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jonie

Hooky Lyric Contest

It appears that there is enough interest for an "other" lyric contest. Good.

As the hooky lyric has received a number of thumbs up, we'll go with that.

The rules are easy. As Len has pointed out, the challenge is to write a lyric in which the title/hook appears in the 1st verse and the chorus.

The word count of the lyric cannot exceed 100. The number of words in the chorus will only count once no matter how many times it's repeated as long as the chorus doesn't change.

I'll keep the contest open for submissions until August 6th.

Voting will start on August 7th and finish up on the 10th.

I'll announce the winner on August 11th.

General rules are the same as the Monthly Lyric Contest, except where they are not. :)

Monthly Lyric Contest Rules

1) You may not enter a lyric that has already been posted for critique on the Muse.

2) You must have a minimum of 25 posts on the muse before entering the contest.

3) The winner of each monthly contest will be entered into the LYRIC OF THE YEAR contest held at the end of each year.

4) Send the lyric entry to the Muser running the contest via PM , so they can post it anonymously on your behalf.

5) When the contest closes you will have to score all the other lyrics on a scale of 1 to 10 (whole numbers only). You do not vote for your own lyric. Instead, your lyric will get the average score of the votes you give the others. If you don't send in your scores, your lyric will be disqualified.

6) You can score lyrics even if you have not entered the contest.

7) Only one song entry per month per muser, collaborations are welcome, but both members of the collab must have a Muser ID.

8) You may not enter the lyric to a song that is in the same month's Lyric and Music Contest.

9) Please make sure your grammar and spelling are correct before you submit your lyric. Once it is posted, changes to the lyric cannot be made. (This also includes lyric rewrites, as it is not fair to the other contestants who've already entered).

Please PM your submissions to me.

Have fun!

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Closing Time

V1.

Closing time

Drink your beer

Time you were no longer here

Go on home

Get to bed

Got a working day ahead

V2.

Ring that bell

Make it chime

Let them know it’s closing time

Lock the doors

Douse the light

Disappear into the night

Chorus:

I wish I was going home with you, girl

Closing time, please take me home with you

V3.

Dirty eyes

Hair a mess

Body-hugging, low cut dress

Throaty laugh

Cheesy grin

Locks me out but sucks me in

Chorus:

I wish I was going home with you, girl

Closing time, please take me home with you

Bridge:

Closing time comes round again

Still no closer than I’ve ever been

Chorus:

I wish I was going home with you, girl

Closing time, please take me home with you

Chorus:

I wish I was going home with you, girl

Closing time, please take me home with you

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Blindsided

The dam is soon to break

It’s gonna flood this town

Buddy, save yourself

Get on up to higher ground

Keep your eyes wide

Or you’ll get blindsided

Do you know how it feels

How it feels to get blindsided

There’s a cold wind blowing

You better get inside

Look for the summer sun

And a better wave to ride

Keep your eyes wide

Or you’ll get blindsided

Do you know how it feels

How it feels to get blindsided

There’s a storm that’s brewing

I think it knows your name

It’s nothing at all personal

But it hits you just the same

Keep your eyes wide

Or you’ll get blindsided

Do you know how it feels

How it feels to get blindsided

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SOMEBODY

Somebody's been taking it for free

Somebody, but you know it's not me

Every time I'm out of town

Somebody's been fooling around

Somebody's playing a game

Somebody's going to take the blame

Got my shotgun, pumped and primed

Somebody's paying double time

Somebody is going down tonight

Somebody's going to lose this fight

I came home early from my trip

Somebody done gave me the slip

Somebody - Got a clue

Somebody - I'm not sure who

Somebody better not come back

Somebody won't get any slack

If I find him with my dear wife

Somebody's going to lose his life

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Constant Reminder

(V)

You’re a constant reminder

Of things I’ve done Wrong

All the times that I’ve messed up baby

Put down in a song

(V)

You’re a constant reminder

That perfection‘s not me

All the small little flaws that I have

Most people don’t see

(Ch)

You’re a constant, a constant, a constant reminder

And no matter what

You always remind me baby that

you’re all that I’ve got

(V)

You’re a constant reminder

In my diary

Ev’ry Saturday evening

I have somewhere to be

(Ch)

You’re a constant, a constant, a constant reminder

And no matter what

You always remind me baby that

you’re all that I’ve got

(V)

You’re a constant reminder

Of the one thing that’s right

So darling, take off your heels

And lay down tonight

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Daffodils Dance

Verse 1

Over pine covered hills

I make my advance

To where cicadas shrill

And daffodils dance

Verse 2

I walk and remember

This brief race I’ve run

Spring to December

Winter’s almost done

Chorus

In my vale of yellow

Warmed by the sun

Daffodils dance

Daffodils dance

Verse 3

Butterflies flutter

Field crickets sing

I’m lost in the clutter

Of remembering

Verse 4

Viewing events

Reliving the past

Mind’s eye is intense

Its images last

Chorus

In my vale of yellow

Warmed by the sun

Daffodils dance

Daffodils dance

Bridge

Somewhere beyond

Earth’s temporal shore

Time continues

Forevermore

Tag

And daffodils dance

Yes, daffodils dance

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I like this contest and wanted to put in an entry of my own even though it doesn't count. NOT FOR SCORING PURPOSES

Jonie

What Have You Got To Lose

(V1)

Maybe it's worth it, maybe it's not

Maybe tonight you'll give it a shot

Leaving your fears in the parking lot

What have you got to lose

(V2)

Best of your life is wasting away

Working too hard for too little pay

Digging your rut down into your grave

What have you got to lose

Ch)

Play the game

Or go down in flames

Now is the time to choose

What have you got to lose

V3)

Blur the lines, stray off course

Life is short, exhaust the horse

No one should die without some remorse

What have you got to lose

Chorus

Repeat Chorus

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I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU

V1

Out of time and out of room

Out of touch and out of tune

Out of almost everything

But I’m in love with you

CHORUS :

I’m in love with,

I’m in love with,

I’m in love with you

V2

Out of money, out of luck

But maybe things are looking up

I’m not quite out of everything

I’m in love with you

CHORUS X 2

BRIDGE:

Out of everything

Not a clue

Then along comes you

V3

Out of liquor, out of food

Would’ve left if I could

But something’s happ’nin’, something good

I’m in love with you

CHORUS X 4

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Haiku

v1

Raw awakening sky

Grey yawns a mountain top

Breathing out the blue

Sore clouds in heavens eyes

Day dawns to kiss the crop

I want more Haiku

c

I want more Haiku:

Creates the picturesque

Setting moods in words so few

I'm moved.. yet I'm at rest

v2

Thinking silver rivers

Reflecting golden thoughts

Nets the sun at noon

Sinking winter shivers

At summers empty ports

I want more Haiku

c

I want more Haiku:

Create the picturesque

Let me in where dreams begin

I'm eager for the text.

o

I want more Haiku

Revealing more of natures truth

I want more Haiku

I want more Haiku.

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IF I WERE

If I were a stone, and you were a lake

How far could we skip ? How long would the ripples take ?

If faith were unknown, and hearts didn’t ache

How sound our ship ? How distant the rocks that break ?

If I were far away, I’d yearn to be back home

But I’d long for far horizons if I were

If I were the rock, and you were the sea

Each turn of your tide would render a change in me

If I were a lock, and you were the key

Turning aside to threaten our liberty

If I were far away, I’d yearn to be back home

But I’d long for far horizons if I were

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IF THIS WERE A LOVE SONG

If this were a love song

You’d hear every word

You’d move to the music

You’d be deeply stirred

If this were a love song

You’d hum it at night

You’d sing it at sunrise

You’d know it was right

If dreams were worth chasing

If wishes came true

If this were a love song

I’d sing it for you

If this were a love song

You‘d feel it inside

You’d unlock your heart

You’d open it wide

If dreams were worth chasing

If wishes came true

If this were a love song

I’d sing it for you

If this were a love song

You might hear a prayer

You might hear a longing

You might even care

If dreams were worth chasing

If wishes came true

If this were a love song

I’d sing it for you

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Elephant In My Room

V1

There's an elephant in my room

He tumbled in one night

Perched upon the window ledge

Blocking out the light

V2

Clambered onto the floor

Then down on his knees

Can’t take this no more

Someone help me please

Ch

Looking, staring

Trunk in the air

Snooking, blaring

Using my chair

Someone better get here soon

There's an elephant in my room

V3

There's an elephant in my room

Playing havoc with my mind

You say you cannot see him

Must be blind

V4

Open up your eyes

Then if you still deny

I guess we’ll both be sleeping

With the elephant again tonight

Ch

Looking, staring

Trunk in the air

Snooking, blaring

Using my chair

Someone better get here soon

There's an elephant in my room

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When I win the lottery

When I win the lottery

I'll buy myself a yacht

One foot bigger than

The one my neighbour's got

Chorus

Nobody will look at him

They'll only look at me

He will be so jealous

When I win the lottery

I ride a rusty scooter

Been single all my life

My neighbour drives a Jaguar

With his pretty wife

Chorus

Nobody will look at him

They'll only look at me

He will be so jealous when

I win the lottery

Bridge

Its not fair, its not right

But I hope tonight's the tonight

I checked and checked my numbers

But I'll not play no more

'Cause someone won the jackpot

And the bastard lives next door

Chorus

Nobody will look at him

They'll only look at me

He will be so jealous

When I win the lottery

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Time to vote hooky lyricists and non-contestants.

Please PM me your scores by midnight (EST) August 10th.

Score all the other lyrics on a scale of 1 to 10 (whole numbers only). You do not vote for your own lyric. Instead, your lyric will get the average score of the votes you give the others. If you don't send in your scores, your lyric will be disqualified.

You can score lyrics even if you have not entered the contest.

I'll announce the winner August 11th.

List of lyrics:

Closing Time

Blindsided

Somebody

Constant Reminder

Daffodils Dance

I'm in Love with you

Haiki

If I were

If This were a love song

Elephant in my room

When I win the lottery

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All the contestants have voted. Waiting to see if any non-contestants decide to cast some last minute votes.

Results tomorrow!

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Without further ado

The Hooky Lyric winner is

1st Place

Scubed - If This Were a Love Song

Tied for 2nd Place

NigeQ - Elephant In My Room

and

Graybeard - Daffodils Dance

Congratulations to the winners and a big thank you to our non-contestant voters - kimberlyinnc and bernabby

Bravo to everyone who participated for coming up with some very clever and hooky lyrics.

"If this were a love song", scubed,8,7,7,8,8,7,10,5,7,6,5,8,7,93

"Elephant in my room", NigeQ,5,6,6,7,9,6,7,5,8,5,9,6,8,87

"Daffodils Dance", graybeard,5,7,8,9,7,6,7,5,7,5,6,7,8,87

"When I win the lottery", Len,6,8,5,7,8,8,6,4,8,6,6,5,9,86

"I'm in love with you", neuroron,6,8,9,6,7,6,8,4,8,6,7,4,5,84

"Closing Time", Alistair,6,8,7,7,7,8,9,5,6,3,7,5,6,84

"If I Were", Lazz,7,6,7,7,6,6,7,4,6,4,6,6,5,77

"Haiku", starsinmyeyes,5,7,8,6,7,8,7,3,7,4,4,5,4,75

"Somebody",RKG,6,5,7,6,6,6,6,4,5,4,5,5,7,72

"Blindsided", feegis,5,7,5,6,6,5,7,4,7,5,6,4,5,72

"Constant Reminder", Mr Fitz,5,6,6,7,6,5,6,4,6,5,5,6,4,71

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Congratulations - Scubed, Nige and Greybeard!

"If this were a love song" was my clear winner and I thought it was the stand-out entry in the contest. I hope you go on to develop it, Sharon!

My other, personal favourite was Ron's entry, "I'm in love with you", then I had Lazz's entry in 3rd spot.

As for my own entry, Jonie let me know that one or two voters scored it down because it was very close to another song called "Closing Time" by a band called Semisonic. Having listened to it, while there are differences, the similarities are way to close (uncannily close?) for comfort and I would have scored it down as well. It's certainly too close to ever be developed further.

It's great to see so many entrants in the hooky contest and I think everyone did a good job.

Thanks to Jonie for running it and to Bernabby and Kim, our non-contestant voters!

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Congrats to Scubed- :)

I scored this as my favorite as well. Very pretty song, Sharon!

Congrats also to Nigel and to Greybeard!! :P

I most especially enjoyed Daffodil's dance. I hope to hear it with music one day. Though it leans more (in my opinion) into the poetic style, I found it very well written and it had some cool images in it. :) I think with a bleak guitar and maybe some violin it would be so lovely. Some other honorable mentions in my eyes were Nigel's, Lazz, and Mr. Fitz. :)

I liked the unique contest and wish I had been able to be a part of it, but things just didn't work out for me to get it done in time. Had many ideas floating in my head, but beat myself to death to the point of not completing anything in time :lol:

Great job guys!! Thanks for running this Jonie!

Kim

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Good job everyone. I had them scored:

When I win the lottery – 8

Closing Time 8

Haiku –- 8

If This were a love song - 7

If I were – 6

Elephant in my room - 6

Daffodils Dance - 6

Somebody –6

Blindsided– 5

Constant Reminder –5

I'm in Love with you – N/A

I'm a huge Semisonic (/Dan Wilson) fan and except for rhe title and concept "Closing Time" didn't really make me think of their (extremely well known) song. Of course when I think back to the song it's primarily the music/melody and hook line that come back to me - very few of the actual lyrics. - Ron

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Congratulations Scubed, Nige, and Graybeard!! All excellent lyrics.

I had Closing Time, I'm In Love With You, and When I Win The Lottery in a three-way tie for first.

I have to say, I've learned something about "economy of words" here. I was impressed to see how much could be packed into 100 words.

I appreciate the "gentle" scoring on my entry. If there's another one of these, I'll come up with something better (ideally, anyway). :rolleyes:

Best Regards,

Feegis

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Well done Scubed and Nige, my top pick by a long way. That's one very clever and funny lyric :)

And well done to all who entered. Thanks Jonie, nice lyric as well.

This idea came from some songwriting book that said any lyric should be 100 words or less. Maybe for tin pan alley but it's still a good, bracing exercise.

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Congratulations, Nige and Greybeard - very nicely done! :) I really enjoyed reading all the entries - lots of clever ideas in this batch of lyrics!

I had three lyrics bunched closely together at the top and ranked them by small enough increments that the order might change on a different day. I had Len's "When I win the lottery" as #1 - I easily imagined how well that would go over in live performance (particularly if the listeners were imbibing adult beverages to help them unwind from a rough work week :lol: ). #2 was NigeQ's "Elephant in my room," which I found exceptionally clever. :P #3 was Ron's "I'm in Love with you" - I liked the idea of being "out of" everything else but "in love" with you. ("Closing Time" would have been right up there, too, but I was one who was distracted by what seemed to be echoes of the Semisonic lyrics. Sorry, Alistair! :( )

A BIG thank-you for giving good marks to "If I Were a Love Song" and to Kim and Alistair for your very kind comments. :D The song is still a bit rough, but I'm planning to test it out at an open mic this weekend. If it goes over well, I'll include it in my set list at a gig I've got later this month. I should have a recording ready soon for the song board soon (she says optimistically :rolleyes: ).

Jonie, thanks so much for running the contest! This was fun! :D

Best regards,

Sharon

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Hey congrats Scubed for a brilliant lyric! :)

I had Daffodil's Dance, If this were a love song and Elephant in the room as my top three. So congrats to Graybeard and NigeQ! I loved the imagery in Daffodils Dance and the quirkiness of Elephant (should of guessed it was a Nige lyric!)

Thanks as well to Jonie - was a great contest, was really challenging to do a lyric with just 100 words but thoroughly enjoyable! I think we are going to have to think of some other lyrical parameters for a future contest!

Well done everybody!

John

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I've never heard of Semisonic.

My thoughts turned instead to Tom Waits' debut album "Closing Time".

The title track had no lyrics, though.

"If This Were A Love Song" was a little nugget of perfection.

I was also very taken with "Daffodil's Dance".

But the other one which kept speaking to me was Ron's "I'm in Love With You" - which I kept wishing to change to "I'm Out Of Love With You".

My personal contest, as usual, was in playing guess-the-author.

I only got Len correct.

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Well done to all the contestants, Scubed and greybeard in particular :) My top three were (I was unable to separate them) were I'm In Love With You, If This Were A Love Song and When I Win The Lottery.

Thanks too to kimberlyinnc and bernabby for voting and of course jonie for running the comp.

I like this comp, someone mentioned the 'economy of words' and that definitely helps me it focus my mind, unlike that bloomin’ elephant ;)

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I feel guilty. I have a sneaking suspicion that running this little contest may have prevented folks from entering into the regular monthly Lyric Contest.

Come on people! Scratch out those great lyrics and send them to NealK.

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