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  1. Yesterday
  2. moptop

    Let Them Go With Love

    14M, yes, you are correct. There had to be some compromises on this one. It was a tough decision on whether to "tell the story" or just write another song. I admit it was more for my healing than anything else but I do appreciate your comments and your thoughts. Bachandl, I am so sorry to hear about your friend. Well my thought was to phrase the bridge in a way that the listener would be able to inject their own feels and emotions into the song, drawing them into it. It might not be "songwriting" correct but it sounded good to me at the time so I went with it.πŸ˜‰ Miuzia, Thanks. Yes, that was my main intention here. Glad to hear your special one is still with us and yes, love them while you can. R-N-R Jim, I remember KLAATU, in fact, I think I have one of their albums around her somewhere, the one with "Calling Occupants" on it. (showing my age here!) Very good band and music. I do remember all the hype about them possibly being some or all of the Beatles reunited.
  3. Tracy somebody

    This is my renaissance

    I am looking for feedback, am l evoking enough imagery, is anyone else there with me or do l need more vibrancy? Any other comments/opinions are welcome πŸ€— This is my renaissance (c) 2018 V1 I took a life, l took a life that's mine I booked a night, l booked a night designed I shook a knife, l shook a knife, to fight I took her life, l took her life that's right. V2 I crushed her spine, l crushed her spine in time I hooked her up, l hooked her up, up tight I slayed her, l erased her and her plight Then l walked from dark into the light PC Threw away those murderous robes No-one else will ever know, The everyday's been overthrown. Let's feast and dance, light every sconce... Chorus This is my Renaissance This is my Renaissance All arise and stomp the beat with me Raise your arms, turn clockwise and sway along the street Dance upon rich tapestries laid for our bare feet This is my Renaissance This is my Renaissance Bridge All the words long hidden will once again be spoken All that has been sleeping will once again be woken All that's been imprisoned has once again been freed Love beauty truth is now my creed. Chorus (repeat)
  4. Tracy somebody

    When Do's The Next Train Leave

    Not the easiest lyric to make out with the formatting, but l persevered. I think the first line is the weakest in the lyric. What if you started this lyric off with the urgency of the singer? For example, "Quick, tell/help me, l gotta get out of here! When does the next train leave?" That would grab my attention and put me right next to you. Just a thought. Nice lyric steve! πŸ˜†
  5. Tracy somebody

    Hey Diane

    I think on all levels this is a wonderful example of humanity πŸ€—. Sincere thanks for caring. πŸ‘πŸ’› My only real suggestion would be freshening up the second line of the lyric. I'd like to see something a little less travelled there. πŸ˜‰ Well done! I really like this and l'm sure it will help Diane feel your love through its' medium. πŸ˜„
  6. Tracy somebody

    You've got a banshee in you

    I loved the title, you certainly took it in an unexpected direction😲. Subject seems more like the curious incident of the dog in the night time since we don't know what's gotten pup so upset🐢.☹️ Having said all of that l somehow love it and l vote for leaving it as is. Complete in its' moment of uniqueness. 😊
  7. https://soundcloud.com/user-285980049/absorption-2
  8. RepeatingZERO

    The Miner's Lullaby

    Yeah that definitely works
  9. RepeatingZERO

    You've got a banshee in you

    Well, pairing the whimsy with the banshee image wasn't a total accident, I'll say that much haha I'm torn between leaving this minimalist and expanding. I agree there's a lot more that can be done with this but my vision for the song is full on short, fast punk. May drive home the hook a bit more as John suggested, then see where the music takes me. The banshee is worth revisiting. Maybe in a future lyric. Thanks!
  10. Duncanjp

    You've got a banshee in you

    I like the whimsical character of it. I would only observe that songwriters frequently invoke banshees whenever the circumstances involve screaming or wailing, almost to the point of becoming a cliche. The banshee was a female spirit or faerie in Irish mythology whose wailing in the nighttime foretold the imminent death of someone in the house β€” an image of horror. So there's a lot of room to work with. You might develop the lyric a little further with this in mind. You're already going in the right direction.
  11. John Kaniecki

    The Miner's Lullaby

    That is a good suggestion thanks.
  12. eureka! thank you so much man! i was overcomplicating a simple copy and paste procedure, jeeeez 🀑
  13. When you post, did you click the "show as link instead" option. If so, don't
  14. hmm the link is there but the video art doesn't show up like in hobosages'
  15. Just add the "s" to http - so it becomes https. It should just happen.
  16. haha sorry i am not used to this, thanks hobosage! how do i share a youtube link like that? im gonna try now but just in case i screw up again i thought i'd ask. here's another attempt at writing and recordin something in 30 minutes, altho i went a little over with this one:
  17. Starboi

    Hit it Raw (Explicit Lyrics)

    I think your delivery on this track was pretty flawless, you were very articulate. I would up the volume ever so slightly on the back vocals next time but did enjoy that they were panned to the left, it added a sense that someone was next to me lol
  18. Thank you so much for the feedback, Im gonna re write and work on a more focused start of the verse to single out one girl, if not a title change sounds good lol. I'm listening to your music as I type this. I love it! It reminds me Boston and Smashing Pumpkins
  19. Thank you so much for the feedback! I will go to work on new lyrics right now, and also delay and ad libs!
  20. I feel that! Keep up the great work!
  21. spanishbuddha

    Needs a title.

    Will most people know what logographia or logography is? I've googled it and keep getting logographics or logogram and the meaning refers to a written character that represents a word or phrase, but regardless of the meaning, would grandma or grandpa be using that language/word and if so with a grandchild? Those are my only thoughts. Otherwise if it works for you then that should be all that counts. I'd be surprised though if most people knew what it was at first glance . Only other line that stuck out was this one: Try to block out the violence like the suns rays from your eyelids I kind of like it but wonder if granny would say that. Anyway, thanks for sharing your writing.
  22. BosnianCheese

    Hit it Raw (Explicit Lyrics)

    Wow im dumb but thanks I fixed it!
  23. tunesmithth

    Hit it Raw (Explicit Lyrics)

    You neglected to post a song link Tom
  24. This is a song I made a bit ago I know it's not the usual style of this place but I'm looking for feedback on delivery/lyrics/mixing pretty much anything that isn't the beat.
  25. BosnianCheese

    "Ghost" Instrumental

    As a rapper I gotta say if I heard that beat tag I would immediately stop the beat. DON WHITE PRODUCTIONS just doesnt have any ring to it especially when it repeats through the whole track. Maybe that's just me personally but I think less people are going to buy your beats if they have trouble vibing with it and that will make it a lot harder to vibe with it. The snare is nice but the keys are really repetitive I get it's hip hop but it could be better than that. The whole thing is really repetitive you gotta work on switching up the energy levels because the whole thing feels like it's hitting with the same hardness the whole time. People want a roller coaster not a road ya know. The snare is nice though keep it up
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