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  2. Can't Go Home When I'm Stoned

    I like the bluntness and the self-destructive themes but I'm with Bob in kinda wanting to know 'why'
  3. Seerz

    This one has a traditional 50's feel to it to me. I think the thing that I would change first is the lyric at the end of the chorus " My efficiency so high, I’m working overtime " only because I have OCD and it's kind of an oxymoron in a way to me. That is, your efficiency is so high, why do you need to work over time? But hell that's just me and my OCD brain. Instead of that line what do you think of the line "I took my wedding vows ..but my job is my wife!" ? What I think works well, is catchy, and makes me smile, is the rest of chorus with the backing vocals. Old time classic rock 'n' roll!
  4. All Unicorns & Rainbows

    i really dig this, my kind of jam. A lot of nice lines in there. Other than that I don't have anything to offer, it all sounded pretty nice to my ear - thanks for sharing it
  5. The Artist

    I liked it. Maybe the singer could have been a little bit more charismatic and her voice deeper but very good song.
  6. Today
  7. The Barfly Maneuver

    Hi John I like the idea of this and it flows nicely. I think it would be better as a male/female duet though. I was getting confused as to who was saying what - particularly when the 3rd stanza arrived. Oh, and maybe repeat the hook a few times to make it memorable - it's pretty buried as it is. Paul
  8. Fly High Butterfly

    Since I was away from the forum nearly all summer I have been digging though some of what I missed here, when I came across this song. What a nice tribute. I really enjoyed the song. I am truly sorry for your loss.
  9. Hi all, I'm Guido, I'm from the Netherlands and writing and sometimes performing songs. Can you please have a look at the song from the link down here and give some feedback? Please comment on the music and the lyrics and not so much on the production of the song (it's just a home recording). It would be nice if you give specific suggestions of what you would have done differently. Thank you in advance!
  10. A somewhat melancholic song about northen Sweden. What do you think?
  11. Dream of Consciousness

    I really like the guitar, it fits the feeling of the lyrics very well. The chorus also stands out, it calls for my attention when i hear it. For improvement i would suggest to have a look at the lyrics of the verses. some lines seem to have a word too much or a word too few. Also the rhythm of the language could be more the same in each of the verses. for example line one of verse 1: (tada tadada tada tadada) is different from line one from verse 2 (tadada tada tada tadada)
  12. Dream of Consciousness

    Nice one, Cindy. I find the lyric intriguing, and I like the way you’ve presented what I perceive to be the question: Who are we, what are we doing here, and are our lives truly never-ending cycles?(At least that’s how I interpret the lyrical message. ) I also like what I see as a kind of play on words with 'Dream of Consciousness'. Indeed, there are some who might say that's what our lives truly are. One line disrupted the flow for me: I don’t see the significance of ‘the sick old women’, and that image made me pause a bit before I continued reading. Maybe because ‘healers of the sick old women’ is a very specific image and seems at odds with the abstract imagery surrounding it. Colleen’s tender guitar and gentle voice are appealing. If she’s open to it, though, I wonder whether she’d be willing to do a version that’s more forceful, has a more dynamic melody (which could take into account some irregularity in the flow of the lines), and is somewhat slower. That way, the impact of the lyrical imagery might be stronger. Just a thought. As it stands, though, it’s an interesting piece, and kind of in a niche of its own.
  13. Get your votes in before midnight (PDT) on Saturday
  14. October Lyrics Contest

    TIME TO SCORE! • Voting (scorecards) will take place Monday October 23 through Midnight (PDT) Saturday October 28. • I'll post the results on Sunday - October 29 PLEASE READ BEFORE SUBMITTING YOUR SCORES: 1. Please title your post, "LYRIC SCORES." 2. When you send me your scores, put the number to the left of the song title, like this: "1.5 - Song Title." 3. Also important…leave a blank spot for your song, but keep the title in the list. For example, if your song title is "Cat Puke Soup," your scores should look like this: 4.5 Song Title 3.0 Song Title ...Cat Puke Soup 1.5 Song Title 4. Please read and rate each lyric using the scoring table below (Scores of 1.0 and 5.0 should be rare). Copy and paste the list at the bottom of this post and insert your score to the left of each title. Then send your scores to me (Alistair S) in a Private Message before Midnight (PDT) Saurday October 28. - Do not rank the songs, from 5 down to 1; use the criteria below - Do not rank the songs against each other; use the criteria below - Do not score your own lyric If you are a contestant, you must provide scores or your entry will be disqualified Ask yourself how well the lyric flows/rhymes. Does it create emotions? Can you imagine it set to music? 1.0 - Excellent. 1.5 - Almost Excellent 2.0 - Very Good 2.5 - Good 3.0 - Above Average 3.5 - Average 4.0 - Below Average 4.5 - Poor 5.0 - Very Poor Here are the lyrics: ********* Drunken Escapes Paint the Nighttime Blue Anne Got Married Without Me I Need a Hug Today Maybe you might (Love at First Sight) Alexandria Looking Back To You God Bless America A Little Light Tornados Tonight Sixteen String Jack The Population of Lonelyville Mirrors A Man I Don't Know The Knave of Hearts River Tear it Down NYC (New York Cab) If I Never Find That Heaven Lavender Blue Every Day's a Fever I'd Be A Better Man Please vote even if you don't have an entry
  15. October Lyrics Contest

    I’d Be A Better Man Hard times, that’d make a preacher cuss Find me everywhere I roam A thousand miles between us Too far to get back home Been down on my luck Living off crackers and beans Sleeping in an abandoned truck Mind worn as my jeans Used to have a big fine place A wife that loved me and cared Now my heart is a hollow space Void of the love we shared Too much tequila and lime An hour glass with no sand If I could turn back time I’d be a better man
  16. October Lyrics Contest

    EVERYDAY'S A FEVER Verse 1: Loving you is fragile , all the minutes paper thin We could vanish in an instant . so I hope you'll let me in I keep talking 'bout the future, you've been buried in the past Can't we meet up in the middle, try to make this loving last CHORUS: Every day's a fever Every night's my cure You fix me when I'm busted Prop me up when I'm unsure We've got this life to travel Not meant to walk alone I know ...our love can guide us When we've strayed too far from home When we're lost and all alone Verse 2: I guess, I just keep telling you... what you don't want to know And you keep taking me to places .. I don't want to go But if we listen to each other .....hold each other tight We'll push through all the darkness till we see our morning light Bridge: Well ..I ain't no prince charming Trying to wake you from your sleep Don't hope for ever after Today... is all we get to keep CHORUS: Every day's a fever Every night's my cure You fix me when I'm busted Prop me up when I'm unsure We've got this life to travel Not meant to walk alone I know ...our love can guide us When we've strayed too far from home When we're lost and all alone
  17. Warning Signs

    I enjoyed this whole lyric with one tiny exception. I kept stumbling over plural “signs”and “it.” Id suggest a simple change to ”lines right through ‘em” My favorite part was: The next two lines were an opportunity to expand on that idea, and they didn’t quite do it for me. This was the most interesting part of the lyric for me, sort of what the song is about, so it would be worth taking another look at that. nice job! Peko
  18. Precious Memories

    I also had trouble with the pronouns. I wondered if you were somehow comparing your grandad’s love with a second person, the “you.” It was confusing in that respect. Otherwise, I loved the rolled cigarette in his vest pocket! Good image.
  19. All Unicorns & Rainbows

    I think this is a good write. I like the Pre-Chorus and the Bridge, especially.
  20. Christmastime Is Over

    Kuya, i like this a lot! I thinks we all know women like this, (and to a lesser extent, men like this) so it’s gratifying to see the behavior exposed for what it is. One question, and forgive if I’m just missing the joke, but did you mean “for granite?” If you just misspelled “granted,” OK, but if it was a pun, then I think is kinda corny and not up to the standards of the rest of the lyric. And yes, that’s a fun last line! Peko
  21. I might say

    Thank you! I think you're saying about the effect on pre chorus at the first (and nowhere), I will try to find out other way. And that solo was a virtual guitar instrument, anyway I noticed that the sound was a bit small. Thank you again!
  22. Yesterday
  23. Dream of Consciousness

    Such a macabre feel I get from this with a dark but somewhat diffuse message ... or maybe no message at all? The main thing I do not like is the melody of the second half of some of the lines in the chorus. For example, in the line " Cemeteries full massive melting pots " it seems repetitive in terms of the melody of " Cemeteries full ..." and " "..massive melting pots" - to my subjective brain it seems like the second half of these lines should take a different melodic turn, maybe in some direction as unpredictable as the lyrics themselves (which are great by the way!). But the imagery and indirect references good here. The line "... sword gun plague ..." makes me think of the book "Guns, Germs, and Steel" - anyway, different is always interesting in my book. On a less serious note, this one is perfecto right before Halloween
  24. Last Train To Nowhere

    Last Train To Nowhere James L Kleinheksel © Copyright 2016 Burning bright up in the sky Stretching to the bye and bye Searching for a reason why Just laugh and cry and say goodbye To the Last train to nowhere It’s the Last train to nowhere It's leavin' right on time And I'm travelin' close behind Shooting through the atmosphere Always getting slightly nearer To the Last train to nowhere Last train to nowhere Buried deep into the sky Way beyond the bye and bye Always need to wonder why Just laugh and cry and say goodbye To the Last train to nowhere It's the Last train to nowhere Way beyond the sun and sky Lookin' for someplace to die Shooting through the stratosphere Alway getting slightly nearer To the Last train to nowhere Last train to nowhere Glowing brightly in the morning sky Ramped up now to intensify Don’t blink now it's do or die Laugh and cry and wave goodbye To the Last train to nowhere It's the Last train to nowhere Blasting through the morning sky There's gotta be a reason why A speeding bullet into space Left my head without a trace It’s the Last train to nowhere Last train to nowhere Bridge Shooting through the sky at night Loaded for bear and wrapped up tight Stare into the blinding light Laugh and cry say your last goodbye To the Last train to nowhere It's the Last train to nowhere Picking up speed and out of control Sceamin’ like a banshee through a black hole The train’s always on time As I'm losing my mind On that Last train to nowhere Last train to nowhere (outro) Shooting from my head to the sky Always gonna wonder why It's the Last train to nowhere It's the Last train to nowhere Last train to nowhere (fade out) Last train to nowhere
  25. The Barfly Maneuver

    The lyric circles around the barfly and the barfly -- that's kinda cool and adds to the anticipation for the story. I suggest ending the story before it starts -- making it a mutual admiration thing or come up with a hell of a story. I liked this - just deliver on the premise.
  26. Seasons of Life

    What a wonderful song. Very emotion evoking, it pulled me into it from the first few lines. The vocal performance is outstanding and the music is top notch. Very airy and open mix. I only wish I could come as close to that with my own mixes. As I said, you have a wonderful song here and I thank you for sharing your talents. Nice work.
  27. What a fun little tune. I like it a lot! It's powerful in a simple form. Thanks for sharing. Nice work.
  28. The Nearly Man

    Great production! The story of all our musical lives! Excellent mix. Nice work.
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