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Showing content with the highest reputation on 14/05/18 in all areas

  1. 3 points
    Verse 1: Here comes the river, taking a new way, way she never took before. Old mother river looks in my window. Old mother pounding at my door. Chorus: There's a reason (there is a reason) put that cemetery on a hill. This river (old mother river) she will never have her fill. Verse 2: Here comes the next town, tumbling down river, one lost shoe at a time. One empty beer can, one bent umbrella, then the whole whirling five-and-dime.
  2. 2 points
    Having done an RLJ lyric myself many years ago, I knew the stroy right away...but what I really like about yours vs mine is that mine turned into a "story song" while yours takes the bones and turns it into the blues... BTW, if you ever wondered what made RLJ such an awesome guitarist, look at any picture and focus on the size\length of his fingers. That man could hit any note within a few frets reach...kinda like what Terry Bradshaw said when someone asked him what made him such a great QB.."man have you seen the size of my hands??" Just for reference, what I wrote back in 2001. I played with it some, but it never really made it into my repertoire Robert Leroy Johnson ©2001 John Voorpostel Luther Wade was a Christian man So he buried you in the ground Your fame had grown from the delta blues That muddy water sound In greenwood south of Memphis The last place that you roamed Some say you were poisoned And that the devil called you home Legend has it you sold your soul Where Dockery Road crosses Highway Eight You played your songs as the sun went down And changed your very state Don’t know what the truth might be Just know none can fill your shoes What started as field hollering You turned into delta blues Yeah you’re the one to look to for the music You’re the one that gave us rock n roll You’re the one that gave us crossroad legend You gave us music, you sacrificed your soul Dylan The Stones and Plant and Cray And that guitar man Eric Clapton Said all the greatest licks are yours You were the best and then some Helena Arkansas you played Lived your life on the move All who heard you loved you Playing that delta groove Yeah you’re the one to look to for the music You’re the one that gave us rock n roll You’re the one that gave us crossroad legends You gave us music, you sacrificed your soul Three forks in the back of Shaples You had the crowd there and the women hot There was one girl in particular Gave it your best shot You didn’t know her boyfriend Had a working knowledge of poison Three days later it was the end Of Robert Leroy Johnson They brought your body out by truck Then it was lowered into the ground The deacon said some holy words Blest and sent your sound Onto heaven some would say Though others ‘d say to hell But all who came thereafter Would say we learned you well Yeah you’re the one to look to for the music You’re the one that gave us rock n roll You’re the one that gave us crossroad legend You gave us music, you sacrificed your soul
  3. 1 point
    This is the third single off of my Debut Mixtape called 'Questions of Life' (Free Download here: http://www.abacusmc.co.uk/music) The song is called Sent to Win: If you like it feel free to subscribe to my YouTube, Follow my Soundcloud, and Like my Facebook Page, or maybe even Download the Mixtape!! Much Love Abacus
  4. 1 point
    I used to call her sweet heart It's not what I call her now Sweet heart was a devil Who put me through hell Sweet heart was a devil I thought was a saint Until I saw her horn's Now I know she ante I loved her like no other But she didn't love me back Sweet heart was a Devil In tight hugging slacks Sweet heart was a devil I thought was an angle I never saw her wings But I sure saw her horn's I used to call her sweet heart It's not what I call her now Sweet heart was a devil Who put me through hell
  5. 1 point
    Comic Girl Life 1/ At times I envy your comic girl life Scene on scene, never think twice Sketch of a girl in colorful suit Strained to action, but always cute 2/ At times I envy your comic girl life The thrill of action feels so nice Little stories, derring-do Everyone buys into you Ch/ Comic girl life, Comic girl nice, Ink on paper, cut like ice 3/ At times I envy your comic girl life But paper tears belie the price When your frozen and the ink has dried In denial that any thing's died Ch/ Comic girl life, Comic girl nice, Ink on paper, cut like ice 4/ At times I envy your comic girl life But in 2018 I now think twice A dream on the wind in an alleyway Torn by the price they made you pay Ch/ Comic girl life, Comic girl nice, Ink on paper, cut like ice
  6. 1 point
    Gibson's bankruptcy has nothing to do with the guitars: regardless of individual opinion on robots and the largely Internet-invented concept that Gibson makes bad guitars, the guitars still sell well. The Gibson guitar division is the only part of the company that makes money. What really happened was that Henry Juszkiewicz saved Gibson from certain doom back in 1986. He and two investor friends bought the company when it was an eyelash from closing, and brought it back to prominence (if the "mis-management" trope was true, Gibson would have ceased to exist in '86). Henry is a smart guy, his specialty was mergers and acquisitions, and he knew how to save dying companies. He decided to use those skills to turn Gibson Brands into a massive musical corporation, very much along the lines of Harmon. Unfortunately, Henry and his board had a bad habit of choosing dying companies that owned some piece of music tech they were interested in, so they were kind of involved in buying an apple, taking one bite and ignoring the rest. The first failure was Opcode Systems in 1998. Many guitar players still repeat the canard that Gibson "killed" Opcode, as if they had no interest in making money with it. The truth is, Henry thought all Opcode needed was a huge infusion of cash, which he gave them... but it was to late. Opcode was already in ICU, and they didn't make it despite Gibson's best efforts. But like every MBA knows, debt isn't a problem... it's only the ability to service that debt. Gibson kept buying bad companies (the most recent being TEAC/Tascam) and kept piling up debt. Hey, no sweat, said the MBAs... one of these acquisitions is going to pay off and we'll survive. But, none of them did, and finally last month, a 100-million+ bond payment came due, and they didn't have the money to pay it. Their plan now is to correct their mistakes by taking a huge loss on their acquisition by selling them off, concentrate on the core biz, and listen to players. They'll be fine, just as they were in 1986.
  7. 1 point
    Hi T No background music for the tour?😕 And where's your bass guitar? 😯 chuckle chuckle. Im hoping my future room looks that orderly this summer when I hopefully transfer my studio from the basement to the second floor.
  8. 1 point
    I guess it depends on how you view the process of critique. If you think of it as "judging", then yeah...numeric rating make a certain amount of sense. Personally, I view the process as an opportunity for improvement. In other words, a way for creators to solicit outside perspectives & suggestions on how to improve what they already have. In that light, I don't see numeric ratings as beneficial. They point out areas of perceived weakness, but offer few specifics & absolutely no guidance about how to correct the weakness. As for your comparison...contest-to-critique, I see them having few if any similarities. Contests are about competition...critique is about outside perspectives, learning & betterment. Tom
  9. 1 point
    Well I just learned a new vocabulary word and I thank you for that. I understood the meaning of your use of five and dime to an extent, but, for what it's worth, I think you may want to re-emphasize the phrase by including it somewhere else, perhaps in a chorus. Just my opinion.
  10. 1 point
    Hello Irwin, I said it before and I'll say it again, I like this, Irwin. The focus is sharp and doesn't wander. The imagery is simple in keeping with the focus. There's a sincerity and honesty in the words. The guy is hurting. I plotted out the rhymes as I was reading through the two verses because I noticed they were different, and it gave me something to do. I'm including internal rhymes where I saw them V1 has A AA b b b C cC d d the capital letters denoting stronger or sometimes perfect rhymes V2 I plotted as A AB C B DD Ce x e the x's are lines that didn't seem to rhyme with anything What does all of that mean? I'm not sure it's too important at all, with these longer verses. People like me who only write lyrics but don't compose or perform music tend to focus on the rhyme or meter stuff but some of the musicians and composers like yourself might see two verses that are not identical in structure as a strength not a weakness. More interesting. Less nursery rhymish. I see their point. So I mention it, but I realize you know what you're doing because I've listened to your music. And the music is what carries the day.
  11. 1 point
    This has a haunting quality that works for me. And told so consisely, I like it. Brings to mind John Lee Hooker's blues song about the great flood of Tupelo, Mississippi. I've thought the historic flood of Johnstown, PA would make for an epic song. A truly nightmarish event, trapped berween a raging debris filled river and a sprawling oil fire, but I digress. Nice job.
  12. 1 point
    Hello there! I am a new member. My name is Joe Vicas and I thought this would be the most appropriate topic to introduce myself in because I enjoy making my own songs and then making videos for them and posting them on YouTube. I use Studio One software for my DAW and Adobe Premiere Elements for making the videos. They go from being very simple “lyric slides” to performance and even 3D animation videos. The song determines what kind of video I make. Right now I think I have something like 60 videos on YouTube. By way of introduction, I thought I would post my most recent upload here so you can get an idea of what I do. Below are the link and the YouTube description for the song. Nice to be here and I hope to meet creative people and learn a lot! I know people who work or aspire to work in creative fields. Artists, musicians, writers, actors, poets, photographers, film makers, sculptors, screenplay authors…the list goes on. Some of them have reached their ideal positions and are enjoying the rewards they deserve. Others have not been so fortunate. They have worked very hard to achieve doing something they love and being able to make a living at it only it hasn’t worked out that way for them. I am an example of that many times over. And yet, they continue to create. Even though they struggle in anonymity, some demon drives them to create. It’s not a choice. We admire, respect, and celebrate those individuals who win the awards and reach the pinnacle of fame. This song is for those who don’t, and yet, still create to bring their visions to the world regardless of fame and fortune.
  13. 1 point
    Nice one Tom. Liked it!
  14. 1 point
    Simple little ditty.... It's all in the bag © 2018 John Voorpostel I got a little bit of everything in my bag I got a little bit of everything in my bag I got a long stemmed rose, a book full of prose A half a dozen sonnets only troubadours know The ear of every lady gets a special tongue stroll It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag A throwback to chivalry and courtly love Gathered from among the worldly kin of love And everything I carry is a call to love It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag I got a little bit of everything in my bag I got a little bit of everything in my bag I got a bagful tricks, it’s gotten awfully big It’s getting harder to carry but with all that there is The more I put inside the more I find that everything fits It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag A throwback to chivalry and courtly love Gathered from among the worldly kin of love And everything I carry is a call to love It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag It’s all in the bag
  15. 1 point
    Cheers for checking it out! The lyrics are actually in the comments section on YouTube! LOL the line you are hearing is "If I think my bars aren't good enough"!
  16. 1 point
    Any tune with whisky in the title is gonna get a look from me, so well done there! I will admit the first time through i did not notice the Robert Johnson subtitle and just read this through as "Corn Whiskey'. From that perspective, I liked the tune as the lyrics seemed to created their own bounce/flow/cadence and had some good lines. Although I liked the V2 a bunch I wasn't sure how it fit into the song. Once I noticed the subtitle, everything came into focus. I saw this was a song about the legend that Robert Johnson died from poisoned booze given to him by the husband of women he was messing around with. Very well done from my POV, but might not be easily relatable/identifiable to some. IMO that is their problem, well done. Just a few nit's from me. I assume the last two lines are from a Johnson tune that isn't apparent to me? Maybe something like: corn whiskey was the death of him it won't get the best of me This introduces your title in the chorus, rather than leaving that until the Coda? Speaking of the Coda, maybe: Just minor nit's, use/adapt/ignore as you see fit.
  17. 1 point
    Hi Patty, I won't belabor points already made by others except to say that I thought the metering was fine and the named places didn't bother me. First let me say that I fully see why your lyric was voted first place. It would have pulled at a lot of heartstrings and was well written. For me though, it came off as another "my Dad is great" lyric and its sentimentality was not entirely to my taste. I don't normally vote based on subject matter but, all other things being equal, I do go there. I voted it in the middle of the pack, for this reason. I thought it important to let you know why it didn't appeal to me (as I'd mentioned it in the Lyric Contest thread) so you didn't think there was something inherently wrong with it. There isn't, except where some improvements could be made, which you have already received great suggestions on how to do.
  18. 1 point
    Nice backstory, and certainly a deserving theme. I like the notion of two people who love and respect each other being a mutual support system when the world gets to be too much. The feeling is there for sure. However, there needs to be more ‘show’ and less ‘tell’, and much less imagery. Otherwise, the words simply wash over the reader/listener, and don’t leave a lasting impression. I suggest you determine the story you want to tell, and then make sure that each verse has something solid and new in it so that it’s dynamic and has movement. Break the story into sections, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. As you’re using the AABA format, the bridge will be the part where you encapsulate all the positive emotion and burst out with how – despite the ‘you and I ‘ having an ongoing struggle with the world, you realise you have something exhilarating and precious, and much bigger than any crap the world and its machinations can throw at you. (If you know what I mean. ) Please also label the sections. This is very helpful for anyone critiquing, because each section in a lyric has a specific function, and labeling helps the reviewer determine to what extent the function is being applied and fulfilled. Other than at the end of lines 6 and 8 in each verse, there’s no discernable rhyme scheme. The piece reads more like a prose poem. UPDATE: Just re-read what you'd written about this being more like prose, and with a minimal rhyme scheme. Oh well. I'll leave what I've written below anyway. I've rambled on, but truly hope something of what I've said might be helpful. Keep or sweep, of course. Two Against the World V1 Two against the world Holding on to each other Perhaps stronger as ‘We hold on to each other’. When you’re feeling small Confusing because in this line the POV is 2ndperson but elsewhere it’s 1stperson (plural). Suggest changing ‘you’re’ to ‘we’re’. And invisible In a world so careless I feel these lines are vague, and the implication that the world is at fault for not noticing is odd. Suggest rethinking these. Every line in a lyric is a valuable piece of real estate, and every word needs to earn its place. We need to be shown how the world is careless. In fact, you’re really talking here about the people - about human behaviour in the world. here. Be specific, not general. To pass on---- by----- Two against the world babe You and I Below is a very quick, rough example only. Just intended to give an idea of what I mean about being a little more specific, adding substance. It’s not necessarily a good example. We hold on to each other When we get to feeling small In a place where it’s become so hard To understand at all How so many promises Are made but they’re just lies So it’s two against the world, babe You and I V2 Like V1, this verse is all tell and no show. There is some forward movement, but I think you need now to provide a couple of concrete examples of what it is that the pair are actually fighting against. Is it the daily news horror stories? The meanness being displayed by people they see around them? The difficulties of trying to get by on a minimum wage? Fighting one’s demons? Trying to deal with old scars from the past? Nobody says please or thank you anymore? People take advantage of others’ good nature? Etc. Etc. Two lost tattered souls This sounds maudlin because the image is – unfortunately – cliché. In what way were they lost and tattered? We followed one another Suggest staying in the present tense. Maybe say ‘Who follow one another’. Like two ships in a storm We’ll find a way on Only stars to guide us Through the longest---- night----- Again, vague. What longest night? We need something solid to snag and keep our interest. Two against the world babe You and I Bridge I suggest writing a new bridge, and one that gives the reader/listener some kind of fresh perspective, a new dynamic to pull the story forward. As it stands, it’s essentially saying the same things that are in the verses and chorus. It sounds whiny. The bridge here should instead be a strong, positive statement, somehow resolving the issue for the couple. Of all the lonely faces The thought in this line wasn’t continued. What are you saying about all the lonely faces? In a world too blind to see The world has already been blamed in V1. Too weary to hear Some sad refrain When nothing stays---- the same, oh V3? Too much imagery, not enough substance. Throughout the lyric, we need to be shown something that will make us care deeply about the narrator and the person he’s addressing. We need to sympathise, to understand why the couple might be having a difficult time surviving in the world but at the same time they have a strong love. There needs to be something that we, as readers and listeners, can relate to. I believe in us And since we found each other There's a flame in a life A ray to warm me Shining through like a rainbow In a cloudy---- sky----- Two against the world babe You and I *voc round* Holding on to each other Two against the world You and I Holding on to each other Two against the world You and I
  19. 1 point
    Sock in Your Bed A I should have known from the start ought not to give you my heart Your eyes they could not sustain The tale your lips would maintain Some things are better unsaid But I found his sock in your bed A You said he was just a friend But it’s too late to pretend You laughed to hard at his jokes Could barely keep up the hoax You said it’s all in my head But I found his sock in your bed B We were more than a fling I was looking for a ring Can you imagine the sting I just flipped up the cover I was dismayed to discover The dirty sock of your lover A I should have known from the start ought not to give you my heart Your eyes they could not sustain The tale your lips would maintain You know that I just saw red When I found his sock in your bed Outro I found his sock in your I thought that you were pure Broke my heart to the core, when I found his sock in your bed Wrote this one for the Collab Contest, AABA format with shoe/foot reference for those unfamiliar. I was determined to write something easily accessible, unlike some of my stuff, so I didn't screw over my collab partner. This didn't make the cut, but it was a good learning/writing exercise form my point of view. I was never happy with the 'B' part, IMO it was to similar to the A part in line length/meter/cadence. The melody and cadence of the A part seemed natural to my ear, but I was struggling to come up with the melody for a 'longer' B section line. Anyway, any feedback appreciated.
  20. 1 point
    I've been agonizing over this lyric for two weeks now. It's unfamiliar territory for me so not surprising I'm struggling. I don't do love songs, even the ones that are a bit provocative. The melody and rhythm came to me in the shower and I'm always reluctant to let the shower muse die an early death. Any help would be most appreciated. This might be one I would like to take further if I can get it where it needs to be. Your Love is Treacherous This time my heart has forsaken me Taken me - where I swore I’d never go Racing down a river Out of control Those dangerous waters below You run through my blood like alcohol I drink it all - ‘til the room begins to spin You drown me in kisses Fill me back up Don’t care ‘bout the shape that I’m in Your love is treacherous Ooh - so treacherous 'n Baby I’m desperate So obsessed with it Like a wheel on a broken track You know, I’ll keep stumbling back Cuz your love is treacherous Ooh - so treacherous Br You move inside me - so slow Bring me to that - plateau Tease me towards a narrow ledge Drive my body off the edge Your love is treacherous Ooh - so treacherous 'n Baby I’m desperate So obsessed with it Like a wheel on a broken track You know, I’ll come stumbling back Cuz your love is treacherous Ooh - so treacherous You know all the ways to take me there God, I swear – never felt like this before As soon as I think that We’ve had enough Baby, you take me some more Your love is treacherous Ooh - so treacherous Baby I’m desperate So, obsessed with it Like a wheel on a broken track I always come stumbling back Cuz your love is treacherous Your love is treacherous Mmmm, so treacherous
  21. 1 point
    Thanks Donna, You have pointed out every single problem I've encountered in trying to make something of this. But you've given me at least one idea about defining who and what is treacherous. It's not him or her - it's the love and what she experiences when they are together sexually. She's frightened of losing control (acknowledging she possibly already has) and being overtaken by a wonderful passion at the same time. And yes, metaphors are great tools for injecting that all important show into a lyric but damn if I can think of anything that I can stick with consistently and to be honest, I was hoping to make this steamy rather than poetic so it will be a real challenge to come up with a running theme for the verses that isn't too poetic at one end or too tell oriented at the other. A theme that can not only tie into the hook but explain why the love is treacherous in a good way, like rock climbing or sky-diving, dangerous (treacherous) but thrilling. That is the goal. And yes, most definitely bluesy jazz. If I have time this weekend I'm going to notate the melody, then possibly lay a vocal over it, using the existing lyric. I'm sincerely hoping that hearing it outside of my own head will bring lyrical inspiration. Then again, this is not my forte so it may end up in the garbage heap or be rewritten with a different hook and theme.
  22. 1 point
    Chorus is great and the verses say exactly what a war protest song should. I think some of the lines could be be trimmed up a bit and the meter corrected where interferes with the flow but overall, I really liked this.
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