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Showing content with the highest reputation since 16/09/18 in all areas

  1. 4 points
    I am not sure whether the title makes you think of someone who can't pass water, but I suppose at least no one else is likely to have used it before. The first and subsequent builds differ only by the first line. There's no we Verse: As we sit down my heart is pounding, she can see that something's wrong. I know that I just have to tell her, get it over with then it's done. Build 1: But when I tell her, she won't believe it. Says we just need to try again. Can't make her listen. Can't convince her. She won't accept that it's the end. Chorus: We aren't going to work it out, I tell her there's no you and me. Nothing left to talk about, Just accept that there's no we. Verse 2: As we talk, she's getting angry, says I've wasted all those years. But it takes two to make it happen and only I was trying here. Build 2: Though I've told her, she won't believe it. Says we just need to try again. Can't make her listen. Can't convince her. She won't accept that it's the end. Chorus Verse 3: I just keep apologising, like saying sorry will make it right. I don't want to hurt her more, but now she has to see the light. Build 2 Chorus This is only the second song that I have posted here in the years I have been a member, let me know what you think..
  2. 3 points
    Hi friendly folks of the forum Here's a new song collaboration with a guy who calls himself Studius Interruptus. It's quirky for sure... Nits, crits and grammar corrections welcome. (Lyrics below Soundcloud link) Lost in Space Written and performed by Studius Interruptus and Staypress Featuring Liz Greenway on backing vocals V1 Just when you think you've got it Life pops up and sends a rocket A direct hit to your heart But I have you and that's a start Prechorus I've been lost in space since I first saw your face I lost my mind the day I saw your behind I cannot think - you nearly drove me to drink You're a keeper, even though I can't sleep ah Chorus You are the cosmos, I am the alien I'll do my utmost to fill the astral void I am the vacuum, you're all that matters Forever you're my favourite asteroid V2 Just when I think I've got it Love pops up and it's ironic It was always you from the start That made me blue, and broke my heart Prechorus Chorus to end
  3. 3 points
    Verse 1 The world is calling, out to me, A siren's song in the seas. The swords they clash, relentlessly, As no one dares to breathe. Pre-chorus Promises, Of paradise, Blurring lines, Faking smiles, Loyalties, To satin dreams, Emptiness settles beneath. Chorus But under all the darkness, light shines on, Under all those lies, the truth is found, Out of all that despair, the heart will soar, When under all that hate, love is born, By the whisper of a name. The whisper, Whisper of a name. Verse 2 The world is calling, out to me, An angel's sweet melody. The swordsmen kneel, eventually, They've learnt that to live is to breath. Pre-chorus Promises, Of paradise, Shifting tides, Crumbling prides, Loyalties, To happy dreams, They keep reminding me. Chorus Under all the darkness, light shines on, Under all those lies, the truth is found, Out of all that despair, the heart finally soars, When under all that hate, love is born, By the whisper of a name. The whisper, Whisper of a name. Bridge Pause a lifetime forever, Freeze a moment for eternity, Play back all the struggles, And you'll see, Chorus Out of all the darkness, light shines on, Out of all those lies, the truth is found, Out of all that despair, the heart finally soars, Out of all that hate, love is born, By the whisper of a name. The whisper, Whisper of a name.
  4. 3 points
    Hello RS, I like this in general but I think it has a serious flaw or two, as is. Fortunately changing two or three words clears the most serious one up, at least for me. The flaw now is she knocks on [the POV's] door. If [the POV] knocks on her door and she says maybe it makes more sense. The second flaw is college freshmen in dorms at school with cars and trucks? Driving to the college dive bar? When the plan is to get drunk? College commuters might have cars but kids in dorms getting drunk probably have little use for cars. The dive bars are usually close by and walkable. In the US the drinking age has been 21 since the 80s so college freshmen are generally not thinking bars. ( It might take a few weeks to buy a fake ID.) Its more dorm parties or off campus parties to get around the drinking age thing. Typo--cooped As in a chicken coop, not couped as in a sports car coup.
  5. 3 points
    A basic beginner's rule to songwriting is to maintain the same point of view throughout the song. So, if it starts in first person, it should remain in first person. If it starts in third person, it should remain in third person. This isn't just picky grammar. Maintaining a consistent point of view is important because it helps the listener understand who the characters are: I, she, you, me, us, etc. The point of view in this song bounces around. In the first verse, the singer is addressing the subject of the song directly: Door slams, you’re leavin’ me alone But in the chorus, the point of view abruptly switches and you are no longer addressing the subject directly: She’s gone, You switch back and forth throughout the song, from calling her "you" to calling her "she." Because you wrote it, you know that you are talking about the same person. But the listener might not. It actually sounds like two different people.
  6. 2 points
    Hi everyone, I just finished up this one so I thought I would throw my hat into the ring and see what you thought. This one is all me with Peko's help with ironing out the rough spots in the lyrics. She's alway such a Peach! Anyway, tell me your inner most thoughts!! Take care, Dominick/Moptop
  7. 2 points
    Hello! I just posted this new beat to my soundcloud! Would like to get some feedback on it! Enjoy the vibe
  8. 2 points
    Hi Mike B, To me, the chorus suffers from several problems. 1st, I much prefer the beat of a different drummer, over sound, because beat is a much more drumming related word, I think paints a better picture, and makes for a stronger title. I realize this will conflict with your rhymes, but . . I also feel like the chorus loses focus by trying to address too many issues. First, the singee, "you" is unique, does their thing, his way etc., then there's some underlying fear, of what, or why he/she isn't giving in, is unclear, and seemingly unrelated to being unique. Then the singer is never dragging their feet. Is hesitation the theme? Lastly the singee is above everyone else, but we don't know why. That's several themes in one chorus. , Line 1 seems to run on. You say you haven't written the music yet, so possibly it could be shortened. And last, I would try and work in more verbs related to drumming, for more impact. K o S, naturally. The beat of a different drummer Keeps pounding in your chest Crashing through your rhythms Always different from the rest You've never been afraid To stand out from the crowd You hear a different drummer You've always made me proud
  9. 2 points
    Music isn’t the same? That is sad. I am constantly finding music that is wondrous and amazingly beautiful. Maybe you guys are just listening in the wrong places. Maybe your tastes are maturing, becoming a little more discriminating, but you're still listening to the same old shit. And maybe you're suffering the lost-youth syndrome whereby the preferred music is whatever re-creates sounds of your disappearing pasts while you're busy working away to pay mortgages and provide for families in the present. Meanwhile, the commercial music scene carries on pretty much the same as before - some of it golden and some, maybe even the lumpen majority, continues the noble tradition of just being crude and execrable. Generally, though, in my personal experience, music and musicians keep getting better and better and more and more exciting and rewarding. And I keep discovering dead people I'd never heard about before.....
  10. 2 points
    I stopped listening to music for quite a few years, no reason why, just stopped. I have always had a guitar but even stopped strumming for a few years. Music just never had the effect it used to do. It was actually the Lumineers who kicked off my rediscovery of music, I was always a bit of a folk fan before so not really a surprise but I heard Stubborn Love somewhere and loved the song so sought out the album, and then learned to play it on the guitar and enjoyed that experience so much that here I am. That was maybe 4-5 years ago, I started writing songs a couple of years ago, then bought a piano last year. And now I actually sit down and listen to music, it's been a very long time since I did that, Along with my kid, music has once again become very important to me. Yes, I agree, there is good music everywhere if you look. I do something now I never used to do, I listen to pop radio on my drive to work and there are some really interesting tunes out there I think.
  11. 2 points
    TRS, For me, it's not the gender that comes into play, but who is the Asker and who is the "Askee." If she knocked on your door, and she invited you out, we can assume she was interested. So it's not real clear why she said yes out of sympathy. So if you tweak that part of the story, it will make more sense. It's a cool Hook, so give us more of the story and it will work. Patty
  12. 2 points
    Decided i'm gonna start listening FULLY to an album everyday & put them up here with some short reviews/impressions..Like most people nowadays i've unconsciously conditioned myself to have the attention span of a gnat, switching half-awake from one thing to the next online..I don't have the focus to meditate, but i miss the enjoyment of listening fully to whole albums for 40 odd minutes uninterrupted, totally focused on the music..My listening over the last 15 years has basically been endless home-made playlists cutting n scything through albums n artists..2 mins that track,30 seconds the next,skip the next etc, usually doing something else at the same time too..Fractured & spoilt by all-you-can-eat dining at the endless buffet of the whole history of music available anytime/anywhere to us First album Pink Moon by Nick Drake...The 1st song i ever heard from him was "Things Behind The Sun" & like thousands of others instantly resonated with the timeless,hauntingly strange inner quality his music exudes.Intensely enjoyed the cool rock-song-in-a-ballad "Free Ride" driving thru the Cornish countryside from a playlist of my lovely friend Colette Degiovanni recently..Borrowed her Nick Drake biography book for the coach ride home & been reading it since -so Nick is definitely on my mind at the moment...Considering he wrote & recorded the album when he was very depressed, it feels strangely comforting intimate & reassuring, like having your worldly troubles soothed by talking to an old friend.. https://open.spotify.com/album/7KyvfoQhqlNLPNb98yY0pf
  13. 2 points
    Songs reflect a state of mind, and you have done a good job here of expressing the suicidal state of mind. Probably almost everyone experiences it sometime in their life, when things go wrong. I think we need songs for every possible emotional state, and there are of course infinitely many. So, no need for apologizing for the dark mood. Music transforms feelings of despair into something beautiful. I think it's a very good song overall. Very expressive, beautiful singing.
  14. 2 points
    This was inspired by the Rod Rosenstein drama playing out today You Can't Fire Me - I Quit Ain't givin' you no satisfaction I've got my suitcase already packed, and Y'ain't gonna put me through that shit No, you can't fire me - I quit Got all my stuff, everything I have The Harley's purrin' in the garage Before you show me that little pink slip You can't fire me - I quit br We had it good - just you and me I always thought we were a team Now I'm the problem - or so it seems But I won't be waiting for You to kick me out the door {instr} An hour later, I'm on the road My pocket buzzes to say you phoned You ask "Why ain't you on the job?" Well I love my work, so I turn around But I'm sure it won't be long..'fore.. I ain't givin' you no satisfaction My old suitcase, I'll have it packed, and I'll say "Don't put me through this shit! You can't fire me No, you can't fire me You can't fire me I QUIT!"
  15. 2 points
    Agree. We are pretty much all capitalists here in the USA. Well, not all, but it's the norm here. So your song would not be understood correctly here.
  16. 2 points
    Nice one Mick Can a crocodile sit? I thought they could just lie (lay?) down) and stand I like the back/laps rhyme and the familiar/Australia(r) rhyme is, well, twisted! Paul
  17. 2 points
    Much of what you say is true, but I think the primary issue here is one of perspective. If you expect someone to give you the magical quality that makes the song resonate with a large audience, then you will be disappointed. If you go in hoping to learn about song and mix construction, as well as cool arrangement and production techniques, the series is immensely valuable. Just to head off a rebuttal at the pass, no, I don't think "great" in the title makes any undelivered promises. It's just a short, eye-catching term, like titles are supposed to use.
  18. 2 points
  19. 2 points
    I noticed there's already a song here called Where Were You!! So I thought I would post mine.
  20. 2 points
    i like this a lot. this is a timeless song
  21. 2 points
    Will, I noticed you have the same rhyme scheme in your verses as you do your chorus. I would think about changing that up a bit. I do feel that the the first two lines in your verses: Here I am Take me or leave me Should actually begin your chorus or potentially a pre-chorus. If you removed those lines, it would actually free up some space in your verses to write more. Maybe something like this: V1: Isn’t it enough, I’m a nice guy I’m not shady, or deceiving Not always tough, and I’ll cry During a sad movie Chorus: Here I am Take me or leave me I’m not a perfect man But I’ll lend a hand When you need me Just some thoughts. You can keep or sweep.
  22. 2 points
  23. 2 points
    This is what's great about this site- I'm writing about divine intervention in a darkest hour, some virtuoso pianist has composed a stunning classical piece, then I check out a guy writing great modern hip hop and now there's a squashed toad. You can't make this stuff up!
  24. 2 points
    A solid oldies pop-rock tune, both lyrically and musically. Kudos to you (and Patty). I think it's a pretty good mix. However, while I get that, for the oldies vibe, the very healthy dose of reverb on just about everything might be appropriate, I don't think you should have so much f/x on the bass. To my ears, the bass sounds too boomy and "wide" in the mix, and it makes the vocals and everything else harder to hear clearly. A second, higher backing harmony vocal to make the harmonies three-part, would sound sweet. If there's a third one already, It's not really cutting through. David P.S. I think you sing the lead vocal here in a lower register than other songs of yours I've heard. Whether because of the lower key, or the laid-back vibe of the tune, or both, I think your voice sounds really good here.
  25. 2 points
    So I hear this on the radio how am I supposed to know it's about the life of Pi? to me it's just about two people. Is there something in the lyric that I am missing to make me know that? you say "Was our connection Just a dream? For you left Without saying a word" then you say " This is our home This is our home All that we know This is our home We're here alone Where we belong" That too me doesn't make sense, as I say perhaps I am missing something. Cheers Gary