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  1. 4 points
    I know it still needs work, but I could use some fresh eyes. Edits-better or worse? Wishful drinking Revised Feb 22 My life ain't that shitty I can drink these girls pretty I look almost good For a guy pushing fifty Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems My truck ain't a clunker It's still got one bumper And knows the way home When I get even drunker Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems My house ain't a pig stye I could work I'm a smart guy Got so many friends They wave as they pass by Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I may be deluded But I have concluded Best way through life Is to just stay polluted Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I know I'm not wealthy BR Drinking ain't healthy And my sober self sees I ain't d'purtiest man half alive I'm aware that my boozing S'just a method I'm choosing to keep life amusing As I slowly nosedive ... but ... Wishful drinking S'got me thinking My life ain't a stinking old wicked bad dream -------------------------------------------------------------------- Wishful drinking original posted version My life ain't that shitty I can drink these girls pretty I look pretty good For a guy almost fifty Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems my life doesn't stink half as much as it seems (?) My truck ain't a clunker And I've still got one bumper It knows the way home If I get any drunker Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I may be deluded But I have concluded Best way through life is keep getting polluted Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems My house ain't a pig stye At work I'm the big guy People look up to Admire and ask my advice Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems I'm not all that wealthy BR pt 1 Damned sure not healthy look at myself see I Ain't d'purtiest man half alive I know that my boozing BR pt2 S'the method I'm choosing Just to keep life amusing In my eternal quest to survive Wishful drinking Has me thinking My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems
  2. 3 points
    Creative Types Sometimes I write to pass the time I'm OCD about the rhymes I've been this way since I was small I've written since I can't recall I found this place they call the Muse I post my stuff for the abuse The Forum cast is quite diverse And some are handy with a verse For some the tunes are why they're here But other's expertise is gear I've learned so much in observation Sharing in the conversation Yeah we all have our points of view Some skin so thin it's black and blue We're hoping for that lightning spark While mostly toiling in the dark So what's the point for all this tripe? Because we're all creative types We dodge the barbs from week to week We help each other with the tweaks
  3. 3 points
    I'll never get why people obsess over what they find offensive instead of indulging in what they find pleasurable. Maybe they find pleasure in being offended? IDK. Peace
  4. 3 points
    Like No One Ever Has Tee Porter Verse 1 I know I just met you Earlier tonight But I can already tell This feels so right.... It can't be wrong Verse 1 (continued) And that look in your eyes Tells me I ain't crazy If you're feeling what I'm feeling Let's get out of here baby Oh, oh Chorus I'm gonna love you, to the moon and back Through thick and thin The good and the bad I'm gonna love you, happy or sad Through fire and rain Til' the day I pass I'm gonna love you, like no one ever has Verse 2 I'll make you feel special make you feel wanted Take my sweet time And cherish every moment Verse 2 (continued) I'll tell you every day So you'll always know Just What you mean You're the only one I want Oh, oh Chorus I'm gonna love you, to the moon and back Through thick and think The good and the bad I'm gonna love you, happy or sad Through fire and rain Til the day I pass I'm gonna love you, like no one ever has Instrumental break Oh darling, I'm gonna love you, to the moon and back Through thick and thin The good and the bad I'm gonna love you, happy or sad Through the fire and rain Til the day I pass I'm gonna love you, like no one ever has Yeah I'm gonna love you, like no one ever has Like No One Ever Has
  5. 3 points
    I have certainly received allot of help from some very skillful writers. I’m more than a little thankful, and have incorporated your ideas. I hope we're getting closer. Now a few additional tweaks to consider please scroll down for last version Montana Love Story ...... .....or Hold On Honey??? Copyright 2018 ~ J.W. McMichael On a night when the stars hung in their Heaven A restless wind rustling thru the pines He closed his eyes and heard hear the river beckon Felt the glowing embers in the fire PC1 With a full moon rising from the canyon Lonesome cry of a coyote in the night He caressed the soft skin of his companion Saw the firelight flicker in her eyes Ch1 She said hold on Honey, let’s take our time tonight Nowhere to be, the moment’s right Hold me tight and move real slow, tenderly and don't let go.......thanks Donna! We'll be soaring where the Eagles fly V2 When the crocuses carpeted the tundra... ...alpine tundra is anything above tree line (in Montana, above 8,000 ft.). Chiming Bells and lupine lined the hills They camped where the waterfall thundered And rode their appaloosas down the trail Bridge The years passed and Spring turned into Winter The icy paths grew steep and hard to climb In their cabin while the snows blew through December She grew ill and died there in his arms PC2 He saw the full moon sink into the canyon Heard the cry of a coyote in the vast...... ...... From dictionary.com: "noun. 3. (mainly poetic) the vast, immense or boundless space." Kissed the silent lips of his companion And whispered, Girl I'll meet you in the pass Ch2 He said hold on Honey, it's gonna be alright I'll lie beside you here tonight The one I can't live without, so I'll just let the fire burn out And we'll be on that final pony ride Tag Today as the sun rose in its Heaven A restless wind rustling thru the pines He closed his eyes, could hear the angels beckon Two souls met in the blue Montana sky ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Previous version: V1 On a night when the stars hung in their Heaven A restless wind rustling thru the pines He closed his eyes and could hear the river beckon Feel the warm embers glowing in the fire PC1 With a full moon rising from the canyon Lonesome cry of a coyote in the night He caressed the soft skin of his companion Saw the firelight flicker in her eyes Ch1 She said hold on Honey, let’s take our time tonight Nowhere to be, the moment’s right Spoon me close and move real slow, tenderly and don't let go There's no rush up here where the Eagles fly V2 When the crocuses carpeted the tundra Columbine and lupine lined the hills They camped where the waterfall thundered And rode their appaloosas down the trail Bridge The years passed and Spring turned into Winter The icy paths grew steep and hard to climb In their cabin while the snows blew through December She grew ill and died there in his arms PC2 He saw the full moon settle in the canyon Heard the cry of a coyote in the vast His lips pressed to the lips of his companion He whispered, Girl I'll meet you in the pass Ch2 He said hold on Honey, it's gonna be alright I'll lay beside you here tonight I know it’s cold but please be strong, Doctor said it won’t be long Until I take that final pony ride Tag Today as the sun rose in its Heaven A restless wind rustling thru the pines When folks say all his sins will be forgiven Two souls met in the azure Winter sky
  6. 3 points
    I don't think any of us have a right not to be offended. I do think we have a right to feed back to those giving offence (and they have a right to ignore our feedback or to take it on board). We also have a right to ignore offensive material and not comment at all (which is sometimes the most wounding feedback of all).
  7. 3 points
    After watching the movie Awakenings with Robin Williams I wrote this. Quite an amazing story if you haven't seen it. IN STRANGE FIELDS In strange fields their minds run free, passed the border, passed sanity? lost in secrets, trapped, alone, their thoughts, their dreams, allowed to roam, inside their heads, in tiny ships there’s laughter and tears and pleasure trips outside it’s cold in here it’s warm, in here you’re safe from the human storm, corridors, so clean and neat emotions wrapped in starched white sheets, eyes that hold a thousand tears words so quiet, no one hears, your trees seem fruitless dead, no yield, some have tried to reach your fields, measured potions to you are fed WATCH OUT! They’re trying to sneak into your HEAD!
  8. 3 points
    The style of this screams punk to me, not rap. For rap, you'd need more sophisticated rhyme scheme unless you're trying for old school. Punk is also more amenable to the heavy handedness (or directness, if you prefer) of the lyrics. As far as the message... though of the liberal persuasion personally, I too think the accusation of racism is often tossed out too casually. Problem is, it's also dismissed just as casually... if not moreso. This reticence of self reflection demarcates what could be a bit of a Rosetta Stone to bridge the seemingly binary ideological standoff from merely the same tired knee-jerk reactionary straw man arguments the p.o.v. wants to bury his head in. Eg. That "so you think that all lives should matter" is so obtuse to the actual argument, and this fact pointed out so many times it can only be reasonably interpreted that those who share this talking point are willfully trying to obscure or deny the message of the mantra from which it derives. Point being, it's easy pointing out the other's hypocrisies (especially when you straw man their positions) but much more difficult (and yet fruitful) to find your own. This song will work fine, in a generic way, for rallying those who agree with you and for annoying those that don't - but if you want to achieve art, dig deeper.
  9. 3 points
    Perfectly sums up what's going on right now. Brilliant piece of social commentary. Best piece of art I've come across in awhile. Good work. Dan
  10. 2 points
    Something simple, no music, any thoughts? Thanks, Dan. (the stars are back Kuya!) be on your way don’t waste your time on me move on and just leave me be I ain’t looking for love today so move on and be on your way save all your kisses for somebody new for someone who’s able to hold on to you I ain’t looking for love today So move on and be on your way Chorus I never needed nobody’s love never needed romancin’ and all o’ that stuff I never gazed at the stars and cried and I won’t sing love songs that tell you lies love it ain’t easy, love it ain’t free I tried it once but it wasn’t for me I gave her my heart but she tore it apart so move on, move on and be on your way I come and go as I please I’m free as a bird on the breeze love it came once but it didn’t stay so move baby and baby be on your way
  11. 2 points
  12. 2 points
    Another few tweaks shown in green 02/16/2018. I decided to personify "Alzheimer's" in the first two lines to make it less "scientific" sounding. Thanks to everyone who hung in with this as it developed. Thanks to all who commented - updated 02/09/2018 This was my contest entry last month - I was pleased with its placement despite the formidable competition it faced. I now have music written so looking for finishing touches from you kind folks The Trouble Is.. Copyright 2018 Tennyson Road Music Alzheimer's is a terrible disease devil and a thief It He runs off with the ones you love, steals their memories So when I visit Dad and see his distant eyes I know I'm just another face he doesn't recognize He talks of to Mom like she is still around But it's almost 20 years now since we laid her in the ground He wouldn't be as safe, if he were living on his own But the trouble is.. he thinks he'll soon be home ch And he talks of how he sees her waiting there And he tells me how she's waiting for him there With her Mona Lisa smile, And her Judy Garland hair Says she's busy in the kitchen, makin' supper on the stove And the trouble is: he thinks he'll soon be home I'll spare you all the grief of when he died Suffice to say I kissed his cheek goodbye, then I cried I knew that soon I'd lose him, but if the truth were known The trouble is.. Yeah, the trouble is.. I lost him years ago .....instr... It goes against what common sense says happens to our souls But, the trouble is.. I know he made it home And he held her in his arms when he got there Kissed her Mona Lisa smile, Touched her Judy Garland hair They had supper in the kitchen, got caught up around the stove Though it goes against most everything my common sense, I know The trouble is.. The trouble is.. The trouble is.. I know he made it home.
  13. 2 points
    My Valentine (tweaks in red) V1 You warm me on these cold and wintry nights Beside me to make everything alright Beside me no matter what my plight I taste you on my lips and I’m entranced My spirit is lifted freed to dance They tell me you're no good for me My friend’s say your no good for me What you give me they will never see C1 My Secret Valentine My amber concubine Into your waiting arms I gently slide My private valentine Your embrace so sublime The only one that’s always by my side V2 Was empty until you filled my heart Was lonely until you won my heart Now I can't think of us apart Now I can barely think of us apart I savor your embrace and the escape The loneliness and hurt just dissipates Not happy with this, still thinking on it The loneliness and hurt you extricate I touch you and my hands begin to shake I ache for you left humbled in your wake C2 My Secret Valentine My amber concubine Into your waiting arms I gently slide My liquid Valentine My sweet Kentucky shine The only one that’s always by my side Solo C3 My secret valentine My amber concubine Into your waiting arms I gently slide My liquid Valentine My sweet Kentucky shine The only one that’s always at my side The only one that’s always at my side Thought this appropriate for the Day. Silly little throw away, a darker take on the Valentine's Day.
  14. 2 points
    Could be wrong but I'm thinking this could relate to the average person today in the digital age, who is obsessed with and overly attached to the technology and all it has to offer. Use of "binary code" leads me to believe its use here is in some way insidious, but whatever the meaning is in its contextual use here, we are disconnected from each other and stuck in what we've got in a culture of dissatisfaction. English for the most part is good with a few bumpy spots in the word dept that might be difficult to sing as noted above. Consider alternatives for "binary code" and "sticking", but I have a funny feeling after digesting this a couple of times that the binary code here is key unless you mean technology or some other aspect of it. I only throw this into the mix and give it thought because you make mention early on that English is not your first language. But, I will stick with my gut, binary code is key and yes insidious and perhaps so is the title, Birds of November. Hmm November at least in my neck of the woods is an election month. Anyway.................... Suggestion: expand this a bit more, not much but a little and tighten the lines and meter if you think it can be sung.
  15. 2 points
    100% agree with vocals being the single most important factor. Hence that's where I put most of my money when I bought gear for my studio, mic and pre amp, because, as said by the new polar music prize winners, nothing else matters. Good stuff Tom! Thanks for sharing.
  16. 2 points
    (Second draft changes in red)... I was watching the Olympic ladies ice dancing this morning when the young Russian Evgenia came on - absolutely beautiful to watch her dance choreography and the atmosphere/music/occasion quite brought a tear to my eye - I've made a rather poor attempt to capture some of the wonderful atmosphere and feeling in this quick lyric attempt. All comments and suggestions to improve it welcomed - thanks! Andy Skate For Your Life (Watching You Fly, Evgenia) © 2018 Andy LeFevre Verse 1 The Crowd holds their breath Expectation fills the air In the middle of that ice arena A young girl’s standing there Alone Verse 2 Short white blue dress Long slender sculptured legs Concentrating, her eyes closed Preparing the woven threads To come PreChorus (heart beat here) And then the music starts Chorus 1 Skate for your life Glide ‘cross the ice Blades cutting through, to hold you. Arms circle round Spinning through the air Tears in our eyes, watching you fly Watching you fly Evgenia Verse 4 The crowd’s going wild To her ballet perfect moves Such graceful steps in time Ice writing artist grooves Hall marked PreChorus And then the music builds Chorus 2 Skate for your life Glide ‘cross the ice Blades cutting through, to hold you. Arms circle round Spinning through the air Tears in our eyes, watching you fly Watching you fly Evgenia Bridge The hours, the pain The early morning rain Childhood’s lost Boyfriends past Now’s come the moment to excel at last We’re watching you fly Watching you fly Evgenia Chorus 3
  17. 2 points
    The style is dream pop. I'm guessing most of the people here aren't familiar with this genre. Think Lana Del Rey. This is one of my favorite lyrics. I'm not surprised it didn't score all that well in the contest. I imagine most readers had a hard time hearing it in their heads. Plus it doesn't seem to fit into the long form story writing style that makes up the majority of lyrics on the site. It actually sings quite beautifully - slow and brooding. White Valentine ©2018 FrankeeLee Fabian V A white valentine The color of death Arrived in the mail Drained of emotion Will you be mine That was the question A white valentine Seeking devotion PC A memory that feels like a crime This white valentine CH Take me Far away From the past To a place Oh, take me Far away That I may Find peace and grace At last And free my troubled mind From this white valentine V Should I send back A poison love letter Will that be the end Or is this a game When love turns to hate It’s cruel and it hurts If I only knew how I’d stop all this pain PC A moment still frozen in time This white valentine CH Take me Far away From the past To a place Oh, take me Far away That I may Find peace and grace At last And free my troubled mind From this white valentine BR I wish I had never let you inside You made your home in my bed I feel I’ve been drained of all of my life I might have been better off dead (pause) I would have been better off dead CH Take me Far away From the past To a place Oh, take me Far away That I may Find peace and grace At last And free my troubled mind From this white valentine
  18. 2 points
  19. 2 points
    In verse 1, you confuse the tense which is consistently present-tense aside from just "expectation filled the air" so I'd replace that perhaps with "expectation fills the air". The tense does fit the in-the-moment-capture type of theme you describe for the song. I love the prechorus line "and then the music starts" - that's exactly the kind of catchy thing that can snag the imagination and help bring the listener along on your journey with you. The chorus flows wonderfully. Have to concur with Anna there on the verse 4 line "ballerina silky moves" feeling grammatically awkward. It's rather fragmentational, unlike the rest of the words. I think something like "silky ballet moves" would suffice here, and feel less clumsy. Another great prechorus line, showing the progress of the thing you're enthralled by. Really like these. Hope those suggestions are helpful.
  20. 2 points
    Hey This could make a pretty cool song I think. The only lines I felt were a bit out of place while reading though was - 1 - Ballerina silly moves (v3) I think it could be worded a bit better. 2 - Ice writing artist grooves(v3) I didn't completely understand the wording of this line... 3 - Dancing the woven threads To come (v2) The only problem I had with this line was that it doesn't make sense to first say that she's dancing and weaving threads across the ice....and then suggest it hasn't happened it yet. The 'To come' part doesn't really fit in with the previous line. Apart from some minor glitches like this.....I think you're well on your way!
  21. 2 points
    Hi Paul, Chorus suggestion And He talks to her. he sees her. For him to tell us how he sees her standing there doesn't make sense, because he'd sound too self aware. Of course he sees her! The people I've been around with this issue are just talking; they're not analyzing the fact that they're seeing a long dead person. They mistake a younger person today for a lved one from the past. A daughter for her mother. He talks to her. He sees her. The other thing is the opening line sounds about as un-songlike as you can get. I mean you don't lead up to that line as i would expect you to. It's all of a sudden...BAM... there it is, and it just as easy could be the opening line to a med commercial or a nursing home commercial. Having said that, I like this. It's tough to write.
  22. 2 points
    Fab lyric Paul - a few tiny nits above for me and one big one at the end. Regardless though of these point - it's a really, really good lyric. Andy
  23. 2 points
    You capture my favorite parts of country. You tell a good story and you let the accompaniment be just that. you trust your vocals to carry the song and you do it well. Patty has made some good suggestions i really don't have anything to offer that she hasn't already said. very nice song.
  24. 2 points
    Needs a mood or emotion. Right now, the lyric is more of an outline of what happened then a reaction to the events. The guys kind of pathetic waiting 8 years before smacking his forehead with his hand and saying "that girl in Wyoming, of course!" Story and construction are okay just needs some emo to go with it. I hope this helps.
  25. 2 points
    One of the posts that started this discussion included a music video that was banned by Youtube for pornographic content. I closed that thread and I would do it again with no hesitation. I'm not against pornography, I just don't think it has a place here.
  26. 2 points
    This one just didn't grab my attention.
  27. 2 points
    I love this, such a great idea and the lyrics are amazing, particularly the chorus! The outro is super cool and creative and I could imagine it sounding so good! Great job!
  28. 2 points
    I AM OUTRAGED!!!!!! But seriously... if we wish to complain, how about all those national anthems for offensiveness? And how about the entire history of popular music? And even folk? What do we understand "The Foggy Foggy Dew" to be about, for instance? Or "I Gave My Love A Cherry"? Or even Shakespeare? (Anyone heard of Thomas Bowdler?) Quincy Jones recalls that around the age of 20, his first recording with Dinah Wahington was a tune called 'I Love My Trombone-Playing Daddy with His Big Long Slidin' Thing'. What I am saying is that, quite apart from being an untroubling irrelevance, this is not at all a new thing.
  29. 2 points
    Back in the days when life was black and white I like it a lot but I found it a little confusing And I also remember the black and white days This is how I remember them Back in the days when life was black and white Things were much better back then Although the homeless slept in doorways While the righteous prayed and some of us even starved But I'd rather be there than how we live now In the black and white days, life was tough But their was always bread on the table And we always shared what little we had Back in the days when life was black and white
  30. 2 points
    I am a little more discriminating. I like the country music that I like - but, as in all commercial genre categories, there is still much which is clichéd and formulaic. The country music that I listen to most regularly is from the '20s and '30s - before Henry Ford and George Hay interfered and re-packaged it as inoffensive family fare. New-Grass is cool, though. I like that very much.
  31. 2 points
    You have some really excellent one liners and couplets spread though-out this lyrics. My major crit would be the lack of focus on your hook (weather metaphor to a relationship) and the rather nebulous title, which should really be the focus of your hook. Maybe some thing like "Hurricane" or "Wirlwind" would work... Some comments below. Andy Found this draft and am trying to breathe some life into it. Let me know what you think of the lyrics: V1: you were like a bullet you were right on target go ahead and watch me die you’re the smoke and powder I really like this line, for another song though. you’re the sound of thunder I am blinded by your light this line has been done a zillion times before Good imagery here but except for the 5th line, all these lines are not focusing/supporting your hook - they are for a gun and bullet metaphor hook... and when I scraped my knees and you heard me cry out you went and cut yourself to see what the crying was about. Excellent 4 lines here!- fresh and interesting. Chorus 1: hurricane, I’m drowning in your rain no time to run before you hit me once again you knew that you were gonna break me down Good focus on the hook of your song here. Maybe pointing to "Hurricane" as a better working title...? Feels like it's lacking a couple of more chorus lines here for me... V2: I am made of glass I am made of iron I shatter and I melt for you you want everything your name is desire want to see if you melt too? Excellent verse here - but it's for another song though - I don't see how this fits in with the hook. To follow on with your verse form here something like: "I am like bamboo, I am like the reeds, bending in your wind, rustling in your breeze" would focus back in with your hook... you like to make me think make me believe that you have learned and then you beat me down just to see if I can hurt Yes! - this is back on track with your hook and has good meaning and imagery Chorus 2: hurricane, I am drunk on your spin you taste like poison, you taste like sin and you knew that you were gonna break me down Bridge: ...you’re a force of nature with which I can’t contend but you’d rather watch me break than try and help me bend... Most excellent Bridge here!! Really on track and supportive of your intended hook!
  32. 2 points
    Hi Jelly, Thanks so much. I like it too....even though I've had a couple complaints. It's much easier for me to judge because I know the music and melody. One thing I've learned about songwriting is that the music expands the meaning of a lyric. It helps clarify, lift and propel it. That's because, when the prosody of the music comes into play, the lyric comes to life. Some lyrics might seem sparse and incomplete when read, but become understandable and wonderful when heard. That's the magic of performance. So much has to do with tastes and preferences. Lyrics aren't exactly poems.....they are words set to music. Sometimes lyrics are fairly concise stories, other times they can be very abstract. The possibilities are infinite and so often beauty is in the ear of the beholder. This just happens to be a rather poetic lyric with a sad story. My goal is to make this sad song understandable, beautiful, interesting, emotional and meaningful.....to go with the music/melody I composed. It's a lofty goal, and there is no way I can get everybody to like it because of subjectivity and varying tastes. But I'm pretty sure that once I get the lyric right, record and post the song in the songs section the reaction will be very positive. Maybe you'll check back once I've completed the rewrite....and maybe you'll get a chance to hear the song once I record. I really appreciate your taking the time to read the lyric and your supportive comment. Joey
  33. 2 points
    To me, that's the problem. You have nothing but the same old bland subject matter popping out in different words. It is refreshing to read a different artistic perspective every now and then.
  34. 2 points
    Nice one kuya. Here's a reference track FYI - maybe sth bluesy like this would work?
  35. 2 points
    Yeah, when a chick cheats on me, I say, "Yeah, she lied.... on her back, that nasty b.....".... They'll sing it to you, and you'll never realize it, but that's what they was saying to you....
  36. 2 points
    She told me all her loving she’s [was] saving up for me But then i saw her cheating [ rocking? ] And then I caught her cheating in an S.U.V. But it was easy to believe Cause she lies she lies she lies
  37. 2 points
    You're way ahead of me, Onewholovesrock. I only have two subscribers
  38. 2 points
  39. 1 point
    Thanks for the input Joe, I'm not really a song-writer( obvious!) but I get carried away with myself sometimes. Thanks for taking the time to respond. Nice one Patty, good advice and always positive. Thank you. Thanks Malice, if it's good enough for Miley it's good enough for me. Dan
  40. 1 point
    Fantastic, Lazz! It appears there is life in the old dog yet and a great new adventure is underway! Enjoy the ride!
  41. 1 point
    Really nice. The harmonies are great. Love the feel.
  42. 1 point
    Hello Patty love the lyric, as usual it's a good write from you, and has a good message yes I like walking money, if it's not already a saying it ought to be one My sugestions - love turns sideways threw me. 1/ What about when love goes belly up ( ties in slightly with your fella down the gym) 2/ and you feel in a trap. 3/ get out of his face hope you like my input, if not disregard it no problem all the best Mike
  43. 1 point
    Nice, something different. I have been trying to teach myself guitar for quite some time now and while practicing the two chords it sounds like you're using here I have come up with a new song, they do lead themselves to a good sound. Mine has a little different strum pattern but I was able to play along with your song which is very good for me. Only problem I have with the song is the panning bouncing back and forth, but that is just my personal taste I have never been much of a fan of it. The mix to my hears sounds good, but that is not a strength of mine so maybe wait for someone else with abetter ear to weigh in. For those of use who grow up listening to cassette tape, this sounds like a nice song to finish off side 1. Once again nice work.
  44. 1 point
    Hi Kuya, I think I've been out with her! This is great! Quite comical, very rock 'n' rolly. I can hear it similar to George Thorogoods, I like girls. Very enjoyable and made me smile. Very well done. Dan
  45. 1 point
    For sure, in the USA, the Copyright Office filing is the only sure thing when it comes to a court of law. (There are still people insisting the old 'certified mail to yourself and don't open it' method works) Yeah, the fee went from $35 to $55 at some point between 2014 and 2016. Recently they have also changed the rule for recordings - where before you just needed to send in an electronic copy (MP3) of the work, now, if you also offer physical copies for sale (CDs), you also have to mail in 2 copies of the CD.
  46. 1 point
    Actually very nice...and I feel like the video is a good fit for music. Overall, nicely done! The one nit I do have is tuning inconsistency. The 2 guitars aren't accurately tuned to one another. It's particularly noticeable in the sections running from 0-:26 secs. and :48-1:06. Perhaps it could be improved by rebalancing those parts & tweaking the EQs a bit? Overall, enjoyed the listen! Hope this helps. Tom
  47. 1 point
    Very nice job with the song and the video. Beneath the waves they sleep, very touching.
  48. 1 point
    Thanks Patty, You are so kind and supportive, with such a gentle way of helping others. I've been so preoccupied with this song, I haven't yet had the opportunity to reciprocate. Now that I'll be taking my time to work on the revisions, I'm looking forward to looking at the lyrics posted by you other folks, and I hope I can help out in some small way. I appreciate your compliments......but I learned most everything I know about lyric writing from you folks on this wonderful forum. It's a modern marvel. And there is so much generous talent on here. Joey
  49. 1 point
    Enjoyed this tune. I'd like to hear a female vocal though. The low voice seemed kind of dark to me. =Bob=
  50. 1 point
    Hey Patty, Yea, moist flesh didn't feel right.....just too much, and out of keeping with the rest. Something like "soft lips", even if a little cliched, would have been better.....but I'll try to find something just right. I'm so relieved that the third person context worked. Your suggestions are perfect....just what I needed. These little things make all the difference...and they are the problems I'm sensing but can't put my finger on. I'm more of a musician trying to write. You definitely have a writers sensitivity and are able to spot the subtle poetic improvements that just don't occur to me......no matter how many times I go over a lyric. I am learning so much from you writers. This forum is amazing. Thanks so much!
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