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Neal K

April Lyric Contest

77 posts in this topic

The April Lyric Contest is now open for entries scoring.

See the last post in this thread for scoring details.

The standard rules apply (you can read them in full here) but, in short, they are:

- Send your lyric to me (Neal K) by Private Message before the end of Wednesday, April 11

- You must have 25 posts to enter

- Lyrics must not have been posted on the Muse as a lyric or a song.

- The first version of the lyric you send WILL BE THE ONLY VERSION THAT I POST. No changes are allowed after a lyric is posted.

Scoring -

Scoring will commence on Thursday, April 12 but please do not send me your scores until I ask for them. Sometimes there are last minute entries that I don't get a chance to post until after the deadline, so wait until I give you the go ahead before you send your scores.

Neal

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Give Me A Chance

Verse

You can look at me, you can judge me

But to know me is to love me

All you gotta do, is give me a chance

Verse

We can sit down, we can talk it out

You can get to know what it is that I’m all about

All I’m asking you, is to give me a chance

Chorus

Open your heart, and close your eyes

See who I am, deep inside

I’ll prove myself, just let me try

All I ask of you, is give me a chance

Verse

You can trust me, I’ll never let you down

I’ve felt how you feel, that’s all over now

All you gotta do, is give me a chance

Verse

You can take that leap, have a little faith

I’ll be there for you, I‘ll keep you safe

If you’ll only, give me a chance

Chorus

Open your heart, and close your eyes

See who I am, deep inside

I’ll prove myself, just let me try

All I ask of you, is give me a chance

Bridge

See who I am, I’m part of you

I’ll take a chance, if you will too

What are we to do, let’s take this chance

Chorus

We’ll open our hearts, and close our eyes

Learn who we are, deep down inside

We’ll prove ourselves, we just have to try

All we have to do, is give love a chance

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ROSES AND WEEDS

Intro:

This is a song about a loving couple who left the Islands of Hawaii so that he and she could be closer to his family. It proved to be a difficult move. In deed, for she missed her family very much. And although they loved each other dearly, the strain was beginning to affect their relationship. One day he found his Grandmother out in her garden and he decided to seek some advice…………………….

~ ROSES AND WEEDS ~

Grandma, how are you doing?

Say, your roses are looking fine.

Hey, I’d like to ask you a question

That’s been a burden on my mind.

I know my girl, she loves me

And I’m so in love with her

But it seems to me that lately

Maybe I’m not so self assured

And then she told me…

You can take the rose from Hawaii,

But it won’t grow just anywhere.

It takes a lot of nurturing

And tender loving care.

But you can pull a weed from the garden

And toss it in the air,

And where it lands, it will take root,

It doesn’t matter where.

ROSES AND WEEDS

(Continued)

Grandma, what are you saying?

What’s this about a rose and a weed?

I fail to see the connection,

It’s all apples and oranges, indeed.

Now, I need some understanding

Aside my woes and fears

If you can take some time from your garden

And sow some comfort here

And that’s when she said…

You can take the rose from Hawaii,

But it won’t grow just anywhere.

It takes a lot of nurturing’

And tender loving care.

But you can pull the weed from the garden,

And toss it in the air,

And where it lands, it will take root.

It doesn’t matter where.

Grandma, are you listening?

Have you heard a word I’ve said?

And to complicate the matter

This problem follows us to bed

Some nights my dreams will wander

Under the stars where we’ll meet

To find each other on a beach

Where the waves caress our feet

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Loner

Verse 1:

I’ve always kept to myself

Never needing someone else

To make me feel like my life’s not a waste

Though most may think I’m lonely

It’s actually quite a relief

Being detached from those who just bring pain

I finally found a girl who

Somehow managed to creep through

But now I wonder if this is real love

Cause if it is, you must know

It’ll be hard to let go

Of the one thing I’ll never get back

Chorus:

I love being a loner

But I don’t want to hurt her

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

And I just want to hold on

Even if the old me’s gone

I’d give it all up if I just had you

Oh, I know that I’m a loner

But can I go on without her?

Verse 2:

With you I feel so different

Than with anyone else I’ve met

You have a way of putting me at ease

When you’re near my wall just drops

And all my constant fears just stop

Girl once I’ve held you everything else fades

You and me are doing fine

But I still look for a sign

That what we have is really gonna last

I just can’t handle more pain

There’s more to lose than there’s to gain

So I don’t know if I should wait or leave

Chorus:

I love being a loner

But I don’t want to hurt her

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

And I just want to hold on

Even if the old me’s gone

I’d give it all up if I just had you

Oh, I know that I’m a loner

But can I go on without her?

Verse 3:

I think I should take the risk

Even if I start to miss

How things were before you came around

I just hope your heart is true

And doesn’t stray because you

Just can’t handle me being alone

Please don’t forget my promise

I’ll try harder with each kiss

To leave behind the doubts that hold me back

I’d do almost anything

To prove that my all I bring

But I’m not sure if it will be enough

Chorus:

I love being a loner

But I don’t want to hurt her

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

And I just want to hold on

Even if the old me’s gone

I’d give it all up if I just had you

Oh, I know that I’m a loner

But can I go on without her?

Bridge:

I don’t want to lose you but

I’m not sure that I could just

Suddenly be your perfect guy

You know this is hard for me

So please give me space to breathe

Soon you’ll see that its for the best

Now that I’ve had time to think

And been so close to the brink

I just know, I can’t let you go

Chorus:

I love being a loner

But I don’t want to hurt her

Has anyone else ever felt this way?

And I just want to hold on

Even if the old me’s gone

I’d give it all up if I just had you

Oh, I know that I’m a loner

But can I go on without her?

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Call of the Bosun Mate

(Verse)

For nigh unto me waning years

Have I sounded calls to the yard

E're since a tadpole, tote in hand

Come strollin’ from me mother’s arm

Aye, me da … I’ll make me way

To the winds I’ll go

I’ll swab as Jack on sea-pie pay

Singin’ chanty in the hold

(Verse)

From cabin boy to Jolly Jack

I lived the sailors dream

Keepin’ good hands always at my back

And ne’er strayin’ past the beam

Aye aye mate … I’ll pull my share

An ride the sail to the yard

Clingin’ on rat-lines without a care

It’s a good life, but hard

(Chorus)

Best wait for the call from the Bosun Mate

'Fore ya lay yer mitts to the line

Call to quarters, mess, and anchor watch

Crossin’ gybe to keep lask with the tide

They’d keel-haul ya for caperbar

For skylarkin’, it’s the tank

But you cross the will o’ the Boson Mate

They’ll let ya walk the plank

(Verse)

Sun tipped one day ‘hind a risin’ cloud

And it was dark in a blink

The Bosun pipe starred ringin’ loud

And hearts begin to sink

Old Harry’s bringin’ all him’s kin

Luff up lads, to the lee we’ll stay

Well run before the devil’s storm

And live to sail another day

(Verse)

Well run we did, till we could barely see

The old Cap knew the land and shore

And steered for a perch far from the lee

With direction from his flower and lore

The Bosun Mate was true to the call

Sounding pipe o’er the storm

And hands that day, they pulled their all

Alive … bare poles and riggin’ torn

(Chorus)

Best heed the call from the Bosun Mate

Fore ya lay yer mitts to the line

Call to quarters, mess, and anchor watch

Crossin’ gybe to keep lask with the tide

They’d keel-haul ya for caperbar

For skylarkin’ it’s the tank

But you cross the will o’ the Boson Mate

We’ll all be in the drink

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Aphrodite

V1:

I’ve got a date with Aphrodite

She’s my goddess of love

I’ll ring her door bell at eight

And hope she invites me up

I bought tickets for a late night show

But if my plans work out, we won’t go, oh-oh-oh…

Chorus:

Aphrodite

I pray to thee

Oh, Aphrodite

Lay your blessings on me

V2:

I’ve had a thing for Aphrodite

Since we were kids

I’d seek, when she’d hide

But I’d peek to see where she hid

Now I praise her with a joyful song

And worship at her altar all night long, oh-oh-oh…

CHORUS

Bridge:

Of all the goddesses of history

Roman, Norse and Greek

She’s the one I venerate

She's my personal erotic deity (Oh-oh-oh)

CHORUS

Tag:

Lay your blessings...

Lay your blessings...

Lay your blessings on me

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What True Love Means

I'd watch her on the corner where the bus stop used to be

I had just turned seventeen and she was twenty-three

Something deep inside of me was bursting at the seams

Wishing I could know what true love means

Wishing I could know what true love means

Heard that she got married to some guy from out of town

Heard he had a habit of knocking her around

Something stirred inside of me but never made a sound

Love is not a verb if it's a noun

Men can use to tie a woman down

Sticks and stones may break our bones but memories don't die

They surface, by and by

Right before our eyes

Take us by surprise

She's waiting on my table, looking good for fifty-two

Warming up some coffee for the boy she never knew

Something wakes inside of me and takes the corner booth

She was all I dreamed of in my youth

She was all I dreamed of in my youth

Feels as if I’m seventeen and she is twenty-three

Watching her and wishing she would turn and notice me

Something moves inside me like a rusty, old machine

Wishing I could know what true love means

Wishing I could know what true love means

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God's Tune

(Verse 1)

When the oil's all gone

The coal's been burnt

That's one big lesson

We've just learnt

(Verse 2)

Why didn't we stop

When the seas ran dry

We just didn't see

That the birds couldn't fly

(Chorus)

What do we do now the world is dead?

There's nothing left here just like He said

Someone's got to save us, and pretty damn soon

But, maybe this is God's signature tune?

(Verse 3)

The mammals all died

And the fish disappeared

Everything went

Man, this is weird

(Verse 4)

We all know now

The things we done

It's all getting hotter

As we're nearing the sun

(Chorus)

So, what do we do now the world is dead?

There's nothing left here just like He said

Someone's got to save us, and pretty damn soon

But, maybe this is God's signature tune?

(Verse 5)

The men in power

Said war was good

The button was pressed

But we misunderstood

(Verse 6)

We just never knew

The size of that bomb

Now Armageddon

Has just come along

(Chorus)

What can we do now the world is dead?

There's nothing left here just like He said

Someone's got to save us, and pretty damn soon

But, maybe this is God's signature tune?

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Mystery Train

She's taking a break from her latest mistake

She drives to the lake, lets the chemicals bake

Her brain to a crisp and golden brown

Such a soothing way to spend her day

Just floating away in her own outer space

And it's great this way 'til she comes crashing down

(chorus)

This is her life

Such a grinding sound

I wish she would just try slowing it down

The pace she keeps up, the face she makes up

Can't take the strain

As a stranger guns the engines

On her runaway mystery train

She had it all, awards on her walls

A stream of boys and endless phone calls

But she lost it all to an emptiness deep inside

She always keeps pushing, she never steps back

She never lets anybody see the cracks

In the heart she tries so damn hard to hide

(chorus)

She knows what she had and what she lost

What she never wanted came at such a cost

Losing her grip to things she should just toss away

But she'll look right through you and tell you,

"That's easy for you to say"

(chorus)

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My Lunar Love


I learned last night what it was like


To be on the moon with the man


I was so unaware of how soon I'd be there,


I'd not even thought of a plan.

There were so many nights when I gazed at those lights


Of his bright windows up in the sky

How possible is it to make him a visit


So often I'd wished I could fly.



I was feeling upset at the moment we met


I remember that brief history


Though my memory still skips like a partial eclipse


He was all that I hoped he would be


My memories are dim, but I'm sure it was him


For he spoke in a soft gentle way.


Confused as I was, I smiled because


We were sailing Tranquility bay

Chorus

And oh what a joy to finally greet him.

I've waiting so long to finally meet him


We belong together like night and day


We belong together, I finally found the way

Oh, oh My lunar love, Oh,oh,oh my lunar love

From his hand to mine he passed the Moonshine


And my troubling thoughts slipped by


It was bubbly and fine and it tasted divine.


I relaxed watching earth from the sky.

We later went walking, he did all the talking


I lacked gravitational grounding.

I sailed so high with each step that I'd try


I was sure he could hear my heart pounding.

Bridge


I was shocked when he whispered I was still in my room,

That I'd banged my poor head on the wall.


Yet his sparkling eyes told me he never lies


And the bump on my head told it all

The moment I knew what he said was true


I was home in the blink of an eye.


I woke up in bed, an ice-pack on my head


I had no time to bid him good bye

He saw I fell down, got a bump on my crown


Like an egg so I look quite a sight.


Please call me Humpty, but do skip the Dumpty,


For things can go bump in the night. 


Chorus


I knocked myself out to finally meet him


And oh what a joy to finally greet him.


My lunar love 's not just a phase

We belong together like night and day


Oh, oh my Lunar love, Oh, oh, oh my lunar love.

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Sometimes I Wish I Didn't Have a Heart

V

Looking back on the day

When I finally left

The decision was right

But, my head was a mess

Part of me couldn't see

Though I knew it was time

To put out the flame

That still flickers and shines

V

Images kept flashing

Of the good times we had

Like the day at the beach

Making love in the sand

There was laughter and fun

Never thought we would part

But, slowly your drinking

Took a piece of my heart

C

Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart

Then I wouldn't have to feel the pain

If I didn't have a heart

Life wouldn't be the same

And the heartache I'm feeling

Couldn't remain

V

The hardest thing for me

Was walking out the door

While you were standing there

With that look insecure

I knew you didn't see

The problem that was real

I felt kind of guilty

Leaving you there to feel

C

Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart

Then I wouldn't have to feel the pain

If I didn't have a heart

Life wouldn't be the same

And the heartache I'm feeling

Couldn't remain

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Burning Moon

1

His disguise flies like a kite

On unbreakable strings

While he sits unbalanced

Upon a haunted swing

2

His mind's a hanging dartboard

All scored and pocked with pain

Where spinning razor thoughts

Land bursting into flame

Chorus

He wakes with a clay heart

Daybreaks it anew

He stumbles through the afternoon

And prays to a burning moon

3

Weeping giants breathe in thieves

Feeble in their protest

Karma gives as it receives

To whomever's closest

C

He wakes with a clay heart

Daybreaks it anew

He stumbles through the afternoon

And prays to a burning moon

B

Burning moons leave silhouettes

Of lovers on the parapet

C

He wakes with a clay heart

Daybreaks it anew

He stumbles through the afternoon

And prays to a burning moon

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Hummingbird

Roosters crowing it’s early morn

Sounds of sleep still everywhere

Yet zipping round from tree to tree

The hummingbird is first at work

Sipping nectar from waking flowers

Petals sweetened by fertile showers.

Ch:

Fly, fly fly little hummingbird

No time to rest no time to play

The work is hard every day

Fly fly fly little hummingbird

V:

Blackbirds sleeping as darkness forms

A humming concert fills the air

The sonic sounds of speedy wings

The hummingbird is in search

For one last sip of something sweet

Before night calls the blossoms to sleep

Ch:

Fly, fly fly little hummingbird

No time to rest no time to play

The work is hard everyday

Fly, fly fly little hummingbird

Fade:

Fly, fly little hummingbird

Hovering to feed and make another day

Fly, fly fly little hummingbird

Fly, fly fly

Fly, fly fly

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We Don't Do That No More

v1

Her head's a bit light, she's feeling all right

She barely drinks more than iced tea

She hasn't a clue I've waited all night

To get her alone with me

v2

Her mom's got the kids, we do it up big

Two steaks and a bottle of wine

She's wearing the dress that drives me to fits

The one with the slit up the side

ch

But hey, we don't do that no more

No tumbling around on the floor

No taking her there

At the foot of the stairs

Hey, we don't do that no more

v3

Time was, her hands were explorers of lands

Her mouth was as hot as the sun

Then something went wrong I don't understand

But still work to get it undone

br

If there's a chance

I'll take it

Know her too well

She won't fake it

No way she'll disguise

The truth in her eyes

ch

Hey, we don't do that no more

Our ship's never reaching that shore

I don't mind the wait

Until it's too late

If hey, we don't do that no more

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I’m missing her

Verse 1

Used to be a time when she held me

Spellbound in her blue eyes

Days spent dreaming about the future

Beneath clear Carolina skies

Verse 2

A farm girl she loved the country

Purple flowers; yellow ones too

A rainbow after a soft April shower

She had a heart pure and true

Chorus

Sun’s coming up on another day

It’s been two weeks since she went away

And I’m missing her, yes, I’m missing her

I’m missing her in so many ways

Verse 3

Smiles and garden grown dinners

Warm biscuits and sweet iced tea

She always strived to be a winner

The best somebody she could be

Chorus

Sun’s coming up on another day

It’s been two weeks since she went away

And I’m missing her, yes, I’m missing her

I’m missing her in so many ways

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I CHASED DREAMS

Verse 1

Our teenage blood ran hot back in 99

When I felt that roaming urge surge straight thru me

You begged me to stay but that ol’ highway ghost

Just had claimed the soul of a rambling wannabe

I still can see your face on that hot summer’s night

I was outward bound on that Greyhound

You smiled and cried and so did I

And since that day I regret to say:

Chorus

I chased dreams in all the wrong places

In some rip-off dives where heartaches came for free

Beneath the neon lights’ tempting glow at night

I found easy women, but lost the man in me

Yeah I chased dreams in all the wrong places

Verse 2

The Lord alone knows how many honkytonks

Shots of cheap booze mixed with tears there’s left in me

But one dawn last May I heard a voice say low

If I don’t stop now the devil will come for me

I went down on my knees head bowed in utter shame

Hit that homeward bound good ol’ Greyhound

I prayed some day I’ll find a way

To make amends for my sins back when:

Chorus

I chased dreams in all the wrong places

In some rip-off dives where heartaches came for free

Beneath the neon lights’ tempting glow at night

I found easy women, but lost the man in me

Yeah I chased dreams in all the wrong places

Bridge

Last Sunday I saw you near the gate of the church hall

My God you looked great you hadn’t changed at all

Hand in hand with a preacher man, I think it was

And tonight my heart bleeds because:

Chorus

I chased dreams in all the wrong places

In some rip-off dives where heartaches came for free

Beneath the neon lights’ tempting glow at night

I found easy women, but lost the man in me

Yeah I chased dreams in all the wrong places

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Addiction

Verse 1

I fell back into your addiction

Trying hard to hide your tracks

I couldn’t pick up all the fragments

Those little straws they broke my back

Verse 2

The wilderness was where you found me

Lord knows that I’d been there before

And in that wilderness I lost you

You won’t be coming back no more

Chorus

I can’t look back

Only subtract

The days and nights I lost with you

It’s off my sleeve

And I do believe

That I can break on through

I paid the price

A sacrifice

So heavy angels couldn’t carry

Maybe someday I’ll find a way

To look at myself and say

Was that you

And was that me

It was real

Those memories

Verse 3

At first you had a steady hand

Could always change a point of view

And you won your battles in the trenches

Doing the things no one would do

Chorus

I can’t look back

Only subtract

The days and nights I lost with you

It’s off my sleeve

And I do believe

That I can break on through

I paid the price a sacrifice

So heavy angels couldn’t carry

Maybe someday I’ll find a way

To look at myself and say

Was that you

And was that me

It was real

These memories

Verse 4

You always wanted independence

Just to depend on something new

I never really knew the difference

But that was me and that was you

Chorus

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Bound for Hell

(Verse 1)

“Enough,” came the order, “give the prisoner a smoke”

They stripped the cloth from his face and gave him a light

Then Major Karl stepped forward and scowled

At this man wincing from pain and the glare in his eye

Karl said, “You’re the best soldier that I ever knew

Not just my commander, my best friend as well

But you disobeyed orders, betrayed your brothers

And as sure as I’m breathing, I’ll see you bound for Hell”

(Chorus)

How does a man mired in sin

Make his way back to the path again?

Some say he should run until he falls

When he can’t get back up, then he should crawl

When he’s too tired to go on, then he should pray

For someone to carry him the rest of the way

(Verse 2)

Looking to the heavens to avoid the man’s eyes

The Major turned from his friend and called out his name

“You’ve taken a stand against our Fatherland

Tell me what you know, and I may spare you some pain”

The prisoner stood silent, smoke curling from his lips

Somewhere in the distance, a church bell tolled twelve

Karl said, “This weighs on my chest, but treason brings death

And as sure as God’s watching, He’ll see you bound for Hell”

(Chorus)

How does a man mired in sin

Make his way back to the path again?

Some say he should run until he falls

When he can’t get back up, then he should crawl

When he’s too tired to go on, then he should pray

For someone to carry him the rest of the way

(Bridge)

The prisoner remembered the station

Checking their papers in the commotion

The scarred and tattered, the starved and shamed

He wrote all their tickets for that Hell-bound train

He remembered her eyes, swollen and red

And that precious life for which she pled

That pretty little girl clinging to her hand

Those soft sable eyes, eternal and sad

(Chorus)

How does a man mired in sin

Make his way back to the path again?

Some say he should run until he falls

When he can’t get back up, then he should crawl

When he’s too tired to go on, then he should pray

For someone to carry him the rest of the way

(Verse 3)

Major Karl said, “I’m sorry, but I have no choice”

As he pressed his pistol against the man’s head

The prisoner crushed his cigarette in the dust

And cursed, “Don’t ever lie to me again, my friend”

“Because I swear that today when I meet the Devil

I’ll spit in his eye and I’ll piss down his well

And as sure as I’m standing, I’ll be there laughing

When the demons drag your soul to Hell”

(Out)

Karl pulled the trigger and the prisoner fell

Alone by the road

No one thought of him again

Except one woman, now with daughters of her own

She tells them of the man

Who lent her his hand

When he was bound for Hell

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If It Was Up To Me

If it was up to me

You’d give me everything

And I’d give it all back to you

Just to hear you sing

If it was up to me

I’d get the door on your behalf

And hit myself in the head

Just to see you laugh

If it was up to me

When you were feeling sad

I’d lay me down like a bridge

So it wouldn’t be so bad

If it was up to me

I would turn back the time

And change the way I treated you

So our steps could rhyme

But none of this is true

And you are on your way

Despite the sadness that it brings

I think I’ll be okay

(But) just to be with you

Would make me feel free

And we would start anew

If it was up to me

Yes, if it was up to me

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The Jungle Room

I don't know what day it was

when I first felt old

The mirror mocks me daily

where did my youth go?

I've done my duty, raised the kids

checked the have-to's off my list

time restraints came with regrets

but I'm not dead yet

Chorus

I wanna dance

in the King's Blue Suede Shoes

make love all night

in the Jungle Room

I wanna dance

in the King's Blue Suede Shoes

make love all night

in the Jungle Room

I can't wait to see what comes next

when I take the reigns

my bucket list will be all checked off

when they call my name

Chorus

I wanna dance

in the King's Blue Suede Shoes

make love all night

in the Jungle Room

I wanna dance

in the King's Blue Suede Shoes

make love all night

in the Jungle Room

Bridge

There's no do-over days

on any calender page

time will have the final say

so I can't hesitate

Chorus 2

I'm gonna dance

(dance, dance, dance)

in the King's Blue Suede Shoes

I'm gonna make love all night

in the Jungle Room

make love all night

in the Jungle Room

make love all night

in the Jungle Room

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The April Lyric Contest is now closed for entries and it is time to submit your scores.

Simply give each lyric a score between 1 and 10, and submit that score to me via private message.

If you have entered this contest, you are required to vote, but do not score your own lyric.

Scoring ends Midnight, Pacific Standard time, Monday, April 16.

Winners will be posted sometime the following day.

Here are the titles:

Give Me a Chance

Roses and Weeds

Loner

Call of the Bosun Mate

Aphrodite

What True Love Means

God's Tune

Mystery Train

My Lunar Love

Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart

Burning Moon

Humming Bird

We Don't Do That No More

I'm Missing Her

I Chased Dreams

Addiction

Bound For Hell

If it was up to me

The Jungle Room

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We have our Winners!!!!

1st Place

What True Love Means

By Alistair

2nd Place

I Am Missing Her

by Graybeard

Thanks to our non-participant voters this month: Dottie and Joeinjax. One lyric was disqualified because the writer did not provide any scores.

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Congratulation to Alistair and graybeard. I had Alistair first, then 3 tied for second; neuroron, spanishbuddah and Duane Clancy who’s lyric sadly got disqualified. Thanks a lot to Neil, the participants and the none-participants Dottie and joeinjax .

Jan

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Congratulations to the winners and everybody for getting to the starting line and finishing. I had "What True Love Means" and "Call of the Bosun Mate" in a tie for first, with "Give Me a Chance" in second and virtually everyone else tied one notch down. I found it very difficult to differentiate the whole pack score wise and my entire range was 5 - 8. Nothing really grabbed me this month - maybe that says more about me than the lyrics entered. My own entry was actually a more music-driven attempt to write something in a slightly lecherous Steely Dan vein, but at least as an exercise I try to write something for this every month - and I just noticed, I did manage to snare the only "2" :D - Ron

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it wasn't just you neuroron, i didn't see any lyrics that particularily stood out, and my scoring range was very tight as well.

i gave my top scores to call of the bosun mate and what true love means, congrats to alistair and duane clancy (you should've submitted those scores!)

thanks also to neal for running this, this competition gives me incentive to finish my lyrics at a certain date, which is a good exercise i imagine.

as for me, back to the drawing board.

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...and Duane Clancy who’s lyric sadly got disqualified.

Duane's lyric scored quite well. It's too bad.

Neal

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I tend to agree with the "nothing outstanding" opinions this month. I know my entry has been considerably reworked since I entered it and I suspect others have done the same. A few of the "usual suspects" were missing(Joe and Scubed, for example) and I suspect I would have done less well had they entered.

That said, I thought there were some good entries that could develop nicely. My winner was Jonie's "We Don't Do That No More" (which I thought would do much better), closely followed by a tie between Kim's "Jungle Room" and Annie's "My Lunar Love" (some clever internal rhyming). I also thought that "Aphrodite" was very singable.

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Congrats to Alistair and Greybeard for getting 1st and 2nd place...some mighty nice ones from you both!!!

It was a hard one for me this month. I had my top one chosen which was

Addiction by Adam Ash

then I had several tied for 2nd place--many more than I wanted to..but I didn't want to dock them a whole number..so...this was my "fav" 2nd placers... :lol: I suppose I should have marked them down more to bring up more to 2nd and then some to 3rd.

Call of the Bosun Mate

What True Love Means

Mystery Train

Humming Bird

I'm Missing Her

If it was up to me

Thanks to Neal for running this and thanks Alistair for the kind words about Jungle Room

:P

Kimberly

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Congrats to Alistair and G/B,

So glad to see you both back at the top. And solid work by Feegis(and Jan).

I too thought Jonie's lyric might do better. But I liked Give Me A Chance (I was your high score Davis). Not in the majority I see.

Alistair...thanks for the kind words (he drinks a bit every now and then you know :) ).

Joe

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As this was my first contest entry, I am humbled to have finished in the middle of the pack amongst some wily veterans of this craft. I had started this one a few years back, and tried to scrub it up to get something in and already want to fiddle some more with it. I had picked Call of the Bosun Mate first, followed closely by We Don't Do That No More (loved the irony), I Chased Dreams (loved the hook), and What True Love Means (loved the tension and contrast). Thanks Kimberlyinnc for the shout out and vote of confidence! AdamAsh

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Congrats to Alistair and Nathan for their top spots.

I admit that I was overwhelmed in trying to score all of these this month without knocking some to the bargain basement of 1 and 2. I didn't do that as I think all lyrics have merit and are undeserving of such low scores unless the scoring is based on a ranking method. I had many lyrics tied.

I did, however, give Alistair my top score for "What True Love Means" (loved the story and the way he resolved it) and feegis got my second place vote for his "Mystery Train" (great characterization of the subject with some really good lines and a chorus I could really hear)

Annie's "My Lunar Love" and Cabdryver's "God's Tune" in a tie for 3rd. Different in every way but both revealed the skill of a proficient lyricist.

I'm not surprised mine came in the middle of the pack. As soon as I'd submitted it (close to the deadline) I set about rewriting it. I'll probably post it up on Lyric's Feedback to see if others think it's improved.

Thank you to Neal, Dottie, and Joe.

(Joe, you're slacking, dude)

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Congratulations Alistair! I suspected that was yours... wasn't 100% positive, but i thought it had a little Alistair signature...

and to you Graybeard - so happy to see you up there because i think you've entered so many that went underrated in scoring! full disclosure - i KNEW this was your entry, it definitely had the Graybeard touch!

(and special thanks, as always, to Neal, so he doesn't have to weigh through my typically long winded post!)

I agree with some of the previous sentiment - i didn't have any of them "blow me away" like some of the past contests (i'm thinking of a couple of Scubed's recent entries, as well as one or two each by Feegis and JoeinJax... and like 3 from Jonie last year...) but i thought the quality for legitimate 5-7 scores was very very deep... and i shuffled a lot....

I settled on Alistair and Jan's tied for first...

Alistair - i particularly loved the title/hook... very effective, i think... the title is declarative - "what true love means"... i expected to learn what true love means... i get this sort of little parable that SHOWS me a slice of a "true" love... over decades... an unfulfilled love, which some may say is very pure... but beyond that, i love how the singer is questioning in the beginning and full circle to the end "wishing i could know what true love means..." the other thing that really caught my attention is that the structure is almost identical to Joe Pug's "Hymn #101" except you do a little different rhyme scheme, and then you have that bridgey thing in the middle he didn't do... so i'm suspecting this is a "template" structure? I'm into a big Joe Pug kick lately, and Hymn #101 is my second favorite by him i've discovered so far... so this really jumped out at me...

Jan - I tied you up top because i liked the progressive nature of the story and how well you lead in to each chorus with that nod to the change in time/perspective... aside from some nits on word choice, which anyone can really do... i thought this was very well thought out... nice story... nice progression...

then i had like 4-5 tied for second, and several on the "tier" below that i toyed with moving to the second place tier...

Jonie - "We Don't Do That No More" - was very consistent meter, rhyme, simple, easy and very easy to "pick up" on the tune, i think... very catchy chorus... and i love Verse 3 in particular, so i hope you're aren't significantly altering that! :unsure:

Kimberly - "The Jungle Room" - loved it! Spot on with your chorus again! very nice flow... it is very "dancey"... and similar to Jonie's, i like the little tweak to the last use of it... i liked the bridge here, as well.

Duane's "Call of the Bosun Mate" - i also had way up there... i spent a lot of time googling the terms to make sure they were all right... i couldn't help but fall into a pirate accent (i used Geoffrey Rush from Pirates of the Carribbean as my model)... oh, why, oh why, didn't you get your votes in Duane?!?! After this and that Rohan Sextina thing over on the Artists' Cafe... i am duly impressed!!

Feegis' "Mystery Train" also was a solid tie for second for me. The versey bits i was reading very similar to Jonie's... then i really liked the change up in the chorus, and it took me a while to work out a flow, but i eventually did... and then the whole thing clicked... 270 words... a little brief for you... :D

i ended up giving a slight nod to Cabbie's "God's Tune" and tied him for second as well... out of a whole mess of ones i had in that position and just wanted to sort it out a bit... mood as much as anything dictated how i placed them... at first i thought this one might be a bit rhymey and i'd kind of sing-song it... but then i started to like the contrast in how Cabbie approached a very similar topic that i did last month... whereas mine was just so dark and bleak it even turned Feegis off, cabbie has a little catchiness and almost lightheartedness to it... it reminded me, in a way, of an Australian group called "Men With Day Jobs" that did a fun song on a serious topic that they called "Denial Tango"... look it up on YouTube... given that... i thought this does what it wants to pretty darn well and with the right music could be a nice, catchy tune at least suitable for fun bar nights...

Neuroron's "Aphrodite" really grew on me over the last week. at first i thought it's nice and simple, clear... guy likes a girl, compares her to a goddess... kind of familiar... so good, not standing out... then as i read it... i kept just sort of creeping it up in the pile... i also started to think of it as a "jazzy" piece... and maybe i was thinking right.. that could be close to a Steely Dan feel...

"Addiction" - i can certainly see why someone would have voted this at the top, AA... i loved the theme and treatment... i could get a rhythm and tune... I thought Verse 1 was absolutely wonderful...and V2 and 4 were great, in particular.. i was initially overwhelmed by the seemingly long chorus, but quickly figured out it was mostly verticality... not so long when you actually go through it, just a lot of short lines... and the chorus is smooth and singable

"Burning Moon" - i really liked this as well... different and visual... with Addiction, perhaps my favorite first verse, and i think i love the chorus as well... when i read V3, i thought it might be Stewie's...

"I'm Missing Her" - here i also had Graybeard's, trying to figure out whether to tie it for second or not... ugh... also very simple, very sweet... i love the chorus... and i was reminded a bit in sentiment of The Smithereens' "Cigarette"... different style, i'm sure.. but i was getting a very similar feel and i liked that...

Ironknee's "Roses and Weeds" i think would be a wonderful story song for a small, intimate venue, like a bar... it's got a casual, story telling quality and i even wondered if parts of it were meant to be spoken or sort of "nearly spoken" to the music, if that makes sense...

Bernabby - i liked "Hummingbird" as well, too. I was struggling where to leave it because it seemed a nice little scenery song, a little kind of moral for working hard... i liked the little near rhyme "bird-work", "bird-search" in the fourth line of the verses... that was catchy... this should be a nice thing to build on a develop...

Spanishbuddha - had yours a little farther down in absolute scale here but everything was close as i moved down the list and yours was one that slid up a little one day, down a little next. I really liked the chorus here and wondered if maybe it could/should make it's first appearance after V1... verses have some nice images going, but i thought the chorus is the strength...?

ParadiseDismissed - really didnt' connect this with you... your last few seemed to have been very poetic, and this is more... plain spoken? not in a bad way at all, simple, and some straight up emotion to it... i liked the original structure/approach to it... seems like good bones... a little turnaround as you come to the end...

"Give me a chance" - see, i had this farther down here, but i can't disagree or wonder at those that scored this high. my first reaction was a concern on the hook being used "too often" across verse-bridge-chorus... but... i think Staind does similar with "it's been awhile" so it certainly can be... the rhythm through the verses is consistent, so i think with the right music, this would work very well as a song...

"Loner"... i thought has some similarities structurally to a couple other entries... there is certainly a good emotion base here to explore, that uncertainty about making a big change in life... as a fellow 500-word lyric submitter (and i am someone who has submitted plenty of 400 to 500 word lyrics! :) ), i feel maybe i can say this... for a sort of emotional, plaintive, introspective song, you might be best to distill this down - i think a good example could be "Give Me a Chance"... sort of similar in conveying sort of an emotion/plea/thought at this sort of cusp of a relationship... i know you're not asking for a crit here, but that's sort of my thought on this - great topic to start with and there's something you can work with and develop, and i think Davis' is a good example of how maybe to develop this.

Finally - and not least - but great to see you back MusefromMichigan, we missed you!!

- i agree that "My Lunar Love" is wonderfully colorful, playful, nice and creative... that's why i voted it pretty high when you entered it as "On the Moon with the Man" in January 2011... i saw it and instantly recognized that i'd read it before (because it is original and catchy and i can imagine a light-hearted and fun tune to go with it!)...I actually thought at first i'd accidentally printed off the one from last year and mixed it up with this contest somehow, so i had to go back and check the current board... but i do think your title is better now, plays to the hook more... nice writing! :D

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Looks like this is holding steady as a popular exercise - 18 entries. Congratulations to the top 2 this month (I had them reversed). Actually, I had Duane's tied for first. I thought that was Len's entry - shows how much I know. Thanks Neal for keeping this contest going. Lastly, thanks Gordon for your usual comprehensive overview.

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This was also my first entry into the lyric contest. I was a bit disappointed when I saw that I came in last, but I'm not gonna let it stop me from competing in the future. If anything, it will drive me to really sit down and work on it some more. I agree with Gordon that it was a bit long, but I hope that didn't scare any of you away lol. Well, I certainly appreciate being given the opportunity to compete with 'the best of them'. And I'm gonna keep working on my lyrics, cause well I can only go up from last place, right?

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Congratulations to Alistair and graybeard....... Excellent lyrics!!

I had Kim's Jungle Room at the top. I loved the vibe. I couldn't just hear this one, I could feel it. The only thing, and I realize this is not the feedback forum, but the only thing I wanted was more of the jungle feel, maybe more examples, in the chorus. Nice lyric you have there, Kim.

I also had the Boson Mate lyric tied at the top.

I had a few tied for second, including Stars' Burning Moon ("Karma gives as it receives to whomever's closest" - great line), Gordon's Bound For Hell (Gordon, you just brought a lot of power with Bound For Hell. What an effort!), and Jonie's We Don't Do That No More.

Finally, I had graybeard's I'm Missing Her tied for second, as well. There was one small thing that kept me from having it in a tie for first. I thought it was an excellent lyric.

Thanks to Dottie and Joe for voting, and thanks to Neal for running the show.

Thanks to those who thought well of mine.

Best Regards,

Feegis

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Congratulations to Alistair and Graybeard!!1 Neal, thanks for running this contest. This was my first attempt, but will not be my last.

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My congratulations go out to Alistair and Greybeard!

And thanks to Neal for running this comp.!

B) -Tom

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I was a bit disappointed when I saw that I came in last, but I'm not gonna let it stop me from competing in the future?

Good for you. I've come in 1st in a few contests and I've come in dead last in a few contests - it's all for fun!

Neal

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Hey, Neal...

Could you do Kim a favor and double check her score? it adds up to 116 i think, but i'm only counting 18 votes for her, and the rest of us each got 19...

(potentially sorry, graybeard, 'cuz if i'm right, then kim has a good chance of displacing you for the #2 spot)

:ph34r:

and, by the way, Jesse - i agree w/ Neal... keep at it... i've been at this over a year, and i've finished near the bottom several times, and on a few good months i make it to the upper half! But it's fun, educational, and i feel more "motivated" to read and vote if i got a horse in the race!

I notice also that somebody gave you a "9"... those don't come cheap, so you really connected with at least one person!

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Thanks everyone.

This is great fun.

We mustn't forget the hard work that goes into its organising, participating, reading, critiqueing and scoring.

It's hard work by all who get involved at any point of this contest.

Well done All.

Thanks to everyone that voted for me.

My 1 to 4 were:-

If it was up to me

I'm missing her

We don't do that no more

My lunar Love

Best Regards

Cab

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Hey, Neal...

Could you do Kim a favor and double check her score? it adds up to 116 i think, but i'm only counting 18 votes for her, and the rest of us each got 19...

By my calculations, shouldn't every contestant have received 20 scores total?

18 contestants + Dottie and Joe = 20. Unless I'm being very dense.

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Hey, Neal...

Could you do Kim a favor and double check her score? it adds up to 116 i think, but i'm only counting 18 votes for her, and the rest of us each got 19...

(potentially sorry, graybeard, 'cuz if i'm right, then kim has a good chance of displacing you for the #2 spot)

Ackkkk - you're right. I see how I made the mistake (someone sent me two sets of scores and I used the wrong set) - but it was a stupid mistake on my part. There's an extra 6 points for Jungle Room, which gives Kim a total of 122 points.... good enough for second place.

Neal

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Could you do Kim a favor and double check her score? it adds up to 116 i think, but i'm only counting 18 votes for her, and the rest of us each got 19...

Nice catch, Gordon!!

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By my calculations, shouldn't every contestant have received 20 scores total?

18 contestants + Dottie and Joe = 20. Unless I'm being very dense.

Nope, you're not being dense. I didn't get scores from one contestant, so that brings the number back down to 19.

Neal

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Hey, wait a minute..... wasn't the 2 someone gave me supposed to be an 8.... or even a 9?

Neal, how 'bout it?

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By my calculations, shouldn't every contestant have received 20 scores total?

18 contestants + Dottie and Joe = 20. Unless I'm being very dense.

Nope, you're not being dense. I didn't get scores from one contestant, so that brings the number back down to 19.

Neal

I realize that Duane was disqualified. But the total number of scores, even without him, should be 20.

Total contestants with Duane = 19 + Dottie and Joe = 21

Total contestants w/o Duane = 18 + Dottie and Joe = 20

No?

Or are you saying that there is another contestant who didn't submit scores? That would make sense.

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I think I'm going to retire from running the contest. I'm looking at the Excel spreadsheet where I keep my scores and I see that I am missing one set of scores. Give me a minute to go through and see who I'm missing.

This is terrible.

Neal

Sorry! This isn't quite as Neal posted it (I edited his post by mistake) .. but it's close.

Alistair

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I was surprised to get a pm from Neal this evening, stating he had missed one of my scores. I didn't count them. Been down and out today with a stomach "thang"...and just now getting online for a few.

If I did get 2nd, not sure it is true yet, thanks so much, that made a bad day alittle better. :)

Thanks Gordon. You are a very good fact checker...I would have never known. :lol:

Kimberly

EDIT ps...Bless your heart Neal...I just saw your last post as I was posting this...we are all pulling for you...hugs!!!! It can't be an easy task, esp. when someone sends in two scores submissions..confusing. :blink:

Edited by kimberlyinnc

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Are you missing the average scores we receive for ourselves for all the scores we give out?

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I think I'm going to retire from running the contest. I'm looking at the Excel spreadsheet where I keep my scores and I see that I am missing one set of scores. Give me a minute to go through and see who I'm missing.

This is terrible.

Neal

No, absolutely not terrible at all. Perfectly understandable considering the number of contestants and votes.

I've had to do it, so I can empathize.

You're too young to retire. :)

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