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Showing content with the highest reputation on 20/02/18 in all areas

  1. 1 point
    Hey Murphster... I think this is a solid start to cool track! I've listened to it 5 or 6 times now and kept some notes each time. I see others had some similar notes: 1. I think the chorus needs something to separate it from other parts of the song. I tried to imagine what a lead or rhythm guitar would sound over it, or some sort of synth instrument in the higher range. I'm not sure any of those would work, but just something to break it up a bit. 2. I thought the way you sung "town" in the closing line of the first chorus was interesting and worked. I was then disappointed you didn't go back to it in the following choruses, especially the end. 3. The middle 8 sounds a little clunky and takes me out of the nice groove the track otherwise has. It may just be the delivery, singing it somewhat smoother may help... but there may just be too many syllables there too. It could maybe use some more change as well, changing the drum beat a bit more or changing the piano rhythm to hold the chords longer... whole notes even the first few measures of each line. As for the title... I have to admit I thought maybe you did a cover track before I read the first few lines. Naming a track is hard, as there is almost always already a track somewhere with the same title. My first thought to an alternative was "Leave this town". But, I see there is a popular album and a few not so popular songs with that tile already. I guess it is a judgement call as to whether people will immediately think of the other song(s). Great work!
  2. 1 point
    I agree. Spaces and the art of letting a song breath. I believe this is one of the toughest tasks in songwriting, especially when you're writing by yourself and don't have a band to rehearse with, then the problem will solve itself, your bandmates will simply tell you to shut the hell up. It's difficult to lean back, and naturally let the music fill out the spaces. A lot of songwriters, when it's time to let the music "speak", a time when you should really let the lyrics (and vocal melodies) sink in, hit panic mode and instead fill the musical parts with vocals. What happens then is that we feed the listener with too much vocal and lyrical information so we lose their interest. I've gotten better at it but I'm guilty of this myself in the past. That's the hardest part of arranging, you really need to step out of yourself to be able to focus on what the song wants and needs, not what you want or need. A big difference and usually makes wonders once a songwriter figure it out. Again, not saying I don't do it, just saying I'm more aware of it nowadays and that alone helps a ton. Thanks for sharing Paul. Good stuff! /Peter
  3. 1 point
    Hi Paul Some good sound advice here, I will keep it in mind thanks mike
  4. 1 point
    Voice sounds good Murphster, I like the tale, pretty low key sound to it. Agree that it maybe need a little injection of a more poppy sound? Very cool though, lyrics are sound. Most enjoyable. Dan
  5. 1 point
    Love this song. Another great example of something really original and putting in the hard graft to make it work. I have never heard of a song about this and that is pretty cool. Especially for country music this to me seems the way to get a song noticed, everyone is looking for something new and fresh. Well done. Nice one.
  6. 1 point
    Hi Murphster On lines 4 & 8 of each verse - how about going up on the melody notes instead of down? I agree with Clemo, that the chorus needs some kind of lift and changing up the piano rhythm would help distinguish it as well. The bridge sounds stilted, it looses the free-flowing rhythm you establish i the rest of the song.
  7. 1 point
    Hi Murfster nice song good gentle rhythm and nice vocals i liked the lyric and the story that it tells Overall very good indeed I would have liked to hear a lift in the chorus or bridge to change the beat a up a little more nice all round if it became a hit, I hope the Monkeys don't get paid the royalties😊 Oops All the best Mike
  8. 1 point
    Hi Dan, I can see a little Nashville Skyline here. Heart is a tough rhyme if you're trying to say something new. It's been mined thoroughly for every available rhyme already. If you ever want to use heart you could always use it earlier in a line so the rhyme word ends up as a different final word. But back to your lyric. Each verse ends with a variation of 'so move on and be on your way' and all but the heart/apart verse has a rhyme for 'way' at the end of line 3. I think you should try to find another 'way' rhyme for verse 3, so all the verses have that consistant rhyme pattern or near rhyme pattern for lines 3 and 4. I think that would make it stronger. Verses 1 and 2 use the exact same line for line 3. And line 4 also, but my concern is line 3. Again I think it would be stronger with unique line 3's. If you ever get stuck for a rhyme or near rhyme use google ... in this particular situation type in 'way rhymes with' and you will be directed to all of these rhyme sites. I end up at rhymezone most often. 1, 2, 3 syllable rhymes and near rhymes for any conceivable syllable or syllables. So my suggestion will leave your verses with a consistent AABB rhyme scheme. But as it is now the bridge has that exact same AABB rhyme scheme already. Usually the bridge is different enough that it noticably breaks up the pattern of the verses. You could easily rearrange the 4 lines of the bridge into an ABAB or ABBA rhyme scheme depending on how you hear it yourself. ABAB works fine with your lines as is. See what you think. I was looking at the lyric 'It Ain't Me Babe' over the weekend. It builds up at the end, and I think your slight variation of line 4's is your similar build up. I wouldn't be afraid to keep tweaking that buildup. It's tricky. You have to sing it out loud so you can find word combos that you don't stumble over. This is a good lyric. Emulating Bob Dylan without ripping him off. That's pretty good! These edits can be tedious but it will be worth it. I think when you're done it's going to be great.