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Len

The Collaboration Contest Rides Again

157 posts in this topic

Id' just like to say thanks to everyone for getting into the spirit of this. I'm glad I'm not having to "Do the Jolene". Anyway, blame Bruce!

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Just an apology for not getting involved this time - I'm away for a few months with no way of recording and limited internet access (although I do have a lovely uke - thanks Ron!). The contest idea sounds like great fun, so I'm sad to be missing out! I'll look forward to hearing the songs :)

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Was just thinking the other day i hadn't seen you round here for ages David..

Glad things are good and you're still making lots of music ! :)

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just sent this to Graybeard..

"listen mate.. may not be able to do the contest this month... my program I record on isn't working... and my computer has decided to act like an asthmatic ant with heavy shopping... I've never bowed out of one .. but may have to :( I'm soo sorry... really am.. but maybe you can find someone else.. there is 4 weeks to go"

sorry guys and gals.. I love doing this.. but really don't want to leave it to the last minute to bow out.. but, my computer is not gonna do it.. thought that was gonna happen with Kim and I.. but I scraped through... not this time..

so sorry Graybeard.. brilliant lyric.. hope another musician can take my place..

if that can be done..

stewie

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Sorry to hear about that Stew. I hope Len has another musician on tap who might be able to fill in. There's plenty of time left and a lyric all ready to go.

Fingers crossed for Nathan.

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Well it certainly helps when your lyricist doesn't jump ship - Thanks Len!!!

Besides the Jolene scaffold prompt, I suggested another piece as "musical mood scaffold" [the Toots & The Maytalls/Willie Nelson recording of "Still is Still Moving to Me"] and Alistair sent a very nice draft of a lyric Saturday 2/18 - We then had a nice Skype session that Saturday morning - I sent him a sketch that evening and were essentially finished this last week-end - we now have about three weeks to scrutinize and second guess every word, note and sound in the song and the mix :rolleyes:

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we now have about three weeks to scrutinize and second guess every word, note and sound in the song and the mix :rolleyes:

... or not! :)

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There may yet be a white knight, but if not then Nathan you are welcome to post up your lyric when the time comes.

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we now have about three weeks to scrutinize and second guess every word, note and sound in the song and the mix :rolleyes:

And of course, the rest of us will scrutinize it later. :)

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Bravo, Frank.

I think it's great of you to step up like this.

Looks like everything is back on track.

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Bravo, Frank.

I think it's great of you to step up like this.

Looks like everything is back on track.

Hear hear.

That's excellent Frank, thank you.

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Well, Len. It looks like you've devised a very interesting challenge. I'm looking forward to hearing the results. Sorry I came around too late to get involved.

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If you were around more..... :(

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If you were around more..... :(

Well hopefully that's changing. I've actually been writing some songs with WendyD and working up some material with her. We'll be performing some in the next few months and have some gigs lined up. I'll have a tune for the upcoming 1+1 and I may try to talk her into entering one also that we've written together.

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Good to hear from you Don :)

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Is it Sunday yet?

(In memory of Billy)

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I miss Billy. :(

No, he's not dead, for those of you who don't know him.

But we have Gordon, now.

A Billy with a better spellcheck. :lol:

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Gene Wilder Young Frankenstein voice - "It's Alive! It's Alive!"

That is to say we have something that sounds vaguely like a song...

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Two-ish weeks to go. Looking forward to all these Jolene clones :)

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Clones? Distant cousins, maybe! :)

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Dolly wouldn't recognize ours if we marketed it right back to her! Once you get far enough away from the original progression, the parent melody stops nagging at you.

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They're not even related anymore.

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Kim has done a great job of hanging a new lyric on the Jolene scaffold, and, whatever the (de)merits of the music I've come up with, I'd be willing to bet a bottle of nice cabernet that you won't hear Dolly in it. :)

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Yeah no Dolly here. Hoping it will at least be 1 ounce the song Dolly is though...

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Clones? Distant cousins, maybe! :)

How about, mutations ;)

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Evolutionary adaptations perhaps :)

One week to go.

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And I'm looking forward to a parade of the freakish little monsters :)

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And I'm looking forward to a parade of the freakish little monsters smile.gif

Mark is in labour, as we speak. huh.gifunsure.gif

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And I'm looking forward to a parade of the freakish little monsters smile.gif

Mark is in labour, as we speak. huh.gifunsure.gif

Getting over a pesky, stubborn sore throat. Might not be the best vocal performance from me.

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Yeah I wanted to re-sing some parts last night but got knocked down a bit by the usual spring pestilence that's been going around...

Freakish little monsters indeed!

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So, who'll be the first to post?

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We're almost there. Should be up tonight or tomorrow.

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Len,

Should we post in this thread or another? Do you have a special template for us to use?

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Len,

Should we post in this thread or another? Do you have a special template for us to use?

Hi Ron, as Frank has done, please post the links in this thread. I would like the teams to write a short piece on how they got from Jolene to their song, though it's not required. I think it will be interesting to read about the journey each team took.

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BROKEN

BROKEN

© 2012 – Lyrics by Kimberly Hales Kime, Music by Sharon Stepler

Broken, Broken, broken, broken

That mold they made and tried to fit me in is

Broken broken, broken, broken

And I’m breaking free to live in my own skin

When I was a little girl

Grown-up problems ruled my world

I decorated them in pretty ribbons

My innocence could find no voice

They called it quits - I had no choice

When all was divided and broken-

Crossed my t's, and dotted i's

Colored inside all their lines

Breathing stale air, and choking

My one question still remained

Was I ready for a change?

Old habits aren't so easily broken

Repeat Chorus

I want a change of scenery

Deserve new reasons to believe

That life is my gift to be opened

I'm speaking up for what is mine

I’m taking one step at a time

Freedom comes when molds are broken

Repeat chorus

Broken, broken

In building on the "Jolene" lyrical scaffold, Kim used a single two-syllable word as the hook. As in "Jolene," the first and third lines of the chorus consist of the hook repeated four times. The hook also appears twice as a tag at the end of the song. The lyric otherwise follows the structure that Len laid out for us, with one exception:

The basic structure of Jolene is:

Chorus Verse Verse Chorus Verse Chorus CHECK

The hook is used at the end of each half verse and also in the chorus. As Alistair pointed out, the hook doesn't appear at the end of the first half-verse, so we treated the structure as including only the consistently-used placement of the hook at the end of each verse

The chorus rhyme scheme is ABAB CHECK

The verse rhyme scheme is AABCCB CHECK

. On a personal note: Many thanks to my songwriting partner, Kim. :) The lyricists really had the harder part of this contest!

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Note: The log of our work flow is below the lyric: Neuroron & Alistair S

When We’re Gone

Lyrics: Alistair Sutherland – Music: Ron Tintner ©2012, ASCAP

CHORUS:

When we’re gone, gone, gone, gone

Let's worry when we’re gone

Never too late for worry to wait

Worry when we’re gone

Everyone says it all passes by

The beat of a drum - blink of an eye

Everyone knows we’re destined to die

Making the long journey home

Too many people count off the years

Suited - booted – living in fear

Sipping on wine or a couple of beers….

Hopelessly alone

(But) Booze starts to flow - sap starts to rise

Driven along by a primitive drive

Death leads to sex and sex leads to life

Life goes on when we’re gone

Men lose their heads and girls start to smile

Cocks rule the roost and cats tread the tiles

Call in the clowns to escape for a while

The circus moves on …

CHORUS

Shut up and kiss me and take me to town

Somewhere lively with people around

Celebrate life in colour and sound

Don’t wait ‘til we’re gone

We’ll drink and laugh – dance and flirt

Heading for home you can hike up your skirt

Howl at the moon, make love in the dirt

Ooh-la-la

CHORUS

INSTRUMENTAL/SCAT BREAK

CHORUS X 2

We’ll worry when we’re gone

------------------------------------------------------

Log of Work Flow

SAT 2/18/2012 – Alistair (AS) worked on a first draft. I (RT) sent him a link to a song as a suggested "feel" – AS sent me the lyric in response; an exact match with Jolene (as a scaffold) as far as structure (V/CH/Hook Placement) and rhyme scheme. I played with it on uke – We discussed it and bounced it around in real time on Skype. When AS heard me try it on the uke, he could hear that the ABB in the verse needed an extra line, so he rewrote the lyric to give those extra lines - AABCCB became AAABCCCB. We discussed the fact that we were changing the rhyme scheme and agreed that was fine by us.

SUN 2/19/2012 – recorded first draft [drum and shaker loop, uke, LV] with some lyric revision to give more space, emailed to AS – we spoke on Skype about tempo, more breathing space, arrangement – decided that structure could use short break, followed with half verse and CH X 2. The initial recording had a reggae feel, but we both felt it pulling in more of a jazz direction and the song kind of took off at that point.

TUES 2/21/2012 – recorded new draft with discussed structure – few small lyric changes. – Instrumentation: Acoustic guitar – Tenor uke – (faux) Bari Sax - Fretless bass – Drums – percussion. Emailed to AS and we continued to email back and forth – listened and sang along to CD in car in anticipation of final vox recording. Worked on refining sax sound, drum parts, background vox.

MON 3/12/2012 – Few vox redux – Done! - Ron

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The Petals of the Rose

by John Fitzgerald and Joan Kennedy

Ch

Love is hiding, then it's climbing

Then it's flying far from where it grows

Falls apart and then it might come back again

Love is like the petals of the rose

VI

He bought me the bud of a rose

Saying, See how this flower shows

Our love is like the petals of the rose

It may look small and nothing yet

But give it time and do not fret

Our love is like the petals of the rose

V2

From a dark beating crimson heart

Comes a gift, from Mother Nature’s art

Our Love is like the petals of the rose

Soon the layers of beauty will burst

Like a ballerina well rehearsed

Our love is like the petals of the rose

Ch

Love is hiding, then it's climbing

Then it's flying far from where it grows

Falls apart and then it might come back again

Love is like the petals of the rose

V3

Feels so strong, looks so delicate

Tender couple so affectionate

Our love is like the petals of the rose

Dishes flying, shattered on the door

Petals drying, scattered on the floor

Our love is like the petals of the rose

Ch

Love is hiding, then it's climbing

Then it's flying far from where it grows

Falls apart and then he might come back again

Love is like the petals of the rose

For Petals of the Rose, John took the meter and rhyme scheme from Jolene, and also the number of verses and where the chorus occurs. The hook placement was similar but not identical to Jolene, as our hook comes twice in every 6 lines of verse but only once in the chorus. Seemed like enough was enough in that respect, especially since our hook takes a whole line and would have just eaten up the chorus.

We also thought it might be cool to have some kind of emotional link to the parent lyric, which seems simple but has a lot going on beneath the surface. The speaker in Jolene departs from the normal way to confront an "other woman" in a country song. More typical might have been "Off my husband, you whore, or this town will shun you till it's time for God to burn you." Instead of that she abjectly humbles herself before her rival. Kind of a Hail Mary pass, and we never find out if it worked. In Petals we kind of run them into the ditch in the third verse, to keep it from unrelieved sweetness. We could have had them being loving and temperate all the way through, maybe ending with a pine box piled high with roses at the cemetary. But we left them on the brink and didn't give away whether they stay together (or whether that would even be wise). So, maybe gratuitous for the challenge, but a tip of the hat to DParton's own sly ways.

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Surface Of The Moon

Lyrics Joan Hajduk/Music Steve Ison

Our ship is coming in again

This time we're going to make the dream come true

Sail around the cosmic bend

Leave behind the surface of the moon

Always talk of leaving here

Cold and empty atmosphere

Heartless as an August afternoon

Flowers that will never grow

People raging down below

Dying on the surface of the moon

Look the future in the eye

Justify it passing by

Time is always coming 'round too soon

Shiny orb of green and blue

Dream until the bills are due

Here upon the surface of the moon

Our ship is coming in again

This time we're going to make the dream come true

Sail around the cosmic bend

Leave behind the surface of the moon

What will our excuses be

Watching as our neighbors leave

Rising up like carnival balloons

Will we smile and toe the line

Lie and say the weather's fine

Frozen on the surface of the moon

Our ship is coming in again

This time we're going to make the dream come true

Sail around the cosmic bend

Leave behind the surface of the moon

Jonies Log for “Surface of the Moon”

The first lyric I wrote for Steve was an exact match to Jolene in terms of structure, rhyme scheme, and meter. Even the hook contained the same ee rhyme and the theme was relationship oriented.

I then wrote another which I was hoping would be significantly different in terms of theme and would offer him more room for creating a different melody – especially in the chorus.

I sent them both off and Steve came up with a quick recording of each. Though I really liked what he'd come up with for both of them, I preferred the second and so it was decided. Over the next week, I sent him a flurry of lyrical changes until I was happy with it overall.

I was willing to go further away from Jolene as far as structure and rhyme scheme if it proved too confining, but I believe Steve was able to create a melody which is in no way reminiscent of Jolene yet is still built rather strictly on it's lyrical components.

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It's the last day of the contest and the team statuses are:

Team 1 Bruce and FunkDaddy

Team 2 Mr Fitz and Joan - IN

Team 3 Graybeard and AMereHobbyist - IN

Team 4 Jonie and Scenes from Palacio - IN

Team 5 Starsinmyeyes and Scotto

Team 6 Kimblerlyinnc and Scubed - IN

Team 7 AlistairS and Neuroron - IN

Great to see the results of all these creative endeavours :)

So, just teams 1 and 5 to post. Less than a day left folks... If anyone will be late please let me know, otherwise I may just plough ahead with the scoring. Wait for me to declare the contest closed before you send in any scores folks.

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I will be wrapping up this evening so I should be ontime...

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And I'm looking forward to a parade of the freakish little monsters smile.gif

Mark is in labour, as we speak. huh.gifunsure.gif

Getting over a pesky, stubborn sore throat. Might not be the best vocal performance from me.

That turned into a particularly nasty flu. As I explained to Bruce earlier in the week, the week I had free to work on the song ended up being the week I came down with the worst virus I've picked up in years and years. I can't even remember the last time I was sick to this degree. I'm just now getting over it and my voice is still recovering (having to be on the phone at work quite a bit did me no favors)

With more apologies to Bruce, I simply won't be able to get this one done in time even with an extension (and even if my voice would come back) as this week sees me back in my other studio (photography) quite a bit and at my real job whenever I'm not.

Sorry everybody.

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Tin Man

By Stars and Scotto Inc.

Tin Man, Tin Man That's all I am

Buckled and bent, fallen apart I'm broken

Tin Man, Tin man with frozen hands

When You rebuild, Don't forget my heart

I was strong of flesh and blood

Before I took a shine to love

But time saw me decline into a tin man such a thin man

I'm no good to anyone

All my zest for life is gone

My chest echoes sorrow of a Tin Man of a thin man

Tin Man, Tin Man That's all I am

Buckled and bent, fallen apart I'm broken

Tin Man, Tin man with frozen hands

When You rebuild, Don't forget my heart

My Tarnished Face wears no expression

You'll walk away with the impression

That you're in the presence of a Tin Man such a thin man

If I could change how I feel

I'd be a man of steel

Tin Man, Tin Man That's all I am

Buckled and bent, fallen apart I'm broken

Tin Man, Tin man with frozen hands

When You rebuild, Don't forget my heart

Stars gave me some great lyrics based on the structure of Joline. I did everything I could to NOT listen to the song at all. I then took Stars lyrics and set about setting them to music. Staying with the theme at first I threw in a dramatic bridge of sorts and also a little guitar solo (simplistic). My initial version was all very much in my upper register (sorry Stars) and I did a revision to bring the verses down a bit for some variation in the song. Stars liked the upper register stuff but after a cold, allergies (spring), and an attempt to remove the bridge thus getting everything out of whack in the DAW, I've decided to stick with the second revision. If I had to do it over again I'd tune the guitars down a half step and so that its a little more comfortable in my range. These are timed contests and every song has its sorted story of trials and tribulations I'm sure. In the end I think Stars and Scotto Inc. have put out another descent song!

...Don't forget my heart...

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I'm thoroughly blown away by all of these. Great job, everyone. Such diversity both lyrically and musically. I can't even begin to know how I'm going to separate them for scoring.

All I can say is....Wow!

Jolene who? :)

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Mark, I'm so sorry. I hope you can finish up and enter it in another comp at a better and healthier time. This has to be a hard one to miss, I'd have hated to have to withdraw.

I need to listen to all the entries several more times, which will be pure pleasure.

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Mark, I hope you are fully recovered soon. So sorry to hear about your illness and its rotten timing!

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Sorry to hear Mark and Bruce but that's life I guess.

I'll come back tonight and post up the scoring method and I'll strip out the posts in between the music posts to make it easier to get around the thread.

Bruce, if you want to post up your lyric to show us what you created please go ahead.

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Wow! I’ve just had a listen to these and I’m still smiling :D - What a great bunch of songs!

I won’t comment on any specifically at the mo because I’m not sure whether or not you are having a vote.

Well done to Len for a brilliantly inspirational and fun idea, I’m only sorry I wasn’t part of it - must keep my diary clear for the next one :)

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Just had a chance to listen to them all (I've been travelling).

What a great bunch! Voting is going to be tricky, I think :)

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Righty-ho, time for scoring. I appreciate that this challenge may have been quite tricky but I hope it's taken everyone on an interesting journey. As always we come out with a bunch of brand new songs and new songwriting teams.

Please give each song a score between 1 and 10, half marks allowed, by the end of Sat 24th March and I'll announce the winners on the Sunday. Everyone must vote please.

The teams are:

Team 2 Mr Fitz and Joan - link

Team 3 Graybeard and AMereHobbyist - link

Team 4 Jonie and Scenes from Palacio - link

Team 5 Starsinmyeyes and Scotto - link

Team 6 Kimblerlyinnc and Scubed - link

Team 7 AlistairS and Neuroron - link

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Is voting open to non participants as well Len ?

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