Interested in creating music videos? Here is a place to get feedback on the video itself. If you want feedback on the song, post in Songs Feedback (or both places if you want feedback on the song AND the video).
Do you have a song that you'd like community help with? Got a good idea and nothing more? This is the place to post your idea, or a link to an audio idea. No critique, just ideas to make it better. A community place to throw your 2 cents in.
A place for discussions about the creative aspects of songwriting. Looking for inspiration? Would you like to pose a creative challenge to the rest of the creative community here? This is the place to do it.
Let’s help one another kick-start the songwriting process! If you have an idea for a lyrical or musical prompt to inspire new songwriting ideas, or want to start a non-competitive group songwriting exercise, this is the place to share it. Stumped for a lyric topic? Stuck in a musical rut? Stop by here and get those creative juices flowing again.
Information & recommendations about home recording & equipment you've been particularly impressed with. Also a place to post information about recording studios and tips for getting the most out of your studio experience.
A place to discuss the business end of songwriting as a profession. Also a place to talk about PRO's and songwriting associations and any aspect of the business which you want to discuss, be it controversial or just an item of interest
A drunken slob song.
Pros and cons.
Drinking: Got that covered.
Wishful: Also well covered, the idea being wishful thinking, which is that his life isn't as bad as it actually is, presumably for some reason other than the drinking itself, although who knows? Presumably bad things happened and drove him to this. Or maybe he's constitutionally depressive. And there is indeed wishful thinking. If I'm ugly and I get a cool haircut that let's me imagine that I'm good-looking, that's wishful thinking. If my life has been rotten and I tell myself it's actually OK ("My life ain't as stinking bad as it seems") for certain reasons (women look better, my pickup still works, my house ain't a pigstye, I got acquaintances, and I could work--all invalid reassurances), that is wishful thinking.
And if I'm reinforcing my wishfulness by alcohol, that's 'wishful drinking.' A pearl. You do a great job with this theme, being impressively polished up by various members' input.
When I saw the title, my first flash of a thought was that, wow, you had come up with a first-tier hook, every bit as good as "I've Got Friends in Low Places," and that it would probably be a song about lost love, perhaps about a soul who had been dumped and was going to wishfully sit drinking on that bar stool until his lover, upon realizing that he/she had run off with a scoundrel, came waltzing back through that barroom door, the place they had originally met. I guess it's too late for that, although such a scenario, to me, would be more relatable, since basically everyone has been dumped. But how many people want to just stay polluted? Or "slowly nosedive." Basically this is a song about someone who has chosen a way to reassure himself that his circumstances aren't so horrible. Once you get past the cleverness of the lyric, it may not be all that appealing. Still, nobody seemed to think that. It will probably pass because the listener will tell himself that this guy is just going through a stage. And the listener knows this guy is fooling himself. He knows it, too. So that makes me the fuddy duddy.
Still, I would have gone for the lost love.
i didn't understand this song lyric at all, and therefore it didn't grab me
it seemed confusing and when the lyric suggested one thing it changed and went another way,
other critters here seemed to get the gist so it must be down to me
if you could let us in to the fact it's all about code that would help
however in its way it is ok and may come together more when the music is added
so all the best
Thank you, Andy.
I appreciate your V2 suggestion and will definitely consider it. I'm 50/50 right now. Yes, I agree it needs a sassy female country vocal. I may enter it and see what happens.
Thanks for your support.
Sorry I didn't explained it very well, it's old age and all that you know HaHa😏
But I thought that the first few bars of the song - When the children are asleep sounded like they came from the tune of Peter and the wolf,
I hope that is more understandable,
All the best
I can see a little Nashville Skyline here. Heart is a tough rhyme if you're trying to say something new. It's been mined thoroughly for every available rhyme already. If you ever want to use heart you could always use it earlier in a line so the rhyme word ends up as a different final word.
But back to your lyric. Each verse ends with a variation of 'so move on and be on your way' and all but the heart/apart verse has a rhyme for 'way' at the end of line 3. I think you should try to find another 'way' rhyme for verse 3, so all the verses have that consistant rhyme pattern or near rhyme pattern for lines 3 and 4. I think that would make it stronger.
Verses 1 and 2 use the exact same line for line 3. And line 4 also, but my concern is line 3. Again I think it would be stronger with unique line 3's.
If you ever get stuck for a rhyme or near rhyme use google ... in this particular situation type in 'way rhymes with' and you will be directed to all of these rhyme sites. I end up at rhymezone most often. 1, 2, 3 syllable rhymes and near rhymes for any conceivable syllable or syllables.
So my suggestion will leave your verses with a consistent AABB rhyme scheme. But as it is now the bridge has that exact same AABB rhyme scheme already. Usually the bridge is different enough that it noticably breaks up the pattern of the verses. You could easily rearrange the 4 lines of the bridge into an ABAB or ABBA rhyme scheme depending on how you hear it yourself. ABAB works fine with your lines as is. See what you think.
I was looking at the lyric 'It Ain't Me Babe' over the weekend. It builds up at the end, and I think your slight variation of line 4's is your similar build up. I wouldn't be afraid to keep tweaking that buildup. It's tricky. You have to sing it out loud so you can find word combos that you don't stumble over.
This is a good lyric. Emulating Bob Dylan without ripping him off. That's pretty good! These edits can be tedious but it will be worth it. I think when you're done it's going to be great.