part of my reason for writing up this post is to work out my own thinking (so bear with me!) As an aside, it’s sort of funny that I hear two separate debates around the management of borders on an almost daily basis. One is determined to have a frictionless and invisible “border” and the other wants a much more visible one. The latter is, of course, “The Wall” and the former is the debate about what happens with the border between Eire and Northern Ireland after Brexit. Very different issues, of course, but it still tickles me when the two issues stand side by side in a single news broadcast! Anyway, let’s discuss The Wall. There is no doubt that there is a problem with having a very long Southern border and that it needs to be managed/policed. There is no doubt that a border is important for national integrity and security. The only way you can get away from that is if both sides of the border are sufficiently harmonised to agree to the free movement of goods, services, money and labour (people). That would require harmonisation of regulatory standards, some laws and a customs union. That is nowhere close to being the case and is unlikely to be in the foreseeable future. So, a hard border is vital. The purpose of a border is - primarily -to stop contraband and illegal immigrants from entering the country and to ensure customs duties are paid. Sometimes a border is used to keep people IN, but that’s rarer, and not applicable in this case. So, let’s look at smuggling and illegal immigration separately and look at what effect the wall might have. Smuggling I’m sure there is plenty of low-level smuggling that goes on across every border in the world but, in this case, the major concern is drugs, isn’t it? So, how are drugs getting in now? This is enlightening - http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-34934574 What it shows is that a lot comes in by water. There is also a considerable and sophisticated tunnel infrastructure and some comes by air (or even drones or catapaults). A bunch comes through the existing check-points. Not much would be affected by the wall. The smugglers are both sophisticated and well-resourced. The wall is unlikely to even make a dent. Illegal immigration What about immigration? How do people get in? Many come by air. Some (around two thirds) come in on a visa and overstay. Some come over the land border through the check-points. Some, undoubtedly, come in across the border clandestinely. This last group could be affected by the wall, I agree. Of course, there are still tunnels and ladders to consider, but it will – at a minimum – inconvenience them even more than the landscape does already. How many are we talking about? Well, there are around 11 million estimated illegal immigrants in the USA. Around 14% came in in the last 5 years (the majority have been in the US for 10 years or more). That averages out at 308,000 a year (14% of 11 million divided by 5). Around 2/3 come in on a valid visa and overstay. That leaves a little over 100,000 a year – but that includes many coming via other borders, so the number from the Mexican border is lower). That’s still a significant number but there is some comfort in knowing that the numbers remaining in the country are not increasing. As the numbers are actually dropping right now, some go back and may be in the US on a seasonal basis (for work) – we don’t know. Some of these stats come from here -https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/03/08/517561046/how-americas-idea-of-illegal-immigration-doesnt-always-match-reality Now, I would say that 11M illegal immigrants is a definite problem! However, as the numbers have been dropping for over a decade, I would also say that there is no imminent crisis and the wall may well be an expensive solution with minimal effect. So, what else could be done? Perhaps the most significant thing that could be done is to take action inside the USA itself rather than at the border. Most illegal immigrants work in two sectors – agriculture and services (especially restaurants/hotels. etc.) It should be possible to target these sectors. There are laws against employing illegal immigrants but they appear (to me) to be almost ignored – possibly because people like ready access to cheap labour. Of course, the employers are culpable but a lot of people (all?) benefit from cheaper prices (even anyone buying Californian fruit!). There doesn’t seem to be a will to punish the employers even though the laws exist to do so. I know there are many employers out there who turn a blind eye to illegals and are happy to accept even shoddy fakes of id documents, safe in the knowledge that very little will do done to catch them. I have to question whether there is a genuine will to tackle the problem at all. Some of this is blatant (yes, I am thinking of the so-called “sanctuary cities” and States) but I do think it is much more widespread than that. In light of this, the wall starts to look like an expensive symbol to quieten down the many people who are frustrated by the problem, without having much of a real impact - deliberately. Bread and circuses?
  8. 4 points
    I couldn't agree with this more... I've played guitar for a long time (25 years or so off & on). I knew some scales... but it wasn't until I started learning piano a couple years ago that I really started getting into music theory, chord composition & songwriting and transferring that back into guitar. Piano lets you get straight to the music with less of a technical hump as well.
  9. 4 points
    Many thanks for the help on this one folks - now recorded so I'm locking the thread Here's the link if you're interested in hearing how it turned out: https://soundcloud.com/paulcanuck/the-trouble-is The Trouble Is.. Copyright 2018 Tennyson Road Music Alzheimer's is a coward and a thief He runs off with the ones you love, steals their memory When I visit Dad, I see his distant eyes And I know I'm just another face he doesn't recognize He talks to Mom as though she's still around But it's almost 20 years now since we laid her in the ground He wouldn't be as safe, if he were living on his own But the trouble is.. he thinks he'll soon be home ch And he talks of how she's waiting for him there With her Mona Lisa smile, And her Judy Garland hair Says she's busy in the kitchen, makin' supper on the stove And the trouble is: he thinks he'll soon be home I'll spare you all the grief of when he died Suffice to say I kissed his cheek goodbye, then I cried I knew that soon I'd lose him, but if the truth were known The trouble is.. The trouble is.. I lost him years ago Though it goes against what common sense says happens to our souls The trouble is.. I know he made it home And he held her in his arms when he got there Kissed her Mona Lisa smile, Touched her Judy Garland hair They had supper in the kitchen, got caught up around the stove Oh, it goes against my common sense, I know The trouble is.. The trouble is.. The trouble is.. I know he made it home.
  10. 4 points
    I’d like to chime in on “what would I do if I had the power” My ideas wouldn’t do much if anything to help everyday shootings. Domestic, gang, suicide, accidents, etc. My aim would be to reduce the number of victims in mass shootings. For me it’s all about clip size and pre qualified, extensive background checks. I don’t have to explain the background check part of this. It would be much more thorough than it is now. I would keep automatic weapons illegal as it is now. I would also leave the current legal guns as is. Including the AR 15’s. I would immediately change gun manufacturing laws. Semi-automatic weapons could only be manufactured and sold with 4 round clips. That’s 5 shots, one in the chamber 4 in the clip. That is more than enough rounds for hunting and protection. You can only use the stock clip that comes with the gun. I would make it illegal to sell or purchase aftermarket clips. It would be a felony and mandatory prison time with possession of an aftermarket clip. Only gun manufacturers would be allowed to sell clips. Stock clips would have numbers matching them to the gun they were sold with. The only way you could purchase a new clip is through the gun manufacturers. You would have to turn in the old clip before purchase of new clip. If you lose your clip and need it replaced. It can only be replaced one time after a year long hold and an updated background check. Bolt, pump, lever action and all handguns etc. Would be set at 10 rounds max. All existing semi-automatic clips holding more than 4 rounds would need to be turned in within a certain timeframe. Again, if caught in possession of a larger clip/aftermarket clip you will receive a felony and mandatory prison time. It would be up to the gun manufacturers if they wanted to produce number matching replacement clips for said guns. I have more but I gotta run for now. Yeah, America might be too far gone. I know my ideas wouldn’t happen in a million years. But doing nothing about gun control is insane
  11. 4 points
    I know it still needs work, but I could use some fresh eyes. Edits-better or worse? Wishful drinking Revised Feb 22 My life ain't that shitty I can drink these girls pretty I look almost good For a guy pushing fifty Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems My truck ain't a clunker It's still got one bumper And knows the way home When I get even drunker Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems My house ain't a pig stye I could work I'm a smart guy Got so many friends They wave as they pass by Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I may be deluded But I have concluded Best way through life Is to just stay polluted Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I know I'm not wealthy BR Drinking ain't healthy And my sober self sees I ain't d'purtiest man half alive I'm aware that my boozing S'just a method I'm choosing to keep life amusing As I slowly nosedive ... but ... Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't a stinking old wicked bad dream -------------------------------------------------------------------- Wishful drinking original posted version My life ain't that shitty I can drink these girls pretty I look pretty good For a guy almost fifty Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems my life doesn't stink half as much as it seems (?) My truck ain't a clunker And I've still got one bumper It knows the way home If I get any drunker Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I may be deluded But I have concluded Best way through life is keep getting polluted Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems My house ain't a pig stye At work I'm the big guy People look up to Admire and ask my advice Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I'm not all that wealthy BR pt 1 Damned sure not healthy look at myself see I Ain't d'purtiest man half alive I know that my boozing BR pt2 S'the method I'm choosing Just to keep life amusing In my eternal quest to survive Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems
  12. 4 points
    I have certainly received allot of help from some very skillful writers. I’m more than a little thankful, and have incorporated your ideas. I hope we're getting closer. Now a few additional tweaks to consider please scroll down for last version Montana Love Story ...... .....or Hold On Honey??? Copyright 2018 ~ J.W. McMichael On a night when the stars hung in their Heaven A restless wind rustling thru the pines He closed his eyes and heard hear the river beckon Felt the glowing embers in the fire PC1 With a full moon rising from the canyon Lonesome cry of a coyote in the night He caressed the soft skin of his companion Saw the firelight flicker in her eyes Ch1 She said hold on Honey, let’s take our time tonight Nowhere to be, the moment’s right Hold me tight and move real slow, tenderly and don't let go.......thanks Donna! We'll be soaring where the Eagles fly V2 When the crocuses carpeted the tundra... ...alpine tundra is anything above tree line (in Montana, above 8,000 ft.). Chiming Bells and lupine lined the hills They camped where the waterfall thundered And rode their appaloosas down the trail Bridge The years passed and Spring turned into Winter The icy paths grew steep and hard to climb In their cabin while the snows blew through December She grew ill and died there in his arms PC2 He saw the full moon sink into the canyon Heard the cry of a coyote in the vast...... ...... From dictionary.com: "noun. 3. (mainly poetic) the vast, immense or boundless space." Kissed the silent lips of his companion And whispered, Girl I'll meet you in the pass Ch2 He said hold on Honey, it's gonna be alright I'll lie beside you here tonight The one I can't live without, so I'll just let the fire burn out And we'll be on that final pony ride Tag Today as the sun rose in its Heaven A restless wind rustling thru the pines He closed his eyes, could hear the angels beckon Two souls met in the blue Montana sky ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Previous version: V1 On a night when the stars hung in their Heaven A restless wind rustling thru the pines He closed his eyes and could hear the river beckon Feel the warm embers glowing in the fire PC1 With a full moon rising from the canyon Lonesome cry of a coyote in the night He caressed the soft skin of his companion Saw the firelight flicker in her eyes Ch1 She said hold on Honey, let’s take our time tonight Nowhere to be, the moment’s right Spoon me close and move real slow, tenderly and don't let go There's no rush up here where the Eagles fly V2 When the crocuses carpeted the tundra Columbine and lupine lined the hills They camped where the waterfall thundered And rode their appaloosas down the trail Bridge The years passed and Spring turned into Winter The icy paths grew steep and hard to climb In their cabin while the snows blew through December She grew ill and died there in his arms PC2 He saw the full moon settle in the canyon Heard the cry of a coyote in the vast His lips pressed to the lips of his companion He whispered, Girl I'll meet you in the pass Ch2 He said hold on Honey, it's gonna be alright I'll lay beside you here tonight I know it’s cold but please be strong, Doctor said it won’t be long Until I take that final pony ride Tag Today as the sun rose in its Heaven A restless wind rustling thru the pines When folks say all his sins will be forgiven Two souls met in the azure Winter sky
  13. 4 points
    Just a bit of fun. Not too serious. My car might not start. V I can’t come out to your house ‘cos my car might not start I took it to a guy and he ordered a part He'll send me a text on the Tuesday after next But I cant come out to your house as my car may not start V I’d love to have a picnic but I’m busy that week My workload is a monster and my boss is a freak I’m up against a cutoff And I’ll have to turn my phone off A picnic sounds intriguing but I’m busy that week C I’m sure you’re nice and a wonderful person I hope your life is as good as can be I hope you find just the perfect companion But I’m pretty sure it’s not me. V I can’t go to the movies ‘cos my Doctor said so It’s a serious condition that I’m sure you don’t know I’m screaming like an air horn When I get close to popcorn A movie wouldn’t work because my Doctor said so. V I’m sure I can’t go dancing with my knee as it is There are bubbles in my tendons and they all tend to fizz It puts me in such pain I might never walk again So there will be no dancing with my knee like it is C I’m sure you’re nice and a wonderful person I hope your life is as nice as can be I hope you find just the perfect companion But I’m pretty sure it’s not me. I’m pretty sure it’s not me
  14. 4 points
    Hello everybody and happy New Year. I have not been here in quite a while. Changed out computers and actually forgot about this place, passwords, etc. Until I got some notices on my email about discussions going on. So glad to see all of you. My name is MARC-ALAN BARNETTE and I teach the craft of songwriting and performance, networking and the business of music based in Nashville, Tn. This is one of those questions that come up a lot in songwriting discussions and a lot of things have to be looked at. First of all, sharing songwriting credit is a pretty standard thing in our world and the "real world" of commercial songwriting. If you look at most charting songs, you will find three, four or five names on them. Look in rock and pop, you will find up to thirteen or fourteen names. The reason is that now, everyone involved along the way seem to want credit, because in many cases, they are all responsible in a little way for a song's pathway. You find people now that write "beats", so they are included. Production people that just add sounds, they are included. Managers. attorney's, etc. are all included, and of course, the artists themselves. And often, not many of those actually participated in them. The irony, of course, is that there is NOT more money involved. The cold hard reality is that in STREAMING and other avenues of music, songs with HUNDREDS Of MILLIONS of streams are making in the thousands of dollars, not they hundreds of thousands. But people are being involved in an artist's "branding", so that is becoming part of a team. Just like you see those endless movie credits that go on at the end of a movie that last almost as long as the movie itself, there are a LOT of people involved in everything, and less overall money involved. It comes down to more "street cred" than anything. Your reputation on a major product, might lead to other products, padding a resume, and further jobs down the road. And in a converse, sort of strange way, now you WANT someone to be involved in a song because that could add to the ability of the song to make it's way up the ladder. Having an artist make a simple suggestion on the song's direction, contribute a word or a line, might increase that artist's desire to be involved and record the song. And you can understand this if you look at it logically. All artists are now writers. And some are pretty good writers. When you look at Taylor Swift, Kacee Musgraves, Christ Stapelton, all top earners in the country field, they all had cuts and success as writers BEFORE they were signed as artists. And looking for ARTIST/WRITERS, as opposed to WRITER/ARTISTS, has been the norm for about 20 years now. So having an artist be actively INVOLVED in the writing process or the life of the song is actually the incentive you use to get and keep their interest. It used to be PUBLISHING that would be shared. That is until PUBLISHING no longer meant much. Getting half of a song earning almost nothing due to being downloaded or streamed out of existence, is not really a whole lot of incentive. So like everything in the music business, that has shifted. Now in the subject of getting a critique, or someone making a suggestion and being added as a co-writer, that is going to be a case by case situation and would be talked out among participants long before anything happened on a song. Again, you have to remember the "time frame" from where a song is begun, developed, recorded, produced, advertised, released, etc. can be months or sometimes years. The music industry is like a big, lumbering battleship and nothing happens in any quick manner. So that would be discussed long before. From the point of view of someone who does critiques as part of his living, it would be VERY seldom that they would ask for any credit. In 25 years of doing this, I don't think I've ever heard ONE song I would want to be involved with. Not that they were bad songs (although most are simply mediocre), but that is not the reason for doing critiques. It is simply a different process, more of one of a mentor or teacher. Most songs from the outside world are very very average. They are very very similar to other songs. Writers write what is around them, so they come up with the same subject matter, done the same way, same rhymes, titles, chord structures, etc. Or they just don't really do much to motivate any. The reason is that people who don't do this all the time, or are not in a music center, simply don't hear enough music to realize how average most ideas and songs are. Just not enough input. This is one of the interesting aspects of coming to a town like Nashville with thousands upon thousands of writers and hundreds of thousands or millions of songs. Or going to YOU TUBE or FACEBOOK and seeing the thousands of camera phone videos uploaded a day, of new writers, artists, kids,older people, that are trying to show off their latest creations. When people come here and they hear those songs that they thought they had written and NEVER PLAYED for anyone suddenly being done by ten, fifteen or twenty people in the course of a night, it is quite the eye opener. hearing the same lines, the same attitude and perspective, is a pretty amazing thing. Gives a reality check very quickly. Anyone can write a song. Writing a song that has commercial value, says the ":same thing, yet in a different way" finding the different angle on it, is very different. And as anyone who has listened to the radio lately knows, MOST ALL OF IT SOUNDS THE SAME. So if you are a newbie, trying to get yourself out there, you better be BETTER than what is already out there. Harder to do than most people realize. Usually, as a critiquer, if you find that SPECIAL person, you are going to contact them, ask to hear other songs, get to know them. And this is the key. This is a PEOPLE business, and songs are a by product of that. Like dating and marraige, you are not going to just jump into business with anyone. Dealing with egos, out of control bad habits, complete idiots, or just plain difficult to get along with people, is something nobody has time for. So there is going to be an involved process of getting to know someone before you start getting involved with their music. The co-writing credit issue is something that should be discussed with the participants. Most credible people in the industry will not ask for anything they didn't earn. If they are, then they generally are not credible, or they might think it is so important they want to be involved in it. And having a well known entity put their "stamp of approval" on something might make the difference in a song rising through the pile of contenders to the top of the heap. Not always, but sometimes. Again, has to be taken on a case by case basis. And of course, their are sharks out there, but most of those really just want to get the most money for the least effort. So actually being involved with something to them, might be a liability. Being a part owner of a really mediocre song does no one any good. I hope this helps shine some light on the situation. Good luck to all of you and I'm around if you need. MAB
  15. 4 points
    Hello again Mike, Although I believe this piece is totally unrealistic I like the sentiment. Not too long ago we were inching toward hell at 3 mph, but in the past 20 years we have been siding down an icy mountain at 100 mph. Who's going to hit the brakes? The corporations which own this country would never allow a revolution. Besides, we have been intentionally divided into small groups so that the proletariat can argue and fight amongst themselves as a diversion tactic by the assholes that own this country. Even when we vote, we are only exchanging one crook for another. I don't mean to rain on your parade as I do enjoy your writing. I'm sure that you will find many people out there who belive that it is still possible to salvage what is left of our once great country, so it will appeal to them. I suppose it doesn't hurt to be optimistic. A few suggestions. Please feel free to use or discard any or all of them. Cheers, jim Passengers (version 2.1) V1 Every day another revolution - Everyday we threaten revolution Men in charge not seeking solutions - Men in charge have their own solution Only thinking of themselves Meanwhile the common man sweats Doing his best, no chance to rest Completely overwhelmed Ch Are we passengers - Watching the world go by Only passengers Until the day we die V2 Greedy men driven by ambition - Wicked men driven by greed No concern for the human condition - With no concern for human need It’s not what they care about We must awaken before the fall Listen to the warnings, heed the call Remove every doubt Chorus Br Let’s make a resolution Start a cultural resolution - Start a cultural revolution Correct the past errors - Make them pay for the past - It is impossible to correct the sins of the past. "errors" is far too weak of a word to use here. Make this world better - Maybe then the world can last V3 This world’s gone absurd - Everything has turned absurd - absurd doesn't work in this context. Perhaps, berserk. But we still need to be heard Can’t be afraid Don’t just go along for the ride Have to give it a try Before it’s too late Chorus
  16. 4 points
    I wrote this song about a year ago, and this is a brand new recording...sadly somewhat auto- biographical. ANY feedback is welcomed...especially the mix...Reaper's killing me. The words are on Soundcloud. Thanks in advance. Chaz https://soundcloud.com/charles-silhan/some-day
  17. 4 points
    One of the earlier pieces I've written. I've tweaked it recently to try to tighten it up some but maybe i'm too attached to it to look at it subjectively anymore. (Before anyone notices and points it out: I'll freely admit that of the dozen-ish lyrics I've written, thematically, there's only about 3 different lyrics: irredeemable bastard, melancholy lost love, and then one relatively happy song :-b I'll attempt to work on that LOL Never really nailed down a genre for this... i just hear a guitar most of the time Burning Bridges © Zach Tibbett, 2014 verse1 Starin’ at the stars, sharin Boones on the hood Two kids in the night thinkin we’re badder than we should’ve Your impatience was a cherry bomb, I just lit the match and hell, it didnt take long for the fuse to catch we were in over our heads in the back of my Nova ...back before we knew that summer was over.. verse2 You stole my Bic to light your Lucky I stole a kiss but I knew you’d let me. Dr. Pepper Lip Smackers an’ smoke, call me crazy... You tried playin’ it cool pullin’ petals off’a daisies. I whispered ‘I Love You’ but i lost it to the wind an’ wouldn’a saved a damn thing in the end. chorus These ol’ memories are itchin like a new tattoo but nothin was ever just skin deep with you.. We said it was right but, Sugar, we were wrong Just a summertime fling that flew far too long. We coulda cried from the smolderin' edges but it’d just be water under burnin' bridges. verse3 That summer was a cigarette we burnt straight to the filter, – maybe it got to be a habit but no one likes a quitter. We were just two kids in a Chevy, didnt know we needed savin’ said we were in love but maybe we were just playin’ Couldn’t tell ya how we got that way But I guess Rome wasn’t burnt in a day chorus The truest words ever sung Youth is wasted on the young We said it was right but i guess, baby, we were wrong. Just a summertime fling that flew far too long... We coulda cried from the smolderin' edges but it’d just be water under burnin' bridges. refrain We never got it right – but god damn, we never felt wrong… We never did learn, just danced to the same damn song. We were just cryin from the smolderin' edges it’s water under burnin' bridges... water under burnin' bridges
  18. 4 points
    Copyright © 2017 Tennyson Road Music I bought a place in a little town in Alabam And I tried my very darnest to fit in Their ways seemed pretty strange to a Canuck (But we're pretty weird ourselves, so I can't talk) Met a waitress in the bar who they called Mabel She came over, set a bottle on my table But when I asked her for a glass to hold my beer She said "We frown on that sort of thing 'round here" We frown on that sort of thing 'round here Better ditch your fancy ways and switch your gears You city slickers think you're debonair But we frown on that sort of thing 'round here I asked around and soon I had a job And I made a few suggestions to my boss He said "Son, those sound like really good ideas!" "But we frown on that sort of thing 'round here" We frown on that sort of thing 'round here Better ditch your fancy ways and switch your gears We'll never change - we've been like this for years And we frown on that sort of thing 'round here My, how time flies by Soon their funny ways were mine I left behind my city days So don't be surprised when you hear me say Hey! We frown on that sort of thing 'round here Better ditch your fancy ways and switch her down a couple of gears We'll never change - we've been like this for years, and years And we frown on that sort of thing This town don't need no city bling! We frown on that sort of thing 'round here!
  19. 4 points
    Of course he doesn't live under these conditions. Neither do I, because Paul and I are both Canadians where we have (drum roll please) gun control!
  20. 4 points
    It may have become obvious since I took over but, just in case it isn't, I thought I'd let you know that I have changed the guidelines to remove some parts that I felt censored us unnecessarily.. As you are likely aware, the site no longer replaces "bad words" - and hasn't done for a while. It never made much sense to me, was easy to circumvent and, sometimes, that word is EXACTLY the right word, so why not use it? I have also removed the old guideline about being "tasteful" (which was a euphemism for avoiding harder-edged stuff, I guess). I only ask that, if you want to post something that you think is "adult advisory" (another euphemism), you label it somehow (either in the title or in a tag). That way, if people are offended by such material, they can avoid it. Of course, with freedom comes responsibility, but I'm sure we are all aware that edgier material may attract edgier critiques - it's all feedback. The golden rule is that personal attacks (on artists OR on people offering feedback) is NOT OK, and never will be.
  21. 3 points
  22. 3 points
    Hi Jonie Thanks for the welcome, I used to be here years ago, when RMMS got trolled out of existence on the news groups, I just went looking for some folks who really know their stuff, who went missing in action from another board, and I see they are here. I guess not having posted for ten years I've been reset to zero. As a lyricist, and I think a lot of lyricists don't understand this, you write in a well written, well structured lyric, 70% of the melody. If you get it wrong it doesn't matter who the melodist is, it is not going to work to the best of it's potential. You determine the feel of the melody by the way you structure your lyric. If you for example write it with an uneven number of lines, and uneven line lengths it forces an unsettled sound in the melody. If the rhyme schemes you use are less stable, and the rhyme types less than perfect, this adds to unsettled feeling when it's sung. The way your stress patterns fall in the lyric pretty much determine the groove of the melody. The story of the song has a bearing on the mode the melody is written in because different modes have different feels. As an example: "I still remember the first time we met" the bolded syllables are the ones I naturally stressed when I said the line out loud as if I was just speaking to someone. Now in four four time, they should pretty much fall on the 1st and third beats of the bar. In addition when we speak we hold certain syllables for different durations To make that happen here this is one solution. 4 1 2 and 3 4 and 1 I still re mem ber the first time we met" So it starts with a triplet pick up, then whole note, half note, half note, whole note, half note, half note, whole note. di di di daa dit dit daa dit dit daa Music is about patterns repetition and variations to those patterns. The rhythmic pattern here is obvious. di di di daa dit dit daa dit dit daa So for the melodist that means that to make a cohesive melody, the blue and red sections would most likely be a repetition of the same notes, just changing the end note. So the lyric is determining the melodic variation technique to be used. Speech also contains pitch information, our tone when we speak naturally rises and falls on certain words. This determines the basic shape of the melody. Now on the page this all looks a bit complex, however the good news is you don't need to think about any of this, you just have to feel it. You do that by not writing in silence, if you recite your lyric to a drum loop you can feel the emotion, the pace, the rhythm, etc., and when it's not right it's so obvious, and you try this and that as you go, and get it right really quickly. If you write in silence then you have to think about all these aspects intellectually. Hard work that. Your comment about lining up your soldiers is a half valid statement. As you can see from what we have said here, inter-verse the same things need to occur in the same places pretty much. Otherwise the tune will be different every verse. There can be slight variations but not much. So it's important that these soldiers are lined up in the same formation each time. But that formation may not necessarily be parade ground formation. Could be be a covert patrol formation, almost a non formation. The thing is that non formation must be consistent inter-verse. If I had been tasked with writing the music for this my first reaction would have been can we destabilise the structure, have the verses five lines long and mess with the 3,4,3,4, line length pattern maybe to 3,4,5,4. That is to make it easier for a suitable melody to be written. Having said that if that was not possible, then I would weak bar phrase it to see if that worked. I have seen highly patterning lyricists, for example John Lennon, write cat/mat, moon/June lines with an extremely stable structure and still make the song feel lonely. Example: "Here I stand head in hand Turn my face to wall If she's gone I can't go on Feeling two foot small" Extremely stable, and at odds with the unstable song story. But if you go listen to "you've got to hide your love away" it still sounds like the sort of song you sing sadly to yourself. If you go back to the beginning of the song and count the intro bars you will see why. The intro is three bars long the song begins on the weak fourth bar. So it's slight of hand, if the intro had been four bars long the song would simply not work. Because it's structure/ story has a real bad prosody issue. So because we are in the communication business and we are communicating both stories and emotions we need to pay close attention to prosody. You can break every guideline in the book except the rule of prosody. The reason being if it is not there no one can believe the song, because it's saying this, but feeling that. As a result no communication takes place and the song fails. Cheers Gary
  23. 3 points
  24. 3 points
    While I absolutely agree about being able to play chords in different positions (though that can always come later) I still think it is worth getting that fingering on the A chord. It will be needed, for example, if you wanted to move it up to the 5th fret and play a C (for example). Personally, I find this fingering simple and give easy transition to D and C (and leaves the pinky free to hammer on/off on the 1st string, if required) - and you can also hammer on/off the index finger.
  25. 3 points
    I don't see any reason why any method needs to end up as "word salad" unless the writer is happy with a "word salad" and stops working on the words. I also suspect that most of us use many methods and approaches to writing a song - and the approaches we like most probably depend on our own motivations, strengths and weaknesses (and our target audience). For some genres or types of song, the lyrics are not so important as long as they fit and sound good. For others, they are key. My ex-wife would never be able to tell you what the lyrics were to any song (except maybe the hook line) - she simply wasn't listening to them because she wasn't interested. I like a good lyric but there are many songs I enjoy that I couldn't tell you the lyrics to or even tell you what they were about. I could dance to them, though (well, I say "dance" but it may not be recognisable as "dancing" per se in my case ) My own preference - the approach that has most consistently yielded something I like - is a bit "monsterish", I suppose. I rarely start either a lyric or a song already knowing what it will be "about". So I noodle. I can noodle lyrically or with an instrument. I prefer an instrument because it somehow lets me access my subconscious more easily. I find something that I like and start singing over it, maybe trying a few different things. These will often be words rather than "la-la-la"s and, eventually, I kind of "happen" on something. I then have a musical idea and the germ of something lyrical. I might at this stage put down the instrument and see whether the thing can take shape. I am then continually picking up the instrument and trying it and putting it down and reworking and so on. I may find that the fledgling song gets boring and needs a change, so I try to work out what that might sound like musically - then lyrically. Structures, melodies, words and the whole "what it's about" can change considerably during this time. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I write a lyric and then write music for it (but usually end up somewhere different than where I started anyway). Sometimes I have the music entirely and struggle to find the words to fit it - getting started can be hard and I am less likely to change the music (because I find the music harder to change than the words). I know some people start from a drum track. Some approaches are more difficult than others for me (and other approaches might be more difficult for other people) but I don't see any reason why any approach should end in "word salad" if the writer wants something with meat. But sometimes it really doesn't matter (as in "Champagne Supernova" as mentioned by Murphster).
  26. 3 points
    SOD has left the building - just too many ad hominems
  27. 3 points
    I don't think any of us have a right not to be offended. I do think we have a right to feed back to those giving offence (and they have a right to ignore our feedback or to take it on board). We also have a right to ignore offensive material and not comment at all (which is sometimes the most wounding feedback of all).
  28. 3 points
    Not bad at all! It takes guts to post your first lyric or song. You did it! The next ones will be easier and easier. I think the circus theme was a brilliant idea. I’ll let someone else make suggestions, and I will just say welcome to the forums and please don’t hesitate to submit entries in the monthly contests and vote in the monthly and end of year lyric, song, and 1+1 song contests currently underway. There’s a lot of talented people here and I’ve learned a lot, and you will too if you stick around and participate. Follow some lyrics of others and watch the editing process as it unfolds. Read the advice from other lyrics that have been given feedback. Welcome Art!
  29. 3 points
    From the LA Times: Rock legend Eric Clapton has admitted that he’s struggling with hearing loss, according to a new interview with the BBC. Clapton said that the issue is one of several maladies he’s dealing with as he continues to tour into his 70s. “I mean, I'm going deaf, I've got tinnitus, my hands just about work,” he said. “I'm hoping that people will come along and see me just because, or maybe more than because, I'm a curiosity. I know that is part of it, because it's amazing to myself I'm still here.” Though the guitarist, 72, still sounded as sharp as ever on his 2016 album “I Still Do,” he has said that eczema, among other challenges, have made it more difficult to perform at his best. The Times’ Mikael Wood said of Clapton’s September show at the Forum: “Beyond those pragmatic concerns, though, he seemed almost blissfully undriven as he moved through a set meant to encapsulate his half-century in music .… Clapton seemed to reach some kind of zen state that rendered his ambitions and his calculations irrelevant; he was playing because playing is what he does.” In a new documentary, “Eric Clapton: Life in 12 Bars,” Clapton also recalls his decades-long battle with alcohol abuse. He told the BBC that the movie shows that “there's light at the end of the tunnel .… I think it's important to see that it's a happy ending, it's like a redemption concept. If you're going to go and see it, be prepared for a heavy ride."
  30. 3 points
    I think the rhymes are fine. There's a bit loss of focus on the message... v1 starts off well but then it switches from talking about you in the singular to your relationship with another in the chorus, back to just you in v2, to everyone in the bridge, and finally back to just you in v3. This theoretically could work but I don't see the reasoning or connective tissue for change. They seem like completely different topics. I'd keep the verses but the chorus and especially the bridge don't do much for me. Sidenote- would fog roll in when it's raining?
  31. 3 points
    A little dark humour to lift your festive spirits.. Christmas Will Be the Death of Us Copyright © 2017 Tennyson Road Music Racing through malls buying presents and stuff Breaking the bank for the ones that we love We'll never repay all the debt we ring up Christmas will be the death of us Turkey, potatoes and gravy and booze Gain all this weight we're expected to lose I'm not complaining, just singing the truth: Christmas will be the death of us [ch] Christmas will be the death of us It's bound to take down the best of us But not before making a mess of us Christmas will be.. The death of us! Drag the tree in, needles pepper the floor Can't find the trimmings, quick - back to the store! We might not be ready, but one thing's for sure: Christmas will be the death of us Christmas will be the death of us It's bound to take down the best of us But not before making a mess of us Christmas will be.. The death of us! bridge There's only one way to prevent our demise If we could just re-invent it, perhaps we'll survive 'Cause Christmas was meant to bring LOVE to our lives So this craziness better let up, Otherwise... Christmas will be the death of us It's bound to take down the best of us And it's certain to be curtains for the rest of us Christmas will be.. Just you wait and see.. Christmas will be.. "So long" you and me Christmas will be.. And Rudolf makes three Yes, Christmas will mean our exodus And Christmas will be.. The death of us!!
  32. 3 points
    Arius - Not a big fan of this one, but think you can do a lot to make it stronger. (For me) this was a little confusing. It's almost like there are two different voices or perspectives going on at the same time within this piece. Consider keeping it the same. Either have it as a narrator or use first person and completely do this from the female perspective about her feelings on this guy's death which sound kind of guilty. Why "Love Me Like I'm Already Dead" ? Is this the same as trying to say, you don't know what you've got till it's gone? If you didn't love somebody while they were alive why would you do it when they were dead unless the perspective (which is it?) doesn't realize until after the person is gone how much it was he meant to her? There's got to be a better way to say this, but I suspect the title is an original you'll probably keep. Regardless, these are my thoughts. Keep or sweep away the comments as best they can help you.
  33. 3 points
    GREAT song again Paul. If there's any justice, this will be your retirement fund
  34. 3 points
    I think this was a good question, one that I have asked myself. Considering I am an amateur , I wondered should I write the music for the Lyrics or the Lyrics for the music. The conclusion I came to was ( BOTH). Most of what I attempt is a combination. I,m inspired by a short Lyric , put it to music then create everything else around it. I think I am in the same position at this very moment. I am collaborating with someone who supplied the music. He asked me to create the lyrics. He placed verbal syllables ( DA-DA, do-do. 0h -o etc) to give me some idea. From what he supplied I hear words and am building a foundation based on the feeling the song is giving me. Once again I am an amature but according to some web reading some of the best writers use the mixed approach. I would be interested to hear the final product of your collaboration and your experiences with it.
  35. 3 points
    I've been working on this one a long time. It's hard for me to step back and see it critically. That Moon Again c There’s that moon again. Followed me all the way home. Acting like some long lost friend, There’s that moon again v Redwing Blackbird sittin’ on a fence; His whole life makes perfect sense. Eat when you can, sing when you might, Fly all day; sleep all night. v Old red truck chugging down the road, Bent and swayed from a long gone load. Bouncing and bucking and colored in rust, Still it's able to kick up dust. v I used to have a dog, a dog named Ted, He only had one trick, lying in bed. I used to yell at Ted to get out of my way. When old Ted died I cried all day. v Ain’t much a man can count upon, But that old moon keeps crawling along. Not quite Heaven, but plenty far, Me and that moon are just what we are. c There’s that moon again, Followed me all the way home. Acting like some long lost friend, There’s that moon again.
  36. 3 points
    Little Big Lies I was determined to finish a demo every month, the competition gives me the kick up the jacksy I need to get things finished so was determined to get something done in time. And then I got sick last week and could barely talk, let alone try and raise my terrible dulcet tones to anything listenable. But I kinda like this song, and was starting to feel good about it until the germs invaded. So this morning, still not really recovered I thought I might as well give it a go - so excuse the voice, i would rather have something done so I can get feedback than not really know. Anyway, I have no desire to be a singer, I just want to improve my songwriting and get my songs "out there", and the feedback I get here will help me decide what songs are worth spending money at Airgigs to get someone to sing them for me... I hope someone enjoys this one, It is really about fatherhood I guess. Cheers. Little Big Lies When you look where my life went wrong You might think I would be more strong The apple fell and was kicked away But no-one guessed it was saved for a day Or a night I took a bite when we met And I should be, thanking the world for all I can But little big lies, fall from the skies, Sting like the rain on best laid plans Little big lies, rain on me Look at you with the old man's smile You've no need for the past to while Such a force that flows through your veins All the memories, all the pain Dodge the rain Live a life for yourself. And I should be, thanking the world for all I can But little big lies, fall from the skies, Sting like the rain on best laid plans Little big lies, rain on me Three to four, sat on the floor Lies that weigh me down Six to eight, it's getting late Smile turns to a frown No-one move, I’m here to prove My soul is worth a save I can't wait, won't hesitate We'll ride out on this wave Let's take a walk down to Baldwin Bay We'll set sail for a brand new day Future's yours Kick the apple away And I should be, thanking the world for all I can But little big lies, fall from the skies, Sting like the rain on best laid plans Little big lies, rain on me Little big lies, fall on me Little big lies, rain on me Little big lies, fall on me Little big lies that once bound me
  37. 3 points
    Hi, This lyric received a 4.0 and some 2.0's and everything in between. I'd love some feedback on what you liked and didn't like. A Man I Don't Know Patty Lakamp © Copyright 2017 V1 Run into friends, go for a drink Grab the last table in the bar Darkened room, live music at eight Typical evening, at least so far V2 Man shows up, walks to the stage Adjusts the mic, sets out his jar Frumpy clothes, forgettable face He reaches down, picks up his guitar Chorus: And he wraps himself around me It’s just us two alone I’m swept up in his music His voice calls me home Can he sing a little longer? I don’t want him to go I’m under the spell Of a man I don’t know A man I don’t know V3 See him in town at the grocery store Nothing clicks, it’s so bizarre I’m all undone by this stranger When he picks up his magic guitar Chorus: And he wraps himself around me It’s just us two alone I’m swept up in his music His voice calls me home Can he sing a little longer? I don’t want him to go I’m under the spell Of a man I don’t know Bridge: I try to stop thinking about him But it’s so hard to let go I long to share these feelings With a man I really know Chorus: And he wraps himself around me It’s just us two alone I’m swept up in his music His voice calls me home Can he sing a little longer? I don’t want him to go I’m under the spell Of a man I don’t know
  38. 3 points
    Love Moans I get the shivers Down deep in my spine My body’s twitching Been waiting a long time so long Ch: I can see it in your eyes I can feel it in my bones Just you and me tonight Making love Love love love Love moans V2: My feet are dancing Don’t need no music I found that feeling Never Don't want to lose it Ch: I can see it in your eyes I can feel it in my bones Just you and me tonight Making love Love love love Love moans Br: Been sitting in a bubble Just waiting to burst Waiting for it to burst You hold the pin Come on baby come quench my thirst. be my first Ch: I can see it in your eyes I can feel it in my bones Just you and me tonight Making love Love love love Love moans. Posted July 1 · Report post
  39. 3 points
    Lyrics and Melody: Eric Borgos Music and Vocals: Chris Davidson Verse 1: The smell of pancakes wafting through a diner sunrise walks up on a mountain high Hotel bars and battle scar reminders to soar we all must slowly learn to fly Chorus: Back on the highway again city lights and stars ignite in a show that never ends That's where I'm free that's where I'm me Back on the highway again Verse 2: The cattle stare out over their fences there's a will to roam that can not be denied A wise man says it's all about the journey buckle up my friend and please enjoy the ride Chorus: Back on the highway again city lights and stars ignite in a show that never ends That's where I'm free that's where I'm me Back on the highway again Bridge: Not all who wander are lost some walk up to a line and know it must be crossed A world of adventure new seeds left to be sowed on the open road Chorus: Back on the highway again city lights and stars ignite in a show that never ends That's where I'm free that's where I'm me Back on the highway again
  40. 3 points
    Seeds I was six years old when my Opa passed away I peered into the casket as he lay there cold and gray He looked so different with his mouth all sewn up closed They did his make-up wrong, and he smelled of chemicals Please don't embalm me, when it's me who's finally died Don't paint my face up or fill my veins with formaldehyde You can keep my meat fresh with dry ice and essential oils Until you're ready to return me to the soil And feed the earth with my body All the blood and the guts that made me me Embrace the beauty of rotting We are nothing but seeds The pews were agony at my Opa's funeral My suit was itchy, and my shoes were too small The sermon was boring, then the organ wheezed and sighed My dad had coffee breath, and I wished I was outside What I want is a festival; a celebration of all life Djembes, and shakers; humans dancing in the night Host a potluck at a friend's house, if you cannot be outside Sing songs of comfort, and hold each other while you cry Feed the earth with my body All the blood and the guts that made me me Embrace the beauty of rotting We are nothing but seeds My Opa's body was buried in a coffin made of pine At our current rate of progress, it'll outlast humankind And I say he was buried, but I'm taking that on faith; We draped his box with flowers, turned around and walked away Lay me down in a blanket, in a hole dug in the earth Toss the soil down on me, as I lay dead in the dirt Then let the worms have at me, making good use of my bones Come back in the springtime; I’m in the flowers that have grown Feed the earth with my body All the blood and the guts that made me me Embrace the beauty of rotting We are nothing but seeds We are nothing but seeds We are nothing but seeds
  41. 3 points
    Just my opinion, and many will disagree, but the lyric (before there is music) gets treated far too often as an independent finished product, when it isn’t. Lyrics are posted for critique, and there are lyric contests, etc. Sure, there are comments that can be made about the lyric, but there is a LOT that cannot be said until the lyric is put to music. When lyrics are written and viewed as stand-alone, they are often “overdone” to compensate for the lack of music. The more “elaborate” the lyric, the more likely it would be to win a contest. A simpler lyric would be less likely to win, but it could make a great song. A lyric can make for a nice story, but may be very difficult to sing, and just not flow well with the music. It is often difficult to tell until a completed song can be reviewed. On the other hand, we don’t often see music posted (not instrumentals) without the lyric/vocals, unless it’s in the collab forum, and we don’t have contests for this music. Why? Because it is not a finished product, and that fact just seems to be more accepted when it is music alone. Like the lyric, you can make some comments on the music, but it seems to be more understood that the vocals are needed to consider it complete. I have no bias here. I did lyrics-only before I started into music, but I recognize that either one alone is an unfinished piece of work.
  42. 3 points
    This is what ya do to get the results you want. LEARN AN INSTRUMENT. Once you learn an instrument you can have free reign over how your song sounds. You may even come out of it with a little bit of appreciation for those who you think aren't that "good" Peace
  43. 3 points
    Not bad Paul. I like it. For years you stood by me When no-one else cared So often revived me Hung over in my chair But beer is a pleasure I don't want to share... The owner comes over And asks me to leave I hope he won't notice The beers up my sleeve For she'll hold me again When we're out on the street..
  44. 3 points
    Still working on putting it to music but I'd love to get some feedback on the lyrics. Thanks! Outer Space Girl - Acoustic/Indie/Rock <Verse 1 - 145 BPM> <Acoustic Guitar and singer only> G D Am C G D Camping in the forest, a star filled night Am C Playing my guitar, saw a blinding light G D A beam hit me, and pulled me up Am C I wish I knew, what the hell was up G D As the light faded, and you appeared Am C A Outer Space Girl, came into the clear <Bring in Drums, Electric lead, Keyboard and Bass> G D Your ship took off, for a space flight Am C Looking at you, was love at first sight G D We traveled the stars together Am C Light years passed, it seemed forever G D We kissed and fell in love in space Am C I was your first, from the human race <1st Pre-chorus> G D Your mom came by and tore us apart Am C She said an earth boy, couldn't have your hearts G D She dropped me off, on the planet below Am C Threw me out, like a common UFO <1st chorus> G D Outer space girl, you abducted my heart Am C Your mamma's trying, keep us apart G D What we have is true Am C I'm searching the galaxy, looking for you <Verse 2> G D My heart was pumping, at the speed of light Am C I had to find out, how to catch a flight G D Googled build a space ship, got zero results Am C Asked on face book, All I got was insults G D Tried the space program, Got rejected as a loon Am C Went to ask Spock, turns out he's marooned <bridge> egacd power chords - drop to 90 bpm - Space Oddity Style Countdown E5 G5 If was ever gonna find you 10 A5 C5 - D5 I had to do something bold 9 E5 G5 hired my friend Scotty 8 A5 C5 - D5 It cost my entire bankroll 7 E5 G5 We drove the east coast corridor 6 A5 C5 - D5 All night down to Florida 5 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. <big ride cymbal build during this line> we jacked the space shuttle yo!! <Big Guitar solo while the next 4 lines are Belted out over it with backup singers - 160 BPM> E5 G5 Scotty give it all its got! A5 C5 - D5 I gotta find my sexy space girl! E5 G5 Scotty give it all its got! A5 C5 - D5 I gotta find my sexy space girl! <2nd chorus> G D Outer space girl, you abducted my heart! Am C Your mamma's trying, keep us apart! G D What we have is true Am C I'm searching the galaxy, looking for you! <third verse - back to 145 BPM - Bring down the energy starting at "light years have... "> G D I searched Venus, Jupiter and Mars Am C Even hung out, in the Cantina bar G D Searched the Galaxy, far and wide Am C Went to Neptune, I almost fried G D Light years have, passed on by Am C Scotty has all, but died G D Now I sit here, out of fuel Am C on a distant star, like a fool <drums and bass drop here.. just acoustic, singer and pad> G D Playing my guitar, in this bar Am C thinking I mighta, gone too far G D Maybe this song, will find you Am C Still searching the galaxy, looking for you Let G ring out...
  45. 3 points
    Honestly, I'd be stunned if you actually had the balls to post a lyric for critique instead of always pointing out what you believe to be (with your self proclaimed informed opinion) mistakes others make with the things they say. Here we go folks. Get out the violins.
  46. 3 points
    I wasn't going to write something about my city being attacked. It didn't feel right especially as I didn't know anybody who was directly caught up in it. Then I visited st Anne's square in Manchester city centre where the flowers were laid and respects were paid. I noticed bees all over the place attracted by the flowers. The worker bee is the symbol of manchester. Along with the silence it just seemed really poignant and it just got me. It inspired me to try to write something. The bees by the flowers on st Anne's square (V1) You will find no hate here On cobbled streets or terrace rooms Press a button disappear In st Anne's square something blooms (V2) You will find no hate here On town hall steps or primary schools The left of deansgate road stays clear Of tiny minded blinded fools (Chorus) Rain's our only weather Let the music of our own bring our bones together And cry no tears for us 'cause the bees by the flowers on st Anne's still buzz (V3) You will find no hate here You don't have to sell your soul Easy peasy commandeer Silly Billy on the dole (V4) You will find no hate here We know what your trying to do No division and no fear United city, red and blue (Chorus) Rain's our only weather Let the music of our own bring our bones together And cry no tears for us 'cause the bees by the flowers on st Anne's still buzz (Repeat chorus) (Bridge/outro) Now candles burn and spirits too, Brave runners run for me and you, Photographs, heartshaped balloons, Two two's in the middle saying twenty two, As rival fans lay scarves they bring, A silence falls on everything, Then a poet speaks and children sing, For the worker bee with a broken wing.
  47. 3 points
    Thanks so much for the reviews, you guys. I was afraid that this one would be confusing, and it's worse than I thought. All the parts are very connected, from the falling star through the "come hither" to "am I beauty?". Problem is, I wrote it too much in my head, and not enough in print. So while it describes itself perfectly, it barely explains itself at all. Thus it might as well be a Dio lyric. Bank on me rewriting it to fix that. John, thanks. :-) "Shout" wasn't in your post, it was only "out", so I couldn't be entirely sure what you meant. fabkebab, the music is supposed to range from beautiful semi-mellow to drop-tuned metal brutality. Prolly no shock there. It's meant to be a mini-epic. (Full disclosure: it's meant to be a "fan favorite", if I ever have fans.) It uses 3 tempos, of which about 120 is the fastest. There's a slow dust-settling part. SongWolfe, yep, "come hither" is archaic. That's exactly why I put it in there, in place of what was there before. It'll make sense when I rewrite the lyric to make sense. Not a single person yet has really understood it, and that is completely my fault. SnarkyAnarky, nice handle!! You might like "Problem With Authority" if I ever get around to tracking and posting it. Medium to slow tempo. The shorter lines are an extended bridge at the fastest of the 3 tempos it uses. Ron99, thx!! Not necessarily a "beautiful" ending, tho. Just a "brilliant" one. A flourish. My extended bridge keeps the theme, but I wrote it all so confusingly that no one has any way of catching that. Have problem - will fix. LyriCAL, not the end of the world, just.... Guys, I promise I will fix this so it makes sense. That's why I'm not explaining it now. It needs to explain itself. I will post the new version soon as it exists. Thanks, all of you!! :-)
  48. 3 points
    Well like I said at the top it's not usually my thing either but it was only when we went to the memorial that I felt compelled to write something because it was such a powerful experience. What can I say, perhaps you had to be there. Anyway if you even read the lyrics I would say they are not trite at all and I've tried to steer away from that. I've focused on the positivity felt around the city, how it seems to unite every one. Something I'm very proud of. Nobody's looking for sympathy around here except for those directly involved, who we all feel for. My guess is you read the first bit, realised it was about an atrocity, thought not another one, and then passed your little judgement
  49. 3 points
    I know without music this is a tedious read - what with the repeating lines, but I think it works with the music I have written. The format is a challenge because you really only have two lines per verse to tell the story. Please let me know where it needs improvement in doing that and I thank you in advance The Devil Lady The county put a price on my head The county put a price on my head They didn't much care if I's alive or dead When the county put a price on my head The Sheriff want to see me hung The Sheriff want to see me hung The Devil Lady told him I'm a murderous thug So the Sheriff want to see me hung But I saw her kill her lover man I saw her kill her lover man I saw him fall, I saw the blood in her hand When I saw her kill her lover man [br} So I ran And I ran And I ran But that cop Wouldn't stop Until.. I.. was.. caught. They called her in to testify They called her in to testify I sat there waitin' for her treacherous lies When they called her in to testify But the devil lady changed her song The devil lady changed her song The devil lady saved me gettin' strung up at dawn When the devil lady changed her song Change her song... {instrumental to bridge} The devil lady asked me 'round The devil lady asked me 'round I shouldda known better, shouldda turned her down When the devil lady asked me 'round She locked me in a basement room She locked me in a basement room And every night I listen to her howl at the moon Since she locked me in a basement room I know she'll never set me free I know she'll never set me free I'd be better off swinging in that hickory tree Cause I know she'll never set me free Yeah, I dream I'm out there swayin' in that hickory tree.. But I know she'll never let me be...
  50. 3 points
    Get some hot beats in there and you will have written your first Hip Hop song!